Fallout of Grace: New Vegas, Eva Bree's journey through the Mojave Wasteland Options

[Diamandis]

Hello all!

I'm Eva and I'd like to share with you my story based on Fallout: New Vegas.

The story follows Eva Bree, a courier who found her self being almost mortally wounded for reasons she is unsure of.

Her story starts after waking up from her ordeal in the town of Goodsprings after being rescued from near death.

First, I shall tell you a little bit about Eva.

Eva is originally the protagonist of my original Fallout 3 fanfic (which I will post as a prequel as soon as I find it as I lost the portable hard drive it was on! Oops). After the events in Fallout 3 she decided to travel the wasteland, eventually getting a job as a courier as she tried to live as normal a life as possible. Unfortunately, this was not meant to be...

[Colonel Mustard]

I enjoyed the chapter a lot; it was a good fun read, and the dialogue between Sunny and Eva was an absolute joy and we got a nice idea of what Eva's like as a character.

But while you're doing a damn good job at the dialogue and character stuff, I'll be honest, the scene-setting is kind of lacking at the minute. All it really seems to be is Eva saying 'there was a general store' and 'there was a saloon', and the only reason I had any idea what it was like was because I've played New Vegas a few times and have a pretty good idea of how Goodsprings is laid out. But if I didn't, I wouldn't really have any idea what the place looks like, and I know you've got the screenshots but that's kind of...corner cutting, really. The story would benefit from some scene setting, even if it's just stuff like giving a brief description of what Goodsprings looks like in a few sentences. Maybe give a sense of heat by mentioning sweat trickling down the back of Eva's neck, or how bright the sun is by having her shade her eyes and wishing for sunglasses, stuff like that.

Apologies if I look like I'm focussing on the negative a lot here, because I really am enjoying it, but it did kind of stand out rather, probably especially so as the rest of it is really rather good.

[Diamandis]

But while you're doing a damn good job at the dialogue and character stuff, I'll be honest, the scene-setting is kind of lacking at the minute. All it really seems to be is Eva saying 'there was a general store' and 'there was a saloon', and the only reason I had any idea what it was like was because I've played New Vegas a few times and have a pretty good idea of how Goodsprings is laid out. But if I didn't, I wouldn't really have any idea what the place looks like, and I know you've got the screenshots but that's kind of...corner cutting, really. The story would benefit from some scene setting, even if it's just stuff like giving a brief description of what Goodsprings looks like in a few sentences. Maybe give a sense of heat by mentioning sweat trickling down the back of Eva's neck, or how bright the sun is by having her shade her eyes and wishing for sunglasses, stuff like that.

You know what? I completely agree. I guess because I always had it in the back of my mind that I would put screenshots for those unfamiliar with the game i didn't really think about it. I'm glad you noticed it, I will put more effort into this in the future

Also, I really appreciate your constructive critisism, and I openly welcome any

This post has been edited by Eva: Feb 1 2013, 07:16 PM