Trouble never comes alone Options

[jack cloudy]

Yes, so I just couldn't resist and had to get this off my chest. We'll see how long it lasts. Same deal as with redemption, I'll be using this post as a character list and the first part will be in the next one. For now the list is simple.

A question. Should I add a separate entry for Spar at the very bottom that is basically the extra-spoilers edition?

Spar: A female Imperial and the main character of this story. Is guided by 'Them'.
(Portrait)

Silent Fist: A Companion Spar hires to escort her into Bleak Falls Barrow. He doesn't speak, wear shirts or use weapons. Click here for portrait

Faendal: A wood elf who lives in a small village known as Riverwood. He works as a hunter and lumberjack.

Lucan Valerius: The shopkeeper of Riverwood.

Jarl Balgruuf: The Jarl of Whiterun, a city located in the center of Skyrim between the fronts of the Imperial and Stormcloak factions.

Hrongar: Jarl Balgruuf's brother. Looks like he walked off the set of a Conan-film.

Irileth: A Dunmer who serves as Jarl Balgruuf's bodyguard.

Proventus Avenicci: Jarl Balgruuf's steward.


Vilkas: One of the Companions, a mercenary group in Whiterun
Vignar Grey-Mane: Formerly of the Companions, now retired.

Ulfric Stormcloak: The rebel leader in Skyrim, once on of the Emperor's generals.

Arkarik: Someone Spar was supposed to meet in Cyrodiil.

This post has been edited by jack cloudy: Aug 1 2013, 06:34 PM

[mALX]

Faendal is indeed in a love makes blind mode. But then again, he doesn't exactly have much choice. Everyone else is either married, too young, a dog or Sven's mom. Riverwood doesn't carry many suitors for him.

ROFL!

The mood-change of the nameless protagonist may be more extreme than I had intended. I like to think it is also because she went up by a route she knew was safe.

You know, being female I didn't notice the mood change as anything out of the ordinary. We do have a tendency to flip moods readily and without warning, as anyone who has been married to a female can testify to. It felt very natural to me, I didn't find it extreme at all (maybe a little - but it felt very believable to me).

And speaking of which, what is everyone's opinion on my constant switching from past tense to present tense? I personally like it, but all my teachers would have a heart-attack for committing such a great sin.

Flipping tenses can be jarring to the reader, especially if they are immersed in a scene and then suddenly - "GAAAAH! What's going on, did I miss something?" *goes back and rereads section*

That said, if you have a good reason to do it then carry on. In these beginning chapters I've been re-reading a lot anyway to try and guess at the identity of the female Elf and "Them"

My guess: Is it Latta? If I'm right, WOO HOO !!!!!

"Helgen, at Barrow." I'd said in the tavern that night. I tried a few more combinations with the words I knew, often including Helgen and flapping my arms for emphasis. Faendal wasn't any help at bringing the message. He was too busy displaying his feathers to his Camilla. Without the elf to give a comprehensible translation, it took me a few tries and it was oddly enough the town drunk who first got it. Maybe all the fuzziness from constant inebriation had made him more accustomed to making sense of things that didn't than everyone else.

LOVE this! How real is that, not to find someone to understand you when it is important - Love that! Absolutely perfect detail!

Oh, I was wrong about it being Latta I see, lol. How is it they couldn't understand an Imperial? Ah, I see - Cyrodiilic! Nice touch!

Rant:

You are absolutely right about Sigrid being jealous over other women being around her husband, and not just Sigrid but Gerdur too! Poor Maxical got a tirade from both, and decided not to sleep under the Smithy's roof - afraid a dagger may find her in her sleep, lol.

I would have loved that little side jaunt and personal touch had you left it in, but (as you know) I have a terrible weakness for leaving those little interesting jaunts in my story till it pulls away from the focus and forward momentum of the plot. I'm glad you told us about it in the rant though, I got a big kick out of just reading that and had an instant memory of what happened to Maxical in Riverwood. I love those kind of things a little too much probably, lol.

As always, an Awesome Write! Can't wait to see what your creative mind brings to Skyrim!


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