An Old Altmer's Tale Options

[Callidus Thorn]

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This post has been edited by Callidus Thorn: Nov 28 2013, 05:24 PM

[Acadian]

Welcome to the Arena of Fan Fiction at Chorrol!

You are off to a wonderful start with a creative twist to the Oblivion Crisis. I enjoyed the tavern’s mistrust of mages and it really added some tension and an air of mystery to the old Altmer.

Knighthood and the Blades are fabulous elements to weave into what looks like a fine tale.


Nits – As silly as it sounds, one technique that is very helpful late in your editing process is to read the episode aloud; ideally to a willing listener but, at a minimum, pretend you are recording the episode for an audio book. This can really help to identify awkward passages or missing/extraneous words and phrasing oversights. That all said, the nits that SubRosa and I are pointing out are within the framework of very minor. Have confidence, for your writing is sound and you have plenty of talent. Don’t get discouraged by these tiny nits!

‘...speak of them yet, for their part in tale comes later.’ - - I expect you want a ‘the’ before the word ‘tale’?

‘And so the in order to ensure the safety of the Emperor, ...’ - - The word ‘the’ in the early part of this sentence confuses things. I’d recommend simply, ‘In order to ensure the safety....’

‘They were heading for a secret passage, one that was known only to the Blades, the entrance to which was found in the prison, and the prison could only be reached via a narrow bridge.’ - - Whew, this was a very long sentence glued together by a fistful of commas! Heh, SubRosa’s advice about reading aloud and breaking up long sentences applies here.