An Argonian's Account, Haa-Rei's adventures in Cyrodiil Options

[hazmick]

Chapter 1

The room was furnished as most high ranking Imperial offices were – dragons everywhere. Dragon curtains (red), dragon floor mat (red), dragon banners (red). I wouldn't be surprised if the guards outside were wearing socks (red) with little dragons on them.

“So we just need to go over a few things here,” the clerk’s piping voice interrupted my thoughts. He studied the notes in front of him “you were born 3E 408?”

“Yes.” I wasn't half as nervous as I thought I’d be, but my mouth was almost too dry to speak.

“Our first official record of you is not until 19 years later. An Imperial prison transport fished you out of the Inner Sea of Morrowind and took you to the port of Seyda Neen. Yes?”

He didn’t look up from his notes, instead arching an enormous grey eyebrow. There was more hair on those brows than on the rest of his head.

“Yes.” Though my mouth was still dry my hands were now clammy. Please gods don’t make him go in for a handshake when this is done.

“Your occupation is listed here as ‘adventurer’. You also seem to have aided the Twin Lamps organisation, among others.” He licked a bony fingertip and turned the page. “This is around the time that you officially joined the Imperial Legion, rising to the rank of Agent.”

“That’s right.” My face reddened slightly when he looked up at me. Apparently a ‘yes’ would suffice.

He took a sip of his drink, a dark gold substance, and winced slightly as it went down. How anybody can enjoy that sort of thing was beyond me. I much prefer tea.

Looking back to his notes, the clerk continued listing various people I’d met who were considered important enough to have an opinion. Mainly guild leaders and Imperials.

I managed to steal a glance at the page, most of which was concealed with black ink.

“Well this seems to be in order. On account of your previous work for the Empire and the skills you have at your disposal, I have no doubt that you will do some good with us.” He stamped my file for approval with an official looking dragon stamp (red).

I grinned widely (any display of emotion towards humans must be greatly exaggerated) and thanked him as he shook my hand firmly.

“Welcome to the Blades, Agent Haa-Rei.”

This post has been edited by hazmick: Jul 9 2016, 01:03 AM

[Destri Melarg]

‘An Argonian’s Account’

I was really excited to read this because I love the varied ways our fellow Chorrolites handle the non-human characters... and argonians seem to receive the least amount of love. I admit to being a little worried early on because Haa-Rei sounded a bit too ‘human’ for my own personal taste, but little things like the observation of how much emotion he has to show when humans are about were extremely effective in dispelling those concerns.

Acadian hit the nail on the head when he complimented you on you handling of the Imperial City. ‘Full to the brim’ would be a cringe-worthy cliche at any other time but Haa-Rei’s well-established love of tea enables him to pull it off. The approach of your three adventurers briefly reminded me of the opening pages of The Hobbit. Haa-Rei’s handling of the ‘initiation’ is a fantastic way to show us that this character uses his wits more than his ‘scrawny’ muscles in a fight. It also gives us some insight into Jotnar given that he made no move to engage the storm atronach that suddenly appeared in front of him. I find myself loving Haa-Rei already!

The clearing of the fort kept me on the edge of my seat. I also thought it strange that Olorin didn’t try to contribute more than detect spells and being a decoy. Something tells me that you’re establishing something with his character that I’ll see come to fruition somewhere down the road... and now I’m so invested that I just have to know what that is.

I enjoyed the stop at the Faregyl, but I have to admit that I can’t see Abhuki, S’Jirra and Alix (the man, not the mouse) without thinking of mALX’s characterizations of them. It’s interesting to me how Alix seems to come across as so benign... considering his status as a master of the sword. I don’t think I’ve ever actually done the potato thief quest. I’m eager to see how it turns out.

_____

Okay I’m back, and now I have to resort to lecturing:

“You are hereby and forthwith prohibited from ever denigrating your own writing again. Get it? Got it? Good!”

Your ability to write romance is extremely effective without being flowery or heavy-handed. Your deft touch even elicited a momentary lapse into ‘hopeless romanticism’ from Acadian. That is the very definition of good writing! The one place where it seemed a bit forced was their conversation on the bridge in Bravil, but you even redeemed that with the wonderful payoff of the parchment left on the berry bush.

I am hesitant to point out spots where the use of language can be improved because I know that we are getting the story through the filter of Haa-Rei’s head, and his way of dispensing words may not always be optimal. That said there is one spot where I would give advice simply because it will probably come up again somewhere along the line:

The uneasy feeling which had crept up on me yesterday was still hanging over me.

You don’t need the ‘on me’ if you’re going to end the sentence with ‘over me.’ Conversely, you don’t need the ‘over me’ if you want to keep the ‘on me.’ Either way works to communicate the same idea.

Speaking of that uneasy feeling, I just love the subtle way you’ve mixed that in with the idea of all native argonians being recalled to Black Marsh. I find it interesting that Haa-Rei is irritated by the idea of not being included even as he finds himself back in Leyawiin with an uneasy feeling that he has already attributed to the Hist. Hmmm...

I also had a chuckle at the fact that he is so willing to share his status as a Blade with Deeh. Apparently Haa-Rei has no secrets from those he trusts!

I can certainly understand not wanting to dwell on some of the minor quests that Haa-Rei has to complete over the course of your story. But, compared to the wonderfully detailed encounter with the minotaur on the road, the clearing of Fort Blueblood seemed a bit rushed... particularly the final battle. It so far is the only ‘meh‘ in this otherwise fantastically engaging story that you are telling.

That’s all from me for now… but I will be back!