|
Seven Reimagined, A new view of an old story |
|
|
SubRosa |
May 6 2018, 03:26 AM
|
Ancient
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Between The Worlds
|
A while ago I wrote Seven, which is set in Tamriel. Afterward I thought about adapting it to an original setting. I did a lot of world-building, remade the characters to fit the new world, and got started into translating the story over. I ran out of steam when I started looking at my over-arching direction, and started seeing some problems. The biggest one was that I had in mind a big High Fantasy story - an ancient race rising to destroy the world, champions rising from the dead, the army of light banding together to fight off evil, and so forth. The twist I planned to this standard format was that the protagonists were trying to stop the war, rather than win it. With finding a peace between all involved being the end goal, rather than destruction. But the story I was starting out with - Seven - is Low Fantasy (at least the way I define it). Farmers and mercenaries vs. bandits. Ordinary people, with ordinary problems. I like that, as it feels very accessible, and makes the characters, even the extraordinary ones, feel more relateable. So that made me want to continue in that vein, and do a series of stories about a pair of hired spells who are part mercenaries, part private detectives. Sort of like Spenser For Hire or Magnum P.I. with magic. That in turn meant scrapping the entire over-arching story. Or trying to bridge the gap between Low Fantasy and High Fantasy. It left me with a lot of questions, and I was not feeling excited about the answers. So I ended up setting it all aside. Instead of leaving it all collecting dust, I decided to post what I did finish up here. Maybe it will fire me up to get back to working on it again. People who have read Seven will recognize most of the main characters. Names have been changed in many cases. Some because the originals were Bethesda creations, others to suit the new races/languages. Speaking of which races and the like are entirely new, as is the geography, flora and fauna, how magic works etc... I will put some of that here in this post, and start the actual story in a second post. Let me know if you want to see more of the background notes, and I will put them in this post. This is a world mapThis is the continent of Aulerci, where most of the action takes placeAelaLoriaThe Stone Forest (IRL The Shilin Stone Forest outside of Kunming)Another example of karst landscapeAn Oro (IRL Orodromeus)A Crumhead (IRL Parasaurolophus)RL Troodon (the inspiration for the Teodon race)Troodon frontTroodon headAncient Rasen Armor (IRL Samnite bronze armor)Bronze lamellar armorBronze lamellar armor againVeia MapRasen streetRasen cityRasen apartment blockRasen-style architecturePhereinonPhereinon againMaledictionOwl ScreechingOwl CarvingServes CamnaWooden mugTamac (tomahawk)Raven pendantHrafngoelirHrafn's shieldHrafn's seaxVencaRasen bedroomRasen bedroom 2Rasen bedroom 3Lorcras armorHagalaz runeHorse-Powered Ferryboat 1Horse-Powered Ferryboat 2Spirecrown - Saurolophus AngustirostrisLambeosaurusParksosaurusOrnitholestesHadrosaurs 01Hadrosaurs 02OrodromeusGasparinisauraOuranosaurusMaiasauraTropical Milkweed BeetleTeodon Coloration (this is just what their scale colors look like, not actual representations of the characters) Alcheon's colorationDaehyun (a very common peasant coloration)Dark Eye (though his belly is not so brightly whiteSindeokBanyan treeDurian treeBromeliadsBamboo forestSolageaKye Rim GravesTeodon DokTeodon village houseTeodon village houseEarthen rampart, wall, and ditchcheavaux de friseShield Wall trainingFighting Moves Dark Eye's finishing move against DaesoPhereinon's belly to back suplex (German Suplex) that she used upon the Arvern Oathman of House CamnaHere is a link to Sindeok's killing move against Brown-ScalesMorte Strike and Half Sword Defense
--------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
Replies
SubRosa |
May 26 2018, 05:52 PM
|
Ancient
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Between The Worlds
|
Zalphon: I do like the idea of using dialogue to convey not only description, but also emotion. I have been listening to radio dramas lately, and naturally almost all of the description comes from dialogue between characters. So it is something I look to work into my writing when I see an opportunity.
I get a lot of how I visualize magic and it use from the old tabletop games Shadowrun and Earthdawn. One of their best writers - Steve Kenson - is a RL Witch in fact (I met his husband Chris Penczak at the local Pagan festival). One of the things I really loved about Earthdawn in particular was the idea of True Patterns, which governed everything in the world. If you rewove the threads of a pattern, you changed the object it governed, and vice-versa.
Acadian: One of the great perks of being a mage is being able to easily clean off the muck and ick of dungeon-delving!
Aela is in many ways a ridiculously over-powered character. So I try to consciously keep her down to earth and relatable. Her ordinary problems with everyday matters like bigotry, self-consciousness, social awkwardness, and just lack of being "one of the cool kids" are one of those ways.
haute ecole rider: You probably noticed that this time around I got away from using scientific terms and descriptions for Aela's healing. Instead I embraced the magic aspect more fully, and put most of it in the aether, relying upon the concept of "That which is above is the same as that which is below" from Hermes Trismegistus. Also how in core shamanism, a shaman heals the sick by journeying to the spirit world and doing battle with the spirit causing the illness. In this case Aela is not doing battle with anything. But she is shifting her consciousness to the spirit world to create change in the physical. Walking between worlds.
*Note, new pics have been added to the initial post*
Chapter 2.1
"We have found them," Sindeok warned.
The Teodon riding ahead of him raised one hand, and the young nangdo brought his oro to a halt. The ornithopod mount stood on a pair of powerful hind legs, while its smaller forelegs dangled freely in the air. A long, slender tail stretched out behind it, balancing out its thick, feathered torso. A rounded head rose from the saurian's short neck, fitted with a bridle leading back to Sindeok's hands.
"As I expected," Daeso said. The captain's scales were bright blue, announcing his pure bone ancestry to all, and faded to white along his lower jaw and chest. Buru sported the same color scales as their leader. But Sindeok's skin was black, except for irregular bands of white that ran up and down his arms and legs, and a row of orange spines that crested his head.
The hwarang of the Celestial Flight Company wore a cuirass of bronze scales, which glinted warmly even in the pale light of the moon. A similar helmet covered the captain's head, festooned with tassels of yellow and white silk. The long-sleeved tunic he wore for padding beneath the metal was decorated with dragons and serpents, also stitched from the finest silk. Leather bracers embossed with more dragons protected his forearms, and his feet were shod in leather boots, reinforced with bronze plates.
Sindeok wore the same himself, as did Buru, the other nangdo with them. Except that their silks were not quite so fine, nor adorned with gold stitching. Like their leader, they each carried the straight-bladed swords of their people. But again, theirs did not sport grips wrapped in silver wire, or crossguards set with pearls.
Daeso sat upon his oro and waited.
Sindeok tried not to bob his head or twitch his tail as adrenaline flooded his veins. These midnight meetings with bandits always set his scales upon edge. There was no telling if they would end quietly, or with bloodshed. It took all of his willpower, but the nangdo sat his own mount with the same stillness that his leader did.
As one of the flower knights of Kye Rim, Sindeok had trained all of his life in the arts of war. Death in battle was his only promise in life. But there was no glory in dying from a hidden bandit's arrow during a clandestine rendezvous. His bones would never be properly blessed, his kindred would never sing his praises, and his honor would never increase that of his family.
To one side of the muddy road, a shadow detached itself from one of the tall durian trees. It was revealed to be another Teodon when it stepped into the wan light of the moon and stars. Like all of their race, the interloper stood upright upon his hind legs. His bare, four-toed feet squished effortlessly through the mud. A slender tail waved gracefully through the air behind him, hovering just inches above the wet earth. His long, crocodilian head sat upon a tall, slender neck. Bright yellow eyes shone from the back of his skull, and when he smiled the Teodon revealed a mouth filled with serrated, sail-shaped teeth.
The newcomer gripped the durian wood of a staff in his three-fingered hands. The magical weapon was tipped with the rounded skull of an oro, whose eye sockets had been filled with red crystals. Those crystals now glowed, and Sindeok could smell the energy that coursed through them even from where he sat. He had never felt such power in a staff, and the nangdo briefly wondered if the bandit wizard had enchanted it himself, or if he had stolen it from an honest magician?
As the bandit mage stepped closer, Sindeok sensed the mana within the skull-shaped crystals that girded the wizard's waist and torso as well. Unlike the staff, this energy was not formed into an enchantment. Instead it was simply extra power stored for later use. It appeared that the magician was worried about running out of mana, given how much he was keeping for ready access. Rounding out the outlaw's frame were the real skulls of birds and small lizards, in the form of bracelets and a necklace.
It was Girim, the nangdo thought, the lieutenant of the bandits.
The wizard turned his head and hissed something in a low tone. More dark shapes rose from the rainforest to either side. Two of them turned and vanished deeper into the undergrowth. The rest stepped out onto the road, and flanked the wizard. All were Teodon, carrying short spears or bows. A few wore nothing but loincloths, but most were at least clad in simple rattan cuirasses. Some even wore ancient Rasen armor. Such was either a simple bronze disc strapped over the chest and back, or three such discs welded together into one larger, V-shaped-shaped cuirass. All of them went barefoot in the mud however.
Sindeok could not help but curl an aristocratic lip at the green and brown-scaled peasants, with their bare feet literally caked in mud. Not even the Rasenna wore such armor anymore, having eschewed it for the mail armor brought south by the Skanjr centuries ago. Yet he knew that for such common bone churls, even four hundred year old cast-offs were treasures. What could one expect from those who wallowed in the mud all of their lives?
"Daeso," the wizard practically spat the name out onto the mud, "you are late."
"I am here exactly when I needed to be Girim." Daeso took his time and dismounted, swinging one leg over the shoulders of his oro and sliding effortlessly to the ground. His boots squished into the moist surface of the dirt road, and the hwarang rested one hand casually upon the hilt of his sword. Sindeok followed suit, as did Buru, and the two nangdo flanked their leader.
Sindeok glanced back to the crumhead that followed behind their mounts. It was much larger than the slender oros. Covered in green scales. The hadrosaur's shoulders rose as tall as a Teodon. Including the thick tail that stretched out behind it, the beast of burden had to be nearly fifteen feet long. Unlike the smaller riding animals, the crumhead walked on both its massive hind legs and its shorter forelegs. Its name of course came from the long, hollow crest that curled back from its skull, much like a crumhorn.
"Where is Ugeo?" The captain of the Celestial Gallery cast his head this way and that, scanning the forest to either side.
"My name is Dark-Eye!" a voice roared like a leviathan. "Ugeo is long dead, thanks to your master."
All turned to witness the author of the voice step from the green undergrowth of the rainforest and into the open road. He was a thick, heavy-set Teodon. His scales were dull red along his back and upper head, and faded to grey along his lower jaw and chest. More striking were the black stripes that crossed his body from the tip of his nose to his tail. Such colors could only mean that he was one of aristocratic birth, as Sindeok, Buru and Daeso were.
A black patch covered one of the newcomer's eyes, but his other, dark red orb stared out of his skull like a festering wound. A cuirass of white leviathan scales covered his upper arms, torso, and hung down to mid-thigh. A helmet made of the long fangs of the same monster encased his head. Like the other bandits Dark-Eye walked through the mud with feet bared. He held a spear of durian wood in one hand, tipped with a leaf-shaped head of gleaming black lorcras.
"You have none but yourself to thank for that," Daeso replied evenly. "Once you were the best of us. But you went too far. Even the orcs would have cast you out."
"You were right there beside me," Dark-Eye growled. The older Teodon cast his lone eye from the hwarang to his two followers. "So too were my other loyal nangdo. Until you all turned on me."
"After what those mud-footed peasants did, none of us hesitated to take vengeance with you." The younger Teodon nodded to the black eye patch that the bandit leader wore, and the scars that trailed away through the scales above and below. "But when you ate their flesh and drank their blood, there was nothing any of us could do. The gyukon had no choice but to strip you of your rank and exile you. You are lucky he did not order your execution."
"Luck had no part of the Sublime Ancestor's decision," Dark-Eye spat. "You would not be here otherwise, would you? Gaesomun's greed for gold and silver is far greater than my hunger for flesh. So which of us is the true abomination? Whom do you serve?"
--------------------
|
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
SubRosa Seven Reimagined May 6 2018, 03:26 AM SubRosa Seven 2.0
Chapter 1.1
Aela rocked on her heels a... May 6 2018, 04:29 AM Acadian By Julianos' little teapot it is good to see y... May 6 2018, 06:55 PM Kazaera Hey, it's Aela! It's great to see her ... May 7 2018, 04:56 PM Renee I really like the part where it says she could see... May 7 2018, 06:32 PM SubRosa Acadian: It is good to work on writing again. Find... May 7 2018, 10:26 PM haute ecole rider Infodump?? What info dump?
For the most part the ... May 8 2018, 12:08 AM Renee
Infodump?? What info dump?
I didn't notice t... May 8 2018, 02:01 PM SubRosa
Infodump?? What info dump?
For the most part the... May 9 2018, 10:06 PM SubRosa Chapter 1.2
Aela finally allowed her ward to drop... May 12 2018, 03:21 PM Acadian Another fascinating episode! I simply love h... May 12 2018, 11:38 PM haute ecole rider Skjoldbreki! Finally someone explains how we m... May 14 2018, 02:53 PM Zalphon I would like to start by saying I appreciate the s... May 17 2018, 10:25 AM SubRosa Acadian & haute ecole rider: My goal here is t... May 19 2018, 04:04 PM Zalphon The thing I notice initially is a lot of telling i... May 20 2018, 08:47 AM Acadian This was a wonderfully engrossing episode with lot... May 20 2018, 04:43 PM haute ecole rider I have to agree with everything Acadian said - he ... May 21 2018, 03:35 PM haute ecole rider Well.
This section sounds very Korean to me. ;P
... May 26 2018, 11:22 PM Acadian Exotically fascinating!
Lots of world buil... May 26 2018, 11:27 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: I am so grateful for you turnin... Jun 2 2018, 05:15 PM haute ecole rider oooh, both magic and swordplay! Pretty tense f... Jun 6 2018, 04:25 PM ghastley This all had me wondering about how a conjured wea... Jun 6 2018, 05:15 PM Acadian Quite the sword fight! Loved your description... Jun 7 2018, 05:53 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: Daeso was partly inspired by Ki... Jun 9 2018, 04:58 PM Acadian ”The scales of men will quake at the sound of yo... Jun 10 2018, 07:51 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted to show some of Dark-Eye's c... Jun 16 2018, 03:49 PM Acadian Another wonderful episode chock full of goodness a... Jun 17 2018, 04:21 PM SubRosa Acadian: The last segment was another good opportu... Jun 23 2018, 05:02 PM Acadian A wonderful introduction of the villagers seeking ... Jun 23 2018, 11:28 PM SubRosa Acadian: Hopefully they will be magnificent!
... Jun 30 2018, 04:36 PM Acadian Nice to see you unleash the full slender of your d... Jun 30 2018, 08:47 PM haute ecole rider YASSSS! Pursephone! I made the connection ... Jul 3 2018, 03:44 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was originally going to simply describe... Jul 7 2018, 08:50 PM Acadian Very much a pleasure to read as you weave this tal... Jul 8 2018, 09:38 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted to show that with an item as rar... Jul 14 2018, 04:09 PM Acadian Aesensing – Yes, I thought perhaps you had inten... Jul 14 2018, 09:27 PM haute ecole rider I continue to draw inferences between your fiction... Jul 18 2018, 08:02 PM SubRosa Acadian: We are finally getting to the start of th... Jul 21 2018, 09:02 PM Acadian By Julianos’ Little Teapot! :O
With the M... Jul 22 2018, 07:33 PM SubRosa Acadian: Aela and Loria certainly agree that White... Jul 28 2018, 04:38 PM Acadian Cool spell to hear things not intended for Aela’... Jul 29 2018, 07:32 PM SubRosa Acadian: While Aela is far from being a superhero,... Aug 4 2018, 04:09 PM Acadian Your descriptions are wonderful throughout! Y... Aug 5 2018, 08:51 PM haute ecole rider AAAnd Dee Foxy makes his appearance!! :wub... Aug 6 2018, 01:50 PM SubRosa Acadian: I spent a lot of time working on Waranari... Aug 11 2018, 05:00 PM Acadian Wow! White Hair, Kitsune and now Goldenlocks ... Aug 11 2018, 06:04 PM SubRosa Acadian: I am liking how the Seven Magnificos are ... Aug 18 2018, 04:54 PM Acadian Woot! Number Five is Alive! Another wond... Aug 18 2018, 07:52 PM haute ecole rider Oooh, who is that Venca? Where have I seen HIM bef... Aug 20 2018, 02:05 PM SubRosa Acadian: Venca is indeed our Seven Magnificos... Aug 25 2018, 03:45 PM Renee A relaxing morning scene, other than some hair-fig... Aug 29 2018, 03:32 PM Acadian A wonderfully girly morning and pause in the actio... Aug 25 2018, 07:57 PM Uleni Athram 5.2 - 5.3
Delicious, delicious combat. The techn... Aug 30 2018, 12:50 AM SubRosa Acadian: I really like those old Roman beds, with ... Sep 1 2018, 03:17 PM Acadian Using White Hair’s need for Aela’s spirit-calm... Sep 1 2018, 07:44 PM haute ecole rider Oooooh, this is getting even better than I have co... Sep 1 2018, 09:16 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was pleased with how I was able to dove... Sep 8 2018, 04:36 PM Acadian Nice character development here that begins with A... Sep 8 2018, 07:38 PM SubRosa Acadian: As I have been going back through the sto... Sep 15 2018, 04:39 PM haute ecole rider Aww, an adorable chick episode! Complete with ... Sep 16 2018, 06:19 PM Acadian Rider is right – a delightfully girlish episode.... Sep 16 2018, 07:10 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: I had two women talking to one ... Sep 22 2018, 03:26 PM haute ecole rider Sigh. I am hearing Tumindil's voice once again... Sep 22 2018, 11:19 PM Acadian More and more, I’m realizing that much of Aela... Sep 23 2018, 08:01 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: That does indeed remind me of T... Sep 29 2018, 03:59 PM Acadian Aela’s delightful romp with the water undines wa... Sep 29 2018, 08:00 PM haute ecole rider I really liked that whole confrontation/conversati... Sep 30 2018, 05:16 PM Renee , I've fallen behind... [i]way behind. Hard fo... Oct 3 2018, 03:37 PM SubRosa Acadian: Every time Aela tries to get some quality... Oct 6 2018, 04:16 PM Acadian A wonderful and easy to follow instruction period ... Oct 6 2018, 08:04 PM SubRosa Acadian: One of the things that really annoys me a... Oct 13 2018, 04:05 PM Renee The magic tutorial had me fascinated, that was awe... Oct 14 2018, 06:42 PM Acadian A neat interlude from the Seven’s water journey.... Oct 18 2018, 09:20 PM SubRosa Renee: The Shadowrun and Earthdawn rpgs were excel... Oct 20 2018, 04:17 PM Renee
Check out Scott Cunningham's book Wicca: A G... Oct 29 2018, 03:14 PM Acadian A fascinating look at this river ferry that blends... Oct 21 2018, 07:46 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was originally going to use horses on t... Oct 27 2018, 05:07 PM Renee
But she has no body odor. She does not sweat. Sh... Nov 12 2018, 06:06 PM Acadian A richly detailed study of life along the river. ... Oct 28 2018, 07:39 PM SubRosa Acadian: I could have just said "they sailed ... Nov 3 2018, 04:30 PM Acadian What a wonderful episode as Aela addresses the man... Nov 4 2018, 08:28 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted Aela's sex change to be more... Nov 10 2018, 03:31 PM Acadian Nicely done!
You painted a nice feel for li... Nov 10 2018, 07:37 PM SubRosa Acadian: I think I learned the part about the bird... Nov 17 2018, 05:15 PM Acadian A rather ominous transition through bandits, necro... Nov 17 2018, 09:42 PM SubRosa Acadian: Now that the river journey is complete, w... Nov 24 2018, 07:06 PM Acadian Wow, the situation the villagers face is grim but ... Nov 24 2018, 08:42 PM Renee
Wow, the situation the villagers face is grim but... Dec 11 2018, 03:52 PM SubRosa Acadian: I put a lot more work into the background... Dec 1 2018, 05:26 PM Acadian No surprise that Alcheon is beginning to show his ... Dec 1 2018, 09:22 PM SubRosa Acadian: All I need is Aela twisting her sunglasse... Dec 8 2018, 07:45 PM Acadian A great deal of wonderfully rich world-building go... Dec 9 2018, 12:57 AM SubRosa Acadian: I definitely worked hard at showing vs. t... Dec 15 2018, 05:11 PM Acadian An instructive display of sword fighting, when the... Dec 15 2018, 06:17 PM SubRosa Acadian: Things have really slowed down in the sto... Dec 22 2018, 06:19 PM Acadian You really bring the jungle-forest surrounding Agr... Dec 22 2018, 08:58 PM SubRosa Acadian: I expanded on the size of the village thi... Dec 29 2018, 06:23 PM Acadian What a delightful episode as we finally arrive in ... Dec 29 2018, 09:50 PM haute ecole rider I continue to enjoy this reinterpretation of the S... Dec 31 2018, 05:13 AM
2 Pages 1 2 >
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|