Black Horse Courier
Portable Campsite
"Whatever will they think of next!" - was the reaction we got from most customers leaving The Three Brothers Trade Goods in the Imperial City. "They sell tents and bedrolls now! And fire logs! Fire logs!! Who is going to be stupid enough to spend their money on that?!"
We went to see for ourselves.
"Yes, of course there are many campsites in Cyrodiil already set up and complete with all the camping gear" - the Verus brothers tell us. "But what if you want to camp in a different spot? By that beautiful lake you came across? Or what if you simply don't want to be bothered with fighting the bandits first?"
That is a good point, we have to agree. Most existing campsites are overrun by bandits. So, what do the Verus brothers have on offer for an independent camper?
"You'll need bedrolls first and foremost" - the brothers are nodding knowingly. "If you want to get any sleep that is. You'll also need those portable stools if you don't like to sit on the ground - most people don't. You'll want a tent to put your bedroll into if you want to stay dry in the rain, and finally you definitely want some fire logs."
Yes, about that... Couldn't you just gather some sticks for free?
"Sticks? We don't sell sticks! Have you ever tried to actually make a campfire? Have you?"
Oh dear, we might have offended them. We never tried to make a campfire, we have to admit. Campfires are not allowed in the Imperial City.
Apparently, you can't just make a campfire with random sticks found in the wilderness. It's got to be proper fire logs and most of all - you need a fire starter.
"The fire starter is what we are charging for, you get the logs for free" - the brothers smile at us. "And it's reusable - just pack it up when you are ready to leave and reuse it in another spot!"
This does seem to be the height of modern technology, who needs magic with this? Is it Dwemer, we wonder?
"Not Dwemer, just good old Imperial ingenuity." Of course.
"Imperial? Imperial?!" - Borba gra-Uzgash from the General Goods store in Cheydinhal cannot believe what she hears. "It is Orcish, I'll have you know!" Oh dear. "I've been using it for years! I'm an old adventurer myself, and I know what's wanted!"
We would be fools to argue with Borba - on any subject. But it is true that she has a rather more impressive selection of camping gear than the Verus brothers.
"My tents are much sturdier than theirs, and my bedrolls are more comfortable, and of course my campfires light up a lot quicker and last longer" - she patiently explains to us. As city dwellers, we see no difference what so ever, but we would be fools to argue with Borba.
So then, where can one get these wonders of modern technology? Everyone will want it now, surely?
"The camping gear is being distributed throughout Tamriel" - Vinicia Melissaeia at the Office of Imperial Commerce tells us. "You will find it at every general store in every city, and even in some smaller settlements. The selection will vary, however, so if you see an item you want, best get it then and there or be prepared to go without." Very sound advice, applicable to all items, not just camping gear.
And there you have it! Be an independent camper! Go forth and explore!
But what's that noise outside the offices of the Black Horse Courier? Oh, it's the inn keepers - the square is filled with them, and the Imperial Guard has a hard time keeping them from throwing stones into our windows...
"It's bad enough already that the traders sell the stuff, but why do you have to advertise it?!" - an angry inn keeper shouts at us. "Who will stay at an inn now and pay for it when they can camp anywhere for free?!"
Oh dear. This is an unexpected turn of events for the Black Horse Courier. But this is news happening right here and right now - and we are here to bring it to you! Don't miss your chance to get a copy of the Black Horse Courier!
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ADDENDUM
After the first batch of this edition was printed, we received a most gracious visit from Borba gra-Uzgash. It appears that her camping gear is indeed different from that offered by the Verus brothers. Where the Imperial camping gear is limited to strictly one set per party of adventurers, Borba's Orcish gear is completely individual, so that you can - and indeed are encouraged to - carry as many bedrolls, stools or tents as you wish, all in one pack! Why, you could even set up a dozen campfires next to each other for a truly warming experience!
Borba also mentioned that she was currently sold out of the Orcish camping equipment due to an unusually high demand by Orc adventurers. However, she expects a new shipment from Skyrim in near future.
This post has been edited by Lena Wolf: Dec 1 2021, 12:15 AM