Konrad's story Options

[Konji]

I thought I would give it you in bitesize pieces...as I find them easier to read.


-----------------------Konrad’s Story-----------------------
Konrad woke up, slowly opening one of his eyes. He covered his face with his hand, the light of the midday sun burning his eyes. He pushed his bed covers down, his shiny leather tunic visible now. He never really changes his clothes, but has them washed immediately. He got up, sighing and brushing his coal black hair from his eyes.

“Where is father?” Konrad called down as he descended the antique wooden stairs.

“He is already at his school opening, but I didn’t want to wake you,” his mother replied, frowning as she looked up from her lunch. Picking up a slice of bread Konrad broke free of the confinement of his house, blinking ferociously at the revealed light. He looked around, still amazed at the artistry of the buildings surrounding him. He spent many an hour gazing out of the small opening in his room, just marvelling at the wonders of the architects and builders.

He glanced at the position of the sun to confirm his thoughts. “It is late in the day…I must get there if I am to pass the trials,” Konrad mumbled to himself. He raced through the backstreets of the city, passing the many landmarks on the way, and eventually reached his father’s dream…The Blade School.

[Konji]

Finally an update. Haven't written for ages, but decided to start again. There is quite a development in this part, as I felt the story wasn't going anywhere.

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Konrad shook his head at the defeated opponent, then sheathed his sword. The small crowd cheered and a young female Bosmer scurried away, putting the semi finalists down on a long scroll of parchment. She wrote in very spidery writing, very hard to read.

Konrad pricked his ears up. He heard a dull thud, and a few shouts from outside. Looking around he noticed no-one had heard it, caught up in either fighting or watching or training. He walked quickly back to the main corridor, opening the gigantic oak doors for the second time and walking down the ornate passageway. He turned the corner and cried out in horror, shocked at what he saw. He ran quickly along the corridor, skidding to a halt next to the dead body of Thografe.

His neck had been sliced. A pulse of blood erupted from his neck in time with Konrad’s heartbeat. The deep crimson mixed with the ink on the dozens of parchments laid out on the desk, the ink running and merging with the blood. Konrad turned round and drew his sword just in time to sweep upwards and block an assault from an angry looking man.

The beast of a man was about 6’4”, with bulging muscles rippling across him all over. He had a rough face, his features angular and angry. He had a short moustache, and big bushy eyebrows. His hair was spiked haphazardly from his scalp, the unkempt mass of black suiting him perfectly. His weapon was the only thing that didn’t fit. A wimpy iron short-sword it was, rusted and chipped as though he had found it in a smugglers’ cave.

The man hacked at Konrad again but the child dodged easily, his sword parrying the blows every time to stop the change of direction. Any fool would do that, the short-sword being easily manoeuvrable. Konrad struggled against the immense power of the man. The cracked blade came down again but Konrad swung at it with all his might, both hands on the hilt of his sword. The short-sword snapped in two and Konrad span round and kicked the man in the groin.

The massive figure bent over, his eyes popping and his mouth distorted in shock. Konrad acted quickly and lopped off his head. The dead body stayed standing, twitching violently. Konrad kicked him over then ran to the next set of huge doors and slammed them shut in another attacker’s face. He quickly grabbed the huge iron locking bar and nudged it into position, stopping any men entering for the time.
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Any critisism please! Be as harsh as possible.

This post has been edited by Konradude: Jul 19 2005, 07:27 PM