Konrad's story Options

[Konji]

I thought I would give it you in bitesize pieces...as I find them easier to read.


-----------------------Konrad’s Story-----------------------
Konrad woke up, slowly opening one of his eyes. He covered his face with his hand, the light of the midday sun burning his eyes. He pushed his bed covers down, his shiny leather tunic visible now. He never really changes his clothes, but has them washed immediately. He got up, sighing and brushing his coal black hair from his eyes.

“Where is father?” Konrad called down as he descended the antique wooden stairs.

“He is already at his school opening, but I didn’t want to wake you,” his mother replied, frowning as she looked up from her lunch. Picking up a slice of bread Konrad broke free of the confinement of his house, blinking ferociously at the revealed light. He looked around, still amazed at the artistry of the buildings surrounding him. He spent many an hour gazing out of the small opening in his room, just marvelling at the wonders of the architects and builders.

He glanced at the position of the sun to confirm his thoughts. “It is late in the day…I must get there if I am to pass the trials,” Konrad mumbled to himself. He raced through the backstreets of the city, passing the many landmarks on the way, and eventually reached his father’s dream…The Blade School.

[Konji]

I felt that as well. I as going to add more to that, but then I decided not to and forgot to delete that bit. You can tell measurements. At school I can tell nearly everyone's size. Also why would I put nearly 6 foot ? He's 4 inches over that.


Thanks for all the comments... I'll maybe write more sometime this month.

This post has been edited by Konradude: Jul 19 2005, 07:46 PM

[MerGirl]

At school I can tell nearly everyone's size. Also why would I put nearly 6 foot ? He's 4 inches over that.

You tell the exact height? Not to mention, isn't your character too busy in a combat-sort-of situation to really notice that? I mean, if I were him, I would be pumped with adrenaline ready to fight instead of inspecting for a man's exact height.

It's like a criminal on the run, who notices a bystander's looks down to the exact detail, when he should be concentrating on running away. Know what I mean?

But, then again, you could be writing in the speciall 3rd person view, in which the author reveals everything from everyone's point of view not just the main character's.

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm rambling.

Please continue this story and keep up the good work on the details!