 Excerpts From The Green Book Of Poems, Don't Look I'm Working On It In Here! |
| Wurlon |
 Sep 4 2005, 08:25 PM
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#1
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 Knower  Joined: 25-August 05 From: Pennsylvania, United States  |
Excerpts From The Green Book Of Poems
By Wurlon Firethorn (I'm Using This As A Writing Station Please) (Brb Later, Out Of Ideas For now) The Horse And The Rider So sat the knight, whom was dressed in gray mail, perched on a horse so through wind he would sail! But through battle and war, his horse would bleed, so the rider gave armor to his steed! But heavy and thick, the horse made a jump, and the rider fell a thunderous thump! But through anger and hurt, he was still sane, and simply smacked the horse on it's mane! This post has been edited by Wurlon: Nov 6 2005, 06:45 PM -------------------- Sic Semper Tyrannis
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| Soulseeker3.0 |
Sep 5 2005, 01:54 AM
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#2
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 Master  Joined: 18-February 05 From: From "not where you are"-ville |
not to bad. I don't like poems to much but yeah not to bad.
I like this part the best for some reason From day to night the sky is all, From Winter To Spring, To Summer, To Fall, Nothing but the sky shows all! but I think the To summer part should be from but I don't know. night --------------------  (linky) SKA This was pretty unusual, because most children at his age wanted to become great warriors, known all through time as saviors of, well, anything - Toroabok |
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| Wurlon |
Sep 5 2005, 02:04 AM
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#3
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Knower Joined: 25-August 05 From: Pennsylvania, United States |
QUOTE(Soulseeker3.0 @ Sep 4 2005, 08:54 PM) not to bad. I don't like poems to much but yeah not to bad. I like this part the best for some reason From day to night the sky is all, From Winter To Spring, To Summer, To Fall, Nothing but the sky shows all! but I think the To summer part should be from but I don't know. night  Thanks I changed that and it does sound better. I'm not a fan of poetry besides the kind that rhymes but I really want to contribute to the library, and I already had a few poems in my mind. I just need like three more for this excerpt and to edit it... -------------------- Sic Semper Tyrannis
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| stargate525 |
Sep 6 2005, 10:44 PM
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#4
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 Finder  Joined: 10-April 05 From: wisconsin; land of cheese, beer, and bratwurst! |
I tried reading them to myself, but found them kinda difficult, as there is little rythm to it. Try and get the sylables more even, it'll read 200% better.
Love the content though. -------------------- these forums taste almost, but not quite, completely unlike tea.
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| Wurlon |
Sep 7 2005, 08:38 PM
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#5
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Knower Joined: 25-August 05 From: Pennsylvania, United States |
QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 6 2005, 05:44 PM) I tried reading them to myself, but found them kinda difficult, as there is little rythm to it. Try and get the sylables more even, it'll read 200% better. Love the content though. I"m not done, and I haven't been able to finish because of school. I only have a little bit of time to talk on here before I start on homework..... and projects.... and studying.... -------------------- Sic Semper Tyrannis
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| stargate525 |
Sep 7 2005, 09:43 PM
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#6
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Finder Joined: 10-April 05 From: wisconsin; land of cheese, beer, and bratwurst! |
QUOTE(Wurlon @ Sep 7 2005, 04:38 PM) I"m not done, and I haven't been able to finish because of school. I only have a little bit of time to talk on here before I start on homework..... and projects.... and studying.... just a suggestion, not an accusation. -------------------- these forums taste almost, but not quite, completely unlike tea.
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| Wurlon |
Sep 10 2005, 06:54 PM
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#7
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Knower Joined: 25-August 05 From: Pennsylvania, United States |
QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 7 2005, 04:43 PM) just a suggestion, not an accusation. Well naturally as the writer I can't see my mistakes, the last poems blows and I'll most likely cut that out. Can you at least tell me where it gets sketchy? -------------------- Sic Semper Tyrannis
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Posts in this topic
Wurlon Excerpts From The Green Book Of Poems Sep 4 2005, 08:25 PM
Soulseeker3.0 well good luck wurlon Sep 5 2005, 02:06 AM
Wurlon
There's no way I could win, I submitted a st... Sep 5 2005, 02:27 AM Soulseeker3.0
no problem just have fun. :D Sep 5 2005, 03:13 AM stargate525
Sure. Take this one for example...
... and obs... Sep 14 2005, 05:03 PM Wurlon
Grr I have to work to do, I'll get back to t... Sep 17 2005, 12:08 AM Wurlon
How about if I just make the first line longer ... Nov 6 2005, 02:18 AM Wurlon Sorry guys I've been very busy with schoolwork... Sep 24 2005, 02:20 PM Wurlon Forget it I can't do poetry right now, .. you ... Nov 2 2005, 09:54 PM stargate525
oh c'mon. Those are good. Better than most of... Nov 2 2005, 09:59 PM vaanic~one
What makes you think that? Nov 3 2005, 09:00 PM Wurlon Well now there is no point, it would be late to se... Nov 4 2005, 11:21 PM stargate525
NO! The due date is for the competition ONLY.... Nov 4 2005, 11:28 PM Wurlon
ohhh when is that lol? Nov 5 2005, 03:42 PM stargate525
about a half-hour after we get ready to playtest ... Nov 5 2005, 05:01 PM Wurlon
But I though you guys were going to edit the sto... Nov 6 2005, 02:14 AM stargate525
hah, you have no idea how fast I can edit somethi... Nov 6 2005, 05:02 AM vaanic~one
That's not a good thing to think.
As far ... Nov 8 2005, 08:36 PM Wurlon
It does for me :mellow: Nov 9 2005, 09:46 PM Wurlon Once again I'm sticking these here for referen... Nov 6 2005, 06:36 PM minque
Really? I´m impressed!
So incredibly true... Nov 9 2005, 10:10 PM stargate525
of course, the chance of me missing something is ... Nov 9 2005, 11:00 PM Ola Martin I think your poems are great :D Mar 15 2006, 05:12 PM Wurlon
I think your poems are great :D
Lol thanks.. k... Jul 20 2006, 06:59 PM |
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