Flying High Above My Window, A new song need critizism Options

[Doomed4Eternity]

"Flying High Above My Window"

By Joshua Finch "Doomed-4-Eternity"

Creatures Fly high above my window,
Cliff racers fly higher than the mountains,
Soaring high above the clouds,

Pwang, Pwang,
I struck them down,
Pwang, Pwang,
I will celebrate, I shall hire a clown,
Pwang, Pwang,
They are now extinct,
Pwang, Pwang,
That clowns feet really stink!

Now i can fly high above my window,
I can now fly higher than the Mountains,
And now, i can soar higher than the clouds,

Pwang, Pwang,
Saw a flying Dwemer ship,
Pwang, Pwang,
I licked my lip,
Pwang, Pwang,
There may be good loot,
Pwang, Pwang,
However there could be more soot,
Pwang, Pwang,
I went abroad,
Pwang, Pwang,
I found a room, on my own accord,
Pwang, Pwang,
I went across the plank,
Pwang, Pwang,
My life suddenly shrank,
Pwang, Pwang,
I jumped off!
Pwang, Pwang,
I saw Freddie Flintoff!
Pwang, Pwang,
I used my my Alteration,
Pwang, Pwang,
I found my spells of Levitation!

My life went by,
A tear fell off my eye,
I also went with it,
Before i fell into my PE kit!

I thought our library needed some more songs so heres my first of a few!

(If yoiur wondering who Josh is thats me!)

NEED SOME EDITING AND CRITIZISM THX

This post has been edited by Doomed4Eternity: Nov 19 2005, 11:49 AM

[Stargazey]

Is there any chance that you could start ONE topic for all of your writings, and let people view them there?

A topic for every story is getting a bit spammy.


Star

[Doomed4Eternity]

Is there any chance that you could start ONE topic for all of your writings, and let people view them there?

A topic for every story is getting a bit spammy.
Star

ok sry