Christmas Options

[Soulseeker3.0]

Hey what are all you gonna do with Christmas (if you celebrate it)?

I'm going to see family Christmas day....

[Kindred Spirit]

the usual, hang out with family, eat a yummy Christmas dinner, play video games with my cousins and brothers. Good times, good times.

Hm, good to know somebody gets to have fun... *pouts* I'll probably end up being forced to talk to a seventy year old geezer about how much better things were when he was a kid, how much better behaved kids were then than now, like I did on Thanksgiving. I'm not joking, either. He's really big, and he stood in the hallway and talked to me about what absolute a-holes people were nowadays, especially kids, and what idiots young people nowadays are, and how violent they are, and how much better things were when he was little. Yes, he actually talked to a 14 year old about how stupid fourteen yearolds are nowadays, and it almost made me see his point about kids nowadays being violent. Also, whenever I tried to get a word in edgewise, he just yelled something to the effect of, "NO, you're wrong!" and kept right on talking. I swear, if I had had a cyanide pill, or a small handgun, or even a pocket knife, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd either be in jail for muder/assault/attempted suicide or six feet under due to succeeding my attempted suicide. Good thing I didn't. Seriously, though, he's kinda fat, and he blocked up the entire doorway, and it was a windowless room (I had gone in there to be alone, and he found me and started talking) so I had no way out of there. Here is a rough approximation of our conversation.


HIM: When I was a kid, everything was great. You didn't get skin cancer from going outside, the grass was greener, the air was fresher, everything was awesome. I got a gun for my birthday when I was 8, and I hunted for my food ever since. My teachers were jerks. I tell you, if I had been raised nowadays, I woulda shot them, no doubt about it. That's just how they raise kids nowadays. But back then, I wouldn't have thought of it...
ME: Well, not all ki...
HIM:YES THEY WOULD!
ME: *thinking* /That sounds more like a personal fault of your own, if you would have shot them if you had been raised in modern times. I wouldn't shoot anybody even if I had a gun, and I only know wo of my friends who would. One who just hates 99% of humanity, and another who is a lunatic./ *gradually realizes that old man is still talking*
HIM: ...Well, I was hunting with a friend, and he started shooting at the water. D'you believe that? Shooting at the water, what an idiot! Did you know that if you shoot at the water, the bullets bounce and you can hit someone on the other side?
ME: *quickly* Wouldn't that depend on, like, the angle and the trajectory it hit the water at, as well as the type of gun?
HIM: NO! IT JUST BOUNCES AND HITS SOMEBODY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WATER!
ME: *roll eyes* Well, what if...
HIM: NO WHAT IFS!!!! YOU JUST DON"T DO IT!!!
ME: And anyways, I told him he was an idiot, and I stopped hunting with him. and did I tell you about how stupid these kids are nowadays? I mean, come on, they all get schooling, and they still don't know anything. Least, they don't know nothin' important. Like the Bible, and being a good, godfearing person.
HIM: *thinking* /Oh crap, he doesn't know I'm not religious! Oh well, as with most subjects, I can at least pretend I know what I'm talking about, it all sounds the same to idiots like him./
MY DAD: *pokes head in* Oh, there you are, John. (yes, that's my superboring name, dictated by family tradition and whatnot) Having fun? *leaves quickly*
ME: *glares*
HIM: Your dad's smart, you know that? I mean, like, real smart. He could be a hacker if he wanted to, but he's a good, godfearing man, just like one should be, and he's never do anything like that.
ME: *thinking*/ Actually, he's agnostic. And of course I know he's smart, where else would I get it from? My mother? Not freakin' likely./ *out loud* Well, not all hackers are bad. The...
HIM: YES THEY ARE!
ME: I was going to say that Bill Gates, the richest guy alive, started off as one of these "evil" hackers, he told companies what the weaknesses were in their security systems, and they paid him for it. So there are "good" hackers, you know...
HIM: Really? That's interesting. Anyway, did I tell you that when I was working at (insert company name) I had these problems with all these people who, would you believe it, said the lord's name in vain? Can you believe that? That's say, "Oh, my god!" whenever they'd have a problem.
ME: *sarcastically* When people do that around me, I say, "Yeah? Waddayawant?"
HIM: That's horrible! You're going to hell for that! I say, "I'm not the lord, I'm one of his disciples, get it right!" Anway....
ME: *groans inwardly*
The conversation continues like this for about an hour, but suffice it to say that by the end, I was fantasizing about eating his eye with a fork. And I get to see this same person *counts* as many as maybe 3 times, maybe more, this Christmas. I think I'll bring a knife, so I can start cutting myself when I get bored. Gimme something to do anyways. (I'm just kidding, I'm not suicidal and I'm not a masochist, the real reason for the knife would be to pretend to cut myself, to get the old guy away from me. Or, barring that, I can always go back to plan B, and bring my CD player, put it in my pocket, and hide the headphones under my hair, he'll never even know the difference.