My first fan-fic eva, hooray, i finally got to writing one Options

[1234king]

Okay this is my first fan-fic ever, and it’s pretty bad. It’s the first paragraph of a short story im working on. Tell me what you think and where I can improve.



The Stories of Raecon

Prologue

“As I arrived in Gnisis with nothing but a smile on my face and the clothes on my back, I finally made it”. “Ever since I was a kid I dreamed about joining the Imperial Legion”. My name is Reacon; I am a Redguard with a dream”. It was my 17th birthday as I thanked the caravaner and paid him 38 Septims”. “I asked him where I could find General Darius; he said “try the Maddach Trade house”. “I went inside and went downstairs into his quarters and an orc halted me and asked what business I had here”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion” I said proudly. “You look a little small to join” he said; “but it’s not my opinion that matters”. “General Darius is over there”. “When I looked around the corner I saw a Legionnaire cowering under him”. “Please give me one more chance” the Legionnaire begged”. “If your not gonna get the job done, you don’t belong here”. “Get out of my sight you good for nothing fetcher”, he said fiercely. “Oh what is it now”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion sir”. “Well, you look like a capable one, why the hell not”. “Here’s an Imperial Chain Cuirass, I can’t give you a weapon though”. “Go buy yourself an Imperial Broadsword form the merchant across from here”. “Sir, yes sir” I said, kinda felling gay saying it.” “After I bought my sword I reported back”. “O.K. soldier time for your first mission”.

And this is where the prologue ends.

[jchamber]

ah yes, I would like to second the statement that your plot is good for a first story, I remember how my first one was....I had to re-edit about three times before I got it good enough that I would post it. Don't take all that stuff from my last post as anything but help, that is all I meant by it.