My first fan-fic eva, hooray, i finally got to writing one Options

[1234king]

Okay this is my first fan-fic ever, and it’s pretty bad. It’s the first paragraph of a short story im working on. Tell me what you think and where I can improve.



The Stories of Raecon

Prologue

“As I arrived in Gnisis with nothing but a smile on my face and the clothes on my back, I finally made it”. “Ever since I was a kid I dreamed about joining the Imperial Legion”. My name is Reacon; I am a Redguard with a dream”. It was my 17th birthday as I thanked the caravaner and paid him 38 Septims”. “I asked him where I could find General Darius; he said “try the Maddach Trade house”. “I went inside and went downstairs into his quarters and an orc halted me and asked what business I had here”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion” I said proudly. “You look a little small to join” he said; “but it’s not my opinion that matters”. “General Darius is over there”. “When I looked around the corner I saw a Legionnaire cowering under him”. “Please give me one more chance” the Legionnaire begged”. “If your not gonna get the job done, you don’t belong here”. “Get out of my sight you good for nothing fetcher”, he said fiercely. “Oh what is it now”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion sir”. “Well, you look like a capable one, why the hell not”. “Here’s an Imperial Chain Cuirass, I can’t give you a weapon though”. “Go buy yourself an Imperial Broadsword form the merchant across from here”. “Sir, yes sir” I said, kinda felling gay saying it.” “After I bought my sword I reported back”. “O.K. soldier time for your first mission”.

And this is where the prologue ends.

[1234king]

thank you for the advice jc i really trust your opinion, and i know im horrible at english thats something i need to work on and i kind of was not writing to my best capability at the end of the story so thank you and expect probably two or three more paragraphs in a day or so and just to tell you this whole story is going to be about the imperial legion

P.S if the guy who wrote the tailus storys reads this your battle scence with xander and tailus kicked a$$

[jchamber]

thank you for the advice jc i really trust your opinion, and i know im horrible at english thats something i need to work on and i kind of was not writing to my best capability at the end of the story so thank you and expect probably two or three more paragraphs in a day or so and just to tell you this whole story is going to be about the imperial legion

P.S if the guy who wrote the tailus storys reads this your battle scence with xander and tailus kicked a$$

no prob, but edit the original so that all new comers will see the improved form of the story. I am looking forward to learning how you see the imp legion, lol. btw if you really liked the battle scene in Tailus, I would post up something there myself, I still need to catch up with that story though, so far I have worked on mine, read all that is written in minques, yours, and as much as I care to of Jack Cloudy's, he is a good writer, but there is something about his style that makes it like calimarey(sp? (fish eggs)) for me, it is to be taken in smaller doses. I wov you jack... roflmao
anyway, looking forward to edit and update.