My first fan-fic eva, hooray, i finally got to writing one Options

[1234king]

Okay this is my first fan-fic ever, and it’s pretty bad. It’s the first paragraph of a short story im working on. Tell me what you think and where I can improve.



The Stories of Raecon

Prologue

“As I arrived in Gnisis with nothing but a smile on my face and the clothes on my back, I finally made it”. “Ever since I was a kid I dreamed about joining the Imperial Legion”. My name is Reacon; I am a Redguard with a dream”. It was my 17th birthday as I thanked the caravaner and paid him 38 Septims”. “I asked him where I could find General Darius; he said “try the Maddach Trade house”. “I went inside and went downstairs into his quarters and an orc halted me and asked what business I had here”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion” I said proudly. “You look a little small to join” he said; “but it’s not my opinion that matters”. “General Darius is over there”. “When I looked around the corner I saw a Legionnaire cowering under him”. “Please give me one more chance” the Legionnaire begged”. “If your not gonna get the job done, you don’t belong here”. “Get out of my sight you good for nothing fetcher”, he said fiercely. “Oh what is it now”. “I want to join the Imperial Legion sir”. “Well, you look like a capable one, why the hell not”. “Here’s an Imperial Chain Cuirass, I can’t give you a weapon though”. “Go buy yourself an Imperial Broadsword form the merchant across from here”. “Sir, yes sir” I said, kinda felling gay saying it.” “After I bought my sword I reported back”. “O.K. soldier time for your first mission”.

And this is where the prologue ends.

[jchamber]

I don't know if I am skilled in the way of the fanfic, but thanks anyway for the vote of confidence, taillus.

jack, for reference, fish eggs cost like an insane amount...like 50 an ounce I think. So it is a complement (there are some people who do and don't like fish eggs, of course)

1234king, huge leaps and bounds better than the original, I am liking what is going on too. for the negative, you are still putting double quotes in places, and have the quotes in the puctuation, instead of the other way around, and you missed a quote mark in the first paragraph, btw I just glanced really fast that time, like 20 seconds...but it so sooooooooooo much better, Gj, mate.