The Story of the Listener, My first fanfic. Options

[Kayla]

Ok. This is my first fanfic. I'm a tad nervous about it, but I'd like to see what everyone thinks.
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I sat quietly on a bench beside the pawnshop on the docks of Anvil, staring out over the dark Abecean Sea. Through the clouds in the sky, I could see that the sun was setting. A chilly wind blew my black robes and hood as though they were weightless, but the persistent breeze was unsuccessful in penetrating the black light armor I wore underneath my robes. I listened to the fragmented conversations of the dock workers, and watched as people hastily walked by, fearing that it would soon begin to storm.

Before I knew it, the sun had set completely. The Nord who owned the shop I was sitting in front of walked outside. He locked up his shop and began to make his way down the stone street toward the resident area of Anvil. He hadn’t even noticed that I’d been sitting just feet away from him. I heard the Nord loudly greet someone before he walked completely out of earshot. Soon after, an Orc walked by. I studied the Orc carefully as he passed. He walked with a slight limp and had a large scar on his left arm, and just as I expected, he opened the door to the dockside warehouse and went inside.

It was completely dark now. Neither sun nor moon shone through the twisting clouds in the sky. The wind picked up, carrying moisture in it.

I stood and made my way to the back door of the warehouse. I picked the lock and the door swung open. Quickly I slipped into the thick darkness inside. The warehouse was fairly big but, a few candles on a large table in the middle of the room revealed the Orc’s position. He was busily unpacking things from crates and setting them on shelves. He was completely unaware of my presence, and I preferred it that way. I slipped through the shadows toward him. In the darkness I felt strong, invincible, and incapable of fear. I observed his movements, the way his body flowed with each contraction and relaxation of each muscle. I watched every joint in his body, paying close attention to his spinal cord. The Orc was old, and moved as though he’d been doing hard labor his entire life. Almost every movement looked as though it pained him.

As soon as I was sure of his reactions, I silently unsheathed my ebony blade, a gift from a dear friend, and I closed in on the Orc. He was still unaware of my being there, even though I was soon right behind him, almost breathing down his neck. In one quick motion, I lunged out of the shadows, grabbed the Orc with my right arm, wrapping it around the front of his neck and shoulders, then I brought my left hand up and stabbed him right in the jugular vein. The poor old Orc didn’t even have a chance to yell. I let go of the body letting it fall limply onto the wooden floor of the warehouse. I waited for his gurgled breathing to stop, then I snuffed the candles out and exited the warehouse the same way I’d come in.

(Expect updates!)

[Kayla]

The snow was thinner within the village. I imagined the residents shoveled it. My boots crunched in the thin snow as I made my way to Fanar’s cabin. The snow was falling harder now and each flake stung as they hit my numb face. I grabbed the wooden doorknob to the cabin, opened the door, and entered.

“What the hell?” I said aloud as I closed the door behind me.

Three charred bodies lay on the floor, each one contorted and twisted. I examined the fatal injuries and they seemed to be magicka burns. A bearskin rug had been dragged over just enough to reveal a trapdoor. I opened it and climbed down the ladder into darkness.

My feet hit a stone floor. I was in a hall shrouded in shadow. Up ahead, I could see a flickering light, probably from a torch. As I walked toward it, my hand brushed up against the stone wall. It was extremely cold. I tried to keep my footsteps as quite as possible and listened closely for any kind of noise.

When I reached the source of the light, which was indeed a torch. The corridor turned sharply to the left. Instead of bringing the torched with me, I opted to stay hidden in the shadows. I had night-eye spells to serve the purpose of a torch anyway.

Sneaking slowly and silently through the shadows, I followed the dark, cold stone halls; occasionally I would find more bodies like the ones upstairs in the house. Some of them were charred, others weren’t, instead, they were stabbed and mutilated. The further I went into the caves, the more abundant these bodies seemed to be.

I saw another light up ahead, and this time, I heard the faint echoes of voices. I quickly and quietly tried to move closer to hear what they were saying.
“And what was it like killing people, Fanar? You even got kicked out of the Dark Brotherhood! What the hell do you do to get kicked out of the Dark Brotherhood?! Destroy the damned moon?” a female’s voice screamed.
“What do you think you’ve been doing in here? Look at all these corpses! This isn’t just my work!” a thundering male voice yelled. I took it this was Fanar.
“This is what you wanted! You wanted enough power to destroy Sithis and the Night Mother, and we’re so close to having it!” the female’s voice screamed.
It seems I’d arrived just in time. I would kill Fanar and if the woman gave me any trouble, she’d be as good as dead too.
As I walked toward the source of the noise, the woman’s voice calmed and she began to speak.
“Do you have any idea how much power the soul of an individual contains? All we have to do is fill two more soul gems and your wish is fulfilled. Just please… don’t get mad at me like that again.”

I stepped into the room and spied an open chest full of black soul gems on the far end of the corner. They’d been capturing the souls of people to gain power. I took a look at my target, who was now staring at me in disbelief. He was a tall Nord with long brownish hair, and a large scar on his face. He looked like he could comfortably eat me if he wanted to. His lady friend was a red-headed middle aged Nord woman. I guessed she was probably one of the witches of Glenmoril that the Nord in the village had spoken of.

Even though I was outnumbered and my target was staggeringly muscular and tall, I wasn’t intimidated in the least. He had betrayed the Brotherhood. He worked with Arquen, and wanted to kill my mother and father. I already hated him.
“Fanar the Flayer, I am the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood. You have betrayed my family once and you are plotting to betray it again. By the order of the Night Mother, you will pay with your life.” I said. Then, I glanced over at his friend. “And if you try to interfere, I’ll hang you from these cold stone walls by your entrails.”
Fanar scowled, pulling a large battleaxe off his back.
"I knew one of you would be sent here. But, I will be absolutely honored to kill the Brotherhood's precious Listener!" Fanar yelled.
As Fanar charged at me, the woman backed up, frightened out of her mind.

Fanar was quick with his axe, but slow with his feet. In a second, he was towering over me, holding the huge axe over his head, ready to bring it down. I moved out of the way, keeping my eyes on him. I made my way behind him, but he turned around quickly, swinging the axe horizontally. I dodged it swiftly, and while he was still a little caught up by his momentum, I took that moment to stab him in the ribs with the Blade of Woe. He threw me off with his large arm, making me stumble. Then he charged torward me again, pulling the axe over is right shoulder. I found my feet, and moved to the left, getting a slash in with my dagger while he was struggling to keep me within striking range. I stayed ahead of him, moving behind him while he was still trying to turn around. I grabbed his shoulder, and buried the dagger into the back of his neck.

This time, Fanar cried out in pain. He turned around surprisingly quickly, jabbing me in the hip with his axe. The force was enough to knock me down.

I lay on the cold floor, clutching my wound, warm blood seeping through my fingers. Fanar stood over me. Laughing, he brought the large axe up, again over his head. I rolled out of the way, hearing the blade scrape against the stone floor.

My wound hurt more than I expected it to. The pain made standing up difficult. Unfortunately, I couldn't get to my feet fast enough. Fanar rushed to me, grabbing my neck. His large hand squeezed my neck, cutting off my airway. His dark blue eyes stared wildly into mine. I could feel my feet leaving the floor.

He began to laugh again. "Say goodnight, Listener." He said, raising his axe with one arm.

I brought my dagger up and stabbed him right through the skull. His grasp around my neck loosened, his eyes rolled back into his head, and finally, he let go of my neck.

The huge Nord man fell onto the floor, his axe clanging as it hit the stone. I withdrew my dagger from his head, wiping blood and brain matter on his shirt, then sheathed it.

I looked at the woman. Her eyes were wide with fear, and she was pressed up against the wall. I threw a fireball at the chest of black soul gems, engulfing them in flames. Then, even though the wound on my hip felt like it was on fire, I rushed toward her, pushing my blade against her throat. She whimpered, and began to shake.
“Your soul should be in one of those damned gems. I hope that every night while you try to sleep, you hear the screams of all the people you’ve imprisoned, tortured, and killed. I pray that your god have no mercy on your soul. It might not be at my hands, but you will suffer with what you have done. Have a nice day.” I took my blade away from her throat, and exited the room, stepping back into the comforting darkness.

This post has been edited by Kayla: Apr 28 2006, 10:58 PM