The Story of the Listener, My first fanfic. Options

[Kayla]

Ok. This is my first fanfic. I'm a tad nervous about it, but I'd like to see what everyone thinks.
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I sat quietly on a bench beside the pawnshop on the docks of Anvil, staring out over the dark Abecean Sea. Through the clouds in the sky, I could see that the sun was setting. A chilly wind blew my black robes and hood as though they were weightless, but the persistent breeze was unsuccessful in penetrating the black light armor I wore underneath my robes. I listened to the fragmented conversations of the dock workers, and watched as people hastily walked by, fearing that it would soon begin to storm.

Before I knew it, the sun had set completely. The Nord who owned the shop I was sitting in front of walked outside. He locked up his shop and began to make his way down the stone street toward the resident area of Anvil. He hadn’t even noticed that I’d been sitting just feet away from him. I heard the Nord loudly greet someone before he walked completely out of earshot. Soon after, an Orc walked by. I studied the Orc carefully as he passed. He walked with a slight limp and had a large scar on his left arm, and just as I expected, he opened the door to the dockside warehouse and went inside.

It was completely dark now. Neither sun nor moon shone through the twisting clouds in the sky. The wind picked up, carrying moisture in it.

I stood and made my way to the back door of the warehouse. I picked the lock and the door swung open. Quickly I slipped into the thick darkness inside. The warehouse was fairly big but, a few candles on a large table in the middle of the room revealed the Orc’s position. He was busily unpacking things from crates and setting them on shelves. He was completely unaware of my presence, and I preferred it that way. I slipped through the shadows toward him. In the darkness I felt strong, invincible, and incapable of fear. I observed his movements, the way his body flowed with each contraction and relaxation of each muscle. I watched every joint in his body, paying close attention to his spinal cord. The Orc was old, and moved as though he’d been doing hard labor his entire life. Almost every movement looked as though it pained him.

As soon as I was sure of his reactions, I silently unsheathed my ebony blade, a gift from a dear friend, and I closed in on the Orc. He was still unaware of my being there, even though I was soon right behind him, almost breathing down his neck. In one quick motion, I lunged out of the shadows, grabbed the Orc with my right arm, wrapping it around the front of his neck and shoulders, then I brought my left hand up and stabbed him right in the jugular vein. The poor old Orc didn’t even have a chance to yell. I let go of the body letting it fall limply onto the wooden floor of the warehouse. I waited for his gurgled breathing to stop, then I snuffed the candles out and exited the warehouse the same way I’d come in.

(Expect updates!)

[Kayla]

Thanks for the encouragement! You guys are awesome!
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Saprius and I looked at each other. He noticed that I was clutching my wounds, and quickly, he dug into his pocket and thrust a vial into my hand.
“There’s not much left… but, it should help…” he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.
I quickly drank what was left of the healing potion and threw the vial down. The pain had subsided a bit.
“We have to move. Now.” I ordered, moving toward the door.
Claymore in hand, Saprius ran ahead of me.
“Right. Stay behind me. You’re still injured.” He said.

We ran through the open temple door to see a line of ordinators making their way up the stairs toward us, armored footsteps clanging as they hit the stone. There were far too many to fight.
“There they are! Kill them!” an ordinator yelled, as the small army quickened is pace. Bloodthirsty, angry battlecries filled the early morning air.

Saprius grabbed my arm, and jumped left, and down into the top level of the fountain that surrounded Vivec’s temple. Our boots splashed in the shallow water as we ran toward the back of the canton. Behind me, I could hear splashing, more yelling, and the sounds of men moving in armor. Arrows flew past my head, colliding with the stone walls of the temple.
“Sithis help us… they have archers…”

I didn’t dare look back as I tried to run faster, my broken ribs protesting as I struggled to take deeper breaths.

Suddenly, we came to a skidding, splashing halt. We’d reached the end of the canton.
“It’s either circle back around the canton or—“
Fwip!
I felt a sharp pain in my back and stumbled forward. As I came to the realization that I’d been hit with an arrow, I looked down at the grey sea. I could hear the ordinators coming closer. More arrows clattered against the stone around us. The yelling was getting louder. Saprius looked up at me.
“Sarelle… what do we do now?” his eyes widened at the sight of the arrow in my back.
“The only thing we can do.” I answered, pushing him into the sea, then jumping in myself.

Casting a water breathing spell, I stopped and looked around in the cloudy water to see where Saprius was. When I located him, I cast a water breathing spell on him and directed him to follow me. The Inner Sea’s water was very cold, and with the last of the strength I had left, I began to swim as fast as I could. I could hear ordinators splashing into the deep sea behind us. Gurgling yells could be heard even underwater. Most of them were weighed down with armor though, and I knew that I could outswim them.

I swam until I thought I could swim no longer. I found a small island in the Ascadian Isles and decided to rest. The moment my feet hit solid ground, I collapsed onto my stomach. I could still feel the arrow in my back, wedged just under my left shoulder blade. The cold seawater had helped to ease the pain. Saprius splashed onto the shore after me.
“Sarelle? Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yeah… I’m just exhausted…” I said weakly.
He knelt down beside me.
“What should we do?” he asked.
My eyes wandered to the sky. The sun was pretty high, and I guessed it was late morning.
“We should be far enough from the city by now…” the more I talked, the weaker I felt. “We need to find some sort of place to hide out until all of this blows over. I could use some rest…” It hurt to breathe, and my ribs were burning.
Saprius nodded. “I think I see a cave. I’ll go clear it out, if need be.” He said, gently.
“Saprius.” I caught him before he stood.
“Yes?” he asked, turning his focused gaze toward me.
“Pull this damn arrow out of my back.” I said.
“Alright… brace yourself.” He said.

I felt a sting as he grabbed the arrow, then intense pain as he pulled the arrow out. The pain didn’t last long, as I soon lost consciousness.