Southern Star Signs, What do the stars have in store for you? Options

[treydog]

Southern Star Signs

Regular horoscopes don’t really apply to us folks from “down here,” so we had to come up with our own signs and their meanings. If you Europeans can tear yourselves away from the “futbol,” here is some REAL entertainment! (Note that most of these things are food items- even the ones no one else would ever think of eating.)

OKRA (Dec. 22- Jan. 20)- Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back upon his life and see seeds of influence everywhere. Should stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan. 21- Feb. 19)- Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of herself if she’s motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins go best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb. 20- March 20)- You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re never satisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if by some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don’t worry about it.

Will post more of these later.

[treydog]

COLLARDS (June 22 – July 23)- Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the “melting pot” of life and share their essence with the essences of all those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as romance, Collards should stay away from Moon Pies. It just won’t work.

CATFISH (July 24 – Aug. 23)- Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although their whiskers can be a problem for loved ones. Catfish are not easy to understand; they prefer to lurk on the muddy bottom rather than floating near the clear surface of life. The main thing for Catfish to remember is to stay away from Moon Pies. Okra, Collards, and even Crawfish can make good matches for Catfish.

GRITS (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23) The highest aim of Grits is to stick around with others like themselves. They prefer to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. However, they also enjoy traveling, so it can be worthwhile for Grits to join a travel club. Grits like to go anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or eggs or butter. If Grits can find somewhere that has all of those things, they are well served.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)- Boiled Peanuts have a passionate desire to help their fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know them best- friends and family- often find Boiled Peanuts much too salty. That criticism tends to affect Boiled Peanuts deeply, as they are really much softer than they appear. Boiled Peanuts can take risks in romance, because they really lead a charmed existence. On the road of life, Boiled Peanuts can always be sure that someone will pull over and stop for them.

BUTTER BEAN- (Oct. 24- Nov. 23)- If you are having a get-together, it is always a good idea to invite Butter Beans. Butter Beans get along well with everybody. Butter Beans have a right to be proud of themselves- they have grown on the vine of life and feel at home no matter what the setting. A Butter Bean can sit next to almost anybody…except perhaps a Moon Pie.

ARMADILLO (Nov. 24- Dec. 21)- Armadillos have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but they are actually quite gentle. A good evening for an Armadillo consists of old friends; a warm fire; and some roots, nuts, fruit, and insects. The Armadillo is a throwback, not concerned with the latest trends or fashions. In fact, Armadillos can be almost prehistoric in their interests and behavior patterns. As far as romance, they generally prefer other Armadillos, although a Possum is another, albeit kinky, possibility.