Depressed? Insane? Options

[Wurlon]

Ever feel so depressed and insane that you sometimes question whether you are dreaming or the swirling world around you is a grim reality? I really can't tell anymore... every passing day brings more proof of my insanity and I keep feeling a rage.. to do something. I worry whether its for good or bad.

Help? No one seems to believe me or understand me anymore. Maybe I should just take a whole bottle of Advil and get my wretched existence over with. God turns his cheek to me.

[Ibis]

Well, I've avoided posting in this thread for quite a while, mainly because I don't want to sound abrasive or rude, but I now feel I have to.

Just from reading your posts, I gather that you just want to wallow in your puddle of self-pity all the while making excuses so that you don't have to clean it up. And that's assuming that your depression is real. (I'm not saying that it isn't, but I know plenty of people that act depressed just to make people feel sorry for them) You say you want better relationships with people, but you aren't willing to do your part. You want your sister to be nice? A good starting point would be not referring to her as a 'witch'. Relationships are two-sided.

I'm not saying that it's totally your fault, but if you want to change something, you have to be willing to put forth some sort of effort.

When I was fourteen, I was just starting high school. It was a huge transition because I had just moved to a new town, and because I had just decided to quit homeschooling as I had done all my previous years. It was terrible to begin with. I had no friends, I was just the new kid. So I spent my time getting good grades and it was about this time that I picked up the guitar. It gave me something fun to do, and passed the time. Pretty soon, that gave me a way to connect with one of my best friends; we both played guitar. But even when I was still friendless, I wasn't particularly sad. To this day I consider freshman year my best. Sure, I only had a couple friends, but I had some of the best times of my life just with them.

Just stop thinking so much about how bad life is, and think about what's good in it. For the longest time, my good thing was guitar, and I'm sure you have one too.

THIS is the post not to miss. It is hard to read because its a bit harsh but I know Dantrag wrote it that way to try to get you to stop wallowing in self-pity. Here's the thing ... if you have a biological depression caused by a chemical imbalance in your body, then nothing that we say can make much change for you - you may possibly have to live on medication like many of us do. It sure beats life from inside a funny farm though. On the other hand, many of the things you say sound like the hormonal changes and flux that happen with puberty and growing up. This is something you need to figure out if you can.

What you really need to do is self analyse your depression as much as possible and figure whether it's caused by 1.) just weird feelings that come over you for no reason 2.) situations and causes in your life or 3.) surges of feelings that seem hormonal and to do with going from adolescent to teen. I know - that's a tall order, isn't it? But ultimately, you are the one - not some doctor - who will finally figure what the problem is and grapple with it and solve it or learn to live with it. Some people are depressives. Terrible for them but true. But even they live with it on medication. I'm not saying that you are ... hoping you're not.

Ask questions like ... How long has this particular depression lasted? ... Do I have ups, normal times and downs? ... Or just ups and downs?.. Do particular events trigger my depression (or make it deeper) ... For instance a sister? ... What other adult can I talk to if my parents refuse to believe me? ... What are events or people or things that lift me out of my depression, even temporarily? Do I feel better or worse after certain kinds of foods? ... What time of day is worst for me? .. Best? .... stuff like that. Many people keep a mood diary so that they and maybe later a doctor can analyse the cycle and symptoms of their particular moods. Do anything you can to deal with it Wurlon. Don't let it own you. You are at a wonderful time of your life. You need to find your way clear to enjoying it.