Line up yer jokes ;) Options

[Darkwing]

President Bush visits all the grade schools in order to improve his electoral ratings. At one school, the teacher is holding a discussion regarding the meanings of certain words.  President Bush leads the class.


"Can anybody give me an example of the word 'disaster'?" he asks.


One little girl raises her hand and answers, "What if my friend Lucy, who lives on a farm, was run over by a tractor and killed.  That would be a disaster Mr.President."


"I'm sorry" says Bush, "But that would not be a disaster, that would be an accident. Does anybody else want to have a go?"


A little boy in the front raises his hand.  "What if a school bus full of children drove off a cliff and everyone inside died?"


"No" says Bush, "That would be a 'great loss'.  Can't anyone give me an example of the word 'disaster'?"


After a long silence, a boy in the back raises his hand and in a small voice he says, "What if an Air Force One jet carrying the president was shot down in friendly fire missile and everyone on board was killed?"


"Yes! That's right!" cries the President in triumph, "And can you tell me why that would be a disaster?"


"Well," says the boy, "It would have to be a disaster because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[DoomedOne]

This is the cleanest joke I can think of off hand. God dammit, I have some killers, too.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I went to Ireland? I basically spent the whole time in different pubs because well... I could drink there. So I was at this on bar and this guy comes over with a thick accent and says, "Aye could I sit down with you boys?"

We of course said yes and he almost instantly started talking to us. He was a really interesting guy, full of stories, they were good stories, too. Eventually though he says, "You know why I always pick this table? I built this table with me own hands. Yeah, I did but do they call me Carl the table-builder? No. Do they call me Carl the carpenter? Carl the furniture maker? No. They don't call me that."

I bought us another couple rounds and we kept drinking, I was getting kind fo drunk while he kept talking, and eventually he said, "You guys like this bar? It's a dive but it's a nice looking dive. Yeah, you know what? I built this bar with me bear hands, I did. But do they call me... Carl the bar builder? Eh? Carl the building maker? Carl the carpenter? No!"

We sort of shook it off, but he kept going. "You know that road you boys drove in on? I built that road with me bear hands. I walked 16 miles every day to get the gravel for it from a quarry, back and forth with no help. Yeah! But do they call me Carl the road builder? No! But you **** one sheep!"