Line up yer jokes ;) Options

[Darkwing]

President Bush visits all the grade schools in order to improve his electoral ratings. At one school, the teacher is holding a discussion regarding the meanings of certain words.  President Bush leads the class.


"Can anybody give me an example of the word 'disaster'?" he asks.


One little girl raises her hand and answers, "What if my friend Lucy, who lives on a farm, was run over by a tractor and killed.  That would be a disaster Mr.President."


"I'm sorry" says Bush, "But that would not be a disaster, that would be an accident. Does anybody else want to have a go?"


A little boy in the front raises his hand.  "What if a school bus full of children drove off a cliff and everyone inside died?"


"No" says Bush, "That would be a 'great loss'.  Can't anyone give me an example of the word 'disaster'?"


After a long silence, a boy in the back raises his hand and in a small voice he says, "What if an Air Force One jet carrying the president was shot down in friendly fire missile and everyone on board was killed?"


"Yes! That's right!" cries the President in triumph, "And can you tell me why that would be a disaster?"


"Well," says the boy, "It would have to be a disaster because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[DoomedOne]

I remembered another one of my clean jokes! I'm not sure if this was mentioned already, it's pretty well known, but here goes anyway.

A famous Pirate by the name of Jolly Jim Jibbons was on the run across the Atlantic from the entire English navy, being hunted ruthlessly for his crimes. But he wasn't just cunning, Jolly Jim Jibbons knew how to inspire loyalty. One day ten English naval ships were spotted on the horizon. As the guns were mounted and the men readied themselves for a battle they'd never forget, Jolly Jim Jibbons screamed at the top of his lungs, "Fetch me me red shirt!" It was the shirt he always wore into battle.


The battle was harsh but in the end Jolly Jim pulled through and managed to sink five ships and send the other five running. Three months later, on the horizon one hundred ships were spotted. As soon as they were spotted, to the top of nhis lung Jolly Jim shouted, "Fetch me me red shirt!" and so it was fetched, and a battle took place again.

After the battle one of the younger pirates asked an elderly, very respected pirate, "Why does the Captain always don a red shirt for battle?"

The elderly pirate smiled and responded, "Arrrr! The Cap'n wears it so when he gets wounded his mean won't see 'im bleed and get discouraged."

Two months later as the ship was approaching the Carribean, five hundred ships were spotted on the horizon that morning. Captain Jolly Jim shouted at the top of his lungs, "Fetch me my brown pants!"