The Meaning of Life Options

[ShraX]

Hello.

Most likely don't know me but I have this habit where I write something, take a needlessly-long break, then come back and continue it, expecting everyone to still understand what's going on. Anyway, I wrote 3 fanfics about Gaenor that originated on the official TES forums, then migrated here for some reason. Now, having had my fill of annoying elf-related stories, I began something new that I want to continue, and the only way I'll do that is if I post it and people are interested enough to want more.

It might be in bad taste to request something from the potential readers of this new story, but it's only fair; if you read this and think that something doesn't flow or could be improved upon (not content, but structure), I would greatly appreciate any and all criticism you have.. please, don't hold back. If what you want to say seems like it shouldn't be displayed on this thread, send me a PM. I'll never get better if I don't get criticism, and I want to get better. Then again, you don't have to say anything at all.

Sorry for the long introduction. Here's to what I hope will be a fun fanfic for all!

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The Meaning of Life

There was no more to be said. I stood and took my leave of the Meeting tent, the heavy iron plating my legs disturbing awkwardly the peace of night in the encampment. We'd been discussing the threat from the Jeralls for hours after eating, and the sun's light crept above the mountainous horizon with foreboding quickness. I fixed my eyes to the dirt and felt my mouth droop to a frown. It had been decided and set for me to settle this restless darkness of yet-unknown depth, as I'd proven myself in years past as formidable with the axe and shield when confronted with those who would wish life torn from body for purpose of self gain. In six hours I would depart in fresh snow, and my destiny would arrive at last to the fruitful conclusion of its long hunt.

It was difficult sleeping, not with the cold but with thoughts my young mind failed to silence. I gave empty answers to questions no one could satisfy, and they all reminded me of how unprepared I truly was for the looming hardships yet to be crossed, patient in their undoubted fatality. My muscles tensed of their own will, perhaps reacting to the subtle worries building in my subconscious, for I tried with all concentration to banish them there so that I may have focused on less frightening prospects. I hushed the quiet candle beside me and remembered Grumir's words.

"I'll have these ready before ye set off, and leave 'em outside yer tent. I've worked overnight plenty before, and the clangin' don't seem to bother no one!"

I knew him long, since I was old enough to wield a weapon and bring it back to him for repair. I've never known his face without it tilting down, something he did both to playfully mock my considerably shorter stature and because he honestly was unable to see me unless he did so. Each time he did it, and it was every time he spoke to me, even when we sat and our eyes were level, I couldn't help but let out a short chuckle of mild disbelief. He never seemed to notice, which was not surprising. In his more drunken episodes in the evenings, he'd ramble on about his adventures in Elswyr when he was younger, and of the "filth-ridden coat-bags" he'd slain. I took no offense, largely because I could never figure out what exactly a "coat-bag" was and why it was an insult to my people, according to Grumir. In his sober heart however, he grew to appreciate my presence, as out-of-place as it always seemed to me.

Despite my physical appearance, the shear amount of time I spent with these people led them to accept me as one of their own, which I always was, in essence. I am unsure as to who my parents are, or were, but I am Khajiit for certain. I've seen others rarely during hunting raids and sojournings into the Imperial City for trade, and after comparing looks, I began to develop a mindset for my race. We are Khajiit, or at least they are. I am Khajiit to those who see me; those who know me would think twice. The Nords in my encampment knew me very well, and respected me as a warrior and friend. Although, the physical differences were impossible to ignore. Their armor had no ear holes, and my feet refused to stuff themselves into their thin-toed boots. Their chairs forced me to curl my tail into my lap in a most uncomfortable position, and I often contemplated eating on the floor, but always dismissed the idea as I feared being related to a house cat in the most humiliating way apart from relieving myself in a box of sand.

Trivialities aside, I lived in their encampment all my life, since being left naked in the cold twenty years ago outside the ancient hut of our chieftan, who has now passed. They cared for me and trained me in the combat arts of Skyrim, and I adapted my agile form to master new techniques which set me apart from the other boys. I became most proficient with the axe, and later, learned to balance offense with the defense of a shield. Seven years littered with exploits deemed heroic by those they aimed to benefit have birthed a fine fighter, in my humble opinion, and I attempted to direct the memories of my greatest victories as a stampede over thoughts of the task that lay before me. It was pointless; even looking in the direction of the cave I was to enter discouraged my steps, and my knees weakened. All I could do now was tie the blindfold of courage around my eyes and pray the little sleep I did manage would be enough to carry me back there the next day in triumph.

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[ShraX]

My body was sore from the chill of the cavern and it refused to cooperate with my bedroll. Every position I curled myself into yielded discomfort. It was late and the rest of the camp slept soundly, assured that the threat of the beast had been foiled. As most Nords seem to be, those I knew as family were simple folk, and all they needed to know was that it wasn't some vile creature who had ravaged our land. I, however, probed the thought of this being the man told me about. All I knew was that it was female, very old and wanted me dead for reasons not yet revealed. I had more questions than that to ask the man when I saw him next, yet another piece of information purposefully withheld.

Normally I remember the moment just before falling asleep; what my eyes had fallen onto as they closed into unconsciousness, the fading creaks of my tent post in the wintery wind - but that night was different, as seemed to be the trend at the time. It was morning, and all I could recall was laying down, but not drifting to sleep. My confrontation with the man seemed to have thrown off my senses to a degree. It was difficult to see the far clouds and hilltops now, and the smell and taste of morning rolls fell to discouraged nerves. I noticed my muscles still ached shortly after waking, the only feeling not dulled. I slunk outside, wearily tromping in the bright sun. Slouched and aimless, I wandered about with a blurred mind that afternoon, and the Elder's tent took my vision. My dream returned to me and I entered.

The words did not come easily, but I managed them out from a dry mouth. I felt my fur heavy with the heat from my blood and constantly dabbed my face with a thin cloth. If it were any other day, I would have exhibited the utmost respect for the Elder while reporting my dream, but I found myself glancing all about his tent, scratching the backs of my hands, rubbing my nose and frequently patting my forehead with the cloth. I never once looked him in the eyes. At one point I checked behind me for my tail because I could not feel it. I picked it up and, not remembering why I wanted to in the first place, thrust it back down to the floor with a muffled thump.

At last I had finished after what seemed like an hour of talking, but it was likely much shorter than that. The tent was quiet for a short while as the Elder contemplated my words, and the peaceful quiet's patience was tried against my unusual panting. I was so hot, and in the Jerall Mountains. Khajiit cannot sweat, but I felt the way I'd guessed sweating would feel; sticky, dirty and disrespectful of the Elder's nose. I wanted to leave and lie down in the snow, or better yet, return to the cavern where it was freezing. I wanted to sit upon the throne of ice and feel the heat stiffen into shards of frost in my fur. I was so desperate for the cold, but the Elder spoke.

"Your dream belies much unseen, Ri'zjirr. The hood covered your eyes, your ears.. your entire face. It was placed upon you by hands.. were they human?" I shook my head and smacked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. "Your meeting with this man has troubled you. Tonight, be in your tent, and I will come to you with my thoughts on this dream. Rest." I nodded and thanked him, and stumbled through the deer hide flaps toward my bedroll. I looked up to the cave mouth and yearned for its cold, and for its darkness away from what felt like a beating sun. My legs were so weak, and I knew I would not reach it, so I collapsed onto my pillow and into a deep slumber.

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This post has been edited by ShraX: Sep 11 2006, 04:13 PM