The Meaning of Life Options

[ShraX]

Hello.

Most likely don't know me but I have this habit where I write something, take a needlessly-long break, then come back and continue it, expecting everyone to still understand what's going on. Anyway, I wrote 3 fanfics about Gaenor that originated on the official TES forums, then migrated here for some reason. Now, having had my fill of annoying elf-related stories, I began something new that I want to continue, and the only way I'll do that is if I post it and people are interested enough to want more.

It might be in bad taste to request something from the potential readers of this new story, but it's only fair; if you read this and think that something doesn't flow or could be improved upon (not content, but structure), I would greatly appreciate any and all criticism you have.. please, don't hold back. If what you want to say seems like it shouldn't be displayed on this thread, send me a PM. I'll never get better if I don't get criticism, and I want to get better. Then again, you don't have to say anything at all.

Sorry for the long introduction. Here's to what I hope will be a fun fanfic for all!

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The Meaning of Life

There was no more to be said. I stood and took my leave of the Meeting tent, the heavy iron plating my legs disturbing awkwardly the peace of night in the encampment. We'd been discussing the threat from the Jeralls for hours after eating, and the sun's light crept above the mountainous horizon with foreboding quickness. I fixed my eyes to the dirt and felt my mouth droop to a frown. It had been decided and set for me to settle this restless darkness of yet-unknown depth, as I'd proven myself in years past as formidable with the axe and shield when confronted with those who would wish life torn from body for purpose of self gain. In six hours I would depart in fresh snow, and my destiny would arrive at last to the fruitful conclusion of its long hunt.

It was difficult sleeping, not with the cold but with thoughts my young mind failed to silence. I gave empty answers to questions no one could satisfy, and they all reminded me of how unprepared I truly was for the looming hardships yet to be crossed, patient in their undoubted fatality. My muscles tensed of their own will, perhaps reacting to the subtle worries building in my subconscious, for I tried with all concentration to banish them there so that I may have focused on less frightening prospects. I hushed the quiet candle beside me and remembered Grumir's words.

"I'll have these ready before ye set off, and leave 'em outside yer tent. I've worked overnight plenty before, and the clangin' don't seem to bother no one!"

I knew him long, since I was old enough to wield a weapon and bring it back to him for repair. I've never known his face without it tilting down, something he did both to playfully mock my considerably shorter stature and because he honestly was unable to see me unless he did so. Each time he did it, and it was every time he spoke to me, even when we sat and our eyes were level, I couldn't help but let out a short chuckle of mild disbelief. He never seemed to notice, which was not surprising. In his more drunken episodes in the evenings, he'd ramble on about his adventures in Elswyr when he was younger, and of the "filth-ridden coat-bags" he'd slain. I took no offense, largely because I could never figure out what exactly a "coat-bag" was and why it was an insult to my people, according to Grumir. In his sober heart however, he grew to appreciate my presence, as out-of-place as it always seemed to me.

Despite my physical appearance, the shear amount of time I spent with these people led them to accept me as one of their own, which I always was, in essence. I am unsure as to who my parents are, or were, but I am Khajiit for certain. I've seen others rarely during hunting raids and sojournings into the Imperial City for trade, and after comparing looks, I began to develop a mindset for my race. We are Khajiit, or at least they are. I am Khajiit to those who see me; those who know me would think twice. The Nords in my encampment knew me very well, and respected me as a warrior and friend. Although, the physical differences were impossible to ignore. Their armor had no ear holes, and my feet refused to stuff themselves into their thin-toed boots. Their chairs forced me to curl my tail into my lap in a most uncomfortable position, and I often contemplated eating on the floor, but always dismissed the idea as I feared being related to a house cat in the most humiliating way apart from relieving myself in a box of sand.

Trivialities aside, I lived in their encampment all my life, since being left naked in the cold twenty years ago outside the ancient hut of our chieftan, who has now passed. They cared for me and trained me in the combat arts of Skyrim, and I adapted my agile form to master new techniques which set me apart from the other boys. I became most proficient with the axe, and later, learned to balance offense with the defense of a shield. Seven years littered with exploits deemed heroic by those they aimed to benefit have birthed a fine fighter, in my humble opinion, and I attempted to direct the memories of my greatest victories as a stampede over thoughts of the task that lay before me. It was pointless; even looking in the direction of the cave I was to enter discouraged my steps, and my knees weakened. All I could do now was tie the blindfold of courage around my eyes and pray the little sleep I did manage would be enough to carry me back there the next day in triumph.

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[ShraX]

"Ri'jzirr."

My eyes sprang open and shot all about me, unfamiliar with where they'd last closed. I could make nothing of my blurred surroundings, but he Elder called my name again. "Ri'jzirr," he asked, "are you with me?" Traditional Nord beliefs recognize sleep as the retiring into the Spirit World to be with their ancestors. Dreams are the mind's interpretation of your meeting with your fathers' spirits and are analyzed by village elders to discover what had taken place. Becoming tired and weary is your soul slowly drifting into that realm to commune with those who've passed away. The bear is an iconic symbol to the Nords in that they sleep for months at a time, showing their strong attachment to their ancestors. He asked if I was with him, meaning in Tamriel rather than the Spirit World.

I nodded and blinked rapidly, rubbing my eyes and face as if I'd been sleeping for a week. He put his hand to my shoulder. "Are you well?" I turned around and sat with him, nodding to the ground, arms on my bent knees, feeling the cold of the Jerall night once more. "You need warm ale," he stated, "But first, I would interpret your dream, if you can listen." My strength was returning with the cool air and I looked up to him, smiling reassuringly, and I gave a short bow of my head in welcome. He sat down from his legs to the floor and took his regular position of counsel-giving with which I was familiar.

"At first," he began in his ancient voice, "I suspected this man to have been of a reclusive cult. There are more than you may realize in these mountains.. many places to hide. However, it is widely known to those who concern themselves with such groups that their cloaks and hoods bear the symbol under which their particular cult is organized." He paused a moment and closed his eyes as if the next sentence he uttered would have brought about the annihilation of the planet if recited incorrectly. "There is one cult without such a symbol.. The Anarchal Order." I felt my face turn confused and he looked to me. "Anarchal Order? Is that not a paradox in itself," I asked. A smile cracked through his stoic expression and distorted his usually monotone words as he replied, "You are truly wise.

"The Anarchal Order originated in a land far from Tamriel, its stars strangers to ours. None but they know precisely when or where, although it is clear they have been here for an incredible length of time. I would not be surprised if no more than three others living today knew their order's name. They are the essence of enigmatic, the shadows their home. If this man belongs to the Anarchal Order, it was a once-in-a-milennia.. opportunity, we shall say, to have spoken with him in person." He seemed wary of addressing my confrontation as anything either positive or negative, and I did not blame him. "That assumed," he continued, "let us speak of your dream.

"The darkness all about you was your ignorance. It is common for those young in age and experience to feel in the dark, both in and out of dreams. Red and grey were what you saw.. the only colors cats can see. The dream altered your existence from Khajiit to cat, perhaps to exemplify your ignorance. In the end, the darkness grew, but was halted by the ring of light at your feet. At the same time, the hood covered your head and you awoke." He became quiet once more, looking desperately and straightly down, boring a hole into the dirt with his seasoned eyes. I sat eagerly awaiting the meaning of the ring of light, my primary point of interest.

"This ring of light introduces wisdom," he said at last. "The cowl being placed over your head inducts you into the Order, and wisdom begins. This is what I believe your dream to reflect. Think what you will. Take some warm ale." He promptly stood and crouched through my tent's flaps, leaving me in wonder. He was reasonably distraught from my dream's meaning; it depicted me as entering the Anarchal Order, something no one knew anything about, but apparently I'd met a member. A few moments of blank staring out into the snow later, I followed his advice and drank some ale. I felt surprisingly well after that.

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