The Meaning of Life Options

[ShraX]

Hello.

Most likely don't know me but I have this habit where I write something, take a needlessly-long break, then come back and continue it, expecting everyone to still understand what's going on. Anyway, I wrote 3 fanfics about Gaenor that originated on the official TES forums, then migrated here for some reason. Now, having had my fill of annoying elf-related stories, I began something new that I want to continue, and the only way I'll do that is if I post it and people are interested enough to want more.

It might be in bad taste to request something from the potential readers of this new story, but it's only fair; if you read this and think that something doesn't flow or could be improved upon (not content, but structure), I would greatly appreciate any and all criticism you have.. please, don't hold back. If what you want to say seems like it shouldn't be displayed on this thread, send me a PM. I'll never get better if I don't get criticism, and I want to get better. Then again, you don't have to say anything at all.

Sorry for the long introduction. Here's to what I hope will be a fun fanfic for all!

--------------------

The Meaning of Life

There was no more to be said. I stood and took my leave of the Meeting tent, the heavy iron plating my legs disturbing awkwardly the peace of night in the encampment. We'd been discussing the threat from the Jeralls for hours after eating, and the sun's light crept above the mountainous horizon with foreboding quickness. I fixed my eyes to the dirt and felt my mouth droop to a frown. It had been decided and set for me to settle this restless darkness of yet-unknown depth, as I'd proven myself in years past as formidable with the axe and shield when confronted with those who would wish life torn from body for purpose of self gain. In six hours I would depart in fresh snow, and my destiny would arrive at last to the fruitful conclusion of its long hunt.

It was difficult sleeping, not with the cold but with thoughts my young mind failed to silence. I gave empty answers to questions no one could satisfy, and they all reminded me of how unprepared I truly was for the looming hardships yet to be crossed, patient in their undoubted fatality. My muscles tensed of their own will, perhaps reacting to the subtle worries building in my subconscious, for I tried with all concentration to banish them there so that I may have focused on less frightening prospects. I hushed the quiet candle beside me and remembered Grumir's words.

"I'll have these ready before ye set off, and leave 'em outside yer tent. I've worked overnight plenty before, and the clangin' don't seem to bother no one!"

I knew him long, since I was old enough to wield a weapon and bring it back to him for repair. I've never known his face without it tilting down, something he did both to playfully mock my considerably shorter stature and because he honestly was unable to see me unless he did so. Each time he did it, and it was every time he spoke to me, even when we sat and our eyes were level, I couldn't help but let out a short chuckle of mild disbelief. He never seemed to notice, which was not surprising. In his more drunken episodes in the evenings, he'd ramble on about his adventures in Elswyr when he was younger, and of the "filth-ridden coat-bags" he'd slain. I took no offense, largely because I could never figure out what exactly a "coat-bag" was and why it was an insult to my people, according to Grumir. In his sober heart however, he grew to appreciate my presence, as out-of-place as it always seemed to me.

Despite my physical appearance, the shear amount of time I spent with these people led them to accept me as one of their own, which I always was, in essence. I am unsure as to who my parents are, or were, but I am Khajiit for certain. I've seen others rarely during hunting raids and sojournings into the Imperial City for trade, and after comparing looks, I began to develop a mindset for my race. We are Khajiit, or at least they are. I am Khajiit to those who see me; those who know me would think twice. The Nords in my encampment knew me very well, and respected me as a warrior and friend. Although, the physical differences were impossible to ignore. Their armor had no ear holes, and my feet refused to stuff themselves into their thin-toed boots. Their chairs forced me to curl my tail into my lap in a most uncomfortable position, and I often contemplated eating on the floor, but always dismissed the idea as I feared being related to a house cat in the most humiliating way apart from relieving myself in a box of sand.

Trivialities aside, I lived in their encampment all my life, since being left naked in the cold twenty years ago outside the ancient hut of our chieftan, who has now passed. They cared for me and trained me in the combat arts of Skyrim, and I adapted my agile form to master new techniques which set me apart from the other boys. I became most proficient with the axe, and later, learned to balance offense with the defense of a shield. Seven years littered with exploits deemed heroic by those they aimed to benefit have birthed a fine fighter, in my humble opinion, and I attempted to direct the memories of my greatest victories as a stampede over thoughts of the task that lay before me. It was pointless; even looking in the direction of the cave I was to enter discouraged my steps, and my knees weakened. All I could do now was tie the blindfold of courage around my eyes and pray the little sleep I did manage would be enough to carry me back there the next day in triumph.

--------------------

[ShraX]

I apologize for the grueling pace at which this story seems to be going, but school has me on a tight leash nowadays

--------------------

He and I "trained" for some time. I am hesitant to use the word "trained" because, as with all non-existence, I was utterly oblivious as to how things actually worked there, and the "training" did not help much with that, but it is the most accurate word I can use. Normally, in Tamriel, each of my senses were sharply honed to my environment, which was usually the Jeralls. Here, I was nothing; equivalent to the blackness in which we perpetuously hung without place or reason.

"Are we here?" I asked the man at one point. My thoughts grew more profound and insightful, and so my questions mimicked the change.

"No," he replied in his ever-level tone, "we are our consciousnesses manifest, for such things exist not in the physical world, but only in the mind." I was satisfied with that.

He gave me instructions and I attempted to follow them. If he had seen enough of one exercise, he would call to me and I would be given something new. I was told to display my acrobatic abilities and those of combat. I was even allowed use of an axe and shield, my arms of highest proficiency. After each exhibition of my skills, the man and some others who watched nodded in synchrony, and he told me, always in the same words, "Acknowledged. Here is what you must do to defeat her," and he would take my weapon and move with it in such ways that fused harmony into both hostility and grace, layered in movements no solid body could possibly make. I knew little of him, and most hidden of all was his self under the cloak and cowl, and so my assumption that a body must have been holding them both up was then assuredly discarded. I was unable to copy his style, and after picking myself up each time, I plead, "Why do you ask me to move in such impossible ways which bones and skin prohibit?"

"The tempest," he replied. "The color. The unique color. Think on it. It was shown to you for a reason." I needed not close my eyes in that darkness but only imagine the chaotic orb of color from before. The crest of my difference from existence, the symbol of my strife to become something new, one who would ward off the Archer and protect life and being.

"I am deeply confused," I sighed hopelessly. "My dream, this Archer.. why did I see myself shatter in the white place? What does it all mean?" I saw the color in my mind, the twisting, pulsing sphere. I tried turning my thoughts but it remained fixed upon the fuming anarchy, and I wanted answers. It suddenly became excrutiatingly hot under my cloak, as if the blaze from my mind was real.

"And answers you shall have. Focus on it, Ri'jzirr. Look here," Before us both appeared a rectangular window through which our encounter within the mountain had taken place through my eyes. I heard our conversation and watched the Archer's arrows strike the man, and they were waved off carelessly into the black pit below. But something had changed - the new color had overlapped the center of the screen. It floated there before my sight, glaring and bright. "What does this mean?!" I asked.

"Focus, Ri'jzirr. Keep the color in your mind. Bones and skin will hold you back no further."

And then it came to me. The orb of color meant nothing, it was merely a symbol. It could have been anything; a goat, a chair or a box of chimps. It didn't have to make any sense, but it was the meaning that struck me then, watching it block my vision in the replay of our encounter. Afterwards, I felt deathly ill, sweltering and weak. The Elder woke me and told me I was to become one of the Order, deciphering my dream. The man knew the Elder. Impossible.

"ENOUGH!" I shouted with the force of the mightiest thunderclap and I opened my eyes. The window had closed and I turned to the man, the orb of color taking its place in the center of my enlightened gaze. I could not possibly have been able to reach such a volume normally, but I did not think on such trivial matters. I felt as if I'd risen to such a height, transcended in all ways beyond previous comprehension when I felt comprehension meant something. I could not explain it nor did I care to; I had become reborn. The ring of light appeared once more at my feet. Wisdom. I was new.

The hidden eyes of the Order turned to me at once and the man took one step backwards. "Fear?" I questioned knowingly. I positioned the orb afront his head and saw all clear as flawless crystal.

"No longer is it a surprise why I felt the need to seek your counsel during my sickness.. tell me, which of us has truly been the Elder all these years?"

--------------------