Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 6, Sidetracks and sorrow Options

[minque]

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
Washington Irving


Chapter 6 Sidetracks and Sorrow

“You can’t run away from your destiny, Serene, you will have to face the fact that you now belong to a House, to a family, and with it the responsibility it takes!” Sinnamu Mirpal´s words dug deeply into my heart as we sat by the fireplace in the Inner Shrine of Ald Daedroth that rainy evening.

I had arrived at the ancient Shrine of Ald Daedroth earlier in the afternoon, because the Ahemmusa Tribe now was safely settled there instead of the harsh lands on north-eastern Vvardenfell. Trey of High Rock had done a thorough job, making the Shrine a safe place for the Tribe. The Wise Woman had her own private chambers in the Inner Shrine, and she had decorated the thick stone walls with beautifully woven fabric in various deep earth-colors, with thick carpets on the floor to keep the damp cold away and a huge fireplace built in the center.

I felt safe here amongst my friends, far away from the evil schemes of Bolvyn Venim, the intrigues and disagreements among the Redoran Councillors…and the struggle to both be deeply in love with Athyn Sarethi and yet try to be an honourable Redoran.

Panic brought me here, panic from being aware of the hatred of Bolvyn Venim; knowing he would probably try to kill me in the cruelest way, panic from the passion that tore me apart. Here I hoped to find peace, to rest my tormented soul and finally to find myself and be a whole woman again.

I hadn’t thought of Sedrane though….

When Anja Swift-Sailer put me ashore on the island of Ald Daedroth I was astonished at first; I didn’t think the Tribe had moved out there already, but they actually had.

The first one to greet me was Sallit; he was remarkably glad to see me and grabbed my hand and literally dragged me up to the Shrine yelling out loud I was here.

Sinnamu was waiting in her chambers as he brought me there. She said nothing, just put her hand on my cheek, smiling. I got an odd feeling she had somehow known I was coming.

After arranging night quarters for me and also giving me a chance to freshen up after the jour-ney she asked me to join her in her chambers. And therefore we now were sitting in front of the fireplace and she made the remark about my destiny.

I told her about the things that had happened, including my feelings for Athyn, about Domesea, and about the panic that struck me at the funeral. She listened without interrupting me, just nodded at some points.

“You will always have a home with the Ahemmusa, you know that, so go get some rest now. I’ll give you a potion that will help you through the night.” Sinnamu gave me a purple vial which I should down before going to bed.

It was good to be back with the Ahemmusa again. Life had improved a lot for them since they moved to Ald Daedroth. Here they were safe from blight storms, outlaw Ashlanders and other pirates. They had an entire island for themselves and had begun to grow saltrice, ash yam and even hackle-lo! They were proud of themselves and couldn’t wait to show me all the im-provements they had made.

My first weeks at the Shrine I just “was.” I didn’t really do anything, just strolled about, talking to my old friends, helping out with cooking and the Guars of course. It was balm for my soul, except for that itch deep in my heart.

I felt guilty….guilty for abandoning Athyn in his grief, guilty of not standing up for my family, for my house. I ran away like a coward, and I was ashamed of myself!

It was at this time Sedrane Mirpal entered my life again…

He was the first man who had held me in his arms with love, and his dark red eyes still showed affection. I didn’t know what to say; in fact I was unable to speak because of the lump in my throat. Seeing Sedrane brought up so many memories from a happy time in my life, an uncomplicated time, compared to life with the Redorans.

“Serene, my precious, it’s so good to see you!” Sedrane embraced me and I felt a flash of the old passion, it had been so long…so very long…

We went outside for a walk; it felt somewhat easier to talk to him away from the others; besides I didn’t want to show my chaotic feelings in public. I knew I had to tell him all, as I had told his mother, including my relations with Athyn. He didn’t show much emotion during my story; as an Ashkan he had been taught to not show too many feelings.

“Enough about me now,” I finally said, drying my cheeks from the inevitable but annoying tears that always seemed to run down my face. ”Tell me about how life’s been with you and your folks.”

“Trey really did a good job clearing this place from the cultists,” Sedrane smiled “Then he escorted us here, the whole Tribe, you know! That was a journey, I tell you!”

They had actually built a couple of nice boats to take them across the waters, Trey had super-vised the construction and the manufacturing, and then he also led the armada safely to Ald Daedroth. The tribe had cleaned the old shrine from all dirt and grime, and then they made it into a real home. Every family got their own “apartment” consisting of one or two chambers according to the size of the family. The women made beautifully woven fabric to cover walls and floors to make the chambers more comfortable and unique.

“We have also managed to develop greater cooperation between other Tribes.” Sedrane said, “There have actually been a couple of cross-marriages between members of different Tribes, you know.”

I understood the island of Ald Daedroth was a good land to live on. Secure from attack, with good weather and fertile land, which provided them with good crops and good pastures for the Guars. Also the well-built shrine gave additional security and provided a good defence to almost any kind of attack.

As we walked along the waterfront I saw a young woman with a bow up a hillside. I was about to ask Sedrane who she was when I noticed a weird look on his face, like guilt or bad conscience. Then the woman spotted us and came running towards us.

“Sedrane!” she shouted from a distance, “You’re home! Who is our visitor?” As she ap-proached I noticed she was a young beautiful girl in a leather shirt with embroideries different from the normal Ahemmusa style. Her long silken jet-black hair danced around her face and shoulders as she came running, and her long slender legs hardly allowed her feet to touch the ground. Her dark red eyes looked into Sedrane´s with an unmistakable air of love.

“Shara!” He exclaimed with a faint grimace, “Ahem….this is Serene Catraso, who used to live with the Ahemmusa. I’ve told you about her, remember?”

“Serene….this is Shara, hunter from the Urshilaku-Tribe, ehh …she is to be….my wife!” The last word came out sounding rather strangled.

I felt an immediate sting of jealousy; somehow I’d expected Sedrane to …sort of wait for me, but I smiled at the young Ashlander-girl and greeted her as heartily as I could.

Shara flung herself on Sedrane, embracing him hard, and the kiss she gave him was indeed passionate so that I had to turn away from them. It was really ridiculous, but I felt a sharp pain inside and I didn’t trust my face not to reveal it.

Has he told her about us? I asked myself…

Then I decided to return to the Shrine to look up some of the women to see if I could make myself somewhat useful; besides I needed to be alone for a moment….

As I stumbled away from Sedrane and his soon-to-be bride, I almost bumped into someone, my sight blurry and faded, and would have fallen if he hadn’t caught my arm at the last second

“Hey, Serene! What’s the matter, sweetie?” Mabarrabael embraced me, just like that, like I was still a member of the clan, like I had never left. “It’s Sedrane, right?” he sighed. “It was you who once told me not to shed tears over a lost love, remember? And what are you doing right now, huh?”

I couldn’t resist smiling. Mabarrabael used to confide in me when I lived with the Ahemmusa. Once he had a bad crush for Lanabi, the Ahemmusa trader who didn’t exactly return his hot feelings and I, of course, had to tell him not to be sad about that.

Mabarrabael´s company did me good; he made me laugh, as always…We sat down on a flat rock overlooking the sea and talked for a good hour before hunger drove us back to the Shrine.
That evening, as I sat by the campfire, sharing the evening-meal with the Ahemmusa I wondered what would come out of this. I had returned to the people I loved but the reason for it could be questioned, and I honestly didn’t know what would become of me….

[minque]

I woke up, drenched in cold sweat and totally disoriented. At first I had no idea where I was, or why my heart was beating so heavily. Then the dream came back to me and with it an unspeakable pain, as vivid as the dream. I remembered it clearly. In fact I still remember that dream, maybe because it triggered the events that formed my life- and the lives of others.

I stood in an open space, the ground covered with pale gravel that crunched under my feet. It was a circular space, surrounded by walls or buildings- I could not tell. I was tensed as if expecting an attack and had my katana unsheathed and in a guard position. As I scanned the misty distance, looking for the threat that I could feel but not see, I saw a dark spot forming in the fog opposite from where I waited. It came closer at a great speed and appeared to be some sort of black cloud, formlessly swirling. The sight of it caused my heart to beat faster, and I knew that this was the danger I had sensed.

As the cloud came near, it coalesced into a human figure, twelve feet tall and armed with a sword. Everything about the figure was black, except for the sword, which pulsed with the dull red of dried blood. The cloud seemed to swirl again, and the sword was raised high overhead, then plunged downward, straight toward my heart.

I jumped aside without conscious thought, simply letting instinct and reflex take over. The cloudy shape roared and swung a side cut at me, and I ducked beneath the blade. Still moving from training and instinct, I responded with a scything cut of my own. But when my katana struck the figure, there was nothing there- no resistance, no sensation of steel cleaving flesh, just a parting of the cloud. And a sudden flash of that dull red blade as it struck my chest. The pain was unspeakable, as if a fire had been kindled in my flesh. I sank to the ground, waiting for death or unconsciousness, but instead found myself bathed in a bluish light cast by a familiar figure which formed in front of me- Azura, Goddess of Dawn and Dusk. She reached out a hand that instantly quenched the fire in my chest and spoke, saying:

“Serene, follow your destiny, return to your heart…only then will you find peace.”
Then the pain struck again and I woke up…

With trembling hands I pulled back my hair and got up. The dream had been so real that I looked down to see if my chest bore a wound or a scar, but it was unmarked. My clothes were damp and I felt dirty, so I went down to the shore to take a bath, bringing a clean robe to wrap around me afterwards. There were nobody out at this hour; it was still night even though I could see the sun color the eastern sky. I undressed and let the chilly wind dry my naked body. With a deep breath I then jumped head-first into the sea, hoping that the Tribe had in fact cleared a part of the waters from all kind of beasts in order to provide a place for swimming and washing.

The cold water woke me up and refreshed me completely. I stayed in the water till my limbs were numb and I couldn’t sense my feet anymore. Up on the shore I stretched out, lifted my arms over my head and turned to the rising sun. The reddish-orange light painted my pale body and the water drops glistened….I looked into the calm dark waters and saw a thin, tall woman, painted in red, with black sleek hair and eyes that were too big for the face. I had obviously lost weight again, this time far too much. I looked skinny and weak and I didn’t like the sight of myself at all.

Suddenly I heard a noise, like someone stepping on a small branch of a tree. I held my breath listening, but no other sound came to me. It was probably just a scrib or something. The wind had become chillier and I put the soft woven robe around me and returned to the Shrine.

Inside I saw a flickering light from the corridor leading to the inner shrine and I headed towards it. It was Sinnamu, who was returning to her chambers, from where I didn’t know. She greeted me warmly, saying

“Serene! Have you been outside? Taking a swim? Well come my child, I think we have to talk.”

There was a nice log fire in Sinnamu´s chambers and I felt its warmth ooze right through me. She offered me some warm comberry wine and we sat silent for some time before she began to talk.

“I think you had a dream, Serene, and I would like you to tell me about it,” Sinnamu looked straight into my eyes. I wasn’t even astonished that she obviously already knew I had a dream; somehow deep inside I knew that she already knew about it. Nothing about Sinnamu Mirpal astonished me anymore, since I knew she was, and still is, my Guardian Angel amongst the living.

I told her in detail of my strange dream, also asking her why it had caused the incredible pain right in my chest.

“It’s a sign, a sign from the Divines, telling you what lies afore you,” Sinnamu stated calmly.

“You are a healer, my child, and you know that sometimes, when you perform a healing, you must cut away a diseased part so that the body as a whole can heal and become strong again. If the diseased limb or organ is not removed, the corruption will spread and kill the patient.”
She looked at me closely to see if I was following her. Seeing my frown of concentration, she continued,

“You will have to perform- a healing, an amputation…so that the body can become strong again.”

I looked at Sinnamu, not really understanding the true meaning of her words…at first. But then I started to see beyond them, to see what she actually meant for me to do, and it scared me to death. The body that must be healed was my House….and the diseased part, the corruption…was the Archmaster. I sat silent with my head down, and despite the warm fire I was shivering with cold, and maybe fear- fear for what I had to do and fear for how I felt about it. I, who loathed any form of killing, was actually looking forward to taking the life of a human being. For I could not deny that I hated the Archmaster and took a fierce pleasure in the idea of his death. I wasn’t aware of the tears running down my face until Sinnamu gently wiped them away, and then took my hand and made me rise to my feet.

“Serene, do not be afraid of your own feelings. You are stronger than you know and you are now the real ’Hope of the Redoran’…. I will give you the strength you will need and as a token of that, I will mark you with a sacred Ahemmusa-tattoo.”

She took off my robe and I felt the heat from the fire and the tension of the moment increased as she took out a small silver dagger and dipped it into a shallow bowl which was standing beside her on a red small boulder.

“Be absolutely still now, Serene,” she said, then she put the tip of the dagger onto my left breast and slowly cut an intricate pattern stretching over to the right breast, a pattern similar to the one that Sedrane had on his forehead. As she was doing that she chanted in a low voice, words I did not understand, but somehow the chant took away the pain. Dark red blood emerged from the cuts she made and ran down my body, but I felt like I was watching myself from above; I was completely relaxed, and it did absolutely not hurt. After the cutting of the pattern, she took the bowl and with a thin stick she put black dye into the cuts, and that did hurt quite a bit, but I didn’t move a muscle.

The whole procedure took about an hour, and after it was finished I was glad to sit down again. My legs were shivering and the tattoo was burning like fire. Sinnamu put her arm around my shoulders in a comforting embrace. She then took both my hands and put them directly onto the raw tattoo, and I felt a tingling sensation throughout my body.

“Now you will have the strength and courage of an Ahemmusa wise woman,” she said slowly,
“Use it well.”

She led me to a bedroll beside the fire and bade me to lie down on it. It was soft and warm and I felt a drowsy heat spread inside me, and so I drifted away…

When I woke up I felt refreshed and invigorated, strong and eager. It was a wonderful feeling and I knew that I had to return to Ald´Ruhn as soon as possible. I had an important task to fulfill and above all I longed to see Athyn again. When thinking of him my heart started beating and my entire body ached for him to hold me tight.

The tattoo did not hurt at all; it had healed during my sleep. Sinnamu was still sitting by the fire, reading an ancient book. She smiled at me, knowing how I felt without asking.

As I made to leave for my chambers to prepare for my return home, she made a sign for me to hold on for a moment. She searched in one of the chests standing at the wall and came out with a thin white vest, almost transparent and with some runes embroidered with white silk along the front.

“Wear this under your normal clothes; it will protect you…, my dear child.”

I slipped into the garment and immediately it made me feel even warmer than before…it had to have some magic woven into that soft fabric.

Later that afternoon I was almost ready to leave for Ald´Ruhn. After some pondering I decided to ask for an intervention-scroll to take me directly to the Temple. I didn’t like the mechanics of interventions, but it was by far the fastest way to get home.

But fate had something else in mind for me….