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> Corrupted heart.
jack cloudy
post Jan 5 2007, 09:59 PM
Post #1


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Joined: 11-February 06
From: In a cold place.



Alas, I couldn't wait for Agent to finish before I began my next story. Oh, curse me, all of you whose blood shall be spilled before this story comes to an end.

Ahem, I don't expect my loyal readers to complain though. Heh, I hope I managed to portray the first of my main characters nicely. And one last thing that might be interesting to know. This story takes place before the birth of Luper. So yes, that means at least 23 years before any of my other stories. Now, without further stalling I present:


Corrupted heart.

Chapter 1: Among the cold dirt, the fallen lie.

Consciousness flickered, remaining just out of reach. His senses delivered their messages to his clouded mind, broken fragments of a greater whole. The sound of heavy boots hammering cold rock, the smell of dust in his nose, the feeling of being carried in a boneshattering grip. A taste, plaguing the tip of his tongue. Blood, his blood.

The feeling of movement stopped. Words now echoed in his ears, words he did not comprehend.
,,This looks good enough. Open the door.” The shriek of rusted metal being moved ripped through the haze clouding his mind. Now consciousness returned fully and with it, a chance. For a moment, he continued to feign unconsciousness. Long enough to hear more words, words not meant for him.
,,You, don’t move unless you want even greater problems.” The hands holding him pushed him along. His tail brushed against iron bars. Now was the time.

With the frightening grace of a natural killer, his muscles sprang back to full readiness. He used the body of his captor to swing around, somersaulting into the air and landing on the unfortunate man’s back. With a quick swipe, claws ripped out the man’s throat and crushed his neck. Even before the man began to lose his signs of life, the killer had leapt away. The next guard found himself smashed against the iron bars of the cell. Claws leaving a trail of blood in the air where the last thing the man saw before his eyes were removed. He too died soon afterwards. The whole event had taken less than a second from start to finish.

Breathing heavily from both his exertion and the rough treatment he’d received earlier, the killer stared down at his latest victims. In a slow symbolic movement, he raised his claws and licked them clean of blood, savouring the taste. His ears began to pick up the sound of distant boots coming steadily closer. A standard patrol. His hand snatched the nearby torch from the wall and he slammed the piece of wood into a dusty pool of water. There was a large cloud of smoke and then, darkness.

Even though there was practically no light left, his eyes still saw as good as if he was standing outside on a clear day. He quickly scanned the nearby cells. The one which had been destined for him was already occupied by the short stature of a Bosmer. The one directly on the opposite side of the tunnel was occupied by a muscular Dunmer who looked around warily, not seeing a thing. The killer took a double take on the two beings. While the Dunmer displayed all the expected signs of fear, the Bosmer surprisingly acted as if she hadn’t noticed the massacre at all. She just looked at the ground in front of her bare feet with a blank stare.
,,Must have lost its mind so deep underground.” The Killer concluded. He knew from experience that many Bosmer were extremely claustrophobic and hated being in a room without any windows or underground. A natural result from living in the treetops of Valenwood.

The boots had now gotten close. Soon, the owner of these boots would see the darkness ahead and know that something was wrong. By then though, it would be too late. The Killer crouched at the edge of the darkness, confident in the natural camouflage he had. Now the guard ventured into view and the killer’s heart skipped a beat. This was no guard. The fingers of fear reached out for him, embracing him with their cold touch. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt since childhood. The darkness in the tunnel was vanquished by a bright burst of light. With that same burst, the light in his eyes faded and he slipped into unconsciousness once more.

An armoured boot stomped on the ground beside his head.
,,You’ve missed your chance. Enjoy the blood you’ve claimed. They were your last kill.” A gruff voice said as the killer was picked up and taken to his cell.


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jack cloudy
post Jan 16 2007, 08:05 PM
Post #2


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Joined: 11-February 06
From: In a cold place.



Hmm, I just realized. Ra'trith alone has murdered more people in what's still the beginning of the story than some main characters in an entire story. Creepy. Maybe I should call it 'Bloodlust: The prequel?' wink.gif
I won't try to lay claim on that title. It still lacks what Bloodlust does so well, plot and characters who do more than just killing. I never knew that writing a killing machine could be so hard. There's more to it than just dropping corpses everywhere. So another compliment to Simion, who is probably the most interesting killer I ever read about. Anyway, on to the story.






The Bosmer had been lowered onto the healer’s bed. Erinus carefully removed the makeshift bandage while Aran watched. She didn’t utter a sound when she saw the damage for the first time though she did frown.
,,Two claws that have run quite deep, a third wound which is fortunately little more than a minor scrape. Lots of dirt.” She muttered to herself.
,,Get me the bottle of alcohol, I’ll need to disinfect this mess first. It is no use to regrow flesh and muscle when it means that you’ll get dust and mud trapped inside.” She ordered while her eyes still surveyed the Werewolf’s gift.

Aran opened the cupboard which contained all of Erinus’ medical items. He’d seen her take something from that cupboard countless times before and had a nearly photographic memory of its contents. His hand had already reached for the bottle before his eyes had found it.
,,Why is the cupboard so empty?” He asked while handing over the bottle. This time, the healer did utter a long and hard sigh.
,,Emperor’s orders. He decided that we charge too much and forced us to lower our prices. Like this, I can barely buy the food I need to feed myself, let stand buy the ingredients I need for my practice.” The door clicked as it was closed. Erinus looked up and then returned to her patient.
,,You’re as stubborn as ever, Aran Geydar. Just make sure I won’t have to heal you as well.”


Derin Horse-Mouth raised his hand.
,,Another one.” He shouted and burped. The bartender went over and refilled the Nord’s mug. He snatched the coin on the table and returned to cleaning his bar. Derin took a large swig of the liquid, burped again and layed down his remaining coins on the table. After some counting, he concluded he could have five more rounds. Then, he really had to find himself a job.

A cloaked figure entered the tavern, his form hunched over slightly like a beast. The tip of a black tail reached out underneath his cloak. The figure dropped a single coin on the tap.
,,Brandy.” He said with a deep growling voice. He then moved directly to the table occupied by Derin and sat down.
,,It’s too early to get drunk, Derin Horse-Mouth.” He whispered at the drunken Nord. The Nord raised his head and found himself looking into a pair of intense yellow eyes surrounded by a black face. He forced a smile on his wet lips.
,,I can’t believe it. Ra’trith, the embodiment of darkness. What can I do for you, brother?” He howled across the room.
,,You could start by keeping your voice down. I have no patience for dealing with drunk fools.”

Normally, this would have sparked a flame in the Nord’s hot temper but this time, he took the insult in silence. He knew the skill the assassin possessed and more importantly, his willingness to use this skill at the slightest provocation.
,,It’s good to see you alive. We were worried. They said you had been dragged off to prison to the south of the city.” He slurred, somehow finding the strength to keep his voice down. He grinned.
,,So, I assume you want the usual? Tell you what, I’ll give you a discount for your information. To celebrate your freedom? I’m sure we can work out a deal.” The Khajiit jumped on top of the table and delivered a powerful kick into the Nord’s face, sending him flying backwards till he hit a wall. The whole building shook from the impact.

The pain instantly sobered Derin, or at least down to the point where he realized the danger he was in.
,,No one said a thing. The Emperor would never admit that an assassin managed to reach his bedroom and nearly killed him. You lied to me, you traitor!” Ra’trith hissed in the Nord’s ear. His claw pressed into Derin’s throat, causing a trickle of blood to flow down.
,,You want a deal, here’s one. You tell me what I want to know and I’ll pay you with your life.”

A not so drunk patron rushed out of the door, most likely to warn the guards. Derin followed the man with his eyes. Those who remained behind didn’t dare to move or make a sound, unwilling to bring the Khajiit’s fury down on them.
,,What do you think you’re doing, Ra’trith? When the guards come, they won’t show you any mercy. What do you think you’ll achieve with your death?” He spoke with a trembling voice. In reality, he knew that even five guards would be no match for the assassin. Even in a straight-up fight, the Khajiit was a force to be reckoned with. All he could do now was to please the monster in any way he could.
,,Twenty seconds to get to them, ten to explain, thirty to return. That makes sixty seconds. If you don’t give me the information I want by then, you’ll die. Fifty seconds left, start talking.”

For a moment, Derin only managed to speak gibberish. He soon managed to regain his voice and shouted at the top of his lungs, tripping over his own tongue in his hurry to speak.
,,They came before you did! If I kept the vital detail for myself, I would be rewarded with a fortune. If I told you, they would kill me!” Ra’trith’s eyes narrowed.
,,Who? Thirty seconds.” He growled.
,,I shouldn’t tell you. If they find out, not only will they kill me, but the whole Brotherhood. Don’t your brothers and sisters mean anything to you?” Derin objected.
,,The only life I care about is my own. Who?” The Khajiit pressed on despite the danger he was bringing his people into.

,,That royal battlemage and some of his people. Jagatha…..something like that, I swear! ” The Nord answered. Ra’trith dropped the man who slumped down to the floor.
,,Jagar Tharn?” He asked, so surprised that even he could not hide it. Derin simply nodded. The sound of armoured boots battering the cobblestones drew nearer.
,,I told you everything I know, now please let me live.” The Nord pleaded. Ra’trith swiped his mug of brandy from the table.
,,You betrayed me before. I won’t give you the chance to betray me again.” With a single swift motion, he drew his claw across Derin’s throat. He then calmly drank his brandy and dropped the mug into the pool of blood gathering around his toes.
,,This is good brandy, perhaps I should come here more often.” He noted as if nothing had happened.

A panting guard burst through the room. The sight was one he would remember his entire life. Everyone, frozen in fear. A corpse, with blood still streaming onto the floor like a river. The tip of a black tail vanishing up the stairs.
,,Ahem…….Everyone, don’t move. The Imperial guards will investigate this matter. Please form up in lines and prepare for your interrogation.” He said with an uneasy voice before turning to the patron who had warned him.
,,Go get some more help.”

Ra’trith easily eluded the guards. He ditched the now bloodsoaked cloak into the lake surrounding the city.
,,So they came before me? Then Derin wasn’t the only traitor. And Jagar Tharn, why would the royal battlemage himself show interest in me? I hate dealing with trouble like this. At least this Merdrac fellow kept his word. No spells, even if he would die without them. Honourable fool.”


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Posts in this topic
jack cloudy   Corrupted heart.   Jan 5 2007, 09:59 PM
Lord Revan   Nice beginning Jack, that sounds a lot like the Im...   Jan 5 2007, 10:56 PM
The Metal Mallet   Wow, your use of description has left me stunned, ...   Jan 6 2007, 12:50 AM
jack cloudy   Yup, it's the Imperial prison alright. Hey, I...   Jan 6 2007, 05:03 PM
The Metal Mallet   Let's just say that I wanted to play around ...   Jan 6 2007, 05:38 PM
jack cloudy   Wow, I just can't stop. I promise I'll get...   Jan 6 2007, 10:22 PM
The Metal Mallet   You would think they would just relocate the priso...   Jan 6 2007, 11:02 PM
jack cloudy   The point is, they would relocate. Only, the priso...   Jan 6 2007, 11:20 PM
The Metal Mallet   Haha! What delcious update, jack. So it loo...   Jan 7 2007, 12:03 AM
canis216   I don't want to ruin anything, but I must ask;...   Jan 7 2007, 12:19 AM
Black Hand   Excellent! Yes, I likie the story already, and...   Jan 7 2007, 08:43 AM
jack cloudy   I won't have much time tomorrow but I'll t...   Jan 7 2007, 10:32 PM
canis216   Ah, this prison just gets worse and worse--feels c...   Jan 7 2007, 10:41 PM
The Metal Mallet   I hereby rename this prison The Labrithyn of Doom...   Jan 8 2007, 12:45 AM
jack cloudy   Yeah, I think I went a bit overboard here. Would t...   Jan 12 2007, 11:01 PM
The Metal Mallet   Uh oh, they're in trouble now. If only our Du...   Jan 12 2007, 11:48 PM
jack cloudy   The Werewolf grinned in anticipation. Finally, he ...   Jan 13 2007, 08:02 PM
canis216   Temporary refuge from the werewolf. Sounds like th...   Jan 13 2007, 08:14 PM
The Metal Mallet   Hmm I'm curious of who this new "mystery...   Jan 13 2007, 09:36 PM
jack cloudy   And a quickie to end today's update. ,,Yes...   Jan 13 2007, 10:31 PM
The Metal Mallet   Hmm so it seems that higher up beings are taking i...   Jan 14 2007, 03:02 AM
jack cloudy   The sun cast its merciless rays down on the roofs,...   Jan 15 2007, 08:37 PM
The Metal Mallet   Our healer seems to have a bit of humour to her, w...   Jan 15 2007, 11:02 PM
The Metal Mallet   Well not all killers have character development, j...   Jan 17 2007, 01:05 AM
Black Hand   Whoa. I stand in awe of your post machineiness Jac...   Jan 17 2007, 04:25 AM
Malpense the Dark   Wow, I'm really loving this series! As a ...   Jan 17 2007, 12:15 PM
jack cloudy   Thank you and welcome. Please have a look at the o...   Jan 17 2007, 11:00 PM
The Metal Mallet   Well you can certainly tell that Aran is a pridefu...   Jan 17 2007, 11:26 PM
jack cloudy   Well, I've been following the teasers quite cl...   Jan 21 2007, 09:55 PM
Black Hand   One Handed Spear Weilding at its best! Keep it...   Jan 21 2007, 10:18 PM
The Metal Mallet   Each character and getting more steadily defined a...   Jan 21 2007, 10:55 PM
canis216   Wow, a lot's happened here since I last peruse...   Jan 21 2007, 11:23 PM
jack cloudy   A shadow walked into Cheydinhall, unseen by any of...   Jan 24 2007, 10:29 PM
Malpense the Dark   Nice stuff Jack, very enjoyable. I like how the c...   Jan 24 2007, 11:04 PM
The Metal Mallet   I would be suspicious too given the information on...   Jan 25 2007, 12:21 AM
Black Hand   My my my Jack! You're now officially induc...   Jan 25 2007, 05:41 AM
The Metal Mallet   We have such a guild!!!? Sweet!...   Jan 25 2007, 05:20 PM
jack cloudy   It's obvious, isn't it? When you pay money...   Jan 25 2007, 07:08 PM
The Metal Mallet   Ra'trith nears the Imperial City! Beware ...   Jan 25 2007, 08:10 PM
jack cloudy   A short one. Enjoy! That night, Aran retu...   Jan 25 2007, 10:55 PM
The Metal Mallet   .... And then the trap reveals itself!! O...   Jan 25 2007, 11:15 PM
jack cloudy   No need to be patient any longer. The trap reveals...   Jan 26 2007, 11:40 PM
The Metal Mallet   Hmmm, that Redguard was rather peculiar. Seems to...   Jan 27 2007, 01:37 AM
canis216   Hah! Ansei, shehai, all that good stuff! B...   Jan 27 2007, 03:48 AM
jack cloudy   Hey, I don't mind if you are a bit of a lore-f...   Jan 30 2007, 08:22 PM
Malpense the Dark   Great update man, really good. Enter the Blades, ...   Jan 31 2007, 12:46 AM
Malpense the Dark   I really hate to double post, particularly when th...   Jan 31 2007, 01:54 AM
canis216   Forum rules: You can't start a new topic until...   Jan 31 2007, 04:33 AM
jack cloudy   Yeah, it's a relatively new rule. Ever since w...   Jan 31 2007, 10:40 PM
The Metal Mallet   Ahhh, our Khajiit has a history with Vincente. It...   Feb 1 2007, 01:14 AM
Malpense the Dark   Great stuff Jack. Can't wait for more!   Feb 1 2007, 03:36 AM
jack cloudy   Chapter 3: Threads rebound. With the dagger press...   Feb 1 2007, 07:59 PM
Malpense the Dark   Ahh, the plot thickens! Who are these people ...   Feb 1 2007, 10:19 PM
The Metal Mallet   Well if I remember correctly, the Champion of Tamr...   Feb 1 2007, 11:40 PM
Lord Revan   Oh, he's a lot less than a corpse, remember MM...   Feb 2 2007, 12:33 AM
canis216   Indeed, the plots do thicken. There is so very muc...   Feb 2 2007, 12:34 AM
minque   Jackie! You´re a post-machine as well.....oh y...   Feb 2 2007, 11:51 PM
jack cloudy   Hmm, I don't hold the record at postmachining ...   Feb 3 2007, 12:01 AM
canis216   This is getting quite exciting... 'tis a bit o...   Feb 3 2007, 03:15 AM
jack cloudy   End of the Cliffhanger and the start of a new one...   Feb 3 2007, 10:33 PM
canis216   Wow... maybe I should try to play Arena sometime. ...   Feb 3 2007, 10:39 PM
minque   Yeah! It´s awesome....I also have Arena but ne...   Feb 3 2007, 11:01 PM
The Metal Mallet   Oooo creepy monster. I wonder want to be trapped ...   Feb 4 2007, 12:33 AM
Lord Revan   The highest rank of dremora is a Valkynaz, one of ...   Feb 4 2007, 05:46 AM
jack cloudy   I can tell you one thing about Arena, it's dam...   Feb 4 2007, 10:26 PM
canis216   Fantastic! And yes, Arena is really hard. I g...   Feb 4 2007, 11:16 PM
The Metal Mallet   Lovely update Jack! Looks like things are goi...   Feb 4 2007, 11:45 PM
Black Hand   Whoa....so thats what its like to read one of my s...   Feb 5 2007, 04:47 PM
jack cloudy   I love Arena. It has such a creepy atmosphere. Som...   Feb 5 2007, 11:11 PM
The Metal Mallet   Hehehe... I think I know where this is going ;) E...   Feb 5 2007, 11:36 PM
Black Hand   Oh Man jack,..see what you've started!...   Feb 6 2007, 01:25 AM
Lord Revan   Tsk, tsk, tsk, what is the word coming to? It see...   Feb 6 2007, 04:28 AM
jack cloudy   Back-stab? Bah, waste of arrows and they can't...   Feb 6 2007, 07:28 AM
jack cloudy   Marsh shook his head when he saw the Bosmer girl s...   Feb 7 2007, 10:57 PM
Lord Revan   So far so good, wonder how long their luck will la...   Feb 7 2007, 11:23 PM
The Metal Mallet   Lovely update! I also hope this plan works wi...   Feb 8 2007, 12:13 AM
jack cloudy   Say, does anyone know what the Imperial palace loo...   Feb 10 2007, 10:04 PM
canis216   Heh, quite the saucy one, that Bosmer...   Feb 10 2007, 10:09 PM
The Metal Mallet   Well it seems that they've gotten inside easil...   Feb 10 2007, 11:38 PM
jack cloudy   Ok, after our scene of breaking and entering. (lit...   Feb 11 2007, 07:20 PM
canis216   Yeah, Ra'Trith hasn't reared his head in a...   Feb 11 2007, 08:53 PM
The Metal Mallet   I really enjoyed reading the description of the ro...   Feb 11 2007, 09:11 PM
jack cloudy   Ok, just a quickie with no real influence on the p...   Feb 11 2007, 10:01 PM
canis216   No real influence on the plot, eh? We'll just ...   Feb 11 2007, 10:12 PM
Black Hand   Not all evil is wholly evil. Not all good is wholl...   Feb 11 2007, 11:43 PM
jack cloudy   A short one. I want to write a bit more but it...   Feb 17 2007, 10:59 PM
jack cloudy   She walked back to the entrance hall where she saw...   Feb 17 2007, 11:40 PM
The Metal Mallet   Ahhh the sneaky battlemage, just when you think yo...   Feb 18 2007, 01:00 AM
Black Hand   Battlemage?! BATTLEMAGE?! I freaking hate...   Feb 18 2007, 07:54 AM
jack cloudy   In a swirling cloud of Magicka, two forms wavered ...   Feb 18 2007, 09:50 PM
Black Hand   Well I hope you enjoy writing this, as much as I d...   Feb 19 2007, 07:49 AM
jack cloudy   I'll try to get the Elder scroll part done ton...   Feb 24 2007, 04:36 PM
The Metal Mallet   Creative explanation for defeating the "human...   Feb 24 2007, 04:58 PM
Black Hand   SGM!!   Feb 24 2007, 06:55 PM
jack cloudy   Wee, I got the next one! The first thing ...   Feb 24 2007, 07:59 PM
The Metal Mallet   Ooooo exciting, this is really picking up in the s...   Feb 24 2007, 08:15 PM
canis216   This is really thrilling stuff. Keep up the good w...   Feb 24 2007, 08:20 PM
jack cloudy   *Creeperlike voice* ,,I'm postmachining!...   Feb 24 2007, 09:21 PM
The Metal Mallet   Wow, things are getting more and more interesting....   Feb 24 2007, 09:40 PM
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