Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 6, Sidetracks and sorrow Options

[minque]

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
Washington Irving


Chapter 6 Sidetracks and Sorrow

“You can’t run away from your destiny, Serene, you will have to face the fact that you now belong to a House, to a family, and with it the responsibility it takes!” Sinnamu Mirpal´s words dug deeply into my heart as we sat by the fireplace in the Inner Shrine of Ald Daedroth that rainy evening.

I had arrived at the ancient Shrine of Ald Daedroth earlier in the afternoon, because the Ahemmusa Tribe now was safely settled there instead of the harsh lands on north-eastern Vvardenfell. Trey of High Rock had done a thorough job, making the Shrine a safe place for the Tribe. The Wise Woman had her own private chambers in the Inner Shrine, and she had decorated the thick stone walls with beautifully woven fabric in various deep earth-colors, with thick carpets on the floor to keep the damp cold away and a huge fireplace built in the center.

I felt safe here amongst my friends, far away from the evil schemes of Bolvyn Venim, the intrigues and disagreements among the Redoran Councillors…and the struggle to both be deeply in love with Athyn Sarethi and yet try to be an honourable Redoran.

Panic brought me here, panic from being aware of the hatred of Bolvyn Venim; knowing he would probably try to kill me in the cruelest way, panic from the passion that tore me apart. Here I hoped to find peace, to rest my tormented soul and finally to find myself and be a whole woman again.

I hadn’t thought of Sedrane though….

When Anja Swift-Sailer put me ashore on the island of Ald Daedroth I was astonished at first; I didn’t think the Tribe had moved out there already, but they actually had.

The first one to greet me was Sallit; he was remarkably glad to see me and grabbed my hand and literally dragged me up to the Shrine yelling out loud I was here.

Sinnamu was waiting in her chambers as he brought me there. She said nothing, just put her hand on my cheek, smiling. I got an odd feeling she had somehow known I was coming.

After arranging night quarters for me and also giving me a chance to freshen up after the jour-ney she asked me to join her in her chambers. And therefore we now were sitting in front of the fireplace and she made the remark about my destiny.

I told her about the things that had happened, including my feelings for Athyn, about Domesea, and about the panic that struck me at the funeral. She listened without interrupting me, just nodded at some points.

“You will always have a home with the Ahemmusa, you know that, so go get some rest now. I’ll give you a potion that will help you through the night.” Sinnamu gave me a purple vial which I should down before going to bed.

It was good to be back with the Ahemmusa again. Life had improved a lot for them since they moved to Ald Daedroth. Here they were safe from blight storms, outlaw Ashlanders and other pirates. They had an entire island for themselves and had begun to grow saltrice, ash yam and even hackle-lo! They were proud of themselves and couldn’t wait to show me all the im-provements they had made.

My first weeks at the Shrine I just “was.” I didn’t really do anything, just strolled about, talking to my old friends, helping out with cooking and the Guars of course. It was balm for my soul, except for that itch deep in my heart.

I felt guilty….guilty for abandoning Athyn in his grief, guilty of not standing up for my family, for my house. I ran away like a coward, and I was ashamed of myself!

It was at this time Sedrane Mirpal entered my life again…

He was the first man who had held me in his arms with love, and his dark red eyes still showed affection. I didn’t know what to say; in fact I was unable to speak because of the lump in my throat. Seeing Sedrane brought up so many memories from a happy time in my life, an uncomplicated time, compared to life with the Redorans.

“Serene, my precious, it’s so good to see you!” Sedrane embraced me and I felt a flash of the old passion, it had been so long…so very long…

We went outside for a walk; it felt somewhat easier to talk to him away from the others; besides I didn’t want to show my chaotic feelings in public. I knew I had to tell him all, as I had told his mother, including my relations with Athyn. He didn’t show much emotion during my story; as an Ashkan he had been taught to not show too many feelings.

“Enough about me now,” I finally said, drying my cheeks from the inevitable but annoying tears that always seemed to run down my face. ”Tell me about how life’s been with you and your folks.”

“Trey really did a good job clearing this place from the cultists,” Sedrane smiled “Then he escorted us here, the whole Tribe, you know! That was a journey, I tell you!”

They had actually built a couple of nice boats to take them across the waters, Trey had super-vised the construction and the manufacturing, and then he also led the armada safely to Ald Daedroth. The tribe had cleaned the old shrine from all dirt and grime, and then they made it into a real home. Every family got their own “apartment” consisting of one or two chambers according to the size of the family. The women made beautifully woven fabric to cover walls and floors to make the chambers more comfortable and unique.

“We have also managed to develop greater cooperation between other Tribes.” Sedrane said, “There have actually been a couple of cross-marriages between members of different Tribes, you know.”

I understood the island of Ald Daedroth was a good land to live on. Secure from attack, with good weather and fertile land, which provided them with good crops and good pastures for the Guars. Also the well-built shrine gave additional security and provided a good defence to almost any kind of attack.

As we walked along the waterfront I saw a young woman with a bow up a hillside. I was about to ask Sedrane who she was when I noticed a weird look on his face, like guilt or bad conscience. Then the woman spotted us and came running towards us.

“Sedrane!” she shouted from a distance, “You’re home! Who is our visitor?” As she ap-proached I noticed she was a young beautiful girl in a leather shirt with embroideries different from the normal Ahemmusa style. Her long silken jet-black hair danced around her face and shoulders as she came running, and her long slender legs hardly allowed her feet to touch the ground. Her dark red eyes looked into Sedrane´s with an unmistakable air of love.

“Shara!” He exclaimed with a faint grimace, “Ahem….this is Serene Catraso, who used to live with the Ahemmusa. I’ve told you about her, remember?”

“Serene….this is Shara, hunter from the Urshilaku-Tribe, ehh …she is to be….my wife!” The last word came out sounding rather strangled.

I felt an immediate sting of jealousy; somehow I’d expected Sedrane to …sort of wait for me, but I smiled at the young Ashlander-girl and greeted her as heartily as I could.

Shara flung herself on Sedrane, embracing him hard, and the kiss she gave him was indeed passionate so that I had to turn away from them. It was really ridiculous, but I felt a sharp pain inside and I didn’t trust my face not to reveal it.

Has he told her about us? I asked myself…

Then I decided to return to the Shrine to look up some of the women to see if I could make myself somewhat useful; besides I needed to be alone for a moment….

As I stumbled away from Sedrane and his soon-to-be bride, I almost bumped into someone, my sight blurry and faded, and would have fallen if he hadn’t caught my arm at the last second

“Hey, Serene! What’s the matter, sweetie?” Mabarrabael embraced me, just like that, like I was still a member of the clan, like I had never left. “It’s Sedrane, right?” he sighed. “It was you who once told me not to shed tears over a lost love, remember? And what are you doing right now, huh?”

I couldn’t resist smiling. Mabarrabael used to confide in me when I lived with the Ahemmusa. Once he had a bad crush for Lanabi, the Ahemmusa trader who didn’t exactly return his hot feelings and I, of course, had to tell him not to be sad about that.

Mabarrabael´s company did me good; he made me laugh, as always…We sat down on a flat rock overlooking the sea and talked for a good hour before hunger drove us back to the Shrine.
That evening, as I sat by the campfire, sharing the evening-meal with the Ahemmusa I wondered what would come out of this. I had returned to the people I loved but the reason for it could be questioned, and I honestly didn’t know what would become of me….

[minque]

I wanted to tell my friends I was leaving and say goodbye to them before I left. I didn’t think I’ll come back for quite some time, if ever, so it was the decent thing to do, even if I hated good-byes.

As I walked along the waterfront I enjoyed the warm afternoon sun, the calm of this place, the giant mushrooms and the blooming Willow Anther which filled the air with its fragrance. I picked a flower and put it behind my left ear; it made me feel a bit exotic…

He literally materialized in front of me- there he was- Sedrane, the first man I ever loved, looking into my eyes as he took my hand and kissed it. The time ceased to exist; I drowned in his dark red eyes and couldn’t say a word.

“So Serene, you are leaving me again?” His voice was low and utterly sad. He still held my hand and sighed deeply.

“I have to. You know we are not meant for each other, so please do not make this harder for me than it already is.”

I was shivering; my body remembered how it felt to be near him, to be in his arms, to feel him inside me, but I had to be strong. I just couldn’t surrender to him- it would be so wrong, and I knew I couldn’t live with it.

“Please Serene, I want to have you just one more time, one last time, I still love you, I’ve loved you ever since…” He stopped and unbuttoned my blouse. The thin vest underneath did not cover that much, and when he noticed my tattoo he smiled at me and then gave a rueful laugh.

“A wise woman! That is a wonderful honor, and one that you certainly deserve! But I could wish that you had received that honor from the Urshilaku, or Erabenimsun, or even the Za-inab."

He began to lace my shirt back up and continued,”You see, it is against all custom for a an Ashlander to make love with a wise woman from his own tribe.”

We looked at each other and I then knew that, even as some doors open, others close. Sedrane would always be my first love, but I was no longer the same girl I was when I first arrived in Vvardenfell. Life is a journey…

Yes, life is a journey, and travelling with an intervention-spell is also quite a journey, yet not a pleasant one, as I’ve told before.

“Damn it, woman, watch your step!” The dark, slightly annoyed voice that greeted me as I slumped down in front of the door of the Temple of Ald´Ruhn after my intervention from Ald Daedroth turned out to belong to no less than Salyn Sarethi, who I had pushed aside rather hard when I appeared. I didn’t really grasp who he was or even where I was the first ten sec-onds, and he obviously didn’t expect me to materialize almost on top of him while crossing the Temple courtyard, carrying some small bottles in a basket.

“Serene! What the….? Where did you come from?” He stared at me as if I was some weird creature from Akavir...
“I...I just came back,” I responded faintly, still dizzy from the travel, brushing off the dust from my robe, at least trying to look decent. Salyn stared at me with a peculiar look on his face, not exactly friendly, honestly speaking. I didn’t blame him; the last he saw of me was me sneaking out of his mother’s funeral…

“Do you realise what you’ve done to Father?” He sounded angry and my heart sank. “You almost killed him, you know, by running away like that. What did you THINK of woman???” Salyn was so angry, he grabbed my upper arms and shook me violently, and it seemed as if it was just a matter of time until he’d hit me. I was sure of that, and I was right, for he slapped my face, and slapped it hard. I didn’t move; my left cheek burned, and the pain went right up in my head, as tears of shame and repentance ran down my face, but I didn’t move…and I didn’t utter a word.

“Argh, damn it. I’m sorry Serene, I shouldn’t have hurt you, don’t cry for god’s sake!” He let go of me and turned around, feeling awkward.

“I’m so sorry…and I do not intend to try to explain to you why I did what I did, because I’m not sure of it myself,” I said quietly as I sank down on the ground again, starting to realise how selfish I’d been, that I should have stood by the Sarethi family in their time of despair. Instead I fled, because I couldn’t stand the evil looks of the man that caused their grief. How pathetic I was! Salyn had all the right in the world to slap my face; in fact he had the right to punish me even more if he chose to…

He didn’t …instead he sat down beside me, put his arm around my shoulders and wiped my face with a fairly clean handkerchief. Men feel awkward about women crying and Salyn Sare-thi was definitely no exception to that.

“There! No more tears now Serene, please, I am just so worried about Father…come, let’s go for a drink, you look like you’ll need it and I’ll tell you what has happened.”

I followed Salyn to the Rat-in-the-Pot, and this is what he told me;

We didn’t discover your absence until we began to embark on the ship back to Khuul. Sethyas and Varvur escorted Father, for he was very weak and could hardly walk. The funeral induced too much emotion in him, and he couldn’t handle it. On board he asked for you… Sethyas said you had probably gone somewhere to grieve in peace, then Father said we should wait for you, that he didn’t want to return to Ald´Ruhn unless you were with him. We waited for two days before we could persuade him to let us go home. When we left the Island, he retreated into himself. He just sat there, not talking to anyone, and it was the same until we came home. He locked himself in his chambers and stopped living…Not eating or drinking, not wanting to talk to anyone.

This catatonic state lasted for two whole weeks. We didn’t see him and he let no one into his chambers. At last we had to send for a mage from the guild. We feared he’d starve himself to death! Edwinna came by and Sethyas and I had to literally break into his room. What we saw in there was not….pleasant. Imagine a body that hasn’t had any food or drink at all for two weeks! He was more dead than alive…Edwinna did all she could- she had to force liquid into him with the help of a funnel, drip by drip. If she did it too fast, it came up again.

We fought for his life for almost a week before we could see any results from our efforts, until one day last week he opened his eyes and said one word…the only word he had said since the day of the funeral…´Serene´ he said…

Salyn stopped talking and took a deep breath. I could see how hard this was on him, and that did not ease my own pain. I hadn’t felt like this ever; the unspeakable pain in my heart was so overwhelming, I could hardly breathe. Tears were gushing down my face but Salyn didn’t seem to notice it- he just looked sadly at me and continued;

The bad thing is that Trey isn’t around, he’d have known what to do, and how to help Father, but he’s in Mournhold, god knows why! Sethyas immediately went to try to locate you, he was and, I gather still is, extremely angry with you. In fact he said he’d kill you with his bare hands for doing this to Father. That is, if he could find you of course!

At the moment there’s nothing changed from last week. He’s just sitting in his chambers, and I have no idea what he’s doing. He won’t let me in- it’s just Sethyas who occasionally is al-lowed to see him. He’s dissociated himself from his family, and I don’t know if he’s even ac-tually talking to Sethyas, but I think he maybe does, because he usually leaves the room swearing about you!

If I were you, Serene, I’d stay away from Seth…He will show you no mercy!

I pondered Salyn´s story. What I’d done was unforgivable: I had dishonoured my House, I had abandoned my family and, worst of all, and I had deeply hurt the only man that I really loved. Yes I knew that now, knew that I loved Athyn Sarethi, loved him more than my own life and I was prepared to give even that away at the hand of Sethyas Velas to restore the honor of Great House Redoran and the life of Athyn….

I slowly touched the Tattoo-of-the-Ahemmusa on my chest, felt its strength ooze through me, wiped my face and looked Salyn straight in the eyes and said;

“Take me home, Salyn…take me home!”