Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 6, Sidetracks and sorrow Options

[minque]

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
Washington Irving


Chapter 6 Sidetracks and Sorrow

“You can’t run away from your destiny, Serene, you will have to face the fact that you now belong to a House, to a family, and with it the responsibility it takes!” Sinnamu Mirpal´s words dug deeply into my heart as we sat by the fireplace in the Inner Shrine of Ald Daedroth that rainy evening.

I had arrived at the ancient Shrine of Ald Daedroth earlier in the afternoon, because the Ahemmusa Tribe now was safely settled there instead of the harsh lands on north-eastern Vvardenfell. Trey of High Rock had done a thorough job, making the Shrine a safe place for the Tribe. The Wise Woman had her own private chambers in the Inner Shrine, and she had decorated the thick stone walls with beautifully woven fabric in various deep earth-colors, with thick carpets on the floor to keep the damp cold away and a huge fireplace built in the center.

I felt safe here amongst my friends, far away from the evil schemes of Bolvyn Venim, the intrigues and disagreements among the Redoran Councillors…and the struggle to both be deeply in love with Athyn Sarethi and yet try to be an honourable Redoran.

Panic brought me here, panic from being aware of the hatred of Bolvyn Venim; knowing he would probably try to kill me in the cruelest way, panic from the passion that tore me apart. Here I hoped to find peace, to rest my tormented soul and finally to find myself and be a whole woman again.

I hadn’t thought of Sedrane though….

When Anja Swift-Sailer put me ashore on the island of Ald Daedroth I was astonished at first; I didn’t think the Tribe had moved out there already, but they actually had.

The first one to greet me was Sallit; he was remarkably glad to see me and grabbed my hand and literally dragged me up to the Shrine yelling out loud I was here.

Sinnamu was waiting in her chambers as he brought me there. She said nothing, just put her hand on my cheek, smiling. I got an odd feeling she had somehow known I was coming.

After arranging night quarters for me and also giving me a chance to freshen up after the jour-ney she asked me to join her in her chambers. And therefore we now were sitting in front of the fireplace and she made the remark about my destiny.

I told her about the things that had happened, including my feelings for Athyn, about Domesea, and about the panic that struck me at the funeral. She listened without interrupting me, just nodded at some points.

“You will always have a home with the Ahemmusa, you know that, so go get some rest now. I’ll give you a potion that will help you through the night.” Sinnamu gave me a purple vial which I should down before going to bed.

It was good to be back with the Ahemmusa again. Life had improved a lot for them since they moved to Ald Daedroth. Here they were safe from blight storms, outlaw Ashlanders and other pirates. They had an entire island for themselves and had begun to grow saltrice, ash yam and even hackle-lo! They were proud of themselves and couldn’t wait to show me all the im-provements they had made.

My first weeks at the Shrine I just “was.” I didn’t really do anything, just strolled about, talking to my old friends, helping out with cooking and the Guars of course. It was balm for my soul, except for that itch deep in my heart.

I felt guilty….guilty for abandoning Athyn in his grief, guilty of not standing up for my family, for my house. I ran away like a coward, and I was ashamed of myself!

It was at this time Sedrane Mirpal entered my life again…

He was the first man who had held me in his arms with love, and his dark red eyes still showed affection. I didn’t know what to say; in fact I was unable to speak because of the lump in my throat. Seeing Sedrane brought up so many memories from a happy time in my life, an uncomplicated time, compared to life with the Redorans.

“Serene, my precious, it’s so good to see you!” Sedrane embraced me and I felt a flash of the old passion, it had been so long…so very long…

We went outside for a walk; it felt somewhat easier to talk to him away from the others; besides I didn’t want to show my chaotic feelings in public. I knew I had to tell him all, as I had told his mother, including my relations with Athyn. He didn’t show much emotion during my story; as an Ashkan he had been taught to not show too many feelings.

“Enough about me now,” I finally said, drying my cheeks from the inevitable but annoying tears that always seemed to run down my face. ”Tell me about how life’s been with you and your folks.”

“Trey really did a good job clearing this place from the cultists,” Sedrane smiled “Then he escorted us here, the whole Tribe, you know! That was a journey, I tell you!”

They had actually built a couple of nice boats to take them across the waters, Trey had super-vised the construction and the manufacturing, and then he also led the armada safely to Ald Daedroth. The tribe had cleaned the old shrine from all dirt and grime, and then they made it into a real home. Every family got their own “apartment” consisting of one or two chambers according to the size of the family. The women made beautifully woven fabric to cover walls and floors to make the chambers more comfortable and unique.

“We have also managed to develop greater cooperation between other Tribes.” Sedrane said, “There have actually been a couple of cross-marriages between members of different Tribes, you know.”

I understood the island of Ald Daedroth was a good land to live on. Secure from attack, with good weather and fertile land, which provided them with good crops and good pastures for the Guars. Also the well-built shrine gave additional security and provided a good defence to almost any kind of attack.

As we walked along the waterfront I saw a young woman with a bow up a hillside. I was about to ask Sedrane who she was when I noticed a weird look on his face, like guilt or bad conscience. Then the woman spotted us and came running towards us.

“Sedrane!” she shouted from a distance, “You’re home! Who is our visitor?” As she ap-proached I noticed she was a young beautiful girl in a leather shirt with embroideries different from the normal Ahemmusa style. Her long silken jet-black hair danced around her face and shoulders as she came running, and her long slender legs hardly allowed her feet to touch the ground. Her dark red eyes looked into Sedrane´s with an unmistakable air of love.

“Shara!” He exclaimed with a faint grimace, “Ahem….this is Serene Catraso, who used to live with the Ahemmusa. I’ve told you about her, remember?”

“Serene….this is Shara, hunter from the Urshilaku-Tribe, ehh …she is to be….my wife!” The last word came out sounding rather strangled.

I felt an immediate sting of jealousy; somehow I’d expected Sedrane to …sort of wait for me, but I smiled at the young Ashlander-girl and greeted her as heartily as I could.

Shara flung herself on Sedrane, embracing him hard, and the kiss she gave him was indeed passionate so that I had to turn away from them. It was really ridiculous, but I felt a sharp pain inside and I didn’t trust my face not to reveal it.

Has he told her about us? I asked myself…

Then I decided to return to the Shrine to look up some of the women to see if I could make myself somewhat useful; besides I needed to be alone for a moment….

As I stumbled away from Sedrane and his soon-to-be bride, I almost bumped into someone, my sight blurry and faded, and would have fallen if he hadn’t caught my arm at the last second

“Hey, Serene! What’s the matter, sweetie?” Mabarrabael embraced me, just like that, like I was still a member of the clan, like I had never left. “It’s Sedrane, right?” he sighed. “It was you who once told me not to shed tears over a lost love, remember? And what are you doing right now, huh?”

I couldn’t resist smiling. Mabarrabael used to confide in me when I lived with the Ahemmusa. Once he had a bad crush for Lanabi, the Ahemmusa trader who didn’t exactly return his hot feelings and I, of course, had to tell him not to be sad about that.

Mabarrabael´s company did me good; he made me laugh, as always…We sat down on a flat rock overlooking the sea and talked for a good hour before hunger drove us back to the Shrine.
That evening, as I sat by the campfire, sharing the evening-meal with the Ahemmusa I wondered what would come out of this. I had returned to the people I loved but the reason for it could be questioned, and I honestly didn’t know what would become of me….

[minque]

”All you have to do is to be there, listen to their talk, and make your own judgements about it.”

Athyn tried to convince me that my presence at the forthcoming Council-meeting was very much needed, not for me, but for him. He said he needed me there to stand by his side, giving my silent support. I hesitated; I wasn’t sure the other Councillors would be very happy having me there.

We were having our regular morning-talk in bed, before facing the daily life. This habit was established since the second I moved in as it seemed, and we both enjoyed it. It was one of the few moments we had on our own.

“The others would ridicule you, my dear, for bringing me,” I tried to talk myself out of it; I wasn’t at all interested in taking part in the Redoran Council Meetings…not at all!

I knew the best way to end this discussion, in fact to end any discussions with Athyn, was to kiss him, which distracted him and made him want something entirely different…

Afterwards I sat up in bed looking at the man beside me. Even though he was old enough to be my father, I didn’t see him that way. His strong wiry body, his dark glittering eyes, so filled with emotion, the dark grey-streaked hair, dishevelled as always at this time, all this made him so attractive to me, and I loved him more than ever. And he also had an infuriating habit of being able to pick up the thread of a conversation without missing a beat.

“No, Serene, they wouldn’t! Maybe the Archmaster…but not the others! Deep inside, they loathe him as much as I …or you, my love!”

But of course my first Council-meeting turned out to be disastrous. I attended, due to Athyn´s wishes, and the Archmaster did his best to insult me and spit out his hate towards me. I suffered, not for my sake, but for the pain in Athyn´s eyes when he had to listen to the evil words of Bolvyn Venim. Needless to say, the other Councillors remained quite silent, save Brara Morvayn. I noticed some shame in the eyes of Hlaren Ramoran, but Garisa Llethri was absent, due to personal reasons it was said.

I had a pretty good idea what those reasons were…

That meeting was my first and my last for quite some time. I decided not to attend any kind of gathering with Bolvyn Venim present.

I pondered my life and future during the following weeks. While doing that I decorated my study, a minor room in the basement of Sarethi Manor. Athyn had given it to me shortly after I moved in, a room I could do what I wanted with, but there had been no time for me to really make it mine…until now. I needed this to keep my mind off Bolvyn Venim, and to decide what I had to do to fulfil Sinnamu Mirpal´s prophecy. Deep inside I knew what it meant, but I wasn’t ready to really grasp it…yet.

Instead I gave much thinking about how to be of any use to Trey’s struggle to be named Hortator. As far as I knew he was in the Telvanni-districts now to try to convince those crazy wizards to give him the title. The only Telvanni I knew was Baladas Demnevanni….and that brave young girl Telina…something.

Since I was planning to go to Gnisis Marketplace anyway, I decided to pay a visit to Baladas at the same time. Gnisis Market was known to be the right place to go if you wanted to buy woven carpets and ceramic pottery, and I had a room to decorate! Apart from that it would be nice to meet Baladas again…

A faint sun was rising over Red Mountain that cold Loredas-morning in mid First Seed, as I set out for Gnisis. At least there was no ash-storm and I wore a dark violet cloak, made of finest Kagouti-hides dyed with heather, so I could stand a bit of harsh weather. Athyn didn’t really want me to go; he was always worried that something would happen to me, so he wanted Sethyas Velas to accompany me. I refused; this was my trip, and I did not want any man to interfere with my shopping, or my eventual meeting with Baladas Demnevanni for that matter.

I enjoyed the trip with the Strider to Gnisis. The sky was blue and the colors of the rising sun were magnificent. Navam Veran, the driver, was cheerful as always, and fed me with the latest gossip about the inhabitants of Ald´ruhn.

“´eard them Mages got´emselves some really fancy books, fer teachin´them scholars te read! Reeeally fine books…from Vivec they came.oh aye! And given by that noble Duchess who is the very fiancée of our Seth, so nice a lady she is that Lady Duchess…And Ienas Sarandas´ done it again, made a complete fool of ´imself! Now he has it comin´to ´im, mark my word…Oh and Counc´ler Ramoran is still sulkin´o´er that woman…tsk.tsk, when he’s got that fiiine lass jest under ´is very eyes.”

“Excuse me!” I just had to interrupt him, or he would have never stopped talking, “That Duchess you’re talking about, could it by any chance be Lady Ilmeni Dren you’re referring to?” That was the only Duchess I had heard of and I knew Sethyas had something going on with her.

“Aye Sera Catraso…´tis, now long time since she’s been in Ald´ruhn….I wonder?”

I didn’t find out what Navam was wondering, because we went down for landing at Gnisis Strider port. The weather had gotten much worse, as Gnisis was situated near the coast, the humidity from the sea easily gets in over the land and clouds are formed. So a drizzling rain met me in Gnisis as I hurried towards the Market.

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I put down my quill for a short moment, to stretch my numb legs and actually look at the room I was sitting in. The room hasn’t changed since then; this was the room I decorated back then, before it all happened, when I still was young and naïve, when I still had all those things undone, which would affect my life to such extent. This was my place of remembrance, my place of peace…The woven tapestries in dark red and brown were those I purchased in Gnisis that day in First Seed, so many years ago, the pots filled with fresh Heather and Gold Kanet were the pots I brought home back then…If the walls in this room could talk….

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Tulsi, Baladas Demnevanni´s tame Daedroth, greeted me by hissing and displaying her teeth…waving her big head from one side to the other, as I reached the inner chambers of Arvs Drelen.

“Who’s there?” The sharp voice made some memories awake in me, and I stepped rapidly forward. He looked exactly as I remembered him, and without any further comments he just embraced me.

“Let me have a look at you my child.” He held me at an arm’s length in front of him and appraised me thoroughly. A couple of tears ran down my cheeks as I remembered the last time I met this old wizard.

“Master Demnevanni,” I said, “I…I’m so glad to see you.”

“Then stop crying, for Stendarr’s sake,” he grunted, “You are beautiful as always but you have lost weight…are you really happy?” I nodded and wiped my face with the sleeve of my cloak.

Baladas bade me sit down and offered me some herbal tea, ingredients unknown to me but it surely had an effect on me, and I felt all of a sudden very calm and relaxed.

I told Baladas most of the things that had happened to me since I last met him. He listened without saying much; he just gave me a handkerchief when I spoke about the terrible death of Domesea Sarethi and my cowardly escape to Ald Daedroth after the funeral. His red eyes darkened as I mentioned Bolvyn Venim and he just nodded as I told about Sinnamu Mirpal´s dream.

“You do know what actions need to be taken? And that you have to actually do it- don’t you?” He asked me sternly. I nodded, but I didn’t want to think about that right now. My primary concern was Trey, to make sure he’d be Hortator.