The Tale Of Jerrick, Chapter 1 Options

[Shinnok]

My name is Jerrick Ettiene, son of Claude Ettiene and Arrielle Ettiene. I am Breton born and raised in High Rock. I had few luxuries for my father was a Fisherman. We lived in a small cottage near the Bjoulsae River living off the fish my father caught. At the age of 12 my father let me go hunt in the forests to provide for my Mother who fell ill. That's when it all started.
I was 18 and I left to the forests when I found a dead guard against a tree stump, horrified I ran foward to see barbarians ripping each others flesh off. Next to the gruesome onslaught were dozens of dead guards.
There remained only one of these madmen he checked to see if anyone one else stood in the forest and he saw me. I jumped forward ready for battle, he circled around me waiting for the right time to strike. But anxiety took the best of me and I rushed towards him axe in hand. Before I could start my Hack N
Slash tactic he kicked me in chest sending me flying backwards.
I fell nearly 10 feet away from where I was. Know I knew the measure of his strength . I waited for him to attack this time. He lunged towards me so I rolled to the side and plunged my axe into his shoulder he howled in pain but with another kick I again went flying. Acting quickly he ran to strike a final blow but I hid behind a tree into which he jumped face first paralyzing him for a few seconds.
I punched him in the face trying to get in any hit I could, trying make his nose bleed and pop his eardrums. He fell I picked my axe from his shoulder and plunged it into his head killing him.

[The Metal Mallet]

Not too bad a beginning; it looks like our main character knows how to fight. Also these barbarians seem like a dangerous threat.

Just a couple of suggestions:

First off, I would suggest you keep updating on this thread, do not keep making new threads for each update on your story. We don't mind if after a few thread pages (usually a minimum of three) that you start a new thread if it signifies a new "chapter" but we definitely recommend you keep posting on this thread you created.

Also, when writing on forums, it's better to avoid using indents and instead opt for putting a blank line in between each paragraph. That way us readers don't have to look at what looks like one large chuck of text, which makes it easier to read.


Again, this starting looks promising. Hopefully we'll get to see some character development in the next update. Until then!