Thornsink, My first fan fic! Options

[~Jalnos~]

“Ugh….help, please” My voice faded in the darkness. I had been pulling myself along the ground using the grass for hours, maybe even a day. My left leg hanging by a mere thread, my life along with it. Gasping for water, a small settlement came into view. I tried to call out to the group of Argonians and Orcs that were talking, yet not a sound came out of my mouth, only a cough of blood.
The determination to stay alive was the only thing that kept me going, trying to reach to the village so that they could provide me with drink. After realising that they would not notice me as long as I was on the ground, so with my last ounce of energy, I pulled my Mage staff from my back, stabbed it in the ground, and used it as a prop to stand up. As the very last of my plagued spirit was used to stand up, and ounce of hope was swept into my body, as a young Argonian woman sitting at the edge of the town spotted me, standing alone in blood stained tattered robes, crying.
She called a large Orc over to carry me into the inn, and as I was lifted, all went black.
“I wonder what happened to him”

“Well, he has a huge dent down here on his left, which gives me the suspicion of a war hammer hit, and the gashes are certainly blade cuts, no wolf could cut so viciously.”

“But who would do that to an innocent person”

“You cannot be certain that he is innocent, never judge people like that, it can end up getting you killed.”

“I suppose” and the voices faded away…

I awoke in a small wooden in, a beautiful young Argonian looking over me. “’Morning, mister!” She said in an elegant voice. “Golog, he’s awake!” she called over her shoulder, and was approached by a large Orc.
"Friend!” he called in a surprising jolly voice for such a burly Orc. “Welcome to the small town of Thornsink! Feel free to stay!”
“Th- Thornsink?” I stuttered back at him, glancing around the wall, all carved with intricate patterns and swirls.
“Impressive eh?” The Orc asked after observing me looking around the room. “My great great grandfather built this with is own two hands, a real role model.” He told me with great pride. “You look confused, let me explain, my great great grandfather was good friends with an Argonian warrior name Jomaaja. He and Jo decided to leave busy life, and set up their own settlement, so behold, Thornsink! It was named after my great’s signature blade that he defeated a bandit war party with. Anyway, enough rabble, shall I show you around?” The Orc said with a smile.

After a long tour round the Orc and Argonian village, the Orc named Golog-Mro-Borg took me into a dark corner and requested me of some assistance.
“Friend, I am about to ask you of a favour worth more than a thousand Septims. Recently, despite the others not knowing, the Thornsink blade that was holed up it a cavern below us, was stolen, I, friend am asking you to retrieve it. The reward I will pay is, the town’s gratitude, trust, 100 Septims and Jomaaja’s armour, one that the pattern so intricate not even a master crafter could replicate it. Do you accept?”

This is just kinda' a starter for this, what do you guys think?
I appreciate all comments/criticism is welcome.

This post has been edited by ~Jalnos~: May 4 2007, 09:26 PM

[jack cloudy]

I've been thinking about our main critiscism a bit more. Consider this some free advice.

It is obvious that you either have to ignore it and build further on what you have, which honestly won't be such a big problem to me, or you have to fix it somehow. You could easily have another villager come up and berate Golog for his naivety. That would fix things up.

Or you could turn it into a test. If the protagonist accepts, than Golog will call him a fool for expecting such a request to be real.

Just my two cents.