Spoof, I am kinda bored but it is good 4 laughs Options

[jchamber]

"Hey, you wake...OUCH! whad'ya hit me for fool?"

"You bothered my sleep and I wake up cranky. Ya F***in' jerkwad."

"Well, neway we are here and the guard's gonna take us away. We are gonna be free soon."

"At least you woke me up to some good news then. oh oh I see the guard walking towards us now"

"Come with me, up..."

"Shut up and let's go!" I interrupted.

"On deck now."

"Smell ya round about never suckka" I said as I walked up to topside and there was a pig walkin' toward the boat, he was lookin' righ' at me so I knew he was an escort. "HEY you there in the bling armor. Let's get a move on!" I yelled as I ran down the ramp, jiub was right behind me, that jerk.

"first off where are you from?"

"Well why don't you ask the captain, or someone who got to navigate, or at least someone who saw sunlight while on boat, huh?"

"I am from a village north of here, and my obnoxious company here is from somewhere that is glad to be rid of him, suffice it to say that he's a unique fellow of odd talents, not that he uses them much." Jiub was such a softy, makes me wonder how he ever got a face scar, prolly steped on a muck rack that hit his face.

"Fine, I want you to go to the Office there while I take care of things here."

"Sure, whatever." Once inside the old guy wanted to talk to me but I went straight for the door, I had no intention of letting some old guy slow me down. AND>.......the door was locked, " hey bub, open this door so that I can go..that's the whole reason I am here right?"

"No, you are here to get recorded and you will go into the next room to get let go. and You are NOT getting in there without being released by the man you are obviously trying to ignore....oh now you will have to wait on that dark elf to finish paper work, and I think I will hold him until yours is done too so that you are sure to get a hard time from him for slowing him down too."

"Ah, man that's wack. I don't like this one bit. but then again it seems they are just about done, so how bad can it be right?"

"That's a better attitude, and you will want to control your tongue here or else you are going to find quite a bit of trouble coming your way."

"I didn't know that guards were allowed to hand out empty threats like that, maybe I should see abouthaving you transferred somewhere cold..." and there it was, the anger from a threat was all that was needed to set the guard scarlet red and about to burst into a yelling fit, it was at this moment that Jiub was getting done and I grabbed the key from the guard's pocket while he was glaring at me for a moment before he started yelling.

"Why you little punka** b*t** I oughta have you put right back on that ship and have you put in shakles and left for middle ocean fishes dinner!!!!"

"More empty threats, wow you are going for the perma frost huh?" It was at this point that the old man interrupted us to cool off his personal guard.

"Stop that screaming Vanilla Famirick, it doesn't do much for your awareness, you might notice something missing if you were not busy paying attention to what a young moron from a prison boat had to say about your legal problems" With that the man began to look embarrassed, angry, and frantic all at once, he was frantically looking for what was missing that is..."It's your key that the little pickpocket took." The guard's mood didn't improve at this point.

"Give me that back you lousy second rate foolish" he was pulling his sword out as he was talking so I decided to interrupt.

"Your insults are weak, fool. Here's your key, I ain't so lousy when I got the key from ya without even your knowing it while you were looking right at me. The only thing that is second rate in here is your lack of control over yourself, heh heh"

To this the old man smiled, much to my surprise, "Well, you are a mighty intelligent and fiesty one. You use more than just your hands to steal, but you can't be too great if you got yourself put in prison and shipped here." Now he was trying to make me mad, and I wasn't bout to fall fo' my own games.

"Old man what is it you want to scribble on your littlw papers, before I bust on outta 'ere?"

"Hmmm what are you good at other than stealing and playing on people's emotions and manipulating situations with conversation? Give me another half a dozen skills or so please."

Well I wasn't about to let anyone know more about me than they could derive from what this man had already seen so I was lyin' out my a** while answering his questions, but I did tell him what I would like to be referred to as....."You can tell them to call me a 'ghetto hood' man"

"How would you spell that? I have never even heard of either one of those words. Is it nordish, you kind oa resemble a nord/redguard/...acctually you look like just about any non-beast race, is your family some kind of cross-breeders?"

"HEY!! you talkin' bad 'bout my peeps, man? I really don't wanna start nothing but I ain't gonna stand for that kinda cr*p!"

"You know what, I don't care that much, so just write it in here on the page, ok?? .....ok, you can go through that door and to freedom. You need to drop by the captain of the guard on the way out though as he said he has a business offer for you."

"Ah now you are talkin' I wanta way to get some grub around 'ere"

Sellus gravius, the cap'n was a gruff lookin' man, when I met him is the last time I had to see Jiub, which brightened my mood a bit. "Ok outlander, I have a package here for you to take to a man in Balmora. Once you get there he will give you your pay. His name is Cassius Cosades and the locals should be able to point you in the right direction to get to his house once you are there. To het to Balmora all you have to do is go out that door, look around for a stilt strider bug to ride in and it sould be less than twenty gold. I am giving you a little extra just for other food stuffs. I am giving you an extra fifty, so Seventy is the most I am giving someone who has as much of an attitude as you...I got a memo." He handed me some gold and a couple letters.

"I am outta here!"