A story for my creative writing class, Please be my judge Options

[redsrock]

This is for a school assignment, and I’d like as much help as possible. The story itself is set loosely in my post-apocy world, but not much. Anyway, I’ll be posting this in scenes, for reasons I don’t really know. Enjoy. And don't be afraid to give your judgment. I know it's not perfect, so don't hold back.

SCENE ONE

Even though she was long dead, I could still see her so vividly. It felt as if she was sleeping right next to me under the starry night sky, and in a way I suppose that was actually true. Jacob looked so much like his mother Katrina, with his beach blonde hair and baby-blue eyes. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw her, and I saw her staring back at me in him. I hoped she approved of what I was doing. I know I didn’t myself, but there was no other way. Waiting any longer was not an option if I wanted to save Jacob’s life.

He was lying next to me, shivering as usual as if it were twenty degrees below zero, when in fact it was nearly one-hundred degrees above. He had some kind of a high fever, and that was exactly why we had left Oakburg to begin with. I didn’t want to make the dangerous trek across the Deadlands, but none of the medicine in Oakburg had even phased his illness. The Pentagon would have the cure to his illness, or at least that’s what I was hoping. If not, our journey would be for nothing.

“I can’t get to sleep, Danny,” came a whisper from above and behind me. I turned around to see my best friend, ole’ Joseph Granger staring down at me with those mystic green eyes of his. “I’m gonna scout ahead and see if there’s any gang-lairs to be wary of. Just thought I’d let ya’ know.”

I sat up and rubbed the back of my head. The heat had given me a tremendous headache, and to be honest I felt like vomiting right then and there. But I didn’t, because that would have woken up Jacob, and he had just fallen asleep after not having been able to do so for quite some time. I took a drink from my dirty water and nodded at Doc. “Yeah, sure. Be careful, though. You need my rifle?”

He crinkled up his lips and shook his head, waving away the offer with his hairy, wrinkly hand. “Nah, I got me pistol and that’s all I’ll need. ‘Sides, I don’t plan on fightin’ with ‘em if I do find ‘em. Don’t worry, Danny, I’ll be back in a jiff.”

I watched as he disappeared into the shadows, and then I walked over to where our cow, Betty, was resting nearby. She wasn’t sleeping either, apparently taken back by the hideous heat just as I was. She started to whine softly and I quickly stroked her back to relieve her of stress. She wasn’t doing very well either, and I could tell by the way she had acted over the past few days, ever since we left Oakburg in fact.

The Pentagon was our destination, a system of five large cities connected via high concrete walls. It was said that if one were to look down upon the cities from the sky they’d see a pentagon, hence the name. The Pentagon had the best of everything, most importantly medicine. Oakburg was a tiny little thing that was barely worth calling a village to begin with. Then again, anything outside the Pentagon was worthless. They called it the Deadlands for a reason after all. Mostly because of the monsters and gangs that roamed, but also for the deadness that had fallen since the Old War ended and the New World begin. I wasn’t alive during the Old War, but from what I’ve experienced it couldn’t have been any worse than the New.

Drinking the rest of my dirty water, I watched Jacob sleep. Not soundly mind you, but more restlessly than I had ever seen him be. He was getting worse and worse by the day, and I wished I hadn’t listened to that fool of a doctor back in Oakburg, if you could even call him a doctor that is. Jacob was only eight years old, yet his life was already being threatened, and by something I had no control over. I think that’s what made it worse for me, knowing that I couldn’t do a thing to help, other than pray to God that we make it the Pentagon before it’s too late. Of course, God and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately, mostly because I’m not even sure he’s there to begin with. They say God watches over everyone, but how the hell can that be true when my little boy is on the verge of dying more and more each day? What’d he do to anyone to deserve something so horrible?

But here I am, ranting again. Oh I’m suuuuure God is indeed there, and I’m also sure this is some kind of plan he has in store for everyone. Why else would the almighty God let an innocent eight year old boy die a horrible death when that eight year old boy has been nothing but a sweet angel to everyone he has ever met in his entire life? I mean, if Jacob is to die, then it MUST be for a reason, right? Right?

[censored].

Jacob didn’t deserve to go through what he was going through. Back when my mother and father were still alive, they used to preach to me that God’s way was the only way, and that anything else was wrong. I believed them then because it seemed right. It seemed like the sensible thing to believe in. Hell, ever since the Atomic War took place and divided what used to be the “United States of America” into simply “America”, nothing’s been right. Man finally got bored enough to decide and kill itself, and now almost everyone is struggling to survive each and every day. Except for those living in the Pentagon of course. Those living in the Pentagon are having the time of their lives. I’m sure of it. But how can one claim that the destruction of the earth as we knew it was brought upon by the will of God himself? Why would he want to destroy what he created to begin with? To make us suffer for our sins? I don’t buy that, not at all. The world has been [censored]ting on itself for hundreds of years. If “cleansing our sins” had been the reason, God would have worked his magic during the Great Wars. He wouldn’t have waited this long.

However, the New World has existed for two-hundred years, give or take depending on who you talk to. I don’t want to say that I don’t believe in God at all, but let’s just say that if he is indeed real, he’s not on my good list. I lost my beautiful wife just minutes after she had given birth to our Jacob. Wasn’t that enough for him? Was really that hungry where now he has to take my son as well? Why? Why has he been doing this to me? Perhaps it’s me who is fault. Maybe I am what is wrong, and he’s punishing those around me who I love for whatever ill I’ve done wrong. I don’t know, that sounds a bit absurd. Then again, so does slowly murdering an innocent little boy.

“You alright, Danny boy?”

I looked up, startled, to see Joseph standing just a mere few feet in front of me. I don’t how long he had been gone, but all I knew was that I was lying on the ground, looking up at the stars. I didn’t remember ever leaving my feet, but apparently I had. “Yeah, Joe, I’m fine. What’d you out there? Anything?”

“Nah, nothin’ interestin’ at least. I found a dead rat, though,” he said, pointing to the body of a dead rat that was resting next to our backpacks. “It don’t look that old, so maybe it’ll make us a good supper? It’s only ten o’clock and we haven’t eaten the entire day. What do ya’ say, Danny boy?”

“I don’t know, it might wake Jacob up.”

“Ya’, but that’d prolly be a good thing, y’know? The boy needs to eat, Danny. He’s skinny and weak enough as it is. Do you want me to get a fire a roarin’ or not?”

I slowly nodded, and Joseph got out the cooking tools, eager to chow down on some tasty rat.