Swamp Hider's Tale, A story of a demented Argonian Options

[mALX]

Swamp-Hider did not question Lucien's orders, not wanting to invoke his wrath.

This line bothered me. He is an assassin, it is hard to picture him being afraid of incurring Lachance's wrath. I would think Swamp-Hider would be ticked off at that kind of treatment. His temperment seems over-meek with Lachance - then suddenly shows up in snappiness, temper, and griping at every little thing later - like displaced anger.

Assassins work alone and have to be crafty and smart (unless you are writing Swamp-Hider as a bumbler deliberately) - yet he never questions why suddenly he is being stuck with a babysitter to watch his every move. Something is up when they stick you with someone without explanation.

I am not criticizing your story, don't misunderstand what I'm saying here - I just want to know where you are going with your character because he came across as two completely different personalities in this chapter - unless that is how you wanted to portray him.

Your writing is great as ever, I was just bothered by the inconsistancy of his personality in this one chapter.

[Wrothken Bear-Scar]

I made the change because of all he's been through mentally. Basically he's hearing voices of a supposed deity, he has a sword that has been telling him to drink blood, so being afraid of Lucien's orders and Arnond is just his mind being elsewhere because of all that's been going on. Then he gets snappy later because he finally realizes that something's up

[mALX]

I made the change because of all he's been through mentally. Basically he's hearing voices of a supposed deity, he has a sword that has been telling him to drink blood, so being afraid of Lucien's orders and Arnond is just his mind being elsewhere because of all that's been going on. Then he gets snappy later because he finally realizes that something's up

Okay, now I understand. It was so out of character for him that I wasn't sure what was going on!

[Wrothken Bear-Scar]

Alright everybody sorry I have been gone for an eternity but I am back with a new chapter of Swamp Hider's Tale so enjoy.

In Bruma, Part 2, The Girl

At Olav's Tap and Tack, the inn closest to the east gate, Swamp-Hider and Arnond sat inside. Arnond spoke with the owner of this small inn, Olav. "Yes, we have two rooms reserved," he said.

Olav looked at the Breton and said "Yes, well...." He shook his head. "No. Two beds one room."

Swamp-Hider said, slamming his head to his hand, "In Bruma, for two weeks, in a room with you?"

"We'll take it," Arnond said, walking up the small steps into a singular room with Swamp-Hider following from behind. In their small room Swamp-Hider and Arnond were trying to relax, but Swamp-Hider couldn't sit for too long. "Can I go out?"

Arnond replied with a simple shake of his head.

"Come on! At least let's go down for some drinks," Swamp-Hider pleaded.

"We have to wait for his message to come," Arnond replied.

Swamp-Hider paused for a moment looking at the door. "Well what if we don't get a message?"

"Then we wait," Arnond said.

"Well what if he doesn't message in two weeks?" Swamp-Hider asked.

"Then we stay for two weeks."

After quite some time of complaining Swamp-Hider got his way and they went out, but Arnond told him in order to do what he wants they both must look at some ayleid ruins.

They left Bruma and searched around the ruins. Arnond explained as much as his throat could push out about the history of the Ayleids.

“Did you know that the Ayleids were the first race to create an empire in Tamriel? The Ayleids were known as Ancient Ones, Wild Elves, or Heartland High Elves. They also created the Imperial City but back then it wasn’t a city, it was a fortress known as the White Gold Tower.” He pointed at a small mountain with an Ayleid tower pointing out. “You know there is more than just one type of Ayleid. Some say they live deep within the forests.”

Swamp-Hider huffed and kicked stones around for a while.

When they returned to Bruma, Swamp-Hider was excited to go out into the winter bound city. Though it wasn't much to look at Swamp-Hider simply enjoyed his freedom out of that stuffy room.While Swamp-Hider was running around Bruma like a child straight out of bed in the morning Arnond returned to the inn.

Olav approached Arnond and said, "You have a message and it’s a real doozie."

[i]Why were you not in when I came? I wanted to see you personally but now that will not do. Meet a man name Grolog in a small house behind the chapel there will be a moon on his door. Don't mess this up or by Sithis you will not like the result of failure.

L.L.

Arnond slapped himself on the head knowing full well that Lucien Lachance furious is like dealing with a berserk ogre. But he knew that this contract must be the most important if he has to meet someone for the job.

In a small house not too far from Olav’s Tap and Tack, Swamp-Hider was enjoying a couple of pints with some Nords. The door opened showing Swamp-Hider’s dream lizard, Hul. She walked up to Swamp-Hider and said "Its been a while, Sugar Scales"

Swamp-Hider simply smiled and replied. “I’m great.” He had an idea to make his stay in Bruma less miserable. “You wanna go out?”

Hul knowing what Swamp-Hider was trying simply laughed and said "Sure. Tonight at the Fighters Guild, eight o’ clock. Don't be late, alright?"

Swamp-Hider looked at his new drinking friends and they all laughed and cheered for Swamp-Hider had a date. He cheered as Hul left the small house. He thought his luck was about to change for the better, but unknown to him things were about to become complicated.

[Grits]

Swamp-Hider gets a date with the lizard woman of his dreams, while Arnond gets a meeting with the furious L.L. Somehow I think Swamp-Hider’s night will not go as he planned! I had to laugh at the image of the reluctant Argonian kicking stones around while Arnond lectured him about the Ayleids.

[mALX]

I also got a kick out of Swamp-Hider kicking the stones around "for a while" - great imagery !! I like the foreshadowing at the end as well, promises trouble is on the way! Great Write!

[Wrothken Bear-Scar]

Ok so I have returned from fighting dragons and pain in the boat Imperials no offense to those who like Imperials. Here is the latest edition of the Swamp-Hider's Tail.

In Bruma, The Sinking Pit

Arnond, covered in a cloak, walked outside the inn and arrived at the house with the moon upon the door. When Arnond knocked an Orc of surprising size opened the door. This orc was smaller than most and very bony. He wore very casual clothing. Ignoring the surprise in size, Arnond asked “Are you Grolog?”

Grolog, in a very hospitable voice, said, “Ah, you must be Arnond. Come in, come in.”

When Arnond entered the house he noticed many weapons hung upon the walls and many books upon what seemed endless amounts of shelves. “So Lucien sent me but do you know for what?”

Grolog replied, “Oh, right. Here it is.” Grolog dug in a black satchel and pulled out an ebony dagger coated with some sort of poison and a note written by Lucien that read:

“Dear Arnond,

If you are reading this note you have taken the next step to your contract and good of the family. Swamp-Hider must be eliminated for his mistake. Many of the other family members disappointed by this news inspired something I have never done, giving Swamp-Hider a gift. Visiting the beautiful city of Bruma. I thought an ending for him should end in a fairy tale city. The dagger you carry is coated in a poison taken from a beast far north. Eliminate him and you will be compensated very well.”

Arnond crumpled the note in his hand and placed his hand upon his face, sighing at the news. He looked down at the blade and clenched the handle knowing this would be the toughest thing he could ever do.


Meanwhile at the Fighters Guild, Swamp-Hider was dressed in fine clothing. Well, clothing that was stolen. Hul came up the steps from the Bruma Fighters Guild barracks. She was dressed in a soft blue and green dress.

Swamp-Hider’s scales reddened. So did Hul’s when she saw Swamp-Hider dressed in black fine robes. They left the Fighters Guild and walked with each other hand in hand, making it to the Jerall View. It was packed with one last table available. As they sat, they asked the waitress for venison with wine and a pint of mead. As the waitress walked away they began to converse about their working lives.

“So what work do you do?” Hul asked Swamp-Hider curiously.

“I work for a store in Cheydinhal,” Swamp-Hider lied, sweating a bit. “So how’s working for the Fighters Guild? Is it worth being in danger?”

“Its fun to go on contracts, but lately the works been drying out. Regardless, the people are great,” Hul replied, smiling.

A Nord couple sitting at the table beside them was starting to give an evil eye at Swamp-Hider and Hul.

The male Nord yelled, “Hey, lizard, can you tell your female scale-tart to quit swinging her tail?”

“But the space between our tables is wide enough! You’re barely getting the tip.”

“I don’t care, you bleeding pond scum!” The Nord retorted.

Swamp-Hider stood up and felt the blade under his robes scream “Drink.”

The Nord stood up with a clenched fist.

Swamp-Hider snapped and clocked the Nord right in the nose.

The Nord became furious while holding his nose screaming.

His wife stood up and picked up a bottle of wine Swamp-Hider dodged the initial swing that’s when Swamp-Hider punched her in the nose and knocked her down.

Hul and Swamp-Hider ran from the Jerall View and stood outside and Swamp-Hider began to explain feeling like he ruined his date with Hul. “Listen, she had a bottle and I know that was ungentlemanly of me--” Hul interrupted him and kissed him deeply.

An hour later they were in the Fighters Guild barracks, getting ready for passion but was stopped. A man held a dagger to the back of his neck and said “Why are you on top of my woman?”

Swamp-Hider replied, “I didn’t do anything. You kinda ruined that.”

“Turn around slowly,” the voice demanded

Swamp-Hider turned slowly and saw the Khajiit from Cheydinhal. “Oh come on!”

“Take off your pants.” The Khajiit demanded.

“Great. He’s a thief and a pervert.” Swamp-Hider muttered.

“That’s it!” The Khajiit moved his arm to strike. Swamp-Hider blocked and punched the Khajiit in the nose. The Khajiit fell to the floor and cursed. Hul then ran to the Khajiit. “J’zaad!”

“So you two work together?” Swamp-Hider asked.

Hul explained. “We bring in travelers and steal precious items, but I swear I didn’t want to.”

“Save it” Swamp-Hider walked out angry and depressed.

The next morning Swamp-Hider sat in the chapel looking out of the glass that imbued its halls. Arnond crept to Swamp-Hider knowing he had to do it now or he would change his mind. But what Arnond saw was surprising even for him.

[mALX]

The story is interesting! Your imagination is very creative! It would be much easier to read with a little punctuation in certain places, but great write overall.