A Short Story By Kiln The Wanderer, First Fan Fiction...be gentle... Options

[Kiln]

This is a fairly long on but I hope you all like it.
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Kiln took off his armor and laid it to the side. The floor was horribly dirty so he didn't want to lay on it so he propped his back to the wall and tried to sleep.

Sleep did not come easy as there were no comforts to help him drift off the way he usually had. The whispering was starting to get to him too. The voices all blended together to make a dull swishing noise throughout the tomb which was unnerving to him. He finally managed to sleep but he awoke off and on throughout the night.

The next morning was quite an ecstatic moment for him because he finally was able to leave the tomb. He wanted to go to town quickly so he prepared to cast a spell to recall him to civilization.

He went through the ritual of hand movements and chants to take him back to town.

The inn was a wonderful sight for him. He had survived in the wilderness over night before but this was different. He thought voices filling the tomb were going to drive him insane but it was safe nonetheless.

Finally back in town he realized just how hungry he was, he had to get something to eat. The Eight Plates was hardly the place for eating, the food was okay but not that good so he headed down the street to the lucky lockup. It was his favorite place to eat. Hunger had taken it's toll on him, he was weak and barely able to stand. Kiln had a great meal consisting of eggs and marshmerrow leaving him feeling refreshed.

An argonian bumped into him and nearly gagged, it was also painstakingly clear that he hadn't bathed in some time now. He paid the man for the food and left through the arch in the wall out of town. He took off his armor and laid it on the ground sitting the satchel on top of it and lying his clothing out away from the water.

He stepped into the water and submerged himself a few times and swam around to be sure he removed all of the grime and filth he had collected. At that moment he felt a sharp pain shoot through his right leg. He yelled and splashed as he made his way out of the water, apparently he hadn't noticed where the cliff racer had barely cut his skin just enough for the fish to smell the blood in the water.

He picked up rocks and threw them at the huge fish that had bitten him hoping to kill it or at least scare it away. That was enough bathing for the day so he wrapped his leg cloth and used chewed up hack-lo leaves from a nearby plant to help prevent infection. He dressed himself, put his armor on, and strapped his belt.

He was headed back to town to find a place to rest. He didn't need to sleep but he needed to sit and relax for awhile he had been on edge since he had come back from the tomb.

He returned to the Eight Plates and rented a bed, it seemed Serene had cleared out days before and the room was open once again. He entered and sat in the chair. It was a perfect time to read the journal.

"I had another strange dream last night but I can't remember most of it. Anyways today is the day that Jiub and I are to be freed. I can't wait."

The journal had ended but continued later.

"The ship has arrived at a town called Seyda Neen as the officer told me. I will be freed however my good friend Jiub will not be freed here, his stop is later on. I said my goodbyes to him and wished him luck in his new life.

I stepped out and breathed the fresh air, it was my first time to do so in weeks. I looked around seeing strange and foreign land all around me, it was truly breath taking.

Then I was led to the Census building to be recorded for my release. The man at the desk asked me alot of strange questions and seemed delighted with everything I had to say. Strangely he seemed pleased with every answer I gave him. I can't wait to see more of this strange place."

Kiln lies the journal beside the bed and goes upstairs to listen to the singing of the few drunk patrons sitting at the bar.

[Kiln]

He sat at the table listening to the two men fight and argue, though it seemed to be good natured. They were in the bar alot drinking and yelling.

Kiln wasn't tired enough to sleep so he went out to walk. He went down the paths worn down by the busy townsfolk. Lanterns and torches lit the doors of some shops, and some windows provided light throughout the streets. He had forgotten how big the town was. Not forgotten but time without visiting the various parts of the town had distorted his memory of it.

Without anything to focus on, his mind drifted and he thought of the long dead adventurer known as Tiren and how his memory had been lost. The journal was old as was the body. Maybe he was meant to find the body and the journal. The mans journal stated that his task was not completed.

What was his task? And why did his name sound so familiar but at the same time it was not familiar to him at all? Why was ultimately the question he had about just about everything that had happened to him recently.

He felt weak all of the sudden and his entire body was numb and hot. He rolled up his pants looking over the fairly large and deep cut it had left in his leg. What if the fish had been diseased? What if this was because of the fish? His leg didn't burn though. He started to sweat, he got incredibly dizzy and he fell to the ground. He saw the bonemold helmet of one of the guards standing over him and darkness closed in around him as the guard yelled for help.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 11 2005, 10:33 PM

[minque]

I like the content really! But I have one important comment...try paragraphing! Huge masses of text are not so easy to read....otherwise it is quite good!

[treydog]

Quite an interesting story- I like the vehicle of Kiln reading the journal and becoming involved in Tiren's story through it.

[Soulseeker3.0]

good job Kiln.
one peice of advice, it's not a biggie but try using spellcheck or something, but other then that I think your story is coming out relly well

[Kiln]

I'm glad the journal thing works out with people liking it at first I wasn't really sure what kind of reaction I would get from it. Sorry about spelling errors throughout my story but I don't have a spellcheck.

Minque: I'm not exactly sure how I would split this into chapters and paragraphs and such.

[minque]

I'm glad the journal thing works out with people liking it at first I wasn't really sure what kind of reaction I would get from it.  Sorry about spelling errors throughout my story but I don't have a spellcheck.

Minque: I'm not exactly sure how I would split this into chapters and paragraphs and such.

Hey! I can help with that! paragraphing i mean..and i have a spellcheck, also in english, so i´ll pm you my mail adress and you just send me the word-files....

[Kiln]

I don't actually have an e-mail address per say it's actually my girlfriend's account so I'll have to get a password so I can get into it.

This is more like a draft anyways, I'm just getting the content down and then I'll split it into paragraphs and things like that. Unless it's that important to do it now.

[minque]

ok..then i might edit one of your posts.....paragraphing that is, just to show you....if you allow me to..

[Kiln]

That's cool with me completely fine.

Edit:Wow that looks great and it will probably help people focus on the importance of each scene. Thanks.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 11 2005, 08:56 PM

[minque]

Soo...I paragraphed all your parts.....looking a bit better yes.... and I´m always willing to help if needed...

[Soulseeker3.0]

I was going to say when I opered up the topic I thought it looked different

[Kiln]

Kiln looked around and his vision was terribly blurred. Two more guards rushed to his aid as he finally lost consciousness. A dark voice came to him in his sleep and bade him to serve his master, as he would be welcomed into the ranks. There was more to it but he had forgotten most of it. Surely, it was a dream induced by the disease he had gotten.

He awoke later in a room with people all around him, they were studying him. His vision was still blurred and sound was distorted. He could hear people talking and moving about but nothing was distinctive about what was going on around him. He was terrified as color swirled around him, the room seemed to move as if it was alive. And a deep strange but not threatening voice bade him to serve his master again. The room closed in and he blacked out again.

He reawoke once again but this time his vision was returning and he could hear almost normally. He sat up and glanced around the room briskly, trying to figure our where he was. He recognized he was at the temple, not because he regularly visited the place but it was because this was the place he had bought most of the potions he'd used to speed up the healing of cuts and all sorts of wounds.

A priestess walked over to him and leaned down, looking carefully into his eyes. It was clear that she was examining him but she looked confused.
"What disease did I have?" Kiln asked her
"No disease." She replied
"What?" Kiln asked even more confused than before when he was sure he had a disease.
"You have no disease child. You are perfectly fine." She told him
Kiln looked at her puzzled.
"Strange how it happened. You fell outside and we thought you were diseased when we saw the bite on your leg. But no matter how hard we tried to revive you, you would not wake." She added


Kiln had no idea what had happened to him and neither did any of the priests around the temple. Hours afterwards they decided he was fine, the priests told him that it may have been from too much bloodloss from the bite, for it was rather large. Kiln left the temple headed for his room at the Eight Plates.

When he arrived at the Eight Plates he rented his favorite room and assured Dulnea that he would pay her for the last five rentals when he was able. Dulnea allowed him to have the room for the night and he walked down the stairs into the room. He was incredibly exhausted but was unable to sleep having faced such a traumatic experience. Deep down he was afraid because he knew there was no way bloodloss could've caused such distortion of the world around him and the strange dreams that had come.
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I tried to paragraph things this time(If I did it wrong someone please point out my errors I need to learn this.)I lack a spell check to fix my writing so if there are any mistakes I apologise.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 11 2005, 10:08 PM

[Soulseeker3.0]

well from my little (i think) knowledge, I think you did fine and the story is coming out well.

[Kiln]

To try and take his mind off of the events that had occurred he sat in the chair at the edge of the room and relaxed. Though his thoughts quickly returned to what had happened he tried not to think about what had happened earlier. In desperation he picked up the journal and opened to the next page.

"After answering all of the questions I was asked I was given my release papers and directed by a guard to walk down a hallway and to my right to leave the office. And when I entered the room to leave the building I saw food and expensive wares all around the room. I'm not usually one to steal things but I was desperate. So I took what food I would need and the dagger but I left everything I didn't need alone. I woudn't have even taken the bread and the jerky in the barrels but people aren't exactly fed well on prison ships."

Kiln still felt somehow that he had at least heard the name of Tiren before but it was at the back of his mind, taunting him. And he read on.

"After taking what I needed from the room I walked out the door. The air was wonderful outside with mist from being so close to the water. The next thing I noticed was that there was a wall that restricted people from leaving into the town without going through the next building. The food I had wouldn't last long so popped open a barrel that was beside the doorway into the next building. There was no food inside but there was a ring that looked nice so I took it."

Kiln was finally tired enough that he could sleep so he put the journal away and took off his armor lying it beside the bed. He laid there staring at the roof of the inn. He was drawn to Seyda Neen, the starting point of Tiren's adventure. He would visit there tomorrow just to see what Tiren had saw the day he arrived. But for now he had to sleep.

[Soulseeker3.0]

good job Kiln!

[minque]

You´re doing just fine! paragraphing and all...the story is very good and has agood flow ...So keep it up!!


S.G.M

[treydog]

Still doing a fine job keeping the story moving ahead (actually, both stories- the journal and the "present-day"). Some nice descriptive passages, plus the mystery of who Kiln's "master" might be....

[Kiln]

Thanks everyone. I wanted everyone to feel connected between both characters. I want people to get to know both of them and kind of take their minds off of the fact that Tiren has already died.
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Kiln awoke late in the evening and got together all of his belongings, ready to take a trip to Seyda Neen. He walked out the door and into the streets of Balmora bound for the Silt Strider. He asked the Strider's master about the ride and payed the fee.

He wasn't even close to being rich and even the Silt Strider fee nearly took all of his money, he hadn't ever really had much money, just enough to get him by in life. The ride was long as the huge insect walked to it's destination at the Silt Strider port in Seyda Neen.

He climbed off of the creature and thanked it's master, and looked around at the swampy landscape surrounding him. It was low class and small just how he liked things. The place that caught his attention most was the lighthouse on the edge of town. It seemed the perfect place to sit down and read more of the journal.

So he walked toward the lighthouse slowly, admiring the bright and seemingly innocent surroundings. He walked up the wooden stairway and deck to the lighthouse but stopped right outside the door and sat, letting his feet hang off the side of the deck. After settling in he once again opened the journal to read.

"I walked into the next building to give the captain my papers. But before I left he said something about orders and gave me some papers. I almost immediately went to the lighthouse where I found out what the villagers called a mudcrab exactly looks like. It came toward me trying to catch my leg with his crushing pincers. Someone warned me about the crabs and a few other animals. But when Cliff racers were mentioned, the man got a disgusted look on his face. I wondered why. But I would soon find out why."

He stopped reading for a while to go to the local shop and buy himself something to eat.
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By the way, I really hate cliff racers.

[Soulseeker3.0]

good job, and I think that everyone hate cliff racers