Shadow in Darkness, I'm trying again. Options

[seerauna]

Okay, I'm going to try this again. This time I'm doing Dark Brotherhood making it a little easier, because I like assassins so much. Black Hand is my inspiration with his wonderful tale of Sethyas Velas. Anywho, hope you enjoy this one.



Leyawiin, Near the Five Claws Lodge
I tensed instinctually as I pulled the bowstring back, matching the bow’s own tension. My heart pounded as I released it, for I was releasing an arrow meant to kill an innocent person. The Argonian Weebam-Na was destined to die for something he didn't even know had happened.

When the arrow hit the Argonian's scales, I was surprised by the intense force behind the arrow. Normally arrows did not make it past a couple inches. Mine slammed into his throat, it went all the way through to emerge, barely visible, out the back. I flinched away from the gruesome scene, appalled by what I had done.

I scurried to retrieve my arrow and fled to the relative safety of a nearby inn. To anyone standing nearby I seemed relaxed as I sat at a table, but really my muscles were so tense I could barely move. As near as I was to the bar it wasn't quiet, but even so everyone could hear the sudden bloodcurdling screams that came from outside.

I rushed outside with the rest of the people at the inn along with much of Leyawiin, as much to see the results of my handiwork as to not blow my cover. A woman was standing next to the body of the unfortunate Argonian.

“Bejeen, what did you do!” One man yells, his voice sounding strained. Bejeen, whose face before had only the single emotion of terror, now showed a mixture of anger, shock, and the ever-present terror. Several other faces mirrored hers.

“I did nothing to my husband! Why would I? He is the only one that took in a lonely starving maid…” Bejeen trailed off sobbing.

“No.” My sudden statement surprised even me. “No, she didn’t do this. What reason would Bejeen have to kill her husband? To me this looks like the work of the Morag Tong, which as far as they are from here isn’t very likely, or the Dark Brotherhood, which is much more likely. You might want to find the killer or you might have a string of assassinations on your hands.”

I paused momentarily to take a quick breath. “Don’t blame Bejeen for something she cannot control. That would be the worst thing for you to do.” I said, my voice gradually growing fainter until it was barely a whisper, I walked as fast as I possibly could from the throng of onlookers.

I went back to the inn I had fled to. I asked the publican if she had any rooms left. One look at my face had her quickly giving me the key to a room upstairs.

“Okay…” She trailed off.

“Shadow Kear.” I supplied her with my name. Although it probably wasn’t a good idea, I was past caring.

I walked upstairs and collapsed on the bed, my emotions taking control. Guilt suppressed any of the joy of the kill I might have felt before. My horrified mind repeated one question over and over. What had I done?

The feeling of sweet relief as the black abyss of sleep swept over me was drowned out when I fell into a dream of the previous day’s events, of what had led me to this murder.

I was walking through the town of Leyawiin repairing gear and restocking supplies as needed for my adventuring habits. I saw an Argonian walking in my direction. It was clear he wanted to talk to me. My lips formed the beginnings of a snarl.

“What do you want lizard?” I hissed at him. His appearance made my otherwise pleasant, if sometimes cold manner, unpleasant and rude.

What he was about to say was drowned out by a sudden urge to stab him with the dagger hidden beneath my armor. This Argonian would die.

In a rush of fur and claws I was running, running from the sudden bloodthirstiness that had engulfed me. My emotions were primarily horror and a sadistic glee at the thought. I ran from my glee.

I woke covered in sweat. The dream had been so lifelike it could have been happening at that moment. The last thing I wanted was any more surprises.

So imagine my now familiar and unwanted surprise when I found the Imperial that would later lead my life in a direction I never wanted it to take, standing at the foot of my bed.

EDIT: Took some of Illydoor's crit and fixed the beginning up a bit.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Apr 20 2009, 01:16 AM

[Black Hand]

I'm this inspiring? Damn, I must be as good as you are!

[treydog]

A good beginning. You manage, in a short space, to set up a character who has a distinctive personality, with plenty of internal conflicts and ambiguities.

Very nice.

[minque]

Very nice beginning Raunie! I like it, and by the Nine Divines....you put a cliffie right at the end.....well that certainly urge me to keep a close eye on this.

Like treydoggie said you have created a charachter who has an interesting personality.

[Colonel Mustard]

An interesting yarn Seerauna, very interesting indeed. You have a character who already is well developed and fleshed out, and we don't even know his/her name. And I wonder who that Imperial is?

Is it just me, or are assassins and the Nerevarine the only things we write about?

[minque]

Is it just me, or are assassins and the Nerevarine the only things we write about?

Ehhhh no....we don't, some of us write about....other charachters

[canis216]

Glad to see you taking another shot a things Seerauna--you've got too much damn talent to keep it pent up inside.

Is it just me, or are assassins and the Nerevarine the only things we write about?

Hey, hey--I'm working on some epic [censored], a story or love or loss in the desert with no assassins or Nerevarines in sight. Some bandits. Definitely some bandits. But no assassins or Nerevarines. Just going to be a while, is all. I can't whip it up in half an hour like with Al.

Ahem. Back on topic... keep it up Seerauna!

This post has been edited by canis216: Oct 13 2008, 12:12 AM

[seerauna]

You have a character who already is well developed and fleshed out, and we don't even know his/her name

Now I'm confused and I wrote it.
This is in there somewhere, don't know exactly where.
“Shadow Kear.” I supplied her with my name. Although it probably wasn’t a good idea, I was past caring.

[seerauna]

I'm sorry I haven't posted. I'll try to post more often but my computer crashed taking the next three updates with it. I'll try to have the next one up in a day or so.

[seerauna]

Or I could post it today lol. It's short but my head hurts and I can't think of anything else for now.



I was up and on my feet before either of us could blink. "What do you want?" I asked the the Imperial, immediately distrusting of the strange man. How had he gotten in here anyways? I could have sworn I had shut and locked the door. I wasn't given any time to further wonder about it.

He smiled, but it was empty of warmth. "You sleep rather soundly for a murderer. That is good. You will need a clear concsience for what I am about to propose."

I kept my silence that had served me so well over the years. This Imperial seemed a little too mysterious and cold for me to be comfortable. He didn't seem to notice my discomfort and continued.

"You prefer silence then? As do I my dear child. For is silence not the symphony of death, the orchestration of Sithis himself? Ironic then, that I come to you now as Speaker for the Dark Brotherhood."

"My name is Lucien Lachance, and my voice is the will of the Night Mother. She has been watching you, admiring you as you kill without pity or remorse. The Night Mother is most pleased..."

If you only knew what I was thinking earlier, I thought darkly.

He had continued on heedless of my momentary lack of attention. It occured to me he was probably used to being listened to with utmost attention."That is why I stand here before you. I bear an offering. An opportunity to join our rather... unique family." Again silence was all the answer he got to his pompous speech. "So, I have your rapt attention." I stopped listening at this point or I would have fallen asleep.

That was, until he finally got to what seemed to be the point. He had certainly gotten to it in a roundabout fashion. He wanted me to kill a man named Rufio as a sort of acceptance ritual. He resided in the Inn of Ill Omen obviously hiding out from the Brotherhood.

In a grand fnale Lucien cast an immensly powerful chameleon spell making him invisible except for the faint lines that distorted the walls in front of him. He left, quietly swinging the door open and shut again. Leaving me to my desicion that would either mark me as a permanent murderer, disregarding the fact I already was, or just leave and forget it had happened.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Nov 2 2008, 05:23 AM

[Olen]

Nice. I like each part ending with a question about to be answered. An I'll be interested to see some more of this character, will he (or she - I'm not sure we've been told yet) accept? Why? And the like, you've set this little demonstration of the character up well.

[treydog]

I really like this character. Not terribly impressed with Lucien's parlor tricks and arrogance- that will be useful in the future....

[Jac]

It has enough to keep the reader engaged without bogging them down. I like it.

[seerauna]

It's midnight and I am not tired at all. Might have something to do with all the chocolate I ate... Anyways, here's the next update.



I think I was still mostly too much in shock from my murder of Weebam-Na to really consider anything but going to kill Rufio. Looking back I think that was why Lucien had come so early. To catch me with my guard down and use my shock to work to his benefit.

I had set out at dawn and 'borrowed' a horse to make traveling easier and faster. Just for the sake of speed I decided to forsake the road and travel through the forestland.

Entering the forest I had my breath taken away. I had never realized how truly beautiful the forest was in the early morning with dew glistening on every surface in sight and the sun filtering though the leaves making the light take on a soft green color. The heady scent of pine trees made me slightly dizzy.

My horse had no such problem and was galloping as fast she could go within the limitations of the trees once we had been in the trees for a minute or so. I guess it wanted to go back to the stables.

Now that I was out of the city my emotions threatened to overwhelm my already overflowing mind. What was I doing trying to kill someone? Here, just a few hours after my first deliberate murder. I had killed for food, money, and out of self-defense, but never in cold blood.

This terrified me and I had enough sense to realize that after I joined the Brotherhood I couldn't walk away. If I did they would hunt me down.

But wait. I took a moment to look at it from a different perspective. As with every other kill, I had a motive. But with the Dark Brotherhood the motive was to take care of someone else's problem just like I had done with myself. Did it make it right? No, but it did make it acceptable.

In a sudden movement my horse stopped abruptly, nearly throwing me from the saddle. I hissed in annoynce and leaned down. "What is it girl?" I whispered to the mare gently. My question was answered not by the horse, but by a Legion forester tapping me on the shoulder. I started because I hadn't seen him in my wild run through the woods.

"Miss, what are you doing so far from the road? It's dangerous out here you know." He said sternly. Obviously he hadn't taken in what I was dressed like and the fact I had a bow on my back and a dagger clipped to my waist. I dismounted to make it easier to speak to the forester.

"I was trying to find an Ayleid ruin. I've heard rumors that there is one out here..." My tail swished along the ground impatiently with leaves and dead grass catching in my fur. The Legion officer shook his head in disgust. "Crazy adventurers. They'll all die one day." he muttered to himself. I was mounting while he talked. Louder he replied to my statement saying, "Go on then Khajiit. No use trying to stop a suicidal adventurer. Not so fast next time though okay?"

He was a little too late on that last bit. I had already galloped off at top speed. I had a very long way to go.

The rest of the journey passed in a blur of weariness, trees, and occasionally the path. It seemed to take months to get to the Inn, but probably only took three or four days.

Now for the present problem. How was I supposed to get in and out without being seen? I had seen a Forester outside the building practicing his archery. I grimaced when I realized what I'd have to do. Time to practice a little of my own marksmanship.

I snuck up behind the forester, paws making no noise on the soft, springy grass. I pulled the bowstring back, and it creaked quietly. The grim irony of the moment didn't elude me. I let go after I carefully aimed for the throat, allowing for the dropping of the arrowhead. The forester fell forward dead. I ran to grab my arrow and stowed it back in my quiver after wiping the dark blood on the grass.

I quickly entered and saw a wooden trapdoor to my immediate left. The other thing my eyes took in was a person standing behind a counter, thankfully turned the other way. I crept towards the trapdoor taking care to open it noiselessly.

I swiftly descended to the floor below using a ladder. I instictively knew that Rufio was at the very end of the hallway. After picking the relatively average lock on the door I learned that I needed to trust my instincts more. He was there.

I wanted to make this quick. Nothing fancy, I just went over and sliced the one place I knew would definitely silence this man forever. I pulled the silver dagger from my waist and slit his throat.

This time there were no feelings of overwhelming guilt, just a strange sense of satisfaction at getting my mission accomplished. A sudden sense of weariness swept over me and I went to the next room over, closing the door as I went and climbed into the bed. I was asleep in seconds.


I woke up who knew how many hours later. I was up on my feet in a split second. A cold feeling descended on me. I sighed. Lucien was back.

[Olen]

That's one destructive Khajit. I like the way this is going, I can't see her being any more impressed with Lucien this time...

[seerauna]

My creativity has returned! Along with my Internet connection . Here's the next update. Thanks to everyone who has commented and given feedback! I'm not so sure about the dialogue, because I wrote it from memory but I think it's pretty close.



Lucien chuckled at my alertness. "She seems annoyed and disgusted. Why would that be? I can see her eyes, they reflect her soul." He murmured to himself. I'm wasn't sure I was supposed to hear his strange comment and kept my opinions about it to myself.

"So, the deed is done. How do I know this? You will find that the Dark Brotherhood knows many things. For you are now part of the family." He droned on like this for awhile. One statement jumped out at me and practically forced me to follow it to the next.

"You will now go to the Abandoned House in the city of Cheydinhal. Unlock the door and go to the basement. Then knock on the Black Door and you will be posed a question, 'What is the color of night?' You will answer, 'Sanguine, my brother.' Once inside the Sanctuary speak to Ocheeva. She will tell you what to do from there."

I nodded, thinking that this had to be the most self-absorbed, idiotic man alive. As he had last time Lucien cast his chameleon spell. Did he have to do that every time? I snorted at his actions.

"Do you not think that I don't notice your contempt for me Shadow Kear? Do you think me blind? Well you will find out that you assume wrongly if you believe these things." Lucien said, obviously irritated by my behavior.

His chesnut colored eyes held me as if spell-bound. Even invisible they were noticible. I had never noticed the power and beauty in them. I shook my head, just as annoyed as him. This man had no power of me except in rank, and even then I could rise just as high or even higher if I set my mind to it.

My features twisted into a snarl. "Just go and leave me to my own mind!" I rasped towards his barely visible figure.

His face was eerily similar to mine in expression. "You cannot hide from me forever Shadow Kear!" In a last stand he disappeared from view and I heard the trapdoor shut loudly.

So far my confrontations with Lucien were not going to well. My rebellious nature and my utter disgust for the Dark Brotherhood Speaker were not helping the situation, since they only enhanced it further. At least I knew the feelings were mutual.

I snuck out of the inn, and cursed to find that my mare had wandered off. Thankfully the Legion Forester had his own horse, a black stallion. I untied the reins from the fence pole and set off for Cheydinhal. Along the way my mind worked furiously to solve the mystery that was Lucien.

He seemed to have a deep-rooted fear of something. It showed in his eyes every time I was around him. But what was he afraid of? This was what I truly wanted to know. Everything else was very minor compared to this. Obviously Lucien had to fear competetive assassins from other guilds and people in cities who knew he was assassin, but it was something else, I could tell it was.

I hissed in annoyance. I didn't like mysteries but this one had to wait for later. I continued on to the next mystery, the Dark Brotherhood itself. People had always remarked on my aggresive behavior, but had never gone so far as to suggest that I could be a killer, let alone a murderer. Then again, my aggresiveness might be the whole reason why they didn't suggest it.

Suddenly, the stallion neighed. I looked up and looked around, surprised. Either this horse was faster thsn the wind, or I had lost track of time thinking. I had already made it to Cheydinhal. I dismounted the horse and clicked my tongue.

"Go boy, back to the inn. You've done your job well." I whispered. As though he had understood, the stallion nickered. Then he broke into a gallop and disappeared into the trees. I continued on foot to the city. This should be so fun. Here goes nothin'. I stepped up to the gates and into the city.

A shout came from behind me, "What are you doing?" I froze in terror and then slowly started to turn.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Jan 10 2009, 02:38 AM

[treydog]

Oh, no! You can't just leave us with this cliff-hanger ending! I demand more- please? [Does the soulful doggie-eyes trick that has always worked before.]

[seerauna]

Here you go Trey! Yes, your puppy dog eyes work perfectly . A longer update this time hope you enjoy it!



"What are you doing?" The guard shouted again. My mind was gradually disentangling itself from the mind numbing panic. "You do realize that you let your horse run off into the woods where anything from a wolf to a bear could attack it?"

I had finally distanced myself from the sudden heart-wrenching fear. “I’m sure the horse will be fine. That was a wild stallion that I found back near the Imperial City. I’m sure that he’s capable of fighting off anything that attacks him. Now, I am going to continue on my way.” I turned my back on the guard and walked swiftly towards the city gates.

I heard him mumble something about rude cats and misleading signs. I considered turning around and giving him a piece of my mind then safely decided against it. I wanted to get into the city, not kicked out of it.

As I reached out my hand to knock on the wood the gates started to creak slowly open. I looked up, craning my neck to see the top of the wall. I couldn’t see anyone. Mystified, I turned my attention back to the gate, which had just finished opening.

So many mysteries and secrets that Cheydinhal held, not the least of which was the Dark Brotherhood in all likelihood. I slipped into the city earning myself a disapproving glance from the guard posted there.

I walked slowly forward, confused as to where the abandoned house might be. I had never been in this city before preferring the open woodlands to a closed-in city.

Yet another guard walked past me. How many guards did this place have? An idea suddenly occurred to me and a slow smile slid across my face. I turned to the man behind me.

“Excuse me mister? Do you know where the abandoned house is? It’s the one that many people say is haunted.” He looked suspicious and obviously curious. “I’m researching haunted houses across Tamriel and I’ve heard many tales about this one.” I added making my face look as innocent as possible. His face cleared.

“Yes, actually I do. Take the left path and follow it until you see a rundown old house on the left. It is across from the chapel.” He seemed friendly enough now but I would stay cautious until I had made it into the Brotherhood’s headquarters.

“Thank you sir. You’ve been very helpful.” I turned and took the left path and easily found the old house. There was a guard across from it though, guarding another, smaller house. He might be a problem. I would have to find a way to distract him… The thought trailed off as I started to rack my brain.

A thief trying to pick his way into a locked house provided me with a solution. The guard spotted him, and abandoning his post ran towards the surprised and unfortunate thief. Thanking him silently in my head I swiftly pulled out a pick and tried to unlock the door. I cursed but didn’t stop in my endeavors when it broke, simply pulling out another.

Finally the door swung open and I slipped through the smallest space possible. I heaved a sigh of relief when I stepped into the cool air of the musty room. I took a long careful look around my surroundings. Lucien had said go to the basement but I didn’t trust the enigmatic black cloaked man at all and was being careful.

I didn’t see anything so I snuck forward and opened the door into the basement. There was nothing here either. I began to relax. In a standing position I walked toward a large hole in the wall. Brushing away the cobwebs with my tail, I continued down the corridor. At the end of the short hallway there was a door just as Lucien had said there would be.

I knocked on it gently, ever aware of what could happen if this was a trap. “What is the color of night?” a voice asked me, the echoes bouncing off the walls eerily. An involuntary shiver ran through me.

I realized I had been holding my breath and let it out slowly. “Sanguine, my brother.” I replied. There was a sense of finality in the words and I felt suddenly and completely committed to this organization of assassins. The sensation was not completely pleasant.

The door creaked open and faintly I heard the words welcome home bounce off the walls. There was an Argonian walking toward me. Inwardly I grimaced I should have known that there would have been one here. Spotting another, I amended the thought to more than one.

The one that had been walking stopped and smiled showing rows of sharp white teeth. “Hello, my name is Ocheeva.” I nodded my and replied, “My name is Shadow Kear.”

She nodded back busily. “ Yes, yes Lucien has told us all about you.” I felt a moment of consternation. What exactly had Lucien told them? Of my bad attitude was a good guess. After a moment I decided I didn’t care and went on listening to Ocheeva.

“I am the Mother for the Cheydinhal Sanctuary. It is always a pleasure to welcome a new Dark Sister into our ranks! Truly the Night Mother smiles upon her trusted daughters! You stand now in our Sanctuary. May it serve as your home and a place of comfort and security when the need arises.

“When you’re ready to start, go and speak to Vincente Valtieri. He handles all assignments for the new recruits. But before you go, please accept this gift from your new family. A unique set of armor lighter than the Void. But I’ve kept you long enough. Vincente is waiting. You’ll find him waiting in his quarters. Go now, my child, and may Sithis go with you.”

I took the armor carefully, marveling at its light weight. Finding a silent place I changed into the armor thinking I would have to find a place to put my items. I wandered into the back halls of the Sanctuary meeting many of its inhabitants.

With my luck, it would obviously have to be the second Argonian I met first. “I welcome you to our family and this Sanctuary. May you find yourself at home here, in the loving embrace of the Night Mother.”

I smiled back tentatively, unused to being greeted with such warmth. “Hello, I am Shadow Kear. What’s your name? I just got here and you’re the first person I’ve met besides Ocheeva.” Maybe the Argonians here weren’t as bad as others I had met.

“Of course I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Teinaava and Ocheeva is my nest mate, we are twins. Lucien has told me much about you. You don’t seem to have such a bad attitude to me.” He sounded teasing, and a smile was twitching at the corners of his scaled mouth.

If it would have been possible to see it under my fur, my cheeks would have been scarlet. I kept the silence I had cultivated over the years, fur prickling in embarrassment.

“You probably need to go along to Vincente don’t you? I’m sorry for keeping you.” He started to rush away. He left before I had a chance a say a word. I shrugged and headed to Vincente’s quarters.

Before I made it there, I was stopped by another Khajiit shuffling down the hallway. He barely looked up to acknowledge my presence. His only comment was, “Filthy housecat, keep away from me. Ugh, and look at that fur.”

I frowned. Normally another of my kind would have stopped and at least greeted the other. Shrugging, I walked away from the distasteful Khajiit. Vincente beckoned me in when I finally managed to make it to his room.

“Ah, here you are. So good to finally meet you.” He said as I stepped through the doors. I almost took a step back in my surprise at his appearance. It was, disturbing to say the least. “Warmest greetings to you. I trust you’ve already spoken to Ocheeva?” I nodded my assent and he continued.

“I am Vincente Valtieri, I provide assignments to all new family members. Please do not let my appearance… unnerve you. The needs of the Dark Brotherhood come before my needs as a vampire.” I realized that this was the reason his face looked so disfigured.

“Now if you’re ready to get to work, I can provide you with you first contract.”

“I believe I am ready for a contract.” I said carefully, disguising my feelings about taking another innocent being’s life. It still disgusted me even thinking about it. Vincente went on to explain what a contract is. After that though, he told me what I was about to do.

“I’m not sure how you feel about pirates but you’ve got to kill one. A captain in fact, surrounded by his crew. Interested?”

I almost instantly cheered up. A pirate was not an innocent person, I could work with this one. “Sure, I’ll take the contract.” After all, no one would care if a pirate suddenly went missing, unless it was the crew, and I doubted they would alert the Watch.

“Excellent,” Vincente continued cheerfully. “Here is what you must do. Go to the Waterfront District of the Imperial City. There you will find a ship named the Marie Elena. Board the ship and find its captain, Gaston Tussaud. He’ll be in his cabin. Eliminate Tussaud in any matter you see fit.

“The pirates have been moving a lot of cargo onboard lately. You may be able to smuggle yourself on in one of those packing crates. Oh, and one more thing. Get in the habit of asking your fellow family members about any current contract. Their insight may prove invaluable.” The vampire finished and waved me off.

I decided that asking Teinaava about my first contract could prove helpful. The Argonian was likeable in a way I couldn’t describe. I went to find him.

He was reading a thick book in a chair set next to a small bookcase in the left corner. “Teinaava?” I spoke his name quietly, not wanting to startle him.

He looked up, seemingly unsurprised. “Hello Shadow. What brings you to me?”

“I was wondering if you could provide me with any information about my first contract. Have you heard of the ship the Marie Elena?” I asked him some instinct telling me that he probably had.

“The Marie Elena you say? I’ve seen that ship. There’s a unique balcony at the stern. My guess is that it leads to the captain’s cabin. Could be useful.” I flashed him a rare friendly smile.

“Thank you I think I’ll go see what I can find out in the Imperial City. Goodbye Teinaava.” I turned to walk away. I steeled my nerves. I had a pirate to kill.

[Olen]

I like this, its very fast moving and entertaining. Shadow is a good character too, her unpredictability fits well with the quickly changing story.

Good stuff.

[Illydoor]

Hey seerauna, first of all, I must say this is an intriguing story, fast-paced and very thrilling. Here's some crit for you: (I'm new so if I come across as a bit harsh it's because I was reared in the unforgiving Black Library forums, where you practically shoot insults at each other's stories like 'good mornings' ).

'When the arrow hit I released my pent up breath.'

This sentence seems a bit short to describe the arrow hitting go into more detail about how and where it hit him and what happened. like 'it struck the argonian square in the chest, the sharp arrowhead penetrating their thick lizard hide as if it wasn't even there. As he slumped to the ground lifeless, I released my pent-up breath.' Just a suggestion of course, you can change it to something better I'm sure.

'It was not quiet as near as I was to the bar'

Did you mean 'quite' here?

Imperial that would later lead my life in a direction I never wanted it to take, standing at the foot of my bed.

That's a great finish, can't wait to see what a certain Dark Brotherhood speaker has to say to Shadow. Good work !