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> Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 7, Comfort is given, Justice is taken...
treydog
post May 11 2009, 05:42 PM
Post #81


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The solution to Foryn Gilnith was elegant- and brought in undercurrents to the tax-collector quest that are not obvious. Your description ends on a more satisfying- and hopeful- note than either of the options available "in-game". Nicely handled.

Having Sethyas "avenge" Serene's honor against Varus was another bit of clever plotting- he could fight the duel more effectively... not without emotion, but without letting the emotion overwhelm him. It also allows Serene to maintain her preferred role as healer and conciliator in divided Vvardenfell. Finally, it was a nice touch to discuss the Knight of the Dragon issue directly, rather than ignoring it. Real life is messy- actions, however desirable, have unintended consequences. The best fiction reflects that truth.


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

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Black Hand
post Dec 10 2009, 08:58 AM
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It has been seven months!

MORE> SERENE> NOW!!!!!!
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minque
post Dec 11 2009, 12:51 AM
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Ihhh...you're right! And the only excuse I have is that these last seven months have been...more busy than I ever had imagined! Anyway your Sethyas-Lore is starting to inspire me very much, I'll start chapter 8....I promise!

blink.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Remko
post Apr 8 2010, 06:27 PM
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Read the entire thing (where's chapter 8?? *taps foot impatiently* ) and I LOVED IT
The emotion you convey is just mindboggling.

I needed inspiration to know where I had to continue my "Memoires of Rales Sarethi" and I found it, thanks to this truly masterly written piece

Leaves me one thing:
MORE!!!


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minque
post Apr 8 2010, 11:06 PM
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Thank you ever so much for nice comments! I truly appreciate it. Now chapter eight is merely still in my head, there are bits and pieces already written but.....


I will continue, it's just so much a matter of getting the peace in mind that is needed to do it


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Remko
post Apr 9 2010, 11:22 AM
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There is one thing I really wanted to know: Is Serene Athynea's mother?


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mALX
post Apr 9 2010, 05:35 PM
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QUOTE(Remko @ Apr 9 2010, 06:22 AM) *

There is one thing I really wanted to know: Is Serene Athynea's mother?



That is Athynae to you! Lol - and I second Remko's MORE!!!!!!


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minque
post Apr 9 2010, 10:05 PM
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QUOTE(Remko @ Apr 9 2010, 12:22 PM) *

There is one thing I really wanted to know: Is Serene Athynea's mother?


Yes Serene is Athynae's mother. The little girl who Serene is "writing" her story for...is Athynae! In my story she's 5 years old..


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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haute ecole rider
post Apr 11 2010, 05:58 PM
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Well.

I wanted to read the WHOLE thing before commenting.

I'm glad I did (read the whole thing, that is). Yet I'm not glad I did (wait to comment, that is).

There are so many good things in this story to remark on, and now I don't know where to begin.

Others have commented on the strength of the emotions in the story, the experiences of the characters, and the rich internal landscape you have developed. I can only echo those previous comments.

I've written pieces that have a similar emotional intensity, and I can see the challenge in writing something like this for extended periods. I can understand why it has taken you so long to come this far (what five years?). It's hard to sustain that level of intense writing when you have RL constantly intruding on your thoughts and time. It's a full time job in and of itself, and unfortunately it doesn't always pay the bills. tongue.gif

It's amazing stuff, really, and I will wait for you to put Chapter Eight together and start your next thread. Maybe not patiently, but I will wait. You have done so well this far.

S.G.M.! biggrin.gif


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Doommeister
post Nov 4 2010, 08:20 PM
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I've just finished reading your stories, and I must say excellent work. Now, where is chapter 8? It's been a year and a half since your last update, and even though I've only just read the whole lot, I'm already getting withdrawal symptoms.

S.G.M


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As the assassin draws near, despair!
As the assassin draws near, pray for mercy!
As the assassin draws near, beg for your life!

The hands of fate have been cruel to you my friend. I will grant you a quick and painless death.
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treydog
post May 14 2011, 02:34 AM
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Posting this for Athynae- who is too modest to post it herself. But these are her words, as she begins to wonder about Serene's past- and her own future:

In the room next door your young child sleeps and dreams
Of a future filled with dark and light
An incredible adventure
But without knowing her mother's past
And the miracle she brought to Vvardefell
Athynae's journey will be hampered
Her skills not quite as sharp
And the threats that she's sure to face
Will be more dangerous by far
Serene, you met each challenge courageously
And your heart was never changed
From that heart your daughter comes
Prepared to take on the world
She has to know the rest of it
To know from whence her strength comes.


Athynae


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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SubRosa
post May 14 2011, 02:45 AM
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I finished reading the entire thing a few months ago, but never made a comment in this, the most recent thread. I had a grand time reading Serene's tale. From the horrific events surrounding her imprisonment, to her eventual rise to power in the very end. There is much to like about the tale.

For starters, the protagonist is not the "player character" in the game, as they tend to be in so many fan fics. Using Trey in the PC's role was a nice way of filling those shoes with a character that other readers here would recognize.

Serene is also not an uber warrior cleaving hordes of foemen left and right with her mighty thews. Talk about a stereotype overused in the fantasy genre! Instead she is a regular woman, filled with vulnerabilities, doing her best to survive and follow her conscience. This makes her a lot easier to identify with, and empathize with, than said muscle-bound heroes.

Lastly, Serene has a long way to go. The story is a journey not only in the external world, where she goes from place to place, and eventually ends up on the top of the Redoran ladder; but it is also just as great an inner journey, in which she is transformed from that shell-shocked girl so badly used by her family into a woman of will and determination. Quite the character development, and the kind that makes you want to cheer for her every victory.

So basically this says it all: goodjob.gif

This post has been edited by SubRosa: May 16 2011, 03:48 AM


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mALX
post May 14 2011, 07:58 AM
Post #93


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



QUOTE(treydog @ May 13 2011, 09:34 PM) *

Posting this for Athynae- who is too modest to post it herself. But these are her words, as she begins to wonder about Serene's past- and her own future:

In the room next door your young child sleeps and dreams
Of a future filled with dark and light
An incredible adventure
But without knowing her mother's past
And the miracle she brought to Vvardefell
Athynae's journey will be hampered
Her skills not quite as sharp
And the threats that she's sure to face
Will be more dangerous by far
Serene, you met each challenge courageously
And your heart was never changed
From that heart your daughter comes
Prepared to take on the world
She has to know the rest of it
To know from whence her strength comes.


Athynae



WOO HOO !!! Athynae !!!


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minque
post May 21 2011, 09:15 PM
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Oh my my...I'm almost crying here....Thank you Rosie for your wonderful words...much appreciated! And treydoggie my oldest friend here....the poem is wonderful, I feel an urge to continue, because I now see, thanks to your exquisit impersonation of Athynae, that there really is important for her to know the rest!

Serene bows her head and sends blessings to all of you!

mALXie, Rosie, Treydoggie, Blackie, Danny ...YES ALL OF YOU!!!!


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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treydog
post May 21 2011, 11:23 PM
Post #95


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QUOTE(minque @ May 21 2011, 04:15 PM) *

Oh my my...I'm almost crying here....Thank you Rosie for your wonderful words...much appreciated! And treydoggie my oldest friend here....the poem is wonderful, I feel an urge to continue, because I now see, thanks to your exquisit impersonation of Athynae, that there really is important for her to know the rest!

Serene bows her head and sends blessings to all of you!

mALXie, Rosie, Treydoggie, Blackie, Danny ...YES ALL OF YOU!!!!

I know we are all THRILLED to hear that we may be leading you toward a continuation. Your story is simply too good to remain unfinished.

One note- the Athynae who wrote the poem is not the character in my story, but a very real person who became the inspiration for my fictional half-elven warrior princess. The only reason the poem appeared under my screen name was because I knew she would not post it herself.


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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minque
post May 21 2011, 11:29 PM
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QUOTE(treydog @ May 22 2011, 12:23 AM) *



One note- the Athynae who wrote the poem is not the character in my story, but a very real person who became the inspiration for my fictional half-elven warrior princess. The only reason the poem appeared under my screen name was because I knew she would not post it herself.


What??? There is a REAL Athynae???? Hmmm now I am really confused.. ohmy.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Grits
post Jun 2 2011, 01:24 AM
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I have thoroughly enjoyed reading Serenes story, and I look forward very much to hearing the rest of her tale! smile.gif


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Doommeister
post Jun 20 2011, 10:30 PM
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gah still no update? why so cruel minque? update pretty please?

And Athynae, patience? We have all been waiting for over 2 years... not all of us are young you know. Heh I guess I can wait a bit longer anyway

This post has been edited by Doommeister: Jun 21 2011, 02:47 PM


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As the assassin draws near, despair!
As the assassin draws near, pray for mercy!
As the assassin draws near, beg for your life!

The hands of fate have been cruel to you my friend. I will grant you a quick and painless death.
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Athynae
post Jun 21 2011, 03:51 AM
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Patience Doomeister, Mother is working on it she assures me. I don't know that anyone is looking forward to the "rest of the story" more than I am. It will be all that we expect I have no doubt, and a lot that we don't see coming.

Athynae


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"I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action." - Mae West (Hush Foxy)
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