High School Never Ends, Daria fanfic Options

[WellTemperedClavier]

(Hey, everyone! I've shared pretty much all the TES fic I've ever written already. Renee said I should go ahead and post some of my Daria fanfic. I'll admit this is a bit of an experiment; I'm curious if Outlanders is a good enough primer for Daria that fanfic would still be enjoyable.

So here's one of the earlier fics I wrote. It actually takes place a bit after the series ends, when Daria's in college (sort of), and leans more toward drama than comedy. Daria and her family have, of course, the same names they have on the show. Kevin you'd know as Kavon, the dim-witted city guard. He's a football jock in the show. The story's about as long as The Last Days of the Fashion Club.)

Chapter 1

A touch of winter remained in the soft wind, new leaves and grass shivering in this reminder of the colder months. The wind blew through parks and over streets busy with the evening commute, mingling with smells of smog and oil.

Daria's only response was to tighten her jacket, the same faithful green coat she'd worn all through high school, now hanging a little looser on her frame. She'd found it right in her closet, a bit dusty but no worse for the wear. Slipping it back on had felt almost like renewal, at least until she reminded herself how much she used to hate her hometown.

Better the devil you know. Besides, you didn't hate Lawndale so much as you detested it. Scorned it, even.

Daria paused in her thoughts, half-expecting a response. She shook her head and continued to put one booted foot in front of the other. Ten minutes later found her across the street from her intended destination, the big front building still in its familiar shade of off-yellow.

Daria frowned, not entirely sure what she'd expected. She considered going over and wandering through the campus, likely empty save for a few stragglers and custodians. Its teeming hallways, ironclad in lockers, stretched out again in her mind's eye, a hundred thoughts tied to each room. Bad thoughts, for the most part: recollections of meddlesome teachers, idiotic students, and other high school agonies.

This is pathetic. If you're going to reminisce, at least do it for a place you actually liked.

She stood for a few minutes longer, the sun's last rays retreating past the horizon. Finally she turned and began retracing the steps to the Pizza King, a path forever imprinted on her mind. Electricity and neon lit up storefronts changed but little during her brief absence, the sights so familiar that she briefly imagined herself a high schooler once again. Only one missing element: the other pair of booted feet walking next to her own.

Daria paused outside the front windows of the venerable Pizza King, favored hangout of Lawndale students since time immemorial, the smell of burnt cheese and spice hovering in a fog just outside the store. Her breath caught in her throat, anxiety prickling the back of her mind as she looked through the grimy windows to try and find familiar faces among the patrons.

You really are delusional if you think anyone from outside of your class would even recognize you. No one's going to notice.

Still she stayed in place. A few of the five girls crowding the left corner table looked familiar though their names and faces escaped Daria. Relative anonymity proved perhaps the greatest benefit of having attended such a crowded school.

She finally pushed open the door and made absolutely sure to look at nothing beyond the grimy serving counter, its surface laminated by decades' worth of spilled grease. The smell hit her more than anything else, though objectively it differed little from similarly unremarkable pizzerias up in Boston. She slowed down for just a moment, suddenly lightheaded.

She hurried towards the counter and spoke in a rapid monotone as she ordered a slice of pepperoni and a large Coke, grateful that she didn't recognize the gangly teenager who took her order. Daria took her meal and sat at the nearest table once served. She kept her eyes on the surface, a white night sky decorated by constellations of pizza sauce stains.

What exactly did you expect coming here?

She again examined the parlor, her vision a hopeless blur above the rim of her glasses. Everything looked just the same except for the people.

That's for the best. Last thing you want is everyone wondering why the brain is back.

"Hey, the brain is back!"

Daria yelped and nearly spilled her drink. She recognized him in an instant though it took a bit longer to react to this realization. Kevin Thompson stood before her, still in his football uniform and smiling with the same imbecilic confidence.

"Oh. Um, hi, Kevin."

"Wow, I never expected to see you here. How's college—wait, don't tell me: it's spring break isn't it? Spring break!" he cheered, throwing his arms up in the air. "That's awesome, Daria."

Daria decided to run with it. "Yeah, it is. I'm actually on my way to Fort Lauderdale."

"Really?" His eyes went wide, like a kid listening to a cool older sibling tell a story.

Daria decided to go along with it. "Uh huh. I've been practicing my binge drinking skills, and hope to put them to good use. So far, I can drain an entire keg in a single go. I'm the envy of my classmates."

"College must be really fun. I guess that's where you brains go to have fun, huh?"

"It's where we unleash the partying instincts that we held in check all through high school. You wouldn't believe how wild it gets over there. How's college treating you?"

Kevin's smile drooped, his face reddening as he looked to the side. At once she remembered.

"Oh! Sorry. I forgot."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Well, how's high school treating you?"

Kevin straightened up, as if suddenly conscious of an audience. "It's not bad. In a way, I'm kind of glad. The team really needs me."

"So you were still quarterback last season?" That surprised her, though Principal Li wouldn't be above pulling some strings to keep her slowest student in the game.

"Um, well, you know I'm the best and all," he said, pointing to himself. "But I kinda wanted to give the other guys a shot, you know?"

"You stepped aside to let someone else take your role? That's surprisingly noble of you."

"It is? Oh, yeah, right. Brad's QB. I'm still really fast, so I was the running back. We had a good season. You know, 'cause I was on it."

Daria nodded, trying and failing to recall any football player by the name of Brad.

"I'm sure. Well, it was nice seeing you again."

"You too, Daria! Party hard down in Fort Lauderdale! I always knew you were wild and crazy deep down."

"You have no idea."

He waved and walked out the door. Daria wondered how she'd missed seeing him when first scanning the parlor—the guy didn't exactly blend in. She finished her meal in silence and zoned out over the next two hours, taking occasional sips from a drink made watery by melting ice, hearing snippets of long-past conversations.

She left the Pizza King just before 9:00. Stepping out into the night, she realized it had probably been unwise to stay out so late on her own. Not much happened in Lawndale, but you could never be sure. Even so she took her time going home, arriving when all of the windows save Quinn's were dark. Going through the door, she crept up the stairs on quiet feet, hoping she wouldn't be heard over the sound of Quinn's phone conversation.

Walking down the upstairs hall, she heard her sister's voice go silent, followed by the door to her room opening up.

"Hey, Daria. Um, are you okay? I was getting a little worried with you being out so late."

"Oh, thanks. I'm fine. I just got a little sidetracked."

"Sidetracked doing what?"

"Seeing—" she'd been about to say friends, but realized that A) it wasn't true, and it wasn't a believable lie. "Seeing some of the old sights. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Oh, well I wasn't really scared or anything. Good night."

"'Night," she replied.

This post has been edited by WellTemperedClavier: Jan 27 2024, 06:57 PM

[Acadian]

I have to say, your opening sentence is a beautiful scene setter. Evocative, precise, masterfully word-crafted and lets us know exactly what time of year it is.

So Daria is in her organic natural setting on boring ol’ earth instead of nirn. Reminiscing – but she is right; that is better done with positive memories instead of unpleasant ones. The familiar Kevin is, unsurprisingly, totally reeled in by Daria’s improbable tales as a college party girl.

[Renee]

It's fine, Clavier. The story being during college days, that's an especially dramatic time for some of us. I think it's because of the WAITING4OBLIVION banner we've got. Not every story has to be about gaming though.

Heh, she's got her hipster coat, still.

Yeah, high school, man. Sucked for me, too. Only truly useful skill I got from it all was the ability to type! And a few of my teachers were quirky/fun. One English teacher had been in 'Nam. He would sometimes draw these really unique pictures while he graded our homework, so we'd get a doodle next to our grade. An example: one time he drew an ear of corn on one of my papers; except it was just that: an Ear sticking out of a piece of Corn! 🌽 There are also a few memories of some of the friends I had. Funny thing; I usually had a friend in each class during sophomore thru senior years. You know, like I'd get to know this one person really well because we sat next to each other. But none of these individual students were tight, so there was no big "group" of pals hanging after school, going off to the mall or whatever.

The friends I did have (after school) were druggies from middle school days. Mostly boys, I was one of two or three girls. "Burnouts" we were called. Back then (1980s) there were burnouts, jocks, preps (yuppie kids), and nerds. No goths, not yet anyway. Anyway, I eventually dropped the burnout group I hung with, dropped them all at once. Backstabbers, they were!

Junior prom sucked. I had my heart broken, big time, and I couldn't let it go for like a month. But then later that summer, a friend of my younger brother urged me to play some Fantasy Trip. Similar to Dungeons & Dragons. THAT changed everything! First campaign was a shortie, maybe three hours through just one cave or something. After it was over I was hooked. My first character was called the Blue Wizard. I hadn't yet become creative with names!

But let me shush. As this story is commencing, I'm actually picturing Daria (and the world she's in) as a cartoon. Wow, she's really getting deep.

She (her family) lived in Boston? Uh oh.

Okay, Kevin doesn't seem so bad. Just sort of annoying.

"Uh huh. I've been practicing my binge drinking skills, and hope to put them to good use.

Ha ha ha, good one! ---- What, did Kevin not graduate or something?

Principal Li. Corresponds to Magistrate Li or Lli.

so I was the running back. We had a good season. You know, 'cause I was on it."

OH my gosh! ... This does have some humor in it, Clav.

Cool, there's Quinn. That's good. Sister dynamics, you never know what's gonna happen next. Great start!

[SubRosa]

Neat to see Daria back in her home universe!

So it sounds like Daria is back home from college for winter break. Though apparently instead of gaining the Freshmen 15, she's lost it.

Back home again. It has not changed, but maybe Daria has, somewhat at least. She feels a bit lost among bittersweet memories of times gone by, and of a pair of familiar feet no longer beside her. *sigh*

Kevin is still in his football uniform. Of course, I think it is is the only clothing he owns. And he's doing about as expected.

And home sweet home again. With Quinn totally not really worried at all that she was gone so late. That is nice at least.

[Renee]

Cartoon characters only seem to own one outfit. Can't think of any toons which change their clothes

This post has been edited by Renee: Jan 31 2024, 12:33 AM

[WellTemperedClavier]

@Acadian - Thank you! This was actually written back in 2014, so I was worried it'd look unpolished compared to more recent efforts, but I'm glad the prose works.

@Renee - Can't have Daria without the coat, boots, and glasses. Even in Morrowind, I had to insist on the glasses.

That sounds like a really painful experience. False friends are the worst. Though the teacher sounds interesting. High school was actually okay for me. Not something I'd want to repeat, but I tend to remember the good parts more than the bad. I mostly hung around with nerds, though my school was big enough to have several groups (I actually hung out with one group at lunch, and a different one outside of school--no conflict between the two, just kind of worked out that way).

Huh, I'd never heard of The Fantasy Trip before. Sounds like a good intro! Looks like it's come back after the writer bought up the rights. I got into 2nd Edition AD&D in middle school and played it into high school, up until about halfway through sophomore year (there was some kind of drama in my group--didn't directly involve me, but made it impossible to play).

Ah, no, they don't live in Boston. Daria went to Boston to attend Raft University (based on Tufts). The family still lives in Lawndale. Lawndale's location is never made clear in the show, but given that it's not too far from Boston, it's generally assumed to be somewhere in Maryland.

Like most cartoons, the characters in Daria rarely change outfits. Though in this case, there's a plot reason for Kevin to still be in his football gear.

@SubRosa - It's actually a little after winter break. More will be made clear as the story progresses.

And yeah, this is Post-Season 5 Quinn, where she's a lot more mature.

Chapter 2

Daria faded into Lawndale's background for the next several days. She spent mornings at the Alfred Joyce Kilmer Public Library. Once safe in the dust and packed shelves she'd take a stack of books from any given section and retreat to a table and leaf through the collection as the hours wore on. A few she'd read from cover to cover and others she'd abandon after a few chapters.

Some days she'd stay until closing. On others, she'd leave at noon and roam the town's commercial sectors to apply for entry-level jobs. Her parents insisted. A fruitless exercise, in all likelihood—in two months she'd be back at Raft for the summer session, for a toxic combination of collegiate stupidity and Boston at its most humid.

Still, she did as asked, handing out her scant resume to any store with a help wanted sign. Thoughts of yammering customers pressed down on her shoulders every time she stepped through the door. She barely heard her own sales pitch, a droning advertisement sent to nonplussed managers. They'd nod, take her resume, and promise to call her back.

A late Tuesday afternoon found her leaving 24 Hour Photo with a depleted resume folder. A crowd of high school boys headed towards her, barely constrained by the narrow sidewalk. Kevin walked at the very edge of the mob, still beaming his limp open-mouthed smile as the kids around him joked and laughed.

Daria ducked into the alley next to the store, not really wanting another awkward talk. She crossed her arms and waited for them to pass, and heard bits of what passed for conversation.

"… you're enough of a dumbass, Kevin, to flunk out two years in a row."

"Yeah, well, if I flunk out again that means I can be on the team again! I'm totally in it for you guys!" Daria winced at the desperate enthusiasm in Kevin's tone.

"No. Not even Li's going to be able to keep you on the team when you're a sixth-year high school student. You know why? 'Cause it's embarrassing. We're not brains, but none of us fails as much as you!"

"Yeah, why do you wear your uniform all year anyway? It's stupid," interjected a voice that Daria recognized as belonging to one of her sister's would-be suitors. Jeffy?

"Uh, 'cause I always wear my uniform?" Kevin said, yearning for approval.

They crossed the sidewalk right in front of the alleyway. Daria pressed herself further against the wall, and in so doing made the mistake of looking out at them. The sunlight reflected off her lenses and gave her away. Kevin's startled eyes met hers a moment later.

"You could get away with it when you were QB, not anymore. Dude, why do you even hang out with us? The team's over for you!" Jeffy said.

"He's too dumb to figure it out. Come on, let's go. Not you, Kevin. You're not part of the team anymore." Daria didn't recognize the speaker, a shaggy-headed blond as wide as Kevin was tall.

"Right, guys. Not part of the team. But I'll be there if you, uh, need me."

Kevin stood alone as the rest of the team passed him by, his face trapped in a hopeless attempt at a smile. She considered running out of the alley and down the street while he got his bearings.

"Hey, Daria," he said, on a voice that bordered near breaking.

"Um, hello again."

"I guess you heard all that."

Should I lie? He'll probably believe me. Wait, I hesitated for too long.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Aw, you know how teams are. We all make fun of each other. Builds team spirit," he said. "Actually, this year's really sucked. Nobody wants to hang out with me, nobody even cares that I'm good at football anymore."

"I don't know what to tell you, other than to study hard so you don't have to do a sixth year."

"That's the thing! I've been studying. I'm doing a little bit better, but my grades are still really bad. No one's going to give me a bye this time either. If I don't pull up my grades soon, I'm stuck!" He sounded near tears.

"Is there anybody who can help you study? Do you still keep in touch with Mack? He's smart." She cringed at the thought. Mack had already endured Kevin for four years, and was probably glad to be free of him.

"I called him a few times, but he's really busy. Like I guess you'll be pretty soon. Oh yeah, how was Fort Lauderdale? Man, college must be a lot of fun!"

"Um, I was joking about that, Kevin. I didn't actually go. I'm taking a break from college," she admitted.

"Why? Weren't you going to a lot of parties? Did you get partied out? I guess that could happen if you didn't train up for it in high school."

Daria paused, wondering what she should say. "Kevin, do you remember that time I got brain fever?"

"Oh yeah, and you got all weird and blotchy. Eww!"

"It kind of came back. Anyway, I'll be okay, but the doctor said I should take it easy for a little while."

"So you'll be in town. Hey, maybe you could help me? You're like really smart! Unless it'll make your brain fever worse, or something," he said.

"Uh, thanks. I'm not really a trained teacher or anything though. I'm not sure if I'd be of much help."

"I can pay you!"

Daria glanced through the window at the side of 24 Hour Photo, where a customer bellowed at a flailing counter clerk. The man behind the counter wore a look of absolute panic.

"Twenty dollars an hour, and you have a deal."

Notes: Mack is another football player from the show, but one considerably smarter than the rest of the team. You all know him as Maiko, the Redguard soldier stationed at Fort Moonmoth.

This post has been edited by WellTemperedClavier: Feb 3 2024, 05:53 PM

[SubRosa]

I had to look up the Alfred Joyce Kilmer Public Library. I thought you might have created it for this story. But wow, it was in the TV show. That is a deep cut.

24 Hour Photo. Now that is a real blast from the past. Remember film? Wow. Now I feel old.

Ouch, some really harsh words for Kevin from his 'friend' group. Not inaccurate, but still harsh.

Why do I sense a story hook here? Kevin needs to get his grades up to not flunk out again. Daria needs a job for the next two months. Failing that, just something to do.

And there it is. Welcome to the life of a tutor Daria. I am sure hijinks will ensue.

[Acadian]

Wow, harsh words from Kevin’s teammates. Fortunately his good nature and shortage of smarts help insulate him. Some.

So Daria’s taking a med break from college for a time. That explains the time on her hands and job hunting. Well, tutoring Kevin is actually a good job for Daria. Where else would she find a job where the customer does exactly what she tells him to? And, of course she’s, like, really smart.

[Renee]

Nice, you hung with nerds. I suppose I did too, after I dropped the burnouts. I didn't see my RPG friends as nerdy at the time. The main guy (DM I suppose, although we didn't use DMs, we just all trusted each other) was probably closer to an adolescent hippy, although anything related to table-gaming and lead figures on a hex board was considered nerdy, of course.

I actually would like to repeat High School, but with the Wisdom I've got now. Ha. 14 year-old looks & clothes with 50+ year old knowledge. Take that. Anyway, yeah, there were good parts too. Glad we both remember some of those.


Fantasy Trip started just after DnD but never gained massive sales. It might've only been semi-popular on the east coast/Midwest; pretty sure TFT was based in New Jersey or New York. It's what my brother's group were into. Like I said, it's a bit more down-to-earth. No humans with hundreds of hitpoints for instance, fighter types would use up ST as they took damage. And if you casted spells this drained your IQ. "To hit" was DX (dexterity) which was 3 6-sided dice rolled to see if your character or an NPC hit or missed. We also used Dungeons & Dragons books like Monster Manual, because they had thousands of creatures, dozens of religions, just a much bigger world to imagine.

Ah, you rolled dice, too. I think every RPGer should at some point, just to at least learn where it all started. Plus, that dynamic of actually sharing a game with your friends, staying up literally all night until the sun comes up, Where did the time go?.... lotsa fun, right? A 30-second battle in a videogame might translate to over an hour rolling dice.

-------------------------------

Nice, her parents are mentioned. Can't wait to see them!

"for a toxic combination of collegiate stupidity .." ha ha ha! ---- This is actually a bit dramatic in a way. Like, where will she finally get a job? I imagine a book store of course, but she could also survive in a record shop. Or Hot Topic. Somewhere kind of hip. Although those scenarios might irritate her.

Ah, so the jock DID flunk out.

""Yeah, well, if I flunk out again that means I can be on the team again! I'm totally in it for you guys!"

Kevin's in the Thirteenth Grade.

Uh oh. Okay, nice. So Kevin doesn't just blurt out "DARIA!" when he discovers her hiding spot. That's actually considerate. Hmm. So could it be that Daria might become a temporary tutor for the dumb jock?

Yup. $20 an hour. Wonder where he's gonna come up with that kind of scratch?

Hey, no song-link at the end!

This post has been edited by Renee: Feb 5 2024, 05:09 PM

[SubRosa]

Renee: Now a days you don't even need dice! There are virtual dice roller programs that will do it for you. You just pick the dice you want to roll and your bonuses and penalties, and it rolls it for you. Like this one. I think they are popular for online gaming.

Roll20 seems to be a whole suite created just for online gaming, and I think it has a dice roller built into it.

I have to admit though, as an old timer, the feeling of the dice in your hand and actually rolling them has what the French would call... a certain something. I can see the utility of the virtual dice if you have a fully remote group using something like Roll20 though.

[Renee]

That is good to know such a site exists. I agree, rolling actual dice in hand does have special something. We can blow on the dice for good luck, for instance. 🎲

I still have a 4-sided die and a couple 10-sided dice, along with a couple 20-siders. I lost my 30 somewhere over the years, so good to know online sites allow us to roll those too.

[WellTemperedClavier]

@SubRosa - I used the DariaWiki for information like that. The 24 Hour Photo is also a store that appears in the background of an episode, though that's a generic enough name that probably every US town in the '90s had a place called that.

Yup, you spotted the plot hook. If I were to rewrite this today, I'd probably merge the first two chapters. Hopefully the current setup doesn't feel too slow or redundant.

@Acadian - Kevin's density can sometimes have upsides.

Yeah, Daria's taking a break. Later chapters will reveal why.

@Renee - Yeah, tabletop gamers don't necessarily fit the tabletop gamer stereotype. The fic I'm planning to post after "High School Never Ends" explores that concept a little bit.

Heh, youth is wasted on the young, as they say.

I actually like the idea of a game with fewer hit points. AD&D can sometimes turn into an accounting slog as the numbers go up. And I agree with you and SubRosa - Roll20 is great, but there's something about that tactile feel that just hits different.

Yeah, Kevin's not enjoying the 13th grade. Hopefully he won't have to enter the 14th.

I don't usually post songs for my fics. Doing it for Daria in Morrowind was fun, but got pretty time-consuming.

Chapter 3

"Tutoring Kevin Thompson?" Disbelief tinged Quinn's exclamation.

"It's a job," Daria said, still not sure if she'd made the right choice.

"That shows some real initiative, kiddo. Good for you!" Jake said.

Daria welcomed her father's automatic cheer, however thoughtless it might be. Gathered around the kitchen table over the age-old classic of reheated lasagna, both Helen and Quinn looked more doubtful. Jake offered a quick smile before hiding back behind the newspaper.

"I am glad that you're getting involved," Helen said. "But tutoring one student isn't going to be enough. You need to show something for the next few months."

"Tutoring Kevin is going to be, like, a full-time job. He's really not that smart," Quinn said.

"How exactly do you plan to help him, Daria?" Helen narrowed her eyes, taking on the same analytical look she wore in court.

"With a training montage that leads to him acing the exams in a test-taking scene scored by Journey."

"I'm serious."

"We'll probably just start with the basics. I've helped people with projects before. I'll just have to speak in a very… slow… voice."

"And that's exactly what worries me. I don't remember you having many kind words for the boy back when you were in high school. Is this just some elaborate joke at his expense?"

"No! I'm going to try and help him."

Helen blinked, and Daria realized she'd spoken louder than she intended. "All right, I trust you," Helen conceded. "However, you can't get by just tutoring one student."

"I know some people who might need help," Quinn offered.

Oh God, one of them is going to be Tiffany.*

"Gee, thanks."

"If you'd rather work at a cash register…"

"Huh. Thanks."

"You did fine when you taught English that one time. I mean, most of us were smarter than Kevin, but you got the idea across. You just need to put more of yourself into it, so you don't seem all mopey all the time!" Quinn's voice took on the authoritative tone that she usually reserved for discussing fashion.

I only took that job to spite you, and then you have the nerve to be gracious about it.

"I'll see what I can do."

"And you'll see about tutoring some other people?" Helen said. "I think Quinn's idea is a good one.

"Sure."

The family dispersed after dinner, Helen to her endless phone calls (which soon turned into a late-night office run) and Jake to his already-read papers. Quinn perched on the couch to watch models march the catwalk on TV. Daria found a strange comfort in the familiar sight. Even so, she noticed differences: Quinn's blue eyes more alert, narrowing when she saw a gown of particular interest. Sketched dresses, jackets, purses, and others paraded across the spiral-bound notebook open on her lap.

Daria rested her arms on the back of the couch and watched as her sister studied the screen. The camera closed in on a starved-looking blonde in a glittering blue dress who ushered in the commercial break with a smile and a wave.

"Yes, Daria?"

"Nothing. Just watching the TV."

"Are you really serious about doing this?" Quinn didn't look away from the screen as she spoke, her expression intent.

"I guess I'm committed now. You said other people also need help?" Daria shuddered to think of the cavalcade of idiots Quinn would likely toss her way.

"Well I haven't talked to Tiffany in a while, but I know she was struggling with a few things, and Rodney's having a hard time in math, but he's probably getting helped out by Jessica, that sort-of cute girl who might be valedictorian this year, oh yeah, and Joey's getting a low score in English and in econ, just like Brian, Shelley, and Reggie."

"Quinn, have you ever considered getting a job in the CIA?"

"You don't need to be in the in-crowd to know these kinds of things. I'm really over gossip anyway—that's the sort of thing sophomores do. People say things, and I hear them, that's all. Look, if you're really interested in this, I can let people know."

"Let me see how the first tutoring session goes. If I survive with my sanity intact, I'll let you know."

Daria retreated up to her room. Not bothering to turn on the light, she closed the door and sat down on the carpet, leaning against the cushioned wall and letting out a long breath as she let the night take her. Though in darkness she sensed everything in its place, a world ordered to her comfort.

She let her mind drift, and the hours rolled past in utter quiet. Daria once found inspiration in such free association. Since college, she'd found nothing. Vague fantasies tumbled through her mind, all made drab and brittle after a moment's scrutiny.

Daria finally took out her cell and speed-dialed her lifeline to sanity. The warbling ringtone sounded out a few times. Her heart stopped between the beeps and she held her breath. Then it clicked.

"Hey!"

"Hey, Jane." Relief flooded her, though she kept her voice steady.

"How's everything back at the old homestead?"

"Took a turn from bad to stupid. Remember how my mom was on my case about getting a job?"

"Yeah."

"Said job turned out to be tutoring Kevin."

Jane let out a low whistle on the other end. "Look on the bright side: the opportunities to torment him will be endless."

"Tormenting him would be redundant. He's turned into the school's biggest loser."

"How the mighty have fallen. Maybe it won't be so bad. At least you'll have some entertaining stories to tell."

"Not just about Kevin either. Now that I'm an educator, mom's pushing me to help the rest of the student body bring up their grades." Daria still hated the thought. At least it'd keep her out of some minimum wage retail joint.

"This is probably how Mr. DeMartino got started. You might want to practice getting your eyeballs to bulge. That really adds the extra touch that students crave in their frustrated teachers."

"Don't remind me."

"For what it's worth, I think you're up to it," Jane said.

"I don't even like these people."

"Yeah, but you've always done pretty well in spite of that. You can impose high standards and expectations on the little brats. High school kids don't need teachers who want to be their friends, they need actual teachers who'll get them in line. God, I sound old." Jane let out a little sigh.

"So I can be my remote, judgmental self while still contributing to society."

"Exactly!"

"That's something to look forward to. What about you? How's life at art school?" Daria remembered it going pretty well for Jane.

"Busier than I thought possible."

Jane went on to describe BFAC's constant flurry of activity, its caffeine-fueled late nights and last-minute projects, all done while she juggled a part-time job as a barista.

They talked for a bit over an hour before real life came calling.

"Hey, I should probably go. I need to do a little more work on my project before it goes into the kiln. There are still some distortions where it should be smooth. Oh, I might have time to come back down to Lawndale at the end of the month."

"Sure, that'd be good." Great, actually.

"And listen, Daria: don't think twice about calling me if you need someone to talk to. I'll make time for you, no matter what."

"Um, right. Thanks."

* Tiffany is one of Quinn's friends, who is notorious for... speaking... really... slowly.... You may remember her as Tiphannia, the Keptu-quey girl who later turned out to be cursed. No idea if canon Tiffany is similarly cursed.

[SubRosa]

I guess you might think of Daria as following in dear old Dad's footsteps here. She is consulting for Kevin.

"With a training montage that leads to him acing the exams in a test-taking scene scored by Journey."
That is how it would work in the movie. Tom Cruise would play Kevin.

And I see this Universe's Quinn is also likely to go into either the Intelligence community, or the fashion industry. Still a toss up. Though I'm not sure if the CIA accepts anyone who is not a Yale graduate.

Now I am imaging Daria with bulging eyeballs!

[Renee]

It is a dreary Sunday morning, time for coffee. ☕ Also time to go back to high school. Or at least, the Thirteenth Grade where Kevin is stuck.

Nice, Quinn's got some dialog. And dad. I agree with them. How does this equate to a summer 'job'? I'm especially wondering how Kevin's gonna be able to afford $20.00 an hour. Because his problems with school aren't gonna get solved after just one hour. Or two, or four, or maybe even twenty!

Anyway, let me shush.

Lasagna == kwama eggs + jelly, when translated into Morrowind food.

"Tutoring Kevin is going to be, like, a full-time job. He's really not that smart," Quinn said.

Exactly.

Helen's got the same name. She's also a lawyer. What does father do?

"very...slow....voice". I love Daria's humor.

"I know some people who might need help," Quinn offered.

Oh God, one of them is going to be Tiffany.

I just laughed reallyhard! Thought you said this isn't a comedy, Clavier! Well, it might not be in the long run. Sure has got some humorous lines in it, though.

The part when Quinn watches a fashion show on TV is awesome. Something about that scene. There's some love there, or something. Also, the Mall Princess is totally transfixed. She's paying serious attention. Yet she's still concerned about his sis. Wow.

I'm guessing Tiffany equates to Tiphannia (sp?) in MW. The chick who was sort of slow because she was cursed.

Ah. Here's Jane, the artist. And Mr. Dimartino equates to the TEACHER who SPOKE like THIS, I'm thinking.

AWW. Jane. She's a real friend. "Call anytime, do not hesitate." Brought a tear to my eye.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, tabletop gamers don't necessarily fit the tabletop gamer stereotype.

Yes, this could be, especially nowadays.

Hey, I just wrote up a whole ramble about high school, but maybe I'd better message you instead.

This post has been edited by Renee: Feb 11 2024, 05:06 PM

[Acadian]

Wow, Daria’s getting overloaded with ‘advice’ when she probably needs to start tutoring Kevin and see how it goes before deciding anything expanding her tutoring business.

Her family remains very recognizable indeed from the Morrowind story. And so does Jane – a steadfast friend.

[WellTemperedClavier]

Okay, I'm going to be out of town this weekend, so I'll post today instead of Saturday. This chapter's the first of three flashbacks to Daria's time in Raft University.

@SubRosa - Hey, that's a good point. Academic consultancy. Though that kind of sounds like what a high school counselor does.

Weirdly, I can see Tom Cruise as Kevin.

I'm not quite sure Quinn's ruthless enough for the CIA. Though you have to be pretty ruthless to get ahead in fashion, apparently. Sandi has the ruthlessness, but I'm not sure she has the smarts.

@Renee - I'll admit I didn't really look up how much a tutor would typically charge in 2003. Though Kevin's mom is paying for it (a later chapter mentions this, I think). But yeah, he'll need a lot to get through this.

Huh, lasagna does kind of feel like the suburban American version of kwama and jelly.

Jake's a business consultant. He was apparently inspired by the clueless consultants that MTV would hire, who'd usually go around stating the obvious and trying to make it sound like they'd given some deep wisdom. Jake himself doesn't seem to be that great at his job; a lot of episodes show him struggling and desperate to get clients, and it's pretty clear Helen's the breadwinner for the house. According to the show's lead writer, Jake's problem is that he's not good at navigating office politics (for what it's worth, I imagine Daria would have a similar problem in the working world).

Still wanted to keep some humor in this. And yeah, Jane's still there for Daria. Always important, that.

I'll respond to your PM a bit later.

@Acadian - Glad the characters stayed recognizable. I wanted to keep them as true to their show versions as I could in Morrowind.

Chapter 4

Earlier...

Just like she did in classes all through high school, middle school, and the educational institutions before that, Daria repeatedly checked the clock. Meanwhile, Professor Monroe boiled with excess energy as he stalked back and forth at the front, a leather jacket partially covering his ratty Che t-shirt.

"I mean, let's be honest here. You don't want to read something that has a line like 'take what order thou wilt, both for the dead, and for all us who live', right? That's like high school Shakespeare drama. You guys are in the real world and have better things to do than hang out with a bunch of dead people.

"Here's the thing. All this literature, stuff like Antigone? It's the ultimate attack on the man. Reading this, you learn how the powers that be work, and how they've been screwing people over for thousands of years. Thousands. Of. Years.

"That's why you're learning it. Forget all that crap about touching with the wisdom of the past. It's using the past, and any other weapon at your disposal, to challenge the authority of the day. A book is only good if it's useful, and Antigone is still pretty damn useful even if it sounds stale."

"Excuse me?" Daria asked, raising her hand.

"Yes, uh, Daria."

"Since you're the authority in the classroom, aren't you encouraging us to rebel against you? And by rebelling, wouldn't we be doing what you, on some level, want, thus undercutting the entire concept of rebellion?"

"I'm not your boss. Yeah, the system makes demands, and it sucks, but I'm here to help you become better informed so that you can make your own decisions and not let the man make them for you. I'm guessing you don't like reading Sophocles?"

"Actually, I enjoy—"

Professor Monroe launched into his answer before she finished speaking. "'Cause that's okay. I'm very selective about these moldy literary selections since I don't like them much either. They can be useful, however. You know, a lot of the classics are just tools to make people think in certain ways. That's why all the old money schools—like Raft—love them so much. What we're trying to do though, is turn what they love against them. Once we do that with the classics, we can get to the stuff that's good."

He dismissed class with a wave of his hand. The students trudged out of the century-old lecture hall and into the chilly autumn air heavy with the smell of rotting leaves. Daria heard snatches of conversation around her.

"… I heard she's gonna be at Adam's party tonight, you should totally go!"

"Professor Monroe's hilarious."

"My DoD clan's got a big match tonight. We'll be kicking ass."

"Man, I just don't get this old Greek stuff. I feel like it's in another language."

Daria went straight back to her dorm, unencumbered by any social obligations. Her footsteps echoed through the yellowing linoleum hallways. Reaching her room and finding her roommate, Patricia, mercifully absent, she shrugged off her backpack and placed it on her functional wooden desk.

I could reread the second half of Antigone right now. Or I could just write the essay based on what I remember from reading it in 7th grade and again in 11th.

She decided not to study, and instead lay down on the narrow cot that served as her bed. A sliver of pale gray light shone through the window and against the floor. She let herself sink into the mattress, surprised at how tired she felt after such a trivial class.

God, I wish Jane would hurry up and get to Boston.

She didn't stir until Patricia came back to the dorm room, her black hair perfectly coiffed and her clothes immaculate, as always. The clock read 8:17—Daria had been dozing for hours.

"Hi, Daria! Question: are you doing anything tonight?" Patricia's saccharine tone instantly revealed that she wanted something she was too lazy to do herself.

"Does it look like I am?"

"Yeah, I guess I didn't need to ask that," Patricia chirped. "Okay, so I got myself in kind of a situation. I have a paper due tomorrow for poli sci. Thing is, I also have to be at Tri-Delta party tonight. I don't have time for both."

"Then I guess you can't go to the party."

Patricia shook her head. "This is a networking opportunity I cannot miss. Can you write it for me? I'll pay. You're super-smart, so it shouldn't be a big deal for you."

"Flattery's just going to make me raise my rates."

"Will you lower them if I insult you or something, instead? I'm just trying to make this easy for both of us." Patricia's cheer gave way to a flinty, know-it-all pragmatism.

"How much?"

"I'll give you thirty for it," Patricia offered.

"What's the subject of the paper?"

"I forget exactly, I'll put the prompt on my desk. Something to do with Federalist Paper No. 10."

Daria had read that back in 5th grade, and again in 11th. "A classic piece of political literature of immeasurable influence on our proud Republic. But hey, networking is important. I'll do it."

It's not like I haven't helped college students cheat before. Besides, if she's at a party that means she won't be here.

"Thanks, you're the best! Here's the prompt." Patricia took a clear plastic folder out of her backpack, opened it up, and slid out a single piece of paper that she placed on Daria's desk. "Now I'll freshen up for the party."

She immediately set about improving perfection as Daria went out to grab some much-needed coffee. Patricia was long-gone when she returned, twenty minutes later.

[SubRosa]

Young Tom Cruise, from All The Right Moves and Risky Business, would fit Kevin to a tee.

The prof is wearing a leather jacket and a Che Guevara shirt? This guy is either a real, dyed in the wool Leftist, or he never outgrew his days as an edgy teen. Come to think of it, Capitalism sure loves Che. I mean, how much money have corporations made using his image?

Ok, he's a Leftist. Someone who understands that all history is one of class struggle. Also someone who understands the value of cutting off their students before they can finish their sentences and say that they like the book!

"Man, I just don't get this old Greek stuff. I feel like it's in another language."
Well, it is.

There is Daria, unencumbered by social engagements, as usual. Some things never change.

Funny she knows a character named Patricia. January knows one too, who is going to be returning to her life in a big and unwelcome way very soon. I hope that Daria's Patricia is a lot less of a crypto-fascist stochastic terrorist than Jan's is.

Of course Daria read Antigone in the past, twice in fact!

Ah ha! A business opportunity. This reminds me of the time she visited a college while still a high school student, and started doing papers for a fee. I know what is coming next.

[Renee]

$20.00 an hour is probably accurate in 2003 terms. Close enough. In any event, I fear Kevin's mom might as well give Daria a check, signature already in place, while leaving the amount sections blank!

According to the show's lead writer, which is NOT Mike Judge, correct? I think you told me one time that the show was hijacked from Judge, or something.

Off-topic but MTV was so damn great back when it was new. All those New Wave bands, some punk, rock 'n' roll like George Thorougood, some R&B, some rap, some hip hop... rap & hip hop weren't really my thing, and weren't featured as much. But they were also newer musics of the day, brand-new music soley created by Americans. I dunno, it was such a great channel to watch on cable TV (which was also sort of new) on a summer day with your friends basking in air-conditioning. And there were more specific shows like the metal-oriented Headbanger's Ball. Closet Classics (featured artists from the '50s, '60s, and '70s). Over time, the channel became less about music.

/off-topic.

Professor Monroe seems kinda hip in his revolutionary T-shirt. We've all had that teacher before. He reminds me of Mister Smith, one of my history teachers in high school. The guy had shaggy hair; you could see he was once a hippie. ☮ Not as much of a hippie as the teacher on Beavis & Butthead though, he had to reign it in a bit.

Uh oh. Daria's got a comment. I'm already giggling. Yeah, shouldn't we be rebelling against yOU, teacher?

Wow, what a comeback from Monroe! Nice job. He even shoots down her next Daria Morgendorffer comment.

Daria went straight back to her dorm, unencumbered by any social obligations.

That's the 'advantage' of not having such a huge social group, I suppose. Hmm, who is Patricia, put into Morrowind terms? I'm drawing a blank. Maybe she's not somebody found in Last Days or Outlanders.

Wow, Patty's an opportunist.

Besides, if she's at a party that means she won't be here

Nice. Daria's a bit of an opportunist as well, then.

Alright, time for some gaming. Fallout 3 it is!

This post has been edited by Renee: Feb 18 2024, 04:58 PM

[Acadian]

I chuckled at your presentation of Professor Monroe - dime a dozen walking stereotype of a University professor.

And Daria deals with Patricia brilliantly. Gets her out of the room and earns $30 in the process – win/win.

[WellTemperedClavier]

@SubRosa - Dang, I remember Risky Business. Not old enough to have seen it in theaters but I did catch it on video sometime in the early '00s.

Professor Madison isn't a big character in this story (this is the only chapter he appears) but he's a parody of those professors who engage in a lot of rockstar posturing. And yeah, capitalism loves Che. What's the joke? The folks wearing his t-shirts would be the first up against the wall? And someone like Che would be very happy to pull the trigger (I'm not a big fan of his lionization).

This Patricia's not a crypto-fascist at least. Though now that you mention it... huh, actually I'm not going to say anything further. Read and see.

There were 4-5 books in my undergrad required reading course that I'd already read. I figure Daria would have even more.

And yup, you're right about what's coming next. Though Daria's a different person in a different situation now, so this might not feel as satisfying as she'd like...

@Renee - Kevin's mom only appears once in the entire series. She seems smarter than Kevin or her husband. Hopefully.

The lead writer was Glenn Eichler, who was also the producer. I know he went on to work on the Colbert Show.

I didn't actually watch a ton of MTV. Was a bit of a snob as a teenager and figured it was all stuff for the "normies". If you'd told me back then that I'd one day write Daria fanfic, I'd have dismissed you as crazy. Yet here we are.

I could defintely see Professor Madison having been a hippie once upon a time. There was an ex-hippie teacher at my old high school, but he was more the mellow type.

Patricia's an original character for this story, so she wouldn't have a Morrowind equivalent. Though if she did, she'd probably be a socially ambitious Imperial trying to get a piece of that Vvardenfell pie.

@Acadian - Daria's plan for Patricia works for now. But it might not work forever.

Chapter 5

Walking to the Thompson home took Daria near the old Lane household, all but abandoned ever since Trent's departure for the D.C. music scene. She suppressed an almost physical desire to visit the empty place, her mind recalling the scent of its dusty, lived-in rooms.

She found Kevin's residence with little trouble, an unremarkable pastel yellow home much like its neighbors. The Thompson family had remained something of a mystery to her though she knew that most of the money came from the parents of Charlene, Kevin's mother. Doug, his father, was by all accounts as stupid as his son.

This is going to be painful.

Daria walked up to the front door and rang the bell. For a moment, silence, and the hope that she'd be able to walk home and get a job that required no human contact.

No such luck. The door swung open to reveal a grinning Kevin.

"Hey, Daria. Thanks for coming by," he said, as enthusiastic as ever.

"Sure. You have the money, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Here you go!" He reached into his pocket and fished out a crumpled twenty.

"Usually you give that at the end of the session."

"Then, uh, why did you ask for it?" he asked, with that laugh that was almost a giggle.

"Just making sure. Hold on to it for now."

"Here, let's go to the cafeteria."

"Cafeteria?" Daria wondered if she'd heard right.

"You know, where you eat dinner?"

"Right. That's usually called a dining room when it comes to homes and other residential areas." She emphasized "dining room" the way she would to a child just learning how to speak.

"Wow, I'm learning a lot already!"

Already disheartened, she followed Kevin into a hall of football memorabilia. It took her a moment to even realize it was a dining room. A cloth made of patched-together NFL pennants covered the table. Framed pictures of famous players clad the wall with the density of a mosaic. Photos of Kevin struggled to make themselves seen amidst the stars: Kevin raising the football at the game that broke Oakwood's dreams of championship in 2000, Kevin holding up a trophy, Kevin posing with a decidedly unenthusiastic Mack, and baby Kevin with a football in the crib.

"Wow."

"Pretty cool, huh?"

The dining room sought to overwhelm the senses, like a bewildering high baroque church devoted to the gridiron. Daria sat down at the head of the table, not able to look away from a photo of Barry Sanders that glared at her from across the room. Still smiling, Kevin sat to her left.

"Where do you want to start exactly?" Daria asked.

"I'm taking a lot of remodeling classes," he said.

"Remodeling?"

"You know! Classes that are, uh, remodeled 'cause not everyone's a brain."

Daria took a deep breath. "I think you mean remedial."

"Yeah, remedialing! Anyway, I've been hitting the books pretty hard. I can be kind of a brain too, now that I'm usually free on Friday nights. English I think I get. O'Neill says I'm doing better than ever!"

"Well if he thinks so…"

"And woodshop isn't that tough, once you remember the safety rules. Math and history are pretty tough."

"Okay. Which one do you want to cover today?" she asked.

"Huh, that's a good question," Kevin said, his expression suddenly distant. "I remember one time I couldn't figure out if I should pass to Mack or to Robert. So I passed the ball to Joey instead, and he grabbed it! We beat Cumberland High, 16-15."

Daria fought to keep from rolling her eyes. "That's great. But you didn't answer my question."

"Oh yeah! I dunno, you can pick."

This is even worse than I thought.

"All right. What—exactly—are you studying in history?"

"Remodding history—"

"Remedial!" she corrected.

"Right, remedium. We're studying the American Revolution."

"Okay. Have you covered the causes of the revolution? Like the Townshend Acts?"

"Maybe? It's hard to remember this stuff, Daria. Mr. D did talk about some battles, where we had to see their eyes or something."

"The whites of their eyes. So you're up to Bunker Hill."

Daria closed her own eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as she realized the sheer scale of this project. He didn't know anything.

How to even begin?

"Hey, Kevin," came a new, gruffer voice, "what are you doing—wow, she's a real step down from Brittany."

The speaker, a paunchy middle-aged man in a gray tracksuit and whose comb-over all but admitted abject surrender to male pattern baldness, stepped in from the kitchen, arms folded and face stern. Momentarily at a loss for words, Daria stayed silent as Kevin interjected.

"Oh, hey dad! This is Daria. I hired her to make me smarter."

"Make you smarter? Lady, have you seen my son play? The NFL's going to snap him up like that!" Doug snapped for emphasis.

"Yeah, I know, dad! But she's gonna help me get into college football!"

"The colleges are going to be all over you. I hired a professional editor this time to put your videos together. Once they see it, they won't give a damn about your grades."

"Really? Cool! But maybe I should get better grades, just in case," Kevin said, taking on a conciliatory tone.

"I don't really care. Just make sure you keep practicing for when college season starts. They're not going to want you to memorize the presidents or anything."

Doug turned to the nearest photo-encrusted wall, eyes wide as if to soak in all of the accumulated glory. "Hey, look at this one here. This is where Kevin led the Lions to victory against Swedeville, 20-5! You think a guy like him's gonna need to know this stuff?"

"Yeah, Daria, that was a great game," Kevin said. "You saw that one, right? That's where I ran up to this guy who was like, twice as big as me—and I'm pretty big—and still knocked him down. You have that one taped, right dad? Daria, do you want to watch it?"

Doug started to go on about Kevin's past triumphs, his suddenly crisp and rumbling enunciation giving each game the quality of an epic. Daria leaned towards Kevin.

"Look, do you want me to help you, or do you just want to watch old football videos?" she asked.

"I do kind of want to watch the Swedeville game—"

"Then have fun being Lawndale High's first sixth year student!"

She grabbed her notebooks and pushed back the chair to leave. Only Kevin's look of sheer panic stopped her.

"Wait! I don't want that. People don't think I'm cool anymore, and they'll think I'm even less cool if I have to repeat another year. I'll study, I promise."

Daria considered it as Doug continued to relive past victories.

"I think there are too many distractions here. If we're going to study, it should be at my house. I won't charge you for the time we wasted here either—we had interference," she said.

"Ha ha, yeah, my dad used to get in trouble for pass interferences back when he played. See, you do know football!"

"Right. Just drive me back to my place."