Maya, the memoirs of a Dunmer amnesiac Options

[Linara]

Destri:It's very good to be back! The unnamed Dunmer girl (U.D.G.) is indeed toughening up. But is it only a temporary improvement?...

Acadian:Well there has to be some humor, writing these later chapters its a huge slaughterhouse, and tongue in cheek is what I do best! I think... Baurus and his kind are exactly the kind of person an amnesiac needs, strong, loyal and caring.

Haute ecole rider: That's seems to be what the U.D.G. is thinking! Yes, I too am stuck on a console, but I never skip the dungeon. It's an integral part of learning the character, and becoming comfortable with them. So far this is a character only on paper, but maybe one day...

SubRosa:Thank you Rosa. Probably plenty of nits this chapter I'm sure, but I think it needed to be rougher than usual.

mALX:Thanks mALX.

Wolf:Thank you Wolf. I've been trying to make this interesting, as far as I know how, and so far it's doing alright, I think. The tutorial didn't hold much interest to me until I started writing this, and now I'm a little curious to see how it actually plays out.

Treydog: U.D.G. I love it! As you can see it's beginning to stick, to me anyway. Thanks treydog!

All: And now part one of the latest chapter. Most of you know what will happen, but I've done my best to make it from the unnamed Dunmer girl's point of view. Enjoy, and no spoilers!

Chapter Five-Part One
In which a girl is numbed

The tunnel was quiet as we waited for Baurus to speak. After several moments he took in a deep breath, then began to talk.

“When I was attacked by the first assassins, I wasn’t completely ready. I was thinking about other things, and they just jumped me. I managed to get one down, but the other was fighting pretty well, for a crazy man, and he had the advantage. It was while we were fighting that their armor started to fall apart. It literally fell apart, in pieces, and disappeared. Then their weapons started to deteriorate as well, and this bright light shot through the tunnel we were fighting in. I covered my eyes, and when I opened them, both of the assassins were gone. Just gone…” his voice started to wobble, and the Emperor put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“The Nine are watching over you, Baurus.” He turned and looked at me with a glint of curiosity.

“I wonder though…” His thought trailed off unfinished, and we set off towards the end of the tunnels, or so I hoped. I promised my exhausted feet that if I got out of this alive I wouldn’t walk for at least a week.

“Any idea how much longer?” Glenroy grumbled, looking at me with suspicious eyes every so often.

The Emperor’s velvet clad shoulders shrugged, and we kept walking. As the tunnels began to square, and the floor grew smoother, we all grew tenser. Glenroy glanced back several times, pupils dilated, and I was tempted to sneer. Old habits told me not to, and I looked down at the floor, worn and cracked stone with moss growing in between. It felt much better on my feet, and I paused for a moment to enjoy the softness.

When I looked back up, the situation had changed with remarkable speed. I could see several red-robed assassins running at us, and I heard Baurus’s shouts as he positioned himself between the Emperor and the assassins.

I ran up, sword out and ready, already seeing nothing but the attackers, focused on only my own survival. Somewhere inside, I felt selfish, but it was too late to think about such things. The four of us fought, swords flashing in the dim light.

The assassins kept coming, although the wall Baurus, Glenroy, and I made kept many of them out, and away from the Emperor. But there came a time when the three of us were tired, even more tired then before, and the Emperor joined our line, short-sword glistening with blood.

It was after bodies covered the floor in front of us, and blood ran everywhere, that Glenroy fell. We were slaughtering more of the innumerable assassins when I heard a cry of pain, and a hoarse shout. There was only time to glance over and acknowledge the death, a point scored on the assassin’s side. Then the fighting continued.

This post has been edited by Linara: Nov 17 2010, 06:18 PM

[Acadian]

Maya continues to show her skill, and will to survive (,and sore feet ) .

The Emperor’s velvet clad shoulders shrugged, and we kept walking. As the tunnels began to square, and the floor grew smoother, we all grew tenser.

Beautifully written, this.

And after Glenroy falls, did I read correctly? Score another for the assassins? Does that mean the Emperor just fell?

[Remko]

I have a thing for (Female) Dunmer (no, not like that ) so I was easily drawn in by this good story.
The elbow in Dreth's face made me smile.

Keep it up

[SubRosa]

Yay, more u.D.g.

The Emperor's pronunciation that it was the Nine that protected Baurus seems prophetic. Given his own inevitable death. It implies that Baurus is being saved for something that he (the Emperor) is not.

I liked the extra description you gave to the change in the surface of the floor, noting how the moss made it softer. Much more comfortable for our barefoot u.D.g.!

@Acadian: I believe that point scored was Glenroy's death.


nits:
I ran up, sword out and ready, already seeing nothing but the attackers, focused on nothing but my own survival.
You have a repetition of the word nothing in the same sentence. I think you might just change the second instance to only (and drop the "but").

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Nov 17 2010, 04:00 AM

[Destri Melarg]

I like the new twists that you are giving this. The image of U.D.G fighting back to back with the Blades for the life of the Emperor gives a great deal of impact to this chapter.

one nit:

The tunnel was quiet as we waited for Baurus to speak. After several minutes he took in a deep breath, then began to talk.

'Several minutes' seems like a long time to wait for a professional warrior to gather himself, especially given that assassins are still bearing down on them. Spending his life so close to the Emperor, one could imagine that Baurus would be accustomed to seeing things that defied easy description.

[treydog]

Our poor u.D.g.’s poor feet! The consistency of the characterizations is again clear- Glenroy’s suspicion, Baurus’ loyalty, and Uriel’s mystic fatalism. And into this mix we have several mysteries, not least the source of the light that dispelled the assassins’ armor and weapons. The former prisoner is also showing herself as no stranger to sword-work.

[Linara]

Remko: Glad you like it. It's tough stuff to write, and its hard to turn out stuff on a weekly basis. Baurus's elbow is becoming increasingly popular.

SubRosa: Thanks for explaining that. Yes, Baurus is destined for greater things.

Destri:Thank you for pointing that out, I changed it to moments. Yes, considering the Jagar Tharn mess, Baurus would be used to the very strange.

Chapter Five-Part Two
In which an Empire begins to crumble

There was blood everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, all over me. And bodies, so many bodies. There air rang with the cries of corpses to come, the smell of death hung heavy in the tunnels.

*Earlier*

The Emperor lay gasping for breath on the blood-slicked floor, the wound in his side dyeing his purple robes. He looked up at me beseechingly, and his lips trembled as they tried to form words that had to be said.

“You have been so…so brave…” He struggled with each word, and I shook my head pleadingly, begging him to save his strength, to live.

“My sons have been killed…but there is one left…a-a boy…Martin…Kvatch…take the amulet…” His breathing grew harsher and more inconsistent, but still he tried to talk.

“S-so brave…” His head fell back and his breathing stopped. I stayed there, kneeling, as the blood around me began to dry. I could here the clang of metal against metal, and I knew that Baurus still fought, but to what end? The Emperor was dead.

*Present*

I felt a light touch on my shoulder, and whirled around, sword at the ready. In the process I nearly chopped off Baurus’s nose, and he stumbled back, alarmed, but only for a second. He was breathing heavily, and I noticed that for the first time in what felt like years no assassins were trying to kill of us. Of course they wouldn’t, since they already achieved their goal, I thought bitterly.

Then I noticed that I couldn’t feel my knees, and I pitched forward, nearly falling on a dead assassins body. Baurus caught me, and helped me to sit down, against a wall. We sat there quietly, at a loss and defeated.

“So,” Baurus finally said. “So what now?”

We looked at each other, then back at the carnage that faced us.

“Well…” my voice trailed off as I thought of what the Emperor had said to me.

“The Emperor said something about another son to me.”

“Another son?” Baurus sounded puzzled. “Not the Emperor. He was always faithful to his wife, although she was a shrew. Still is, far as I know. No, I don’t think he would do something like that…”

“His name is Martin, and he lives in Kvatch,” I said quietly. “Where’s Kvatch?”

But my question went unanswered, as Baurus was staring at me with wide eyes.

“Are you sure his name is Martin?” His voice was low with urgency, and I nodded quickly, a little frightened by his tone.

“I have to ride to Kvatch, right away. If the assassins find out about Martin there is no hope for the Empire. “

Baurus gently took the amulet from around the Emperors neck, and tucked it away. He stood up, and turned back to me.

“I…” His voice trailed off, and I felt myself start to pale.

“Just follow me out of the sewers okay? I’ll show you how to get to the City; then-“ He stopped, turned away, and started walking.

“I guess we’ll see what happens,” he said, so quietly that I could barely hear him.

“I guess we’ll see,” I murmured, and than I followed him.

~~~

All: So there it was: The toughest thing I've written in a long time. The inevitable chapter, and all that. The crossroads of plot has finally come, and so it may be awhile until something gets put up. Should the unnamed Dunmer girl try to discover her past, or help Baurus in the search for Martin and all the Main Questery? Decisions, decisions...What do you guys think?

This post has been edited by Linara: Nov 29 2010, 05:31 PM

[SubRosa]

Very original take on the old tale of the Emperor's death! I liked how you flashed back and forth from past to present. It kept things tight and moving, without getting bogged down. Also a very good and sensible course of action on the part of Baurus taking the amulet and decided that he would be the one to go find Martin. It does make a lot of sense that the secret agent would be the one to do that!

So what next? I take you you have not decided? Perhaps you could do both, and have the u.D.g. tag along with Baurus and in so doing, learn more about her past. I do not know what you have worked out concerning that, so it is hard to offer any specifics. But it could be as simple as she starts having memories of her past while she goes about the MQ with Baurus. Or they find the places they visit have people who knew her. Perhaps she is a Kvatchian for example? Or there is someone at Weynon Priory who knows her? That sort of thing.

It would be nice for us to have a reason to start calling her Maya, rather than the u.D.g...


nits:
There air rang with the cries of corpses to come, and death was in the air.
Two things here. First I think you meant "The air" at the beginning? The second is that there is repetition of air in the same sentence. Perhaps you could remove the last one by saying something like "death loomed like a pall" or "death shrouded all"


the wound in his side dying his purple robes.
I think you want dyeing here.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Nov 30 2010, 02:36 AM

[Destri Melarg]

Ah, so it is Baurus that takes the amulet in your version of events. Well, if you want my opinion, I think her next course of action is obvious. It was the Emperor who both freed and empowered her. That same Emperor now lies in a pool of drying blood. Intermingled with thoughts of vengeance would be a desire to see the will of the now dead Emperor done. To my recollection we have never had a story where the main character ventures to Kvatch in the company of Baurus. Will they bypass Weynon Priory, or will Baurus insist that they make their report to Grandmaster Jauffre? The mystery surrounding her own identity is of secondary concern when placed against the fate of the Empire itself.

On to Kvatch!

[Acadian]

The changes you have incorporated surrounding the Emperor's death are reasonable and flow quite naturally. It is a fun balance between the familiar, and the way it might have been. Good job!

Advice going forward? Ask your character what she wants to do, and listen carefully to her. If she needs some coaxing, ask her the following questions:
- How do you feel about the Emperor?
- Is 'The Empire' important to you? If so, why?
- How do you feel about Baurus?

This post has been edited by Acadian: Nov 30 2010, 02:09 AM

[treydog]

It’s good that you moved away from the forced entry to the main quest and are making the story your own. And I think that is the answer to your question. Whatever you do (or have u.D.g. do) next, it will be your own vision. She will emerge from the sewers- what will she do? Will Baurus offer advice- a contact- money-an introduction to a guild steward? Although he is consumed with his mission, she was a comrade-in-arms, however briefly- he does not seem the sort to leave her without any guidance….

Beyond that- what is your vision for this character? What do you want her to do? What does she want most-right at this moment? How will she get it? Whatever you decide, I will read with interest.

[Linara]

SubRosa:Thanks for catching those nits, Rosa. Yes, it was true that I had not decided what the U.D.G. would be doing next. I don't usually do a past present switch, but I thought that in this case it worked pretty well.

Acadian: Thank you for your advice Acadian! As you will see below, advice was followed.

Destri Melarg:Spoken like a true historian and writer of a bigger picture, Destri! Thank you for your advice!

Treydog: Thank you for your advice treydog, it was very helpful.

All: So it finally happened. The U.D.G. is finally leaving the sewers. I'll admit, it was tempting to send her off to discover her identity. Then I read what everyone was saying, and so, I asked Maya. Her answer was very clear, so a different course of action is being taken. Thank you everyone for your advice, and your comments through this!
It took research and determination to get through this chapter, but I'm glad I did.

(On a research side note: Has anyone else thought that the people on the Imperial Library forums are a bit...rude? Beg pardon if anyone is on there, but I've never read the words of a less welcoming TES fan.)

And now: The end of the tutorial dungeon, and a new direction.

Chapter Six
In which we step through a grate

Baurus and I stepped through the open sewer grate, and thus ended a living nightmare that had seemed days long. We had made it through the sewers in relatively short order. Neither of us spoke during that time, except to alert each other to the numerous goblins that would throw themselves against us in a suicidal manner.

I covered my eyes as we exited, and cowered beneath a sun I could not remember shining. Baurus waited until I could stand the light, then we both seated ourselves on the ground and avoided looking at each other. I took stock of our surroundings, my eyes watering as I gazed in wonder.

There was a river near us, and a dock that led into it. Across the river were trees and hills, and perhaps a stone ruin, but I could not tell for sure. My eyes were enchanted with the color of the place, and I rejoiced in the cool breeze that ran across my skin.

It was when I touched the sword at my side that I remembered. The drying goblin blood painted my fingers a greenish yellow, which I knew would stain my clothing should I try to wipe it off.

The blood jolted me back to the present, a place I did not particularly want to be. In the present, Baurus was planning to abandon me as soon as we reached the Imperial City, and go gallivanting off to Kvatch.

As soon as I thought it, I knew that I was being unfair. Baurus wasn’t gallivanting anywhere, merely going to save the Emperor’s son, and the heir to the throne. The only problem with that was the fact that he planned to do it alone, and something in me said I should come with him.

After all, the Emperor had told me to take the amulet, but that was only because Baurus had been fighting off assassins. He would have said the same to Baurus if I hadn’t been there, wouldn’t he? But still, I needed to come, and I needed to convince Baurus of that. I looked up at him, and said,

“I’m coming with you.”

Instead of the numerous objections I had thought he would make to my statement, he only nodded.

“I know,” he replied, as my eyes widened in surprise. “I was thinking about it the whole time we were going through the sewers, and I realized that it wouldn’t be safe to leave you in the city. It’s a dangerous place, and without any memory, you might be hurt, or worse. Besides, I’ll need back-up,” he said, grinning slightly, for he had seen how indignant I was becoming at his statements.

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” I cried, but there was no anger in my voice, and we both smiled.

“So, on to Kvatch?” I asked. Baurus chewed at his lip for a moment, then shook his head.

“I’d like to get to Kvatch as soon as possible, but that’s not an option right now. You need food, some new clothes, and sleep. Much as I hate to admit it, I need rest as well. I’ve never fought so many enemies before, and my arms feel like they’re on fire. So, we’re going to the city, renting a room at an inn, and heading out tomorrow morning.”

With that, we set off, heading uphill towards the city.

[SubRosa]

I have never actually looked at Imperial Library forums. It looks like it is just as well!

Very nicely done. Once again we see Cyrodiil through fresh eyes again as the u.D.g. blinks through the glare of a sun she cannot remember ever seeing before.

I loved the u.D.g.'s very natural resentment over the fact that Baurus is abandoning her. Seeing that he is the only person in the world that she knows, it would be strange if she did not latch on to him. Likewise her decision to see through the quest to find Martin shows us some of her own quality.

So now Baurus and the u.D.g. are shacking up for the night! hubba hubba!

[treydog]

The mixed blessing of stepping into the sunlight, only to be nearly blinded, was a wonderfully crafted reminder of the time underground.

The blood jolted me back to the present, a place I did not particularly want to be. In the present, Baurus was planning to abandon me as soon as we reached the Imperial City, and go gallivanting off to Kvatch.

That passage sings, as it tells us a great deal about our nameless protagonist in just a few words.

Above all, I like the choices you (and U.D.G.) have made with where to take the story.

[Acadian]

This was lovely!

Your use of dialogue and wonderful description blended perfectly with Maya's internal musings and decision making.

“I’m coming with you.”
Yes, this is said from Maya's heart. I'm so glad you listened to her. 'Tis not whether it is the best choice; simply that it is the best choice for her. Most importantly, I see you listened to her and let it be her choice. It is a magical thing when you can hear your character.

I am also proud of Baurus here, for blending his duty with compassion. He understands his responsibility includes more than the Septim line.

[Destri Melarg]

This is my favorite passage:

My eyes were enchanted with the color of the place, and I rejoiced in the cool breeze that ran across my skin.

Hooray! They will go to Kvatch together!

The guards at the gate are in for quite a treat! They must make for an interesting pair; A haggard Blade, so soon after the Emperor’s murder, with his arms dragging from fatigue, and an unnamed Dunmer girl, in disheveled prison attire, with greenish yellow goblin blood staining her fingers!

[Linara]

Alright guys, I have excuses by the dozen. Steampunk adaptations, school, life, writing...But really? I was lazy. So, I'm posting after a month (a month!) and hopefully will get back to regular posting and commenting on Chorrol.(Skyrim was announced too, how cool is that!)

Subrosa:Yeah, the people there can be pretty awful. I had a feeling that the u.D.g. would be angry that the only person she knows in the world would be fine with leaving her alone...And I realized that Baurus could not do that, because he has a conscience.

Treydog: I've spent some time in caves, and although what is in the caves can be amazing, the end result is squinting and watering eyes. Although I'm not sure if Dunmer would be affected in the same way...

Acadian: Thank you, Acadian. Maya is definitely a special character with a mind of her own. Knowing what she wants to do is amazing, really.

Destri: Yep, the guards are in for quite a shock, as we shall see!

All: The penultimate chapter, before the u.D.g. gets -somehow- a name.

Chapter Seven
In which waiting occurs

It is entirely possible that the guards on duty were about to fall asleep from boredom before we approached the main gates of the Imperial City. As it was, one of the guards jumped several inches in the air –no easy feat with all that armor- and the other straightened up as much as he could.

We were a sight, to be sure. One of us was wearing battered armor, the other in prison garb, as far as I knew, and we both had swords covered in different colors of dried blood. Unfortunately, neither of us had paid much attention to our appearance, so we were unprepared for the reception we received.

Baurus managed to calm things down, by snapping “Gladius!” at the jumping Legionary. If he hadn’t been wearing his helmet, his face would have been bright red, I’m sure.

“That you, Baurus?” he asked, as we approached.

Baurus ignored the question, and merely said “Gladius, the Emperor is dead.”

Instant pandemonium, and then questioning. I began to realize how hungry I was as the sun started to set. Baurus was still surrounded by a group of Legionaries, and the air was beginning to chill. I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered, but to no avail.

It must have been nearly two hours after sunset when Baurus finally pushed the guards away, and walked over to me.

“I’m sorry about that-“ he paused, and looked at me oddly. “They needed to know. One of them will talk to the Courier and by morning a flood of disinformation will cover the city.” He sighed. “ I suppose it’s best that the people find out, but it will make our stay and travel more difficult. Things will be crazy, as panic spreads.”

I shrugged. What does tomorrow’s panic matter when you’re hungry and tired? Baurus seemed to realize this fact, and he tilted his head toward the open doors of the City.

“Let’s see if we can find a decent inn. I’ve only got a few Septims on me, and I’m not eager to beg some off Gladius.”

We began walking towards the doors again, and my toes curled on the cold stone. Baurus looked down at them, then asked me; “What’s your name?”

I’ll admit the question threw me. I hadn’t thought about since I’d gotten out of the prison cell. In fact, once I started thinking about it again, the anxiety began to return. It was lessened by Baurus’s assurance to bring me with him, but I still had no name, no memory, and no decent clothing. I swallowed past a lump in my throat, and looked down at the ground.

“I don’t remember, actually. Is there any mention of it on the prison records, do you think?”

“No, there wasn’t any mention of you at all. Your cell was supposed to be empty, at the Captain’s request.”

We avoided eye contact as the streets became darker, and I felt rather stupid, although I couldn’t say why. Baurus finally stopped at a building on the corner of the street, and my eyes could barely make out a swinging sign that said ‘The King and Queen Tavern’.

As Baurus moved to open the door, he turned to me.

“You know,” he said gently, “you ought to think of a name for yourself.”

My eyes widened, and I stood frozen on the street as Baurus entered.

[SubRosa]

Yay, Linara and the u.D.g. are back! We missed you Lin!

A good little episode dealing with the aftermath of the chaos beneath the prison. Here we step away from the big picture, and stop to deal with the more down-to-nirn issues that would naturally crop up after an assassination.

One of them will talk to the Courier
I think The Courier is busy in New Vegas, something about being shot in the head...

What does tomorrow’s panic matter when you’re hungry and tired?
This is very well put, because it is so true.

Finally, does this mean we will be calling Maya by her name?

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jan 26 2011, 10:13 PM

[Acadian]

Welcome back! We hope you can post a touch more often, but honestly, 3 or 4 chapters a month is fine. It is just good to have you back.

Oddly, I found this a delightfully gentle chapter - and, as such, thoroughly enjoyed it. Your descriptions amply transferred to us Baurus' sense of responsibility regarding the shivering elf in his charge.

And of course, being inside the perspective of our heroine enabled her to clearly share her own uncertainly and identity frustration with us.

You could have easily said: 'We slogged up to the city and got a room.' However, you wisely lingered long enough to share some rich character development with us. Well done!

[mALX]

Baurus should think up a nickname for her.