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> Oasis, my first story
jack cloudy
post Feb 11 2006, 11:49 AM
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From: In a cold place.



Allright, first off. I've only barely reached Balmora in my game and ran around for 2 gamedays looking for Caius, so don't expect too much in the form of knowledge. Also, my computer shouldn't be able to handle Morrowind. I'm using an s3 savage or something like that which I remember to be in the list of unsupported 3d cards. Result, clashing colours, face textures on walls and anything enchanted or some forms of magic make the game hang. I can handle the colours and am attempting to remove the hanging by throwing away the enchantments with the help of a mod.

I'll try to work these hardware problems in the story somehow without having to make my character into a drug addict.

Now for the story. Comments, critics and suggestions are welcome.

Chapter 1: Oblivion or not?
I awoke on the wet floor, feeling sicker than I ever felt before. Holding my head, I looked at my surroundings. Yep, I was still on the same boat. If I had anything in my stomach, I would’ve vomited. I’m not a sailor.

,,Get up, you’ve been sleeping all night. Not even the storm could wake you.” The halfnaked elf with a huge scar on his face said. He was the only other living being in this room, if you didn’t count the rats and the worms. Now what was his name? Oh yeah, Jiub. And about the storm, the storm was what knocked me out in the first place, so it couldn’t possibly wake me up.

,,What’s your name?” Jiub continued. It looked like he had more trouble with names than I do, and I have a lot of trouble with names.
,,Luper Alkad.” I answered.
The elf rambled on that we’d reached Morrowind, wherever that was. And that he was sure that they would let us go. In your dreams, pal.
I was convinced that Morrowind had to be inside Oblivion, just listen to the name. Morrowind, that sounds like something a sick Daedra could come up with.

I didn’t really care where we were. Jails were all the same, no matter where they where located.

,,Quit, here comes the guard.” If I didn’t felt so sick, I would have hit him and said that I didn’t say anything for the last five minutes. He was the one who was constantly talking.

The guard smelled like he’d been drinking all night. How someone could possibly get drunk, or even drink on a boat in that storm was beyond me. Either way, the guard tried to drag me along but I easily pulled myself loose. The guard didn’t even notice and I followed the drunk idiot up to the deck, still cursing my fate for what it brought and feeling dizzy. I hate boats.

When I reached the deck, the drunk guard remained behind. Fine, he smelled bad anyway. A second guard told me to get off the ramp and into the building I could see through the fog. I looked at the village. The place was a mess. The guards really must have been pissed off to take me to this place. Welcome to Oblivion.

Oh well, I guess that’s what they call life. You can’t have everything. I walked off the ramp and started to feel a bit better already. I love solid ground, even if it was as wet and damp as the ground there. Everything was better than the damn boat.

Yet another guard stopped me at the bottom of the ramp. What is it with these guards? They’ve got more guards than villagers it seems. This guy wanted to know where I was from for no good reason. I am a Redguard, shouldn’t that tell enough?! ,,From your dreams.” I answered.

The guard looked at me for a while. ,,Whatever, I’m sure you’ll fit right in. Just go into the office.”

The office looked reasonable. If it wasn’t for the current inhabitants, it would make a nice place. Anyway, an old guy named Social Erratica or something like that wanted me to fill in some forms. The good news was that Jiub was right, they were going to release us! The bad news, the old guy was a freak and this place was Oblivion.

There were three ways I could fill in the forms, pick from a list, fill them in myself, or let him ask a bunch of questions to analyze my personality. See, I told you the guy was a freak.

I decided to fill them in myself. Now I had two choices, to lie or to tell the thruth.


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Tellie
post Feb 11 2006, 08:05 PM
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From: Tel Delvanni



Nice, start. This story have the potential of becoming great, and you write in a good way, that makes the story interesting.

Keep it up. The only thing I can put my fingers on for the moments, are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but hey no one's perfect.


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mplantinga
post Feb 11 2006, 09:03 PM
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An interesting start. I like how you've given your character a real personality and how you've poked fun at the rather forced "plotline" of character creation. I'm curious to see where you'll take this story. Please post some more.
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Kiln
post Feb 11 2006, 09:30 PM
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I like how the story is exploding with the character's thoughts and his general outlook on things, it allows for an enjoyable experience so keep it up. smile.gif


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He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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jack cloudy
post Feb 11 2006, 09:46 PM
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From: In a cold place.



Thanks for the comments. I just finished the character creation part of the story. Next up, Luper Alkad's first impressions of the townsfolk.


While pondering that question, I took a better look at the furniture. For such a poor village this place was suspiciously well decorated. My eyes fell on a beautiful limeware platter. Now that was way too expensive for a place like this. I suspected that the impies here were corrupt to the core.

I finally settled for the truth, mostly. The only question that really gave me a problem was my profession. I never had a real profession, unless doing a few things here and there while aimlessly wandering around could be called a profession. I wrote down my old nickname, Oasis. It was as good as any name for a profession.

Mister freak took the forms after I had filled them in and glanced over what I wrote. ,,Are you sure this is correct?” I nodded and started to walk to the door when he grabbed me by the arm.

For such an old man, he was surprisingly strong, or I was out of shape. I hope it was the latter. I was brought out of balance and stumbled up against him, causing both of us to fall against the wooden rack and on the floor. The rack fell over and we were buried by its contents.

I apologized and helped him back on his feet. ,,Don’t worry, we’ll clean it up.” He said as he looked at the mess. ,,Anyway, I just wanted to know under which sign you were born. Astrology is a hobby of mine, you see.” This guy was definitely a freak. ,,Mage.” I answered and left the room.

Remaining with him and his guard was the last thing I wanted, so I ran. And I learned something from it. Don’t try to take turns during a full speed run. At least don’t try to do it in cramped spaces.
One bruised shoulder later I was taking a look at the chamber I was in now. This place was filled with even more stuff that was too valuable for what looked like a small town in the middle of nowhere. These guys really were corrupt.

You can say what you like about me. I admit I was breaking the law at the moment, but no one seemed to be watching and I hated everything that reminded me of the empire. Only one thought crossed my mind. Plundertime.

I stepped out into a courtyard, carrying just about everything of value I could get my hands on. It included a lot of Silverware. There was a barrel in here. Just what I needed. A few seconds later, the sound of silver cups, knifes and a candle being thrown over the wall could be heard, along with the sound of said silverware hitting the ground. The only thing I kept was a small knife. It was pinned to a note from some guy called Hissking or something who said he wanted it to be really sharp by morning. Whatever, like I cared. I just needed a sharp piece of metal, so Hissking could kiss his knife goodbye.

Being a Redguard, I’ve always felt a certain bond with blades of all kinds. I prefer a long sword, but the knife would be good enough. At least it was better than my bare fists.

What followed was quite embarrassing, to say the least. The barrel started creaking, and then fell apart while I was still standing on top of it. Now I had a sore behind to add to my inconvenience. My mood was dropping to the bottom of a bottomless well real fast.

And guess what, they kept some useless stuff in the barrel, including a ring. I just pocketed them. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t know. I guess I just like taking things.
After that scene, I went into the next building. I just hoped no one would figure out what happened with the barrel.

A fully suited up impie was waiting for me. It looked like he was the big boss in town. At least the boss of the iron and steel division. What followed made my blood boil.

A messenger! All they needed was a freaking messenger! Only the big sword at his side kept me from telling him how I felt. I just grabbed the money and the package and stormed out of the door. The last thing I heard before the door slammed shut was that the package had to be delivered to some guy named Cain Cossack. Weird name if you ask me.


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Taillus
post Feb 11 2006, 10:02 PM
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You have a good story going so far. I like how your character is just generally mad at everyone and has a short fuse.


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“Worry not, young Breton. This will be over very quickly but I wish I could say that it would be painless. You will suffer greatly before you join the countless other souls that fuel my power.” - Taillus
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Kiln
post Feb 11 2006, 10:13 PM
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This is a good read, I like how the character doesn't pay much attention to things around him like names or things he's supposed to do, gives a different feel to the story.


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He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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minque
post Feb 11 2006, 10:31 PM
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Hehe....nice and amusing! A refreshing harshness in your description! I like the style of it, keep it up will ya!


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Tellie
post Feb 12 2006, 12:39 AM
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From: Tel Delvanni



You, keep getting better Oasis, I really like the way you interpret your characters, you get them more alive, with giving them mood like anger etc.

Please dont stop.


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jack cloudy
post Feb 12 2006, 12:45 PM
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Just a short update. I've got a few ideas I'd like to try out. I'll have to play a bit more to figure out how to put them into the story.


Funny enough, I felt a bit better once I was outside. This place might be Oblivion, but free was free. I took a deep breath and enjoyed the fresh air.

,,Excuse me, have you seen my ring?” Can’t people leave you alone for even one second?
,,Here it is, take the bloody ring and now leave me alone!” I practically threw the small ring in his face. The elf gave a really dumb and scared look. ,,I…I’ll tell my friend Arille to be careful around you.” The elf stammered and ran of.

People here are so rude. He didn’t even thanked me! Oh well, time to take a look at the business here. With those thoughts in mind, I crossed the street to what was the local tradehouse, according to the sign. And can you guess my luck? The front door was locked. But the back door wasn’t and I went in.

It was quite dark inside, and it took a moment for my eyes to adapt. There wasn’t much to see anyway. Right in front of me was a counter with an elf behind it. Well, this was a tradehouse, and what do you do in a tradehouse? That’s right, trading.

,,Hi, can I see your wares?” I asked with my most friendly tone. ,,Certainly, I have everything you might need. Do you have any specific demands?” I grinned. ,,Weapons, show me weapons.”

I ended up buying a shiny Iron Saber. Not the most elegant weapon, but it was the best I saw. Probably the most powerful weapon available to the civilians in this dump. I was running dangerously low on Septims, though. How was I going to pay for food?

,,Excuse me, do you know a way to make some more money?” I asked, still acting all friendly and stuff. ,,Well, Hrisskar could use some help. Why don’t you ask him, he’s upstairs.” The elf responded.

,,Hello, Redguard. Do you like to dance close to the fire?” I really hope that the Nord was trying to say that I liked danger. I don’t like danger, but it is better than dancing. No really, you don’t want to see me dance.

,,As long as the fire doesn’t consume me.” I answered. ,,Anyway, I heard you needed someone to take care of something?”

,,Yes, Redguard. You see, I’m running a little low on money. Normally, I could get some from the villagers who pay me…protection money, but I hadn’t much success lately. Especially Fargoth, he’s come up light the last couple of days. And on top of that, someone stole my knife! Now I believe Fargoth has a secret hiding place. Are you willing to look for it? We’ll split the loot.” Great, the local mafia.

Geez, what a man has to do for a few septims nowadays. ,,I’m in.”
,,Good, Redguard. I think he goes to it by night. You should observe him on top of the lighthouse. You can see the whole town from there. Once you find his hiding place, loot it and bring the stuff over to me.”

,,Sure thing. See ya around.” I said and left the building. I just couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t do it himself if he had it all figured out. This guy was just begging to get his trust pounded into the ground. I decided to take a walk in the country side to clear my thoughts. And who knows, maybe I could get my swordskills back up to scratch with the local wildlife.


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Tellie
post Feb 12 2006, 02:53 PM
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From: Tel Delvanni



You're still going well, and I'm still reading it.

And about Hrisskar, i laughed when you called him Hissking. But yes, when he wants you to go and get the money for him, he virtually says, "hey go go and take the money for yourself".

Continue please.


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jack cloudy
post Feb 12 2006, 05:55 PM
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From: In a cold place.



First walk outside town is done. I've also done my first battle scene. I'd like some comments on that one.


Despite my expectations, the area surrounding the village was quite peaceful. In fact, I didn’t meet anything but a bunch of flies, worms and other stuff too small to worry about. The path branched in two directions. I chose to take the left pad.

,,AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH!” Before I knew what was going on, I heard the sickening sound of bones being crushed. I spun around, trying to identify the source of the sound. It wasn’t too hard to notice. I just had to look at the center of a quickly expanding pond filled with a red liquid. The kind you usually find inside living stuff, blood.

I rushed over to the body, my heart pounding. What in the name of Oblivion just happened?! He was dead, no way you’re going to live after having every single bone crushed, shattered and snapped. Not to mention the damage to the organs, or bloodloss.

Next to the body, I found a large book. Only two pages had anything written on them, and it wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened.

The dead elf was named Tarhiel. Apparently, he figured out a new form of transportation. Basically, he made a super-duper ultra mega jump spell. He wrote that he checked every aspect of the spell twice. But I think he still forgot something, gravity. Three scrolls were lying at the edge of the red pool. I quickly grabbed them before the blood would reach them.

A quick look at the writing confirmed my thoughts. These scrolls were written in some sort of magic language. In other words, funny markings I couldn’t read. I believed that these contained his spell. I figured it was best not to use them. Falling to your death isn’t my idea of a nice way to end your life.

The clothes he had on him were quite nice. The robe was warmer than the cheap shirt I was wearing right now. The hood looked funny. I carefully undressed Tarhiel’s corpse. The clothes would need some cleaning before I would even attempt to wear them.

I hope nobody minds that I emptied my stomach behind a rock after that. When I came back, I buried the poor fellow. I don’t know why, but I respect him. Maybe it is because he pursued his dream to the very end.
The last thing he had on him was a sword. Touching the blade caused a few small sparks to shoot through my fingers. I cursed myself for being so stupid. If somehow the enchantment hadn’t been weakened, I would’ve had a shocking experience. I took it with me. At least the dim glow looked nice.

I figured I had seen enough of the countryside by now and wanted to get back into town as fast as possible, before any more elves came falling out of the sky. So I left the path and wandered among the rocks and the trees.

That taught me another lesson. Don’t investigate strange moving rocks without wearing armour and your sword sheathed.

The creature that I would later come to know as a Mudcrab got in the first blow. Without any armour to protect it, it nearly managed to break my leg. I screamed, and threw what I was holding in my hands on top of its shell. Surprised, the Mudcrab let go and soon found itself entangled in Tarhiel’s clothes. Who said they’re only good for wearing?

With the filthy creature distracted, I had plenty of time to unsheathe my sword and give it a good hit between the scissors. After picking up the clothes again and stripping a few bits of meat from the death Mudcrab, I limped on. I was definitely not having my day.

Death people seem to be quite common here in Morrowind. I came across yet another corpse when I tried to find my way around some rocks. This guy was called Processor…Never mind, I’m not good with names. Anyway, he was the local tax collector and someone had beaten him to death. Just what the hell a tax collector was doing outside of town, I didn’t know.

Good news, this guy was loaded with coins. At least 200 septims! I felt filthy rich. He also had a scroll on which he wrote from who he’d collected taxes and how much. That was pretty neat. The last thing he had on him was a pretty nice looking ring which I slipped on my finger.

I stashed the septims and the scroll. I left him there. It was already getting pretty late and the Mudcrabs had already done most of the work anyway. If I wanted to have a chance to watch for this Fargoth guy, I would need to hurry. Only problem was, I had forgotten to ask just who Fargoth is.

When I finally arrived, I dropped my loot in an hollow tree trunk near the back of the lighthouse. I then stumbled inside, said something along the lines of being the fire brigade and stumbled up the stairs. The woman didn’t come after me. She seemed occupied with something.

I noticed a book on the top floor. I grabbed it. No better way to spend a few boring hours than with a good read. And the lighthouse’s occupant didn’t seemed to notice.

The Nord was right about one thing. You really could see the whole town, and it was quite a view. I settled in near the fire and prepared for a long night.

My leg still hurt a few hours later. I hate it when I get hurt with no way to heal. As for the town, nothing interesting. Most people had settled in for the night and a few guards patrolled the streets, torches in their hands.

I was just about to decide that this was all ridiculous and that I should take some sleep when I did notice something interesting. One of the villagers was still awake. Small and with a torch, I cocnluded I was looking at a Woodelf. They tend to be small. But that wasn’t all, the guy was sneaking! Now who would be sneaking in the middle of the night? Not someone with good intentions.

The little figure slowly made his way to the Lighthouse. I crouched down and tried to be as invisible as possible, just to be sure. Suddenly, he reversed his direction and went straight for a pond with a treestump in the middle of it.

I waited till he moved away from the pond, now simply walking and without a torch, before I got up. There was still one problem. The woman who lived in the lighthouse was probably sleeping now. How would I explain it if I came down the stairs in the middle of the night?

Solution, try to climb down and end up falling instead. My leg now really hurt. Whatever the little elf put in the treestump had better be really good.

I didn’t even bothered to sneak as I limped to the stump and waded into the pond, cursing as usual. I hate mud.

What was in it? Septims, which was great, some small trinkets and what do you know, the ring from the barrel. So the little woodelf I met outside the office was Fargoth! The ring turned out to be very nice. Touching the small gem on it caused healing magicka to flow through my body. It was barely enough to heal a scratch, but with enough time, it could heal anything. After I expended all the charges, my leg still hurt, but now I could walk.

I spent the rest of the night on a rock, trying to get some sleep.

Next morning, I used up the charges that had accumulated in the ring again and had crabmeat for breakfast. I then paid the trade house a small visit and bought a whole set of something called Chitin armour. It was light and quite comfortable. No Mudcrab would get my leg that easy again.

,,Hey, Redguard! Have you found my lost heirloom?” The Nord boomed through the room. ,,Sorry, still looking.” I answered. It was probably best if I didn’t told him I had just used up quite a large chunk of his “heirloom” to fund the armour. He deserved to be cheated on anyway, the lazy honoured user.

I walked out with a clear purpose. Using the tax collector’s notes, I would pose as the new tax collector and squeeze the village dry before moving on. Do not underestimate the power of greed.

Some guy called Foryn Gilnith was the one with the largest debt of the ones who hadn’t paid, so I decided to go to him first. It was a simple matter of asking a guard. I claimed that I wanted to buy some fish. I was in a fishing village after all.

,,Who are you, Outlander? What do you want?” The dark elf who smelled like fish asked. Oh, he would pay for that attitude. No one calls me an outlander. At least not in that tone.

,,It’s about your taxes…” I began but was shocked by his interruption. ,,Yes, I killed him. He squeezed us all out and lived from our money. I led him outside Seyda Neen and killed him. And I’m proud of it!”

In the name of Oblivion! Here I was, trying to pose as a tax collector, and I run into a freaking murderer!
,,But, that’s coldblooded murder! How can you be proud of that?!” I screamed at him. That was the wrong answer.

,,So, you’re with them. I can take another Imperial lackey!” Before I knew it, he planted his fist firmly in my face. I hate it when they go for the nose. I desperately tried to unsheathe my sword as I dodged his blows. There wasn’t much skill behind them, but brute strength compensated.

I heard his scream together with the sound of cracking bones as his left fist came in direct contact with my lovely new shield. For a moment, I thought I had the upper hand. But that thought was beated out of me by his right fist in my face. I went down.

He towered over me and was getting ready to plant his foot in my face when I finally managed to unsheathe my sword. I just swung at him without aiming and cut into his leg. Now he fell down beside me.

I was the first to get back on his feet and grabbed my sword with both hands. I plunged it into the dark elf’s chest with everything I had.

I had killed someone, again.


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mplantinga
post Feb 12 2006, 09:09 PM
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I present to you the offficial "planty award for prolific composition." At this rate, we're going to have trouble keeping up with you.

Thanks for the excellent updates. The character's decision to impersonate the tax collector was a fresh idea that had quite interesting consequences. I will look forward to future displays of your creativity.
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Kiln
post Feb 12 2006, 09:18 PM
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Wow the impersonation of the tax collector was a much different approach to that task I've yet to see before, very interesting. The way the character does things is quite entertaining and I hope your future updates are equally amusing.


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He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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minque
post Feb 12 2006, 10:29 PM
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*chuckles* A quite amusing approach 'i´d say......keep it up, I like it!


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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jack cloudy
post Feb 13 2006, 08:11 AM
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*bows humbly and accepts the reward* Thank you all. And I just had plenty of spare time in the weekend for writing and playing the game. Now that school is on again, I'll probably slow down.

This morning's update coming right up. Don't forget the popcorn.




I must have sat there for half an hour, doing nothing but staring at the body. When I finally came to my senses, I knew it was time to leave. I left the small shack and went outside town while trying hard not to be suspicious.

I’d heard some rumors that there were smugglers in a cave not too far from the Siltstrider station. Actually, everyone seemed to know exactly were the cave was located. Smugglers were probably the only type left who would want to deal with me.

Finding the cave was easy. They basically hid in plain view. Hell, they even had the name Addamassartus or something carved on the door! The Imperials here became more corrupt by the second. Looking back, I now realize that the guards not only outnumbered the smugglers, but each and every single one of them could probably wipe the floor with the whole gang at once.

My hopes of joining the smugglers were pounded into the ground the moment I entered.
,,You, N’Wah!” A smuggler ran up to me and started stabbing away at me with a dagger. I think I actually wanted to die back there, but instinct took control.

I deflected his strike with my shield and followed up with a backhanded slash at his throat. It was all over in seconds, with the smuggler lying on the cold rock.

Two people on one day, this was serious. There was no way back now. I moved deeper into the cave to finish the bloody job I’d started.
The next smuggler I saw looked harmless at first. He had his dagger sheathed and wore nothing but a simple robe. The best part was that he had his back turned. Seeing the advantage, I crept closer in the hopes of getting the first blow.

Sneaking is not my thing. I tripped, and stumbled against a barrel. The smuggler spun around and started weaving magicka. I had met a mage, not good.

Adrenaline pounded through my veins. I had only seconds before the spell was finished and would be hurled at me. My crawl turned into a full speed charge, shield in front.

The spell was finished before I reached the mage. I clenched my teeth as my shield was engulfed in searing flames. The layers of chitin curled away and the glue used to keep them together caught on fire. Then I was on top of him and slashed his chest. Two more hits and the mage went down.

I hastily discarded the shield before my armour would catch on fire. It was now worthless. The pain shooting through my shoulder warned me that there was still at least one smuggler left.

This smuggler seemed to enjoy throwing small shards of chitin at me. He backed up into a room and kept throwing his little darts. But in the end he stood with his back to the wall and was no match for my saber.

I had now killed four people in rapid succession and my sword had the red colour of drying blood. I turned to leave without even noticing the obvious wealth in the room. The only thing I took with me was a small key.

I was stopped by the sounds of begging. Someone was still here. Listening closer, I noticed a door I hadn’t seen when I came through this room for the first time. Behind it, three shapes of what looked like members of the beastraces could be seen. Slaves.

The door was looked. I should’ve expected that, for it was clearly a prison. A simple, improvised prison, but a prison. I messed with the lockpick I’d picked up a while back in the office and eventually heard the sound of the unlocked door.

,,You, who are you?” The slaves all backed into a corner with fear on the faces. I can’t blame them. With all the blood on my sword and armour I probably didn’t look too friendly. I noticed that they were all wearing bracers of some kind that were locked with a heavy metal lock that was too complex for my pick.

But I remembered the key I’d picked up a few minutes back. I sheathed my sword and walked over to the slaves. Luckily they didn’t try to run. I pulled out the key and tried it on the lock. It fit!

Within moments, all three of the slaves were freed of their bracers. ,,Thank you. We are in your debt. You are a hero.” A hero, me?

I then finally realized the meaning behind an old saying. ,,It’s not the action that makes who we are, it is the purpose that shapes the soul.” I now knew what it meant. The fact that I killed wasn’t important. It was why I killed. Without knowing it, I had come here to free these slaves.

Feeling better, I led the slaves outside the cave. I then returned to take a good look at what these smugglers were smuggling. I picked up a bit of moonsugar and a bottle of skooma, two highly potent and illegal drugs. I replaced my shield and right pauldron with versions made out of iron and completed the outfit with a Chitin helmet.

Part of the cave was submerged. I didn’t go there for I didn’t like the thought of swimming. With plenty of stuff to sell, I went back to Seyda Neen. Maybe I could talk my way out of things?


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Fabulous hairneedle attack! I'm gonna be bald before I hit twenty.
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Kiln
post Feb 13 2006, 04:22 PM
Post #17


Forum Bard
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Joined: 22-June 05
From: Balmora, Eight Plates



Very good update. I liked how the character dealt with the bandits so realistically and I only see one thing wrong. The first bandit you encounter in the cave and the last bandit you encounter in the cave are female, only the mage is a male. I probably only noticed because I'm picky about things like this.

Other than that it was great, the character developes a bit more and more with each chapter and I especially liked that you included the bit about the...well I'll just quote it. laugh.gif

"I then finally realized the meaning behind an old saying. 'It’s not the action that makes who we are, it is the purpose that shapes the soul.' I now knew what it meant. The fact that I killed wasn’t important. It was why I killed. Without knowing it, I had come here to free these slaves."

Great stuff, keep it up.


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He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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jack cloudy
post Feb 13 2006, 09:44 PM
Post #18


Master
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Joined: 11-February 06
From: In a cold place.



Thank you. That line just kind of popped up in my mind. I thought it sounded neat.
And two of them were female? blink.gif Um, I guess the character is a bit blind then. It could lead to funny situations. I'll try to remember that.

What follows is a bit more I just wrote. I think it is time to go to Balmora. But first I want to humiliate Fargot a bit. Sorry, but I am evil.



I trudged back to Seyda Neen loaded with loot. I knew that the sooner I cleared the whole Gilnith problem, the better. It was wrecking my mind this way. But I couldn’t just go walking around town like this. First I needed to get rid of some weight.

,,I’m sorry, but I really can’t.” This was unbelievable. The whole town was as corrupt as you could get. Even the Imperials were probably using the drugs. Yet for some reason they refused to buy the damn drugs at the tradehouse! What was wrong with these people?

After a long and heated discussion, I gave in and sold everything else. I also sold my trusty old saber. I had the luck of finding a Steel Katana which was much better than my old blade.

,,Hey, Redguard! How is the search going?” Not again. This guy was getting on my nerves. ,,Still looking. I believe it is in the water underneath the dock. Too bad I can’t swim.” I answered. Actually, I can swim, I just don’t like it. Not to mention that it would be amusing if the Nord would dive into the water himself. I’d love to see how he handled to local fish. I’d seen a few. Their teeth are really big. I finished my business and left as fast as I could. I wondered how long it would take for the Nord to find out he’d been cheated on?

Now that I’d lost some weight, who would be in charge of the local murder investigation squad? They probably didn’t had any. Oh well, I’d just pay mister social freak a visit.

,,Who are you?” ,,Hi, did you miss me?!” I yelled back in a cheery voice. ,,Oh, no. It’s you. What do you want?” The old man looked at me as if I was mud on his shoes.

,,I just came here to tell you that there are a few dead people lying all over the place.” I could hear the guard that always seemed to be in this room waking up and jumping to full attention. One bad word or move, and I’d get the privilege of his sword in my back. My plan had to work, or I was history.

,,Dead people?! Don’t tell me you killed them!” For all his astrology nonsense, the old freak turned out to be less stupid than I thought.

,,No, I didn’t. But I do know who did. Wanna hear the whole story?” The old guy grumbled. I really seemed to annoy him. ,,Go ahead, but keep it short.”

,,Foryn Gilnith had a few problems with the tax collector about paying taxes, so he hired the smugglers to kill him. Needless to say, the smugglers did the job really good and beated the poor tax collector to a pulp. The next morning, the smugglers came to Gilnith’s house and demanded their money. But Gilnith was broke and tried to talk his way out. He ended up with a sword in his chest. The smugglers went home and what do you know? The slaves rioted and killed the smugglers before running away. I think they tried to swim to the mainland.”

,,Umm, that is terrible news. Did you find the smuggler’s cave?” The old freak asked. Now what did that have to do with it?
,,Sure, and the place was loaded with stuff.”

,,Loaded?! What did you do with the Skooma and the Moonsugar?!” Wow, this guy was about to get a heartattack.
,,Destroyed it.”

,,Good, good. Very good. I’m glad there is at least one law abiding citizen in town. Here, 500 gold as a reward and consider Gilnith’s house as your own! Now go, I’m busy!” His guard then shoved me out of the door.

Man, these guys were so corrupt. How else did they know what the smugglers were smuggling? The only thing he seemed to care for was that the evidence was presumably destroyed. And the money was a bribe. It dawned on me that I really managed to push their buttons back there. I started laughing.


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Fabulous hairneedle attack! I'm gonna be bald before I hit twenty.
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Taillus
post Feb 13 2006, 09:48 PM
Post #19


Knower
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Joined: 30-January 06



I am loving it! I just wish I had a following like you. Maybe I should revamp my story a bit. Chapter one is up and It seems like no one has read it. Well good luck Cloudy. Keep up the amazing work.


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“Worry not, young Breton. This will be over very quickly but I wish I could say that it would be painless. You will suffer greatly before you join the countless other souls that fuel my power.” - Taillus
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jack cloudy
post Feb 14 2006, 08:17 AM
Post #20


Master
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Joined: 11-February 06
From: In a cold place.



What follows has been written for no good reason other than that I wanted to see Fargoth go flying. tongue.gif



It took me a few minutes to get my breath back and I had to sit down for a while. When I finally stopped laughing, I decided to clean up my new home a bit.

Gilnith’s shack wasn’t the biggest or most luxurious place, but it was better than sleeping on a rock. I stripped everything interesting of Gilnith, which was a tankard and a few coins, before throwing him into the ocean. Within a minute, the area was crowded with dozens of Slaughterfish who were all busy ripping the corpse to shreds. I definitely wasn’t going to take a swim here anytime soon.

I brought my belongings from the stump to my home and piled them on the small wooden table. Tarhiel’s clothes ended up in a bucket filled with water. Hopefully, the water would wash the blood out. A few buckets of water on the bloodstained floor and I was all done. Except that the place smelled like a disgusting mixture of blood and fish, so I opened a window for fresh air and left after locking the door. The night would be spend in the smuggler’s cave once more.

I should’ve known that locking the door while leaving the window wide open was just begging for trouble. Someone had been rummaging around. Tarhiel’s clothes were lying on the ground, the table was a mess, sacks had been opened and the candles had been moved. Worst thing, several things including the book from the lighthouse and Fargoth’s ring were missing! Stupid thieves, I hadn’t finished reading it! Oh, that thief was going to pay for it.
Luckily I had an idea who to suspect.

,,Why do you want all that?” The tradehouse owner asked with a frown. I simply winked and whispered. ,,When the sun sets and the stars are in the serpents eye, the lord shall command his servants to the ebony tree of time.” That shut him up. He must have believed I was part of the Daedric cult or something. That cult seems to be the kind of people no one wants to mess with, so I got my wishlist for a ridiculously low price of 55 septims.

While the owner was getting my goods out of the storage room, I went upstairs. ,,Just give me something with alcohol!” I jelled at the bartender and took a seat.

,,I can’t believe it! Some Daedra slime broke into my house! What is it with this place?!” Lots of drama and noise, that should get people’s attention.
,,That is unfortunate news.” The bartender gave me my drink while looking concerned. Act like you’re the customer’s friend. It makes them drink more.

,,Yeah, but I got lucky. The thief missed my sword. I’ve got this magical sword, you see. It looks like a plain Steel Katana, but the enchantment allows it to cut through Daedric like paper. Very valuable.” I threw back the rest of my drink and slammed the cup down on the table.

,,Anyway, I have to continue looking for my friend’s heirloom. So I won’t be back till next morning! Keep an eye out for me, will ya?” Some more drama, and I left after picking up my shopping bag.

The rest of the day was spend in the wilderness, hitting Mudcrabs to practise with my new toy. I didn’t go back before the sun was about to fall below the horizon.

I came into town from beneath the Siltstrider’s legs. Normally I hate water, but this would be worth it. As expected, I was just in time to see someone crawl through the window of my shack. Fools, as if I had a magical supersword. If I did, why would I leave it back home?

I made my way to the back of my house and waited. Yep, a few minutes later, the thief came back out. Showtime.

The thief made went directly towards the stump in the pond. Guess, who it was?
I waited till he poked his head over the stump and dropped the stolen goods in it before making my move.

A bit of magicka here and there and…BOOM! With a massive bang, the stump exploded right in his face, sending the stupid little elf into the air to land on his back. I walked up to him.

,,Good evening.” I said as walked to the remains of the stump to fish everything he’d stolen out of it. Luckily, I saw that there was a hole dug into the ground when I last raided Fargoth’s hiding place. The explosion wrecked the stump, but it left the stolen stuff that was underneath the ground unscathed.

,,Oh yeah, one more thing. Steal from me again, and there will be a much bigger bang, Fargoth. Let this be a lesson. Don’t mess with one of the emperor’s elite battlemages.” A big lie, but it did the trick with the elf running as if his life depended on it. I brought my recovered goods back to my home with a big smile on my face.


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Fabulous hairneedle attack! I'm gonna be bald before I hit twenty.
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