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> Coffee Shop Forever, It's time to kick bottom and drink coffee!
mirocu
post Apr 2 2020, 06:42 PM
Post #13621


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The 1998 Godzilla movie may not have been the best, but the unmade sequel sounds like it would have been awesome!! ohmy.gif ohmy.gif


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mALX
post Apr 16 2020, 09:35 AM
Post #13622


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I don't even know how to begin telling you-all about this; it is still such a shock to me that I don't even know how to tell you except the way the news came to me.

March of the year 2016 I left my husband and moved in with my son in an act of total self-preservation. My husband had become severely alcoholic to the point that we lived for months at a time without electricity and water. His farm stayed under Foreclosure; and the only way we ate was from the farm's residual produce.

Bob had become increasingly abusive during those last two years; to the point that = I doubted with my health issues that I would survive. I remember talking to Acadian about it back then and wondering if maybe he had a brain tumor or was having a break down or something.

I barely survived that year after the stroke; I don't know how I made it through 2014. When my Father died; and I received his inheritance in 2015; Bob went through over half of it in just a month; but we could never find what he spent it on. From that point on; he started really going downhill fast. His drinking became so bad that he couldn't walk or talk; and he became violent.

I sent my son to stay with friends; and bought the first house I could get for what was left of my Father's inheritance off an internet Auction. It had been abandoned for years; and was a terrible mess. It needed a lot of work just to move in; there was a huge hole in the roof; the plumbing had to be redone; no appliances worked; the central heat was broken; and wild animals had been living in the vents and insulation.

We closed on the house December of 2015; and I started having crews work on the house; but by March 2016 Bob had gotten so bad that my son and I just felt it best to move into the new house even though it didn't even have a roof on it at that point. (they had to tear off all the wood and redo it; that is how bad shape the roof was in).

I just moved out from Bob and never once looked back except in thanks that I survived long enough to get myself and my son out = and in thanks that my life improved dramatically from that point on. I never once tried to contact him; never let him know where we had moved.

Two years ago I saw that his house went up on the Auction block for non-payment of the mortgage; which was no surprise to us given how we had lived those last two years with him.

Well, it is four years later now; and out of the clear blue about a month ago I got a call from a government agency = = they wanted an appointment to talk to me. The appointment was yesterday; but due to the Covid 19 they changed it to a phone appointment.

The first thing the woman said was that I was a widow; and did I want to file for Widow's benefits. Actually; that wasn't the shocking part (especially not with the Covid 19 deaths starting to hit our area). I actually expected and even asked them if it was from the Coronavirus; because I had just lost one friend to it Easter Sunday and seen another friend (who was a healthy 32 year old) barely pull through it. So ... I kind of thought that was why they were calling.

So the way he was the last time I saw him; and with the pandemic = no, I wasn't shocked to hear he had passed.

What totally stunned me was that he didn't just die recently; it turns out that he died just months after I left him four years ago = but they just now got hold of me and told me! How could it take four years to contact me?

I don't even know what caused his death; or what happened to his dog and cats. But ... had they told me four years ago when it happened; his farm could have been saved if I'd known = it is gone now; was auctioned off in 2017. There is another acre of farmland that no taxes have been paid on for all these years that is probably too late to save as well.

I am in total shock that it happened so long ago and that I am just now hearing about it. I don't know how to find out about the acre of land; don't even know who to call to get a death certificate since all our government agencies locally are closed now and if we want anything done we need to go to the State Capital.

So far I have not felt grief for him; the shock is probably too new so far; and I'm sure I will eventually grieve for the man he was before those last two years when he went off his hinges. But right now the shock of finding out it happened so long ago and we were never told is just overwhelming.






This post has been edited by mALX: Apr 16 2020, 04:47 PM


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Acadian
post Apr 16 2020, 12:11 PM
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Wow, what a surprise, mALX! I'm sorry to hear it, though I know you were glad to be gone when you left several years ago. kvleft.gif


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Dark Reaper
post Apr 16 2020, 01:55 PM
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QUOTE(mALX @ Apr 16 2020, 03:35 AM) *

So the way he was the last time I saw him; and with the pandemic = no, I wasn't shocked to hear he had passed.
What totally stunned me was that he didn't just die recently; it turns out that he died just months after I left him four years ago = but they just now got hold of me and told me! How could it take four years to contact me?


Yikes sorry to hear about that. Not sure why they took this long to get back with you over his death.


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haute ecole rider
post Apr 16 2020, 02:37 PM
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Wow, they sure dragged their heels on that! Somehow I’m not surprised - the government has always been historically slow on these things. So sorry things turned out the way they did for you, but it’s all water under the bridge, and you are living a better life now through your own efforts, so that’s a plus. Better health, more sanity, and your own home that you set up just the way you wanted it — I’d say you did well. So sad that we can’t say the same for your husband.


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ghastley
post Apr 16 2020, 04:02 PM
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Government action may be slow, but sometimes that's a good thing. And you don't know how much your husband's own actions interfered with their ability to pick up the pieces, and find you.





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TheCheshireKhajiit
post Apr 16 2020, 04:13 PM
Post #13627


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Wow mALX, what an ordeal. I’m so glad you are still with us and hopefully you can get some measure of closure from all of this. We love you! wub.gif


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mirocu
post Apr 16 2020, 04:57 PM
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Wow, that must have been quite a shock for sure blink.gif


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It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
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mALX
post Apr 16 2020, 05:19 PM
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Thank you all so much for your support through this; Hug_emoticon.gif I am still just totally floored that no one contacted us till now.

@ Haute = you said it perfectly; that is exactly how I've felt all these years; and this doesn't change that = it is just shocking that it took so long for them to tell me; and that we could have saved that farm from foreclosure back then if we had known then. As much as it would have been nice to have saved that farm for us = the man who bought it fixed it up much better than I could have done; so that was a good thing for that farm and house.





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Grits
post Apr 16 2020, 06:18 PM
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What a shock to learn about it after such a long time! I’m sorry to hear it, and glad to hear that you’re in a much better situation now. It must be frustrating to not be able to get answers. I hope that you can find some peace at the end of all this.


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SubRosa
post Apr 16 2020, 06:32 PM
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That is quite the thing to hear out of the blue. Given the issues you described with your husband in the past, I am not surprised though. The important thing is that you were able to get out when you could, and did not let him drag you down with him. At least this way it is over.


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mALX
post Apr 17 2020, 11:14 PM
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Thank you both for the encouragement. Yeah; there is def more closure for that whole terrible time in my past. I most def lost his farm due to the four year gap in information; but might be able to salvage the acre of berries we sold every year = if I can get it transferred into my name; I will catch up the taxes on it and at least save that asset from the marriage.



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Decrepit
post Apr 18 2020, 01:31 AM
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QUOTE(mALX @ Apr 17 2020, 05:14 PM) *

Thank you both for the encouragement. Yeah; there is def more closure for that whole terrible time in my past. I most def lost his farm due to the four year gap in information; but might be able to salvage the acre of berries we sold every year = if I can get it transferred into my name; I will catch up the taxes on it and at least save that asset from the marriage.

I'm late to the table, as usual these days, but want to add my condolences for your trials and tribulations, hopefully now over and done with, and best of luck with the berry-field transfer!


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Lopov
post Apr 18 2020, 09:38 AM
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It seems that moving away from your husband was the right thing to do, the only possible way to save yourself.

It took a really long time to find out about your husband's death, however. I hope you won't have too many problems related to it and his assets / property.


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mALX
post Apr 19 2020, 02:43 PM
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QUOTE(Lopov @ Apr 18 2020, 04:38 AM) *

It seems that moving away from your husband was the right thing to do, the only possible way to save yourself.

It took a really long time to find out about your husband's death, however. I hope you won't have too many problems related to it and his assets / property.


Thanks, Lopov. There is still a chance to rescue that last acre Lot; I plan to try my best to salvage it.





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mALX
post Apr 25 2020, 02:18 PM
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RIP, Gene Deitch.





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mALX
post May 10 2020, 02:36 PM
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Happy Mother's Day Chorrol !!!


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q...nX&usqp=CAU






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Acadian
post May 10 2020, 02:39 PM
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Yes indeed! Happy Mothers Day to our mothers at Chorrol!


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Lopov
post May 13 2020, 07:04 AM
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Happy Mothers Day!


In our country we celebrate it on the 25h of March.


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Acadian
post May 13 2020, 12:20 PM
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Heh, it does vary across countries - and the date even moves. I've family in the US, Australia and the UK so am familiar with them. In the US it is simply the second Sunday in May. In the UK it is linked to Easter which moves with the lunar calendar; specifically, the UK celebrates on the fourth Sunday of Lent. Though Australia tends to follow the UK's lead on many things, for Mothers Day, they do the same as the US.


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