A Spellsword Sellsword: Telindil's Tale Options

[Callidus Thorn]

Heh, we’ve talked about it's vs its several times. What dear mALX had to do was make up a little sign to stick by her puter that said:
It’s = It is; Its = possessive.
In each case below, you want the possessive form (its):
‘...and left this magic corrupting the air with it's perversion.’
‘...noting the notches that marred it's once sharp edge,’
‘...and with it's ethereal abilities.’
‘...it launched it's final attack,’

You may want to consider banning it's from your writing completely for a while and using 'tis instead. It won't hurt the narrative, and you'll get used to where "the one with the apostrophe" goes.

Unfortunately I don't think either will work. I wasn't even aware the apostrophes were there. I don't recall typing them in, or thinking its vs it's, so I guess it's just my hands running on automatic as they try to keep up. I might have to come up with a typing exercise, maybe something like: It's not its fault it's on its own, or something like that. Typed out a couple of hundred times it might help.

[Callidus Thorn]

Okay, here's another rewrite, and I'm much happier with this one.

Chapter 5 part 4: Dead Men's Tale.

Chorrol, Last Seed 30 3E 433, Mages Guild; Dining Hall

Three figures sit at the dining table; a weary and haggard looking Altmer, clad in slashed and torn leather stained with dirt and blood. To his left is a Dunmer, even at this late hour he still wears his ebony armour, and opposite him is an Argonian garbed in the blue robes ubiquitous in the Mages Guild. Concern is written across the faces of the latter two, though it's harder to read in the lizard-like features of the Argonian.

“Are you sure you're up to this Telindil? We can do this tomorrow if you'd prefer.”

Telindil poured himself a goblet of Tamika's 415, and drained it far more swiftly than the vintage deserved. He refilled the goblet before replying. “Thanks Oreyn, but no. I'd rather get this done tonight. There are no ghosts in Black Rock Cavern.”

Oreyn opened his mouth to speak, but Teekeeus cut in ahead of him. “My friend, please, let's discuss this in the morning, when you'll feel better.”

“In the morning I expect I'll have a hangover, and be no use to you before midday because of it.”

“Let him speak Teekeeus, he looks like a man who needs to get something off his chest. If they weren't ghosts, then why did the sellswords think they were? And what were they?”

“The sellswords are no mages, they probably call anything ethereal a ghost. As to what they were... I can guess, but I can't say for certain.”

“Wait, Telindil. What makes you so certain that they weren't ghosts?” Teekeeus leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the table as his tail twitched on the seat beside him.

“Their form, for starters. These had coherent forms, complete with legs and faces, I've never heard of that in a ghost. They had abilities beyond those of ghosts, healing and invisibility. They carried weapons, cutlasses and bows, and they wore armour.”

Teekeeus scaly brow furrowed at that, and he was silent for several long moments before shaking his head. “I don't know Telindil. I've not heard of any ethereal entities that match your description, outside of folktales about ghosts. You said you can guess at what they are? Let's hear it then.”

Telindil took a fortifying gulp of wine before continuing, feeling it's warmth trace it's way down his throat. “I think... I think they were trapped souls.”

Teekeeus hissed, both from disgust and horror. Oreyn looked on, bemused. “What's so strange about that? More than a few souls went into enchanting my weapons and armour.”

Teekeeus shook his head. “They are not souls Oreyn. Soul gems have no power over souls, despite their name. The energy trapped in a soul gem is like a soul, but only as much as your reflection in a mirror is like you. It might look the same, but there is no substance to it. What the soul trap spell catches is in essence the energy that links the body to the soul. It takes on some characteristics of both, but it isn't truly a part of either. This energy can allow a soul to linger, becoming the sort of ghost you hear of in stories, or can sometimes become a typical ghost.”

Teekeeus poured a goblet of wine, offering the bottle to Oreyn before continuing. “There are accounts of souls lingering, or of necromantic magics that bind a soul to another, but binding souls to a place?” Teekeeus shook his head mournfully. “There is only one necromancer I've ever heard of who could accomplish such an abominable thing. Mannimarco.”

“It would take a magic user of his skill, or near to it to accomplish the rest. There was a hidden area of the cave, concealed by magic. The air there was thick with the feel of necromancy, and in that cave, deep under the mountain, there lies a pirate ship. It's wrecked, but still recognisable. There are only a handful of mages who could have moved it this far inland, and fewer still that could have buried it under a mountain and hidden it away. But only one person could have done all that and placed a necromantic curse that powerful on the cave.”

Telindil drained his goblet again, but didn't reach for the bottle. “Those poor bastards must have crossed Mannimarco somehow, centuries ago judging by the bodies I found down there. He dropped them and their ship under the mountain and left them there to die, cursed to remain there, even after death, protecting their loot and their ship.”

“So these trapped souls, how dangerous would you say they are?” Now it was Oreyn's turn to lean forwards in his seat.

“Now? I don't know. They might be released, they might just be brought back again by the curse. Probably best to post a notice in the guildhall saying it's off limits.”

“I'll get it done tomorrow. I'll speak to the town guard too, and send the word 'round the guildhalls, just in case someone hears a rumour and gets stupid. All this talk of necromancy and curses, an honest fighters got no business meddling in them. No offence meant Teekeeus, but each to his own. I'll make sure no idiots wander in, leastways none we'll miss anyhow, and leave the matter to you.”

Teekeeus nodded cordially. “Thank you Oreyn. I'll send word to the Arcane University tomorrow, tell them what happened, advise them of Telindil's theory and request a team be sent to investigate.”

Telindil shuddered at the thought. “Better tell them to send some Battlemages along as escort, just in case.”

“Of course. Would you be interested in accompanying them?”

Telindil's face grew pale. “Mehrunes Dagon will be giving teddy bears to orphans, and the priestesses of Dibella will take vows of celibacy, before I set foot in that godsforsaken place again.”

That had them all laughing, Oreyn's booming laugh an odd accompaniment to Teekeeus' sibilant chuckling. Teekeeus took a sip of wine and turned his attention to Oreyn. “Perhaps if Battlemages can't be spared, your fighters could be hired as guards?”

“You'd have to supply us with weapons. We don't have the equipment, as I've been telling you mages for years. If you want to hire as guards for your expeditions then you're going to have to pay us in arms. Iron and steel are fine against man, mer, and beasts, but the things you mages get up to...” Oreyn shook his head. “You'd better go get some sleep Telindil, Teekeeus and I'll be at this for a while.”

“Not a bad idea. I've a mind to leave for Bruma in the morning.”

“Whatever you do, don't go near Sabine. She'll use you for an anvil if she finds out you wrecked one of her swords in a single day. And she's been knocking boots with Lum, so don't think your sparring partner'll back you, he's more likely to truss you up and hand you over as a gift.”

Telindil couldn't stop himself from smiling, weary though he was. “I think that's an Orcish courtship ritual. Didn't know Lum was such a traditionalist. Thanks for the warning. I'll leave you two to your haggling.”

This post has been edited by Callidus Thorn: Feb 19 2014, 05:56 PM

[Callidus Thorn]

Well...

I think it's time to call it quits on this one.

Mistakes were made, and it's too far past the point to correct them. And if I'm honest, I'm not even sure Telindil was in that last part.

Lessons learned.

Thanks to everyone for the advice, the kind words, and hell, thanks for reading.

[Acadian]

Sorry to hear that, CT.

I hope the fact that no one read your latest episode is not the problem. I think everyone saw it when you posted and edited the content out. . . then didn't notice when you edited in a revised version, since editing doesn't bounce the thread back into the 'unread' status.

On the other hand, if you have decided that this story no longer holds your focus or is not proceeding how you wanted it to, then I fully understand. In that case, chalk it up to gaining valuable experience writing and try again when you're ready.

Best wishes on your writing, regardless.

[Grits]

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m just now catching up. I hope you’ll write some more when another character or story grabs you.

I liked Teekeeus’ discussion of soul and soul gems. Orcish courtship ritual, lol.