Revan part 1, My first fan fic. Options

[Lord Revan]

A tall brooding figure looked over the landscape, from the atop a sigil keep in Oblivion... The man reflected on how many years ago he was made the ultimate pawn of the Deadric princes.

That was 113 years ago, yet it felt like yesterday. Orphaned shortly after birth, he had grow up as an assassin of the Morag Tong, in Vardenfell, one of the best among his peers. But when the Dark Brotherhood came to Morrowind, it all went wrong. The small enclave that he was being trained at was raided.

Though he and the other Morag Tong fought and killed many of the intruders, Revan was separted from the Morag Tong by the Dark Brotherhood assassins.
Disheartened by the deaths of those he'd grown up with, he refused to go to another guild hall. For many years, Revan moved restlessly, his heart hardened until he became solitary and distrusting of others in general.

Over those long 120 years I've worked with almost every Deadric Prince. He thought to himself.

Azura, Maphala, Mehrunes Dagon, and Hurcine had used him to accomplish things beyond their devine influence. Revan had done much: plundering, medling with other lord's affairs, and such. As he stalked down the hallway several dramora were gorging themselves on roasted flesh.
Revan despised them and saw them as simple brutes in that repulsive, jagged armor of theirs. In contrast, his armor was light-wieght, smooth, and flexible. The woven underlayer of the armor was as black as the ebony, while the pauldrons, greaves, boots, gauntlets, cuirass, and helmet were a light red shade.

The hellish landscape of Mehrunes Dagon's domain greeted him as he exited the keep. While the mortal world was still protected from Oblivion, Revan could summon a small tear in the devine barrier. The journey from Oblivion by these means was as comfortable to say the least. There was no light, but it was not the sacred darkness of night.

The rift opened a few feet of the ground and Revan landed feet-first in a patch of snow. The cold didn't bother him, he couldn't feel it through his armor. I should take my time, anything to stall returning to find another job....

Despite his dislike of snow, Revan found the Jerall Mountains more appealing than Lord Dagon's realm. Casting a glance up the road, he spotted his targets' not-so-secure hideout: Bruma. So, an entire vampire clan, should be interesting.....

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: May 24 2007, 06:40 PM

[Lord Revan]

{edited}-post moved

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: May 24 2007, 06:41 PM

[Lord Revan]

..... uh any constructive critic would be appriciated

[Mazelure]

Man... you have good discriptive skills... but you dont seem to post that much... just very little... plus I realy havent played Oblivion yet... so I feel out of place in this story... but yeah... if you want my advice... just next time you post another part of your story make it longer... and what realy helps out in stories is when you put something eyecatching... like "They are dead... they are all dead..." or something catching like that... and also when you end a chapter/post make the readers wanting for more... well that is my advice to you... but then again you should probaly not listen to me that much since my stories werent that much of a sucess either... o well...

[Lord Revan]

thanks for the critic; I'm not used to this and I haven't had alot of sleep lately.

I've already gotten through the main quest of Oblivion, and I know someone who has earned ALL the achievements and 1,000 gamescore

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Jun 15 2006, 04:35 AM

[Lord Revan]

His marks were a vampire patriarch and matriarch who intended to use Bruma as a new feeding (and breeding) ground for a upstart clan. Revan would have to play a crusader on a 'mission of mercy'. However, he knew a way to get some help.
It would be a full moon tonight, and a migrating pack of werewolves would be passing by right about now.
Revan planned to use the monster's predudice to cause a conflict, then he'd come in and eliminate the stragglers. It was noon when he entered the city, Revan quickly spotted a begger sulking behind a building.

"A coin for an ol' begger?" the begger whimpered as soon as the armored figure.
"I'll pay you fifty if you spread a little rumor for me"

"FIFTY!" the begger exclaimed grinning, but then his expression turned unexpectedly shrewed. "What's the catch?"

"The 'catch' is that it spreads quickly and people believe it" Revan replied casually.
The begger stared at him warily for a few seconds, "All right let's hear it".
"Inform everyone you meet, that a dying Imperial forester told you that a pack of werewolf attacked him near here", Revan ordered. The begger looked doubtful, but accepted the gold saying he would do as instructed.

As the peasent retreated with the bag; Revan allowed a concealed smirk, if this worked the fledgling vampires would confront the werewolfs and he would have a much easier task and entertainment.

Many of his other jobs had been conducted in similar ways; even though he was perfectly capable of doing all this on his own, Revan had not been raised as a full-fladged warrior who bashed every breathing entity with a warhammer the size of his head.

Now Revan simply had to would wait until tonight, the moon would be full and the werewolfs would arrive and the vampires would rise to defened their property, niether knowing that to fight would only lead to death.

Revan sat on one of the walls that separated the city from the castle, and meditated. He had no regret for what he had become after his life had been destroyed; Revan had never felt love for another or vice versa.

Never had he met a woman whom he had felt any fondness, yet despite his clarity of purpose, Revan felt... hollow. He had no friends or companions; he stood alone without the luxuries, with demons, and without.....

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: May 24 2007, 06:58 PM

[Kiln]

Not bad, the only thing that I wish is that you'd post more at once, a few paragraphs more would perhaps draw readers in more.

[Lord Revan]

sorry, but I've a had a good night's sleep i hope I'll do better
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Chapter 1/part 2: Ready For Battle

Revan felt rejuvenated and focused on his mission. He jumped down from the chapel, absorbing the shock in his legs, startling more than a few commoners, and made his way to the tavern 'Tap and Tack' to see if the peasent had come through.

It turned out that he had, The tavern was full of various characters whispering worriedly to one another. "Is it true?"
"Aye it is, tis a dark day for us."
"What will we do?"
"We'll just just wait it out; those mosters with be turned tonight and we'll know who they are."
"I hope it will be that simple."
"Cource it will, I've been see'n them for years in Skyrim; you just have to be smart about 'em."
"Well we can only hope and pray for the best."
The croud split up and left the inn.

Revan approached the bartender,"What are they worried about?" fiegning ingnorence.
"They say some werewolfs are going to be outside the city gates tonight"
Revan acted suddenly interested,"what will the watch do?"
"They figure them werewolfs will just pass us by; they won't raise a finger."
"So they're complacent?" Revan asked.
"Aye, bunch of heartland pigs the count and his wife to."
"Thanks, for the info."
"Yeah,yeah.... hey are you staying in Bruma for awhile?"
"No, not long I'm meeting someone later tonight,"Revan replied.
"Ah well feel free to hang around The Tap and Tack," the bartender said disapointedly.

He didn't 'hang around' Revan just needed to make sure that the trap was set.
Revan quikly scaled the chapel and looked over to the north; he could feel the werewolf's hunger.... and the vampire's angerin the icy air.
the sun would set in a matter of hours; he decided to check his weapons.
His enchanted staff was in good condition, his darts and throwing stars were secured to his belt, and his armor was in excelent condition and was clean; now he would wait..... as the tension mounted its climax.

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Jun 15 2006, 07:22 PM

[jack cloudy]

Ah, interesting story. Divide-and-conquer, a classic tactic with good success if pulled of correctly.

[Lord Revan]

Thanks guys I've read alot of fan fics for awhile and I decided to write one.

yeah, Mephala rubbed off on Revan a little

PS; I'll try to write the next update tommarow afternoon

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Jun 16 2006, 09:51 PM

[Lord Revan]

ok sorry for making you guys wait, but here it is.

---
Revan chapter 1/part 2: The Massacre


Revan opened his eyes, and saw the full moon almost at it's peak; it was time. As he leaped over the walls of Bruma; he rooted out the two other parties of combatants.

They were both converging outside of Echo Cave; as the shadow watched the carnage unfold.... the vampire's had three archers perched on the long branch of a tree, several summoners, and the mother and father themselves clad head to toe in glass armor. The werewolves entered the clearing with inhuman speed, as the the two groups fought the battle split into several small head-to-head brawls.

It was a mortal's worst fear realized: a werewolf, impaled with a dwarven arrow of burning, vaulted and tore a mer archer from the branch by her leg and snapped her neck with a flick of it's head. The other vampiric archers then nocked and fired their arrows in unison at the wolf, which became encrusted with icicles and burst into flames and fell dead. The summoners conjured deadra and undead, all of which fell quickly before the blood-crazed wolfs.

Soon all fighters that remained were the Vampire mother and father, the Werewolf Chiefton, and ,of course, the shrouded observer, all but the latter were exausted. However the wolf (who possesed the strength and primal fury of an animal) was all over the to panicking vampires, and first the patron.... and the as the matron fell to the beast, the shadow made his move.

Revan releashed a flock of throwing knives and ninja stars, all guided by their throwers's will, to strike the ailing survivor..... not one missed their mark. The wolf, pooling blood, released a pained howl of pain and fell to its knees. Then the shadow leaped from his tree branch, landing on the dying monster, loped his arms over the wolfs neck, wrung it..... and then it was all over just as the sun came into sight.

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Jun 19 2006, 08:51 PM

[The Metal Mallet]

I certainly agree that was a massacre. It was definately bright of Revan to wait out the battle and finish off the remnents. Thoroughly enjoyable.... (If you find violent battles enjoyable, which i do )

[Mazelure]

Hell yeah that was a massacre... more like a slaughter on both sides... poor poor vampires... but the warewolf had it coming to them... so ...

[Lord Revan]

thanks guys

Metal Mallet I've read some of your fic and I thought it was great.

[The Metal Mallet]

Well thank you. Hopefully I can consistantly keep it like that.

I'm also looking forward to the further exploits of Revan.

[jack cloudy]

Ah, someone who lets others do the dirty work. (well, most of the dirty work.)
Great going.

[Lord Revan]

Ah, someone who lets others do the dirty work. (well, most of the dirty work.)

Well Revan enjoys subtlety....... but he does fight when he has to.

[y101]

I like it. Your character very cunning. He acts like the Star Wars Revan. I look forward to seeing what else he will do.

[Lord Revan]

I like it. Your character very cunning. He acts like the Star Wars Revan. I look forward to seeing what else he will do.

I use a lot of sources for inspiration.

Oh and sorry for the absence , I've been on vacation, and I'm to tired to make a large post right now.

---

Revan Chapter 1/part 3: Away From Home

Revan signed and rose to watch as the sun rose above horizon. He stared for several moment, and allowed himself to feel a little homesick............ for a home which didn't exist.


Revan had been handed over to the Morag Tong as an infant, so all of the assasins had brought him up as their own. But he was...... different, everyone had knew that. He was a natural warrior and magic-user, he excersized quick thinking with deft intelligence, but he felt........ odd.


A common (if not hasty) conclusion is that none knew his heritage. His parents seemingly never existed, no one knew them or his family name, his very deliverence into the Morag Tong was unknown, the fact was that niether he or anyone else knew who he was or where he hailed from.

He opened his eyes realizing he stayed too long, he gestured and all the bodies burst into flames, magic surged through his body; Revan began to sprint southwest, the province of Valenwood.

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Jul 5 2006, 04:49 AM

[jack cloudy]

Hmm, emotional. So he's going to Valenwood? I think my characters would love Valenwood. Things burn so easily there. (So I believe that the Bosmer have some sort of fire fighting group to keep ignorant outlanders from burning down the whole province. )