Buffy the Bowgirl, Book 1, Thread 1, Do You Know the Way to Kvatch? Options

[SubRosa]

To start with, I love the title!

Starting in media res, very cool. I have always had trouble doing that. The showdown with unibrow was straight and to the point (as one expects from an archer!). He is one of those guys that you automatically know is a villain. Just look at him!

Men! "Acadian, if you had your way, I would sleep with full battle gear including a bow and quiver jammed into my back!
This was delicious!


I did pick up a few lightweight items that looked like they would sell for -

Buffy! Stop daydreaming.
This was wonderfully done as well. A fantastic way to bring us back to the present.

Finally, Dagail recognizing the man behind the curtain was an excellent addition. You have really been making an effort to make Buffy's fairy godfather a full-fledged character, and it is working.


nits:
A moment later, he jerked from the impact of my first arrow, as I reached for a second. It was not needed however.
This felt a bit awkward. Perhaps changing it a bit, like so:
A moment later he jerked from the impact of my first arrow. I reached for a second, but found it was not needed however.


I gathered lots of plants with useful properties and found more of those strange blue-green roots growing between the shore of the Lower Niben and the Green Road.
Nirn roots? I do not recall, did Buffy find Nirnroot before and begin gathering it?

[Winter Wolf]

Once I arrived at the guild hall I met the leader of this chapter, an older Bosmer named Dagail. She seemed confused, and complained of voices in her head. I tried to talk to her about it, seeing as I could kind of identify with having a voice in my head. We really just couldn't communicate though.

Such a clever idea to weave the Acadian / Buffy relationship into the story of Dagail. You are certainly killing two birds with one stone here. Bravo!
It was good that you put this idea in at the early part of this story. It does help the new readers catch up with this unique tale that you are telling.

Doom stones are something that I have never bothered with in the game on any of my characters.
You have got me intrigued. That paralyze sounds mighty tasty. It is a shame I didn't know about it when I first started playing an archer.
Does it grant you the right to now make a custom paralyze spell at the Praxographical center?

This post has been edited by Winter Wolf: Jul 2 2010, 07:02 AM

[Remko]

Hey, the part with Dagail recognising Acadian inside her is new, amIright? I don't remember that from previous time. I liked it

[Olen]

Great stuff, normally I'd have been unsure about the structure but it worked well with the unique way you tell this. Dagail was refreshingly shown too, in game I found her annoying and sympathised somewhat with 'unibrow' (excellent name subRosa). You showed her as less detatched an useless here with some purpose to her visions, it helped explain the whol;e voices in the head too, which made an excellent title.

Good stuff.

[enclave_private]

Just got your message today. Glad to see Buffy is back and the added details. Superb

[Acadian]

In Chapter 5, Buffy completed her second recommendation quest for admission to the Arcane University. Acadian led her to the discovery of a new special power, Cobra's Dance. Buffy addressed, head on, her feelings about killing those who would harm her or her friends. The head of the Leyawiin Mages Guild, Dagail, astounded Buffy by shedding some light upon Acadian.

Rider- I believe Acadian is getting used to Buffy's unpredictability. In just this chapter, he got told to mind his own business about her attire (or lack of), then was threatened with a hug after leading her to the Serpent Stone.

Buffy likes Leyawiin also, despite the disheartening racial strife - it seems she can find beauty wherever she goes (yes, even in icy Bruma). Perhaps that is a requirement to live happily in her humble town of Bravil. I know she will absolutely adore the beautiful city that Julian calls home.

ureniashtram- Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you're enjoying it! Yes, Buffy and the 'voice in her head' are beginning to adjust to each other.

SubRosa- The original version started the same way. Back then, I didn't know what a media res was, but thought it was really neat to start at the peak of the action for a change. I'm so glad to get your endorsement that the 'jump in time' transitions worked clearly.

I incorporated both your suggestions for clarity. My intent with that first reference to nirnroot, was simply to introduce more depth, but on second thought, since I have no definite plans to incorporate that quest in her first book, I will delete it - I can always bring it up if/when needed later. Thanks!

Wolf- Dagail has always struck me as wise, mystical and old. She is the perfect one to understand what she sees when Buffy stands before her.

Even to this day, when it comes to paralyze, Buffy only has a standard short duration paralyze on touch spell and Cobra's Dance. I fully suspect that Cobra's Dance will enable paralyze at the alters. It is a wonderful once a day panic button for a young no-melee character. In leading Buffy to the Serpent Stone, Acadian walks a fine line; he wants the fragile elf to chose her own path, but he also wants her to survive the journey.

Remko- Thank you! In the original, Buffy asked Dagail about the Acadian voice in her head. Dagail's response made it clear that she knew what Acadian was, but actually speaking to him is indeed new.

Olen- By structure, I guess you mean starting the story in the middle, then catching up. For some reason that just struck us as the way to do it back when we originally wrote this chapter. I'm just so glad that it was not confusing. I'm pleased you liked Dagail ok here; as far as Buffy and I know, even to this day, she is the only NPC that can detect Acadian.

enclave private- It was your encouragement, and that of many others, that prompted us to resume our storytelling. During our three month break, Buffy and I spent countless hours debating our return to writing as we roamed Cyrodiil. We learned to achieve balance, and are both enthusiastic with our choice to continue. I am so delighted that you have come over here to read.

* * *

6 Superian

"Don't waste my time unless you're ready to do what it takes to earn my recommendation, Associate," snapped the head of the Cheydinhal Mages Guild. Cold gray eyes matched the color of his slicked back hair. He struck me as more than simply a stern old mage. Perhaps even more than a haughty Altmer with one eyebrow so typically raised in permanent disdain. His face looked mean, almost cruel. I was quite taken aback.

"I- I'm ready." I lied, as I looked up at the towering elf.

"Hmph. We'll see." Falcar picked imaginary lint from the sleeve of his black and burgundy finery as he tersely continued, "I was doing research with a Ring of Burden. Somehow it got misplaced and I asked some other associate to find it for me. I suspect he was too stupid to complete the simple task and, rather than admit failure, simply ran off." He appraised me with a frown. "I hope you can do better, but I won't hold my breath." He then wheeled about and walked off.

Welcome to Cheydinhal, Buffy. Suddenly, I wanted to be back with Kud-Ei and my own mages in Bravil. I blinked a few times, determined not to make things worse with tears.

An Argonian mage wearing a beautiful blue velvet gown motioned for me to approach. She quietly said, "We need to talk." I learned her name was Deetsan. After glancing around to ensure Falcar wasn't near, she explained that another young associate named Vidkun had indeed been given the same task and disappeared. "Try the well behind the guild, but please be careful. I would hate to lose another useful associate. Now, here is the well key, and let me teach you this spell. It might just come in handy."

Quite wary after Deetsan's warning, I unlocked and raised the hatch atop the well. I thought about what to do if there was anything dangerous down there. My bow would be useless, and magic couldn't travel through water. Using spells underwater required one to directly transfer magical energy by actually touching the target. But what kind of energy would be best? I guessed that fire would just fizzle or steam and besides, I didn't want to risk cooking myself. Frankly, I didn't fancy the idea of being in the same water as frost or shock effects either. My new absorb health spell seemed like the best choice. Besides, in my short time as a mage, I had learned that restoration magic came much more naturally to me than destruction.

I placed my clothes, pack, quiver and bow on the ground. After casting two spells, enabling me to see and breathe in the dark water, I dove in

Nothing attacked me and I could breathe, so I relaxed a bit. It was dark, but my spell let me see well enough to search in the cold water. My heart sank, as I discovered the body of a young Nord. I searched him and discovered what had to be Falcar's Ring of Burden. Once I grabbed it however, I found I was not strong enough to carry it up and out of the well. Ok Buffy, don't panic.

Recasting Deetsan's spell allowed me continue breathing. I replaced the ring on the body and climbed up out of the well unencumbered.

Wet, naked and scared, I sat on the ground next to the well and hugged my knees to my chest. Was Falcar trying to kill me? The dead Nord surely had to be that other associate. What did Deetsan call him? Vidkun, I remembered. Drowned by that cursed ring.

I suspected Falcar dropped the ring in the well himself, just to kill associates. But why would he do such a thing? I could feel my anger growing. A fleeting image popped into my head of an arrow streaking from my bow as it sought Falcar's heart. Let it go Buffy.

That ring was a murder weapon and the city could retrieve it from the bottom of the well for evidence when they pulled out poor Vidkun. I figured the only loyalty I owed Falcar was affording him the opportunity to turn himself in to the Cheydinhal guards.

I then got dressed and strapped on my pack and quiver. With Cobra's Dance at the ready and my bow in hand, I nervously stepped inside the guild to confront Falcar.

He was nowhere to be seen, but there was quite a ruckus going on. I found Deetsan. She explained that she had challenged Falcar. "He was furious." Her orange eyes grew bigger than I thought possible. "I thought he was going to kill me!" She went on to describe Falcar storming out of the guild spouting threats.

"Vidkun is dead," I said, shouldering my bow. "I believe Falcar tossed that ring in the well himself. It cost Vidkun his life and very nearly killed me as well."

The Argonian was visibly shaken to learn of Vidkun's death. After a moment, she composed herself and said, "Don't worry, Associate. I'll let the guards know about Vidkun. I'm sure they'll arrest Falcar if he shows up around here."

At Deetsan's urging, I searched Falcar's quarters just in case he had written a recommendation for me, and found a locked drawer. Despite City Swimmer's efforts to teach me, I wasn't very good at picking locks so I tried a new spell I had learned. Whoosh, the drawer was open. Inside were two unusual soul gems. These were black instead of the normal blue-gray color I had seen on others.

"Black soul gems? Oh dear, this is worse than I thought," Deetsan said. "You had better let me have those. I will send them on to the Council along with my report. I will write and include a recommendation for you. I'm sure, under the circumstances that will be more than acceptable."

I liked Deetsan, and hoped the Council of Mages would place her in charge of the Cheydinhal branch.

It was getting late, so I decided to stay the night. A very nice Altmer magician named Orintur introduced himself. I learned that his mate, Eilonwy, was the guild alchemist and, over a wonderful meal, we chatted about the types of useful plants that I could expect to find as I made my way north towards the Bruma and Chorrol guilds. After dinner, Eilonwy bought all the potions that I had made since leaving Leyawiin.

Early the next morning I packed and staged my things in the dining room. After fortifying myself with some strawberries, apple-berry juice and a sweet roll, I said my goodbyes and left the guild.

Inside Borba's Goods and Stores, I laid wolf pelts, bandit trinkets and everything else I could spare on the counter and haggled with the shrewd Orc businesswoman whose shop bore her name. I swept the gold she gave me into my already heavy purse and didn't buy anything.

"That looks like quite the full purse for a fur trader," Borba raised a black eyebrow pleasantly.

"Oh, most of it comes from selling potions to the alchemists in my guild. I've been trying hard for some time to save up for a horse. Say, do you know how much the nice black ones I saw at the stables here cost?"

"I don't really know much about horse trading, so I'm afraid I can't help you." The Orc scratched her head. "I imagine quite a lot though, as I understand they're very fast. Sorry."

I smiled and turned for the door, trailing words over my shoulder. "Thanks anyway, Borba."

Standing outside the general store, I looked to my left. I thought about going up the street to the March Rider blacksmith and having my enchanted Arena raiment repaired. No, it would just have to do as is. I had amassed a large amount of gold and figured I would need every septim within the hour. I turned right instead, and headed out the Cheydinhal gate.

I could feel my mouth hanging open as I just stood and stared at her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The black mare gazed directly back, then nodded several times at me. Morning sun sparkled against her glossy coat emphasizing the rippling movement of every muscle. She then tossed her mane and lowered her head to graze inside the corral of the Black Waterside Stables. I closed my mouth and approached the stable hand. "Is she for sale?"

The Dunmer replied, "Beautiful, isn't she? I just take care of them though. You'll have to go inside and talk to Tovas."

I entered the stables building. "Is the black mare for sale?" I asked, my heart pounding.

"Depends how much gold you have," Tovas replied, rubbing his hands together. He then quoted a figure that staggered me.

I rummaged through my pack, desperately counting. "Yes!" I squealed.

"Then she's yours, young lady," said the Dunmer as he greedily gathered up the pile of gold that now covered most of his counter. "Mivryna will saddle her up for you."

"She's faster than the wind," said Mivryna wistfully, "and since you're even smaller than those Breton girls the Black Horse Courier hires, she'll never even notice your weight." With a twinkle in her red eyes, she added, "What will you name her?"

"I don't know yet. Perhaps she will tell me." I gratefully took the reins from Mivryna, then calmly presented myself for inspection. The mare lowered her head towards me to inhale my scent, then took a step closer. She seemed to accept me readily. I wanted to think we already felt something for each other, but it may have just been the pair of carrots I offered her.

I moved to the left side of this majestic animal and looked up at her in awe. I didn't have two septims to rub together now, but I didn't care.

"Need some help?" asked Mivryna pleasantly.

"No," I replied. "I know I'm short, but I need to be able to do this by myself."

I knew a little about riding. Carandial, of the Bravil mages guild, had allowed me to exercise his bay quite often for several years now.

I reached for the near stirrup and rotated it. Facing the mare's haunch, I lifted one leg awkwardly. With quite a stretch, I managed to slip my left foot into the stirrup. My left hand with the reins was now on the pommel, and my right upon the cantle. After a couple tentative bounces, I used my right leg to spring up and swing into the saddle. Rather proud of myself, I reached forward to pet the mare's neck.

Mivryna smiled and opened the gate wide. "Where are you headed?"

"We'll make our way towards the Imperial City, then I think north to Bruma and over to Chorrol." The night prior, Acadian had placed a blue mark on my map along the north east shore of Lake Rumare.

Once clear of the corral, the mare only reluctantly maintained the walk that I asked of her as we started down the Blue Road. I could feel the energy pulsing through the powerful animal. Her head was bouncing and her hooves fairly prancing. She was built to run and that's exactly what she wanted to do.

I smiled and gently said, "You still haven't told me what to call you." The name then popped into my head, but I instantly knew where it came from. Superior was my father and Terry Ann my mother. I said the resulting combination aloud, "Superian." The mare's ears perked at the name, and I decided it fit her perfectly.

Well here goes, I thought apprehensively - for I knew she would be much faster than Carandial's Bay. Imperceptibly, I tightened my knees and said, "Ok, Superian, I'm ready." Her response was instantaneous and frighteningly dramatic as we shot forward like an arrow. The trees flew by so fast I could barely see them as I held on for dear life. My fear transformed to pure joy as we raced down the road; the same road I had walked only days before as a slow, Nirn-bound creature.

The thunder of Superian's hooves filled my ears and her speed blurred my vision. I crouched forward and pressed my face against her neck. Black mane and blond ponytail blended in the wind. I never wanted it to end!

This post has been edited by Acadian: Apr 20 2011, 08:46 PM

[haute ecole rider]

How wonderful that Buffy gains a new traveling companion!

Personally, as a melee player that feels the obligation to kill every nasty along the road, I much prefer the white horses of Anvil to the black ones of Cheydinhal, mainly for their strength. Julian, of course, doesn't yet appreciate the difference - they're all beautiful to her.

As a veterinarian, it makes perfect sense to me that the fastest ones are also not the most durable ones - it is known that Thoroughbreds (who are bred specifically for speed) have more problems with soundness than do sturdier horses (such as Morgans and mustangs, who are themselves rather speedy, but are better known for their hardiness). Mustangs were actually preferred for the Pony Express, mainly due to their hardiness as well as speed, and they are small horses!

Still, for a non-melee character like Buffy, a Cheydinhal black is the perfect horse for her - fast and speedy, able to outrun everything (except Shadowmere!). I know Buffy will work hard to keep Superian safe from roadside nasties!

[Zalphon]

I enjoyed this chapter Buffy, very much in fact.

[SubRosa]

Welcome to Cheydinhal, and Falcar. Talking with Deetsan is such a lovely introduction to the problems the MG has there. I love how she stammers "Everything is fine, here, in the guild I mean, that's what you meant right?" Such a great way to tell you that everything is really messed up! Then you meet Falcar, and can see why!

I love this:
a haughty Altmer with one eyebrow so typically raised in permanent disdain.
You really capture the way the game tends to portray Altmer as being conceited quite well here.

Yay for Superian! I like the extra effort you put into our favorite black mare's introduction here.

I wanted to think we already felt something for each other, but it may have just been the pair of carrots I offered her.
This was an especially delicious (pun intended!) line!

I didn't have two septims to rub together now
And a great setting-specific phrase here.

Next up, Vilverin?

nits
and headed out the Chedinhal gate
Looks like the Grey Fox pick-pocketed your "y" in Cheydinhal.

I liked Deetsan, and hoped the Council of Mages would place her in charge of the Cheydinal branch.
He got you a second time too, nabbing the "h" here as well.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jul 4 2010, 07:00 PM

[Winter Wolf]

That ring was a murder weapon and the city could retrieve it from the bottom of the well for evidence when they pulled out poor Vidkun. I figured the only loyalty I owed Falcar was affording him the opportunity to turn himself in to the Cheydinhal guards.

This part of the story really threw me. I was expecting Buffy to go back into the well again, but this works much better. I wish I was there to see the guards try to reclaim it. Brilliant.

I knew a little about riding. Carandial, of the Bravil mages guild, had allowed me to exercise his Bay quite often for several years now.

So Buffy is the one who parks the horse straight across the bridge. I knew it!
Don't be surprised if Aradroth takes her to task on it. Lol.

I really loved the description at the end of the chapter. Black flying mare and a long blond ponytail. That is the soooo good.

[Alchemist.]

Wow, fantastic! I like Buffy a lot, she seems to be a very interesting character. Yes, I'm on this forum only to read your story, since you had it in your signature on another forum.
But for real now. The concept of being a guide to your character sounds fresh and fantastic. Something I should try! But for now, the story is good. Well written and I feel connected with the character.

[Olen]

Good stuff. I enjoyed how you introduced the horse at the end after she had completed the Cheydinhal recommendation, itmade the part more filling and leads into the next part with a bit more of a hook than other's have had.

Now for some dungeon diving I suspect...

This post has been edited by Olen: Jul 5 2010, 03:34 PM

[Acadian]

In Chapter 6, Buffy obtained her third recommendation endorsing admission to the Arcane University. In the process, she discovered both new friends and treachery within the Cheydinhal branch of her guild. It is here also, that Buffy met her precious black mare.

Rider- Thank you! Buffy is young and impetuous of course. She is wowed by the speed factor. Although not yet well equipped to deal with the responsibilities of traveling with a horse, I suspect that from love and necessity will spring the tools and skills they will need to survive.

Zalphon- Aww, thank you Z!

SubRosa- As always, you seem to zoom in on everything I hope to accomplish in each chapter. Falcar and Deetsan 'make' this quest of course. I'm so glad you liked Superian's intro. Your forecasting ability for what's next is as sharp as ever. Thank you for the keen editorial eye that helped me corral several variations of Cheydinhal.

Wolf- Buffy did manage to retrieve the ring in the first version, so blame me for your surprise. Given that the ring drowned a strong Nord, Buffy's low strength, and her anger at Falcar, it seemed to flow better leaving the ring in the well this time.

Oh, you found out about Buffy borrowing Carandial's Bay and parking it on the bridge . . . . Now Aradroth, have you ever criticized a woman about how she parks and come out on the winning side of the argument?

Superian is so precious to Buffy. I'm glad her introduction left an impression.

Alchemist- Thank you for joining us and your kind words! I am delighted that you like the character of Buffy. I so hope we can earn your continued readership.

Olen- I'm glad that you liked introducing Superian here. Yes, Acadian's bread crumbs do seem to indicate a dungeon ahead. I do hope, at some point, he stops trying to tell her where to go all the time and the two learn to work together as a team.

* * *

7.1 Vilverin

The unfamiliar sound ahead stopped me dead in my tracks. I remained hidden, listening to an ominous mechanical whirring that had suddenly begun. There was also a rhythmic, whooshing noise.

The sound a heavy blade makes as it cuts the air.

I lifted my right fist and unclenched it, releasing a swirl of pink energy into the dim corridor. No evidence of life ahead - at least not for the short range of my spell. I had come to love being able to see life signs ahead, but really needed to learn how to get more range. I was getting pretty good at keeping that pink glow spell going while I was in dangerous places. Vilverin had so far, proven dangerous for sure.

The noise got louder as I approached, until the deadly challenge came into view. Several giant cleaver-shaped blades suspended from the ceiling were swinging across my path. I had heard that Ayleid ruins contained traps that, despite their antiquity, remained as lethal as their builders intended. It looked like there was room to stand between the blades though. Perhaps run past one and wait to time the next? Mesmerized I watched.

After a time, I could see a pattern. There was a recurring point when all the blades were briefly clear of the tunnel. I decided to shoulder my bow, get ready to run, and wait for one of those short windows.

When I was pretty sure my timing was right, I raced forward and cleared the blades. I was now in a small square chamber with four ways in or out. Each of the entrances was protected by the same type of swinging blade trap I had just survived. The sound of all four sets of blades and whatever machinery caused them to work was deafening, and made concentration difficult. Soft lighting was provided by pale blue crystals embedded into the very walls and ceiling, similar to what I had seen on the upper three levels of this ruin. In the center of the room was a pedestal upon which was perched a delicate statue.

The figure was undoubtedly of Ayleid origin and looked valuable. It was small enough to carry, so I placed it in my pack to join several large beautiful stones I had found that were clearly magical. I knew the blue ones were called welkynd stones, for I had seen one in the Leyawiin guild and asked. One of them was white however, and unfamiliar to me. I was still broke after buying Superian, but figured I'd be rich if I ever made it out of here. I couldn't carry much more weight though.

Which of the blade traps to brave next? Each one could kill me with a single misstep or error in timing. I decided to take the next path to my left. My bow was still on my back so I could run faster. I stood before the deadly dance of those blades, waiting for the right moment, then raced safely through them, down a short tunnel and into the next room. Finally the blade noises stopped. Ha! I figured I was smarter than those old Ayleids. Then, the silence yielded to a quiet, ominous sound from one of the dark corners of this small dead end chamber.

The rattle of bones.

I jumped to my left, but the skeleton's axe jarred my right shoulder with a glancing blow. Had I been a little slower, it likely would have severed my arm. There was no time to bring my bow to bear, and nowhere to run with those blades ready to start swinging again. As I rolled back to my right, I yelped when his axe grazed my left thigh. I managed to cast a spell as I recovered my footing and quickly sidestepped further to the right. The skeleton slashed wildly at the air where I had last been visible.

My spell had bought me a few seconds, and I reached for my bow. After nocking an arrow I quietly circled to a position behind the skeleton. Despite backing up as far as I could, he was still awfully close.

I loosed the arrow into his back and could see my hands and bow reappear as the invisibility dissipated. He threw up his arms at the impact, then spun around to face me. Raising his axe, he issued a taunting screech and charged. With only a few feet between us, I didn't have time for a second arrow, and turned my weapon to block his. Fire flew from my fingertips. His axe struck the bow, but only with the force of his weight as he fell, bones bouncing and skittering across the stone floor. Several more fire spells slammed harmlessly into the wall across the small room before it registered that I could stop casting.

My right shoulder was throbbing. The glancing blow had done more bruising than cutting, but a trickle of blood ran down my arm and was dripping from my elbow. Although my left leg didn't hurt too badly, it was bleeding quite bit from a shallow gash on the outside of my thigh. Both my legs were wet all over, but not with blood. I felt the hot flush of embarrassment spring to my neck and face.

It was only now, in the aftermath of the fight, I realized that I had peed myself.

"Acadian!" I cried out in pain, shame and anger. "Why did you urge me to come here?" Tears were streaming down my face now. "Are you trying to get me killed? Does it give you pleasure to see me bleed?" I knew I was yelling and that it might attract more skeletons. At that moment however, I welcomed the prospect of them finishing the job the pile of bones surrounding me had started. "I hate you, Acadian!"

Sobbing uncontrollably, I sank to the cold stone floor into a pool of my own blood, tears, and pee. I was a pathetic elf. If I could have mustered the energy, I would have gotten up and walked slowly back into those blades.

I felt Acadian's presence and closed my eyes tightly trying to make him go away. Images began to flash rapidly in my head. I tried, but couldn't stop them. Fire, smoke, explosions, blood, death. Warriors clashing on fields that were foreign to me. Battle streamers and graveyards I did not recognize. More images that I could not understand, then blackness again.

I couldn't begin to process all that I had seen or felt, but I did now have a better understanding of the presence that traveled with me. Acadian was a paladin, from a time and place that was older than Nirn itself. He had traversed valleys of death, and knew first hand, the pain of my wounds and depth of my fears.

After what seemed like hours, I finally ran out of tears and began to think a bit more clearly. How did this happen? With the distraction of those blades, I forgot to keep my pink glow spell active. I should have detected the skeleton before I ran into this chamber that almost became my tomb. It was no one's fault but my own.

I slowly and stiffly got up. Everything worked and was still attached. I was a mess though, covered in blood, tears and worse. The right leather shoulder covering on my Arena raiment was hanging uselessly. I almost started to smile as I imagined what I must look like.

Wincing from the shoulder wound, I lifted my right hand towards the ceiling. Magicka traveled up my arm until I released a globe of white energy above my head. It gently encircled me and slowly cascaded down to my toes carrying away most of the pain. I found an apple in my pack which I ate, then chased it with a soothing potion. Not perfect, but good enough to continue.

The damage to my bow was minimal and I was able to repair it. Fixing the blue raiment however, was still beyond my ability so I took it off. After cleaning myself up as best I could using a spare blouse, I donned a leather cuirass, boots and some laced leather pants from my pack. I walked around the small room, getting used to the armor, and stretching to ease my stiffness.

As I started to leave the chamber, I paused and sheepishly said, "Acadian, I-I don't really hate you." I fiddled with the buckles on my cuirass, and continued even more hesitantly, "Ever since I was a little girl, sometimes when I get really frightened and surprised at the same time I, well, you know." Then I added, "That really needs to stay just between us."

I retraced my steps until the blades started swinging again. At the right moment, I sprang through them back into the statue room. I picked another tunnel, but this time I cast my detect life spell and was quite sure that I would keep it active for the rest of my time in Vilverin.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Jul 10 2010, 04:51 PM

[haute ecole rider]

Vilverin had so far, proven dangerous for sure.

Do I detect our little Buffy degenerating into classic Val speak? "Like, you know, Vilverin, like, had so far, like, proven, like, dangerous, for sure, like, you know?"

I loved her take on what really is a "baby" dungeon, though it didn't seem that way the first time I went in there (yes, it was my first Ayleid ruin, and no, I didn't go in there straight out of the sewers - I delayed going into those places cuz they look so damn spoooky)!

Oh, and the quandary of insufficient strength to carry out all those Welkynd Stones! As a rookie, I sold them off as fast as I collected them. Then I found out their value, especially the Varla Stones. D'oh! (Facepalm moment)

Those skellies rank right up there with will-o-wisps as among my least favorite (or most hated) enemies in Oblivion. They're hard to see in the dark, they hit hard, and they're hard to knock down with anything less than a heavy claymore or battle axe. That's why I always pick Indary's Thornblade when I do the missing knights quest - it does a nice job on those suckahs!

So Buffy peed in her pants. That's not bad, not bad at all. At least she didn't turn her pants brown.

[SubRosa]

We will keep Buffy's little secret between us as well...

Vilverin has always been one of my favorite Ayleid ruins, and favorite dungeons over all. It is a great place to dive into as soon as you clear the prison, as you can gear up with whatever kind of weapons and armor are you choice. At four levels it is big. It has lots of variety, with many different kinds of traps and underwater areas. It has nearly every basic kind of enemy you are likely to find in an Ayleid ruin. Plus it has a neat story attached to it when you read the notes left behind.

Poor Buffy. Here we see her facing many of the difficulties of the new adventurer. Letting herself become distracted, and walking into the worst situation a missile character can face, a melee opponent in a confined space. Worse, being a skeleton her Cobra's Dance is useless against it (although I found paralysis does work on zombies. I guess because they still have muscles).

One of the good things about her wet straits are that the entire scene, and her reaction to it, reveal Buffy to be a very real, down-to-Nirn character with vulnerabilities. Superheroic uber god slayers are as boring as they are one-dimensional. Characters like Buffy and Julian -with their physical and/or emotional issues - are people that regular folks can identify with, and seeing them triumph in spite of their problems and setbacks is all the more inspiring.

We also see that her detect life, while helpful, is not all that Buffy would like it to be either. I see a reason here for her to seek out a longer range and duration version in the future. As much as it is a handy spell to see through walls, I find the mist it puts around things annoying when I get up close to them though. When playing an assassin type who likes to sneak up and backstab, it can even make it difficult to tell where the target's back and front are!


nits:
My right shoulder was throbbing. The glancing blow had done more bruising than cutting, but a trickle of blood ran down my arm and was dripping from my elbow. Although my left leg didn't hurt too badly, it was bleeding quite bit from a shallow gash on the outside of my thigh. Both my legs were wet all over, but not with blood. I felt the hot flush of embarrassment spring to my neck and face.
It was only now, in the aftermath of the fight, I realized that I had peed myself.
It looks like a formatting issue here. I think the last sentence was meant to be part of a new paragraph?

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jul 7 2010, 10:09 PM

[Destri Melarg]

5 You Hear Voices Too?

I agree with all the comments made about this chapter. The opening was superb; I love stories that drop us into the middle of the action. Bringing us up to speed via flashback could have degenerated into a lot of unnecessary narrative, but I think you handled it with just the right amount of subtlety. And the idea of Dagail recognizing the old paladin riding with Buffy is an addition that makes the chapter for me!

6 Superian

You have addressed my major issue with the Cheydinhal Recommendation in this chapter. I really felt Deetsan’s remorse over Vidkun’s death (as opposed to the kind of absent-minded nonchalance that the game treats it with). The fact that Buffy chooses to leave the ring rather than drown is something that I wish Vidkun had the good sense to do. I guess you could make the argument that it proves that Natural Selection works, even in Cyrodiil. The kid who eats too much paste isn’t supposed to make it to the prom

Hmmm, Buffy decides to hold onto her gold rather than repair her armor, and within seconds Superian is presented to her. Methinks the subtle hand (er, voice?) of Acadian is guiding her here.

7.1 Vilverin

I love the idea of Buffy continuing to cast long after the skeleton goes down. And I agree with haute, Vilverin was quite intimidating the first time I went through it. I’ve never had a character go right across the lake after leaving the sewers. I usually wait until I have a spell or an item (I’m looking at you, Fin Gleam!) that allows me to see in the dark.

And don’t worry, Buffy, we’ve all peed our greaves at one point or another!

[Zalphon]

Hey, you're scaring the children with gameplay knowledge of Ayleid ruins! Seriously though, extremely enjoyable. You're starting to scare me, Buffy. You're supposed to write her adventures only so good, otherwise we start to blend you two. So, Acaffy, how are you? You see, it's already starting!

[Acadian]

Chapter 7.1 found Buffy deep within the Ayleid ruin of Vilverin. Overconfidence and distraction turned a skeleton encounter into a disaster. In the aftermath, she learned some more about Acadian and appeared determined to learn from her mistakes as she continued deeper into the dungeon.

Rider- Heh, skeletons. I wonder why undead show up as life signs? Buffy is just glad they do, assuming of course she remembers to cast her spell. She and I have to keep reminding ourselves just how ignorant/innocent she was at this point so long ago. Her naivete about encounters with dark strangers in scary places is on stunning display in her next journal entry below.

SubRosa- Buffy's encounter with that skeleton, and the aftermath, was a powerfully emotional scene for both her and Acadian. I remember, with vivid clarity, your personal endorsement of her embarrassing problem in the first version. I appreciated it then, as I do now. You are right that this scene highlighted some of her many quirks, imperfections and vulnerabilities that simply make her. . . Buffy. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you also for noting my formatting oversight so I could fix it.

Destri- Thank you so much for the kind words and in depth comments! I'm so humbled that there was much for a writer of your skill to like.

I tend to think of myself as very simplistic in a weaving story, but I wonder if, in the case of Superian, my bread crumb trail was too light? Buffy was wowed by the majestic stallion of the Black Horse Courier rider in Ch 5. The next afternoon, while camping at the Serpent Stone, she lamented about needing to save money as she wondered how much such a horse cost (I was trying to foreshadow her plans). In her merchant dealings in both Ch 5 & 6, I tried to make her seem almost obsessed about selling off potions and saving up her septims. My hope was that in Ch 6 at the stables, it would become clear what her plans were for the money she had been trying so hard to save. You are so right that Buffy indeed often has the meddling Acadian to thank or blame (Cobra's Dance, visiting Dagail, going to Vilverin), but getting 'my little pony' was actually all her idea. If it wasn't clear though, it's the writer's fault, and I will bear that in mind going forward. What I did do was edit in a few line of dialogue in Borba's store to more clearly reveal her plans; I hope that helps. Thanks again so much.

Zalphon- Buffy and I blending? You can see how she has wormed her way into my avatar. Seriously though, we have learned to understand each other very well. Thank you.

* * *

7.2 Vilverin

The blade trap offered a narrow but predictable window of time. After safely sprinting through it, I slid the grummite bow from my back and slowly crept forward. Finally, I was far enough away for those infernal blades to stop. The quiet was welcome.

I continued forward until a life sign began to glow ahead. Judging by the size, shape and movement it appeared to be man or mer. I had encountered only bandits, skeletons and zombies in this ancient place called Vilverin, and assessed this as likely another bandit.

Silently creeping within the dark embrace of the stone corridor, I moved closer. My view was now unobstructed, and I let the pink glow surrounding the figure expire so I could see it better. The large chamber ahead was lit by several flickering sconces that lined the walls. Even in the cold of this deep ruin, the smell of decay from several corpses laced the air. The Redguard moving about was dressed in black flowing robes, cut like those often worn by mages. He did not look to be in league with the thuggish bandits I had encountered above.

I quietly watched him as I debated what to do next. Although I suspected he was a foe who would attack me, what if I was wrong? Was I willing to bet his life on it by sniping him dead from the shadows? Should I give him the chance to declare himself? Perhaps he was simply a mage who was researching Ayleid ruins. Had his party been besieged by the bandits of Vilverin until he was the only survivor? I should think that bandits would rather starve mages to death than try to fight them directly. Maybe that could explain the corpses in the chamber. Of course, if I was wrong, the thought of taking on a mage in a fair fight was quite unsettling.

I wrestled with the dilemma: Safely kill an unknown mage from the shadows, or confirm his nature, and if he was hostile, very possibly be outmatched. There was a third solution, but I was loath to retreat after fighting my way though four levels of bandits and undead. I had paid the price with my blood to be here.

I thought about quietly asking Acadian what to do, but I feared the paladin's answer.

I made my choice. Please Mara, help me to survive what I dread is the right decision.

I reached into my pack for a green vial, but then remembered something City Swimmer had taught me. Once, when we were talking about Argonians being immune to poison, she told me that Redguards have a strong resistance to it. Oh great, Buffy, can this get any more dangerous? Then an encouraging thought came to mind. The deadly Cobra I had learned from the Serpent Stone could care less if my target was a Redguard.

With my bowstring partially drawn, but the tip of my arrow directed unthreateningly at the stone floor, I stood upright and stepped from the shadows into the corridor. "Hail, friend. I am no bandit, but a fellow mage and I mean you no harm. Do you require assistance?"

The Redguard's head snapped towards me. With hatred in his eyes, he hissed, "What have we here? A new plaything? You may prove entertaining, once your corpse is cold, elf."

His intent was clear from the first word. The rest of his short speech gave me the time to raise the tip of my arrow and loose it. As soon as the bowstring snapped forward, my right hand immediately followed, unleashing my green swirling serpent.

His glowing hand spiked the air, but whatever spell he was attempting fizzled as the impact of my arrow staggered him.

Before he could react, my cobra struck his chest, releasing its venom. Powerless to control his limbs, he collapsed to the floor allowing me time to accurately release a second arrow that proved fatal.

I approached the body, anxious to confirm who I had just killed. The front of his black robes bore an unfamiliar symbol - a skull and bones emblazoned in red. A search produced an undelivered letter that confirmed who and what he was.

I remembered Kud-Ei telling me that the Arch Mage had banned the practice of necromancy within the guild, so I had never seen one of its practitioners before - until now.

"I will remember the symbol on your robes," I said grimly to the corpse. "You returned my offer of life with the threat of death. I shall not extend that offer should I encounter your kind again."

Further searching of the room revealed a key and some treasure that I put in my pack, groaning at the weight.

Then I noticed a large iron bowl in the middle of the chamber that contained a faintly glowing cloth sack. Inside, was an ancient parchment that explained its magical properties. The bag was waterproof, and I could carry it with me in my pack. I could put items of any size and shape inside and they would weigh nothing!

Given the flawlessly lethal traps and magically elegant construction I had seen in this ancient ruin, I figured the invention of such a bag was well within the ability of the Ayleids.

"By Mara!" I sat down with this magic bag to think about the possibilities. All the stuff I wanted to stay dry like this journal, a loaf of bread and my bedroll. Then it really hit me - clothes! Every girl needs extra clothes, and they would stay nice and dry in there. I mean, I only carry four pairs of shoes and just half dozen or so outfits and a rain robe with hood, but the weight does sort of add up. Especially including my leathers, and oh yes, that fur cuirass I found to wear up north.

I figured I would sort things out later. For now I just tossed a few things into the bag, then slipped it into my pack. Ah, much better!

Aside from the way I came in, there was only one other tunnel in or out of that room. I grabbed my bow, cast my spell and snuck off down that corridor. Soon I encountered a locked gate. It yielded to the key I had found and I was near the exit.

Shielding my eyes from the bright but welcome sunshine, I emerged from the darkness. Superian took a step back and flared her nostrils at the smells of death and other things on me. After a few reassuring words however, I forced her to endure a hug. We then moved over behind the ruin and down to a small pier at the water's edge.

Having scared myself enough today, I carefully avoided catching a glimpse of my reflection in the smooth waters of Lake Rumare. I started washing Vilverin off of me and everything I owned.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Jul 12 2010, 02:28 PM

[Olen]

Excellent stuff, you capture so much in this piece. Buffy is a string and unusual character. Her frivolity sits so strangely with the danger she puts herself in and the number of people she kills that I can't help but laugh quite often. She finds some sort of bag of holding and the first thing she thinks of is shoes - brilliant .

You also really get a feel of what Oblivion is (or perhaps should have been) which is fun to read and reminds me of my own exploits while playing. Nice inclusion of the redguard poison resistance too.

[haute ecole rider]

"I will remember the symbol on your robes," I said grimly to the corpse. "You returned my offer of life with the threat of death. I shall not extend that offer should I encounter your kind again."

Now we start to see Buffy's Doctrine crystallizing. How wonderful that a hint of ruthlessness should show in an otherwise blond woman - it gives her character some solidity.

Julian is laughing at this:

I mean, I only carry four pairs of shoes and just half dozen or so outfits and a rain robe with hood,

Ah, civilian women!