Printable Version of Topic

Click here to view this topic in its original format

Chorrol.com _ Archived; Tes F'Ruum _ Excerpts From The Green Book Of Poems

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 4 2005, 08:25 PM

Excerpts From The Green Book Of Poems
By Wurlon Firethorn


(I'm Using This As A Writing Station Please)
(Brb Later, Out Of Ideas For now)


The Horse And The Rider

So sat the knight, whom was dressed in gray mail,
perched on a horse so through wind he would sail!
But through battle and war, his horse would bleed,
so the rider gave armor to his steed!
But heavy and thick, the horse made a jump,
and the rider fell a thunderous thump!
But through anger and hurt, he was still sane,
and simply smacked the horse on it's mane!



Posted by: Soulseeker3.0 Sep 5 2005, 01:54 AM

not to bad. I don't like poems to much but yeah not to bad.

I like this part the best for some reason

From day to night the sky is all,
From Winter To Spring,
To Summer, To Fall,
Nothing but the sky shows all!

but I think the To summer part should be from but I don't know. night

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 5 2005, 02:04 AM

QUOTE(Soulseeker3.0 @ Sep 4 2005, 08:54 PM)
not to bad. I don't like poems to much but yeah not to bad.

I like this part the best for some reason

From day to night the sky is all,
From Winter To Spring,
To Summer, To Fall,
Nothing but the sky shows all!

but I think the To summer part should be from but I don't know. night
*


Thanks I changed that and it does sound better.

I'm not a fan of poetry besides the kind that rhymes but I really want to contribute to the library, and I already had a few poems in my mind. I just need like three more for this excerpt and to edit it...

Posted by: Soulseeker3.0 Sep 5 2005, 02:06 AM

well good luck wurlon

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 5 2005, 02:27 AM

QUOTE(Soulseeker3.0 @ Sep 4 2005, 09:06 PM)
well good luck wurlon
*


There's no way I could win, I submitted a story thinking we could only do one. Idk where that story went... anyway thanks for the very kind words tongue.gif

Posted by: Soulseeker3.0 Sep 5 2005, 03:13 AM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Sep 5 2005, 02:27 AM)
There's no way I could win, I submitted a story thinking we could only do one. Idk where that story went... anyway thanks for the very kind words tongue.gif
*


no problem just have fun. biggrin.gif

Posted by: stargate525 Sep 6 2005, 10:44 PM

I tried reading them to myself, but found them kinda difficult, as there is little rythm to it. Try and get the sylables more even, it'll read 200% better.

Love the content though.

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 7 2005, 08:38 PM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 6 2005, 05:44 PM)
I tried reading them to myself, but found them kinda difficult, as there is little rythm to it. Try and get the sylables more even, it'll read 200% better.

Love the content though.
*


I"m not done, and I haven't been able to finish because of school. I only have a little bit of time to talk on here before I start on homework..... and projects.... and studying....

Posted by: stargate525 Sep 7 2005, 09:43 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Sep 7 2005, 04:38 PM)
I"m not done, and I haven't been able to finish because of school. I only have a little bit of time to talk on here before I start on homework..... and projects.... and studying....
*


just a suggestion, not an accusation.

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 10 2005, 06:54 PM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 7 2005, 04:43 PM)
just a suggestion, not an accusation.
*


Well naturally as the writer I can't see my mistakes, the last poems blows and I'll most likely cut that out. Can you at least tell me where it gets sketchy?

Posted by: stargate525 Sep 14 2005, 05:03 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Sep 10 2005, 01:54 PM)
Well naturally as the writer I can't see my mistakes, the last poems blows and I'll most likely cut that out. Can you at least tell me where it gets sketchy?
*


Sure. Take this one for example...

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Sep 4 2005, 03:25 PM)
The Horse And The Rider

So sat the knight, dressed in mail,
perched a horse so through wind he would sail!
But through battle and conquest, his horse would bleed,
so the rider gave armor to his noble steed!
But heavy and thick, the horse made a jump,
and the rider fell with a thunderous thump!
But through anger and hurt, the rider was sane,
and simply whacked the horse on the tip of it's mane!

*



... and observe the number of syllables;

6
10
11
12
10
11
11
12

no real pattern to them, although you almost had a 10,11,12 going there and the first two were pretty well matched . Try and get the rhyming lines to match in syllables, or be even, for example an 8/8, 8/6, or in this one, 10/12, 12/10, 10/8, 12/12 or 10/10. It just helps to get rythm into the poem so that it rolls off the tounge easier.

I loved the content of it, very good, just needs more rythm.

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 17 2005, 12:08 AM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 14 2005, 12:03 PM)
Sure. Take this one for example...
... and observe the number of syllables;

6
10
11
12
10
11
11
12

no real pattern to them, although you almost had a 10,11,12 going there and the first two were pretty well matched . Try and get the rhyming lines to match in syllables, or be even, for example an 8/8, 8/6, or in this one, 10/12, 12/10, 10/8, 12/12 or 10/10. It just helps to get rythm into the poem so that it rolls off the tounge easier.

I loved the content of it, very good, just needs more rythm.
*



Grr I have to work to do, I'll get back to this when I can... by the way nice avatar.

My main problem is I adore couplet style poems where it's AA, BB, AA, BB and I usualy just jam it all into one, ignoring syllables and such.

Posted by: Wurlon Sep 24 2005, 02:20 PM

Sorry guys I've been very busy with schoolwork, I have a book report and a ballad to write for English this weekend. If my ballad is good enough (as I plan for it to be medievalish) I may add it up here, and it most certainly with have syllablistic stuff, as it's required. cheers..

Edit: I disliked the sky poem so I'm posting it here and taking it out the front, in case I want it again:

The Sky

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.

Through passing clouds of servitude,
We are granted shade for periods of time.
But with pleasure comes punishment, and the clouds are never balanced.
White clouds of heaven to black clouds of hell, none are ever equal.

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.

Storms of wind, rain, snow or ice,
The elements are always clear,
That the sky determines everything,
Including every thought or fear,

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.

From day to night the sky is all,
From Winter To Spring,
From Summer To Fall,
Nothing but the sky shows all!

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.

From infinite blue, to a star studded world,
The sky chooses what it wants to be,
Light and dark, clear and blocked,
The sky shows the world what it is.

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.

The sky is home to millions of things,
The chirping birds, the flying metours,
But unwelcomed things are sent back,
So we can never fly towards heaven too quick.

Through skies of blue and black, we remain.


Posted by: Wurlon Nov 2 2005, 09:54 PM

Forget it I can't do poetry right now, .. you can delete this topic..

Posted by: stargate525 Nov 2 2005, 09:59 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 2 2005, 04:54 PM)
Forget it I can't do poetry right now, .. you can delete this topic..
*


oh c'mon. Those are good. Better than most of my drivel anyway.

Posted by: vaanic~one Nov 3 2005, 09:00 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 2 2005, 08:54 PM)
Forget it I can't do poetry right now, .. you can delete this topic..
*



What makes you think that?

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 4 2005, 11:21 PM

Well now there is no point, it would be late to send into the mod and no one cares to read my poetry anyway..

Posted by: stargate525 Nov 4 2005, 11:28 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 4 2005, 05:21 PM)
Well now there is no point, it would be late to send into the mod and no one cares to read my poetry anyway..
*


NO! The due date is for the competition ONLY. WE are accepting submissions for the library in general up to fifteen minutes before the mod comes out!

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 5 2005, 03:42 PM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Nov 4 2005, 06:28 PM)
NO! The due date is for the competition ONLY. WE are accepting submissions for the library in general up to fifteen minutes before the mod comes out!
*


ohhh when is that lol?

Posted by: stargate525 Nov 5 2005, 05:01 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 5 2005, 09:42 AM)
ohhh when is that lol?
*


about a half-hour after we get ready to playtest it, that's when.

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 6 2005, 02:14 AM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Nov 5 2005, 12:01 PM)
about a half-hour after we get ready to playtest it, that's when.
*


But I though you guys were going to edit the stories, if you are going to edit mine it might take a while (don't you love low esteemed authors?)

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 6 2005, 02:18 AM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Sep 14 2005, 12:03 PM)
Sure. Take this one for example...
... and observe the number of syllables;

6
10
11
12
10
11
11
12

no real pattern to them, although you almost had a 10,11,12 going there and the first two were pretty well matched . Try and get the rhyming lines to match in syllables, or be even, for example an 8/8, 8/6, or in this one, 10/12, 12/10, 10/8, 12/12 or 10/10. It just helps to get rythm into the poem so that it rolls off the tounge easier.

I loved the content of it, very good, just needs more rythm.
*



How about if I just make the first line longer to 12, so each line would have 10-12 syllables ? I'll work on it, if not I'll try to make every line twelve syllables, as adding two syllable adjectives fixes it right up. In fact I could make some alliteration too... interesting WOOT ideas....

but the other two poems, probably are going to have to go... oh well just one less reason to waste time!

Posted by: stargate525 Nov 6 2005, 05:02 AM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 5 2005, 08:14 PM)
But I though you guys were going to edit the stories, if you are going to edit mine it might take a while (don't you love low esteemed authors?)
*


hah, you have no idea how fast I can edit something when I'm in a hurry.

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 6 2005, 06:36 PM

Once again I'm sticking these here for reference, I'm going to try and write brand spanking new ones instead, but these may be necessary later..

The Archer

With arrows of iron, ebony or steel,
the archer always found the cheapest deal!
His accuracy unmatched, his enchant skills perfected,
sometimes opponents found themselves infected!
This archer wore bonemold and robes of silk,
and on his moustache you could always find traces of milk!
But for what he was known it was only death,
battling him would be your last breath.

Wolf

She stalks alongside the fast falling snows,
longing for a beast to chase.
She pauses as her silver fur perks and knows,
her dinner is challenging her to a race.
The rabbit looks onward, afraid and still,
it looks at the wolf like it can escape.
The wolf now ready to race for the kill,
and the rabbit looks onward with it's mouth agape.
Then through sudden clashes of crumpled snow,
the wolf pounces on the rabbit with claws.
She is now satisfied, her prey dead or so it seems so,
as she now walks with blood stained paws.

Posted by: vaanic~one Nov 8 2005, 08:36 PM

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 4 2005, 10:21 PM)
no one cares to read my poetry anyway..
*



That's not a good thing to think.

As far as I can tell, no-one has bothered to read any of my stories either, but that's nothing to go by.

No replies does not necessarily mean no reading.

Posted by: Wurlon Nov 9 2005, 09:46 PM

QUOTE(vaanic~one @ Nov 8 2005, 02:36 PM)
That's not a good thing to think. 

As far as I can tell, no-one has bothered to read any of my stories either, but that's nothing to go by. 

No replies does not necessarily mean no reading.
*


It does for me mellow.gif

Posted by: minque Nov 9 2005, 10:10 PM

QUOTE(stargate525 @ Nov 6 2005, 05:02 AM)
hah, you have no idea how fast I can edit something when I'm in a hurry.
*



Really? I´m impressed!

QUOTE(vaanic~one @ Nov 8 2005, 08:36 PM)
That's not a good thing to think. 

As far as I can tell, no-one has bothered to read any of my stories either, but that's nothing to go by. 

No replies does not necessarily mean no reading.
*


So incredibly true!......No replies to my story on the TES-forums..but ppl are still reading it!

QUOTE(Wurlon @ Nov 9 2005, 09:46 PM)
It does for me mellow.gif
*



Actually...it does for me too! sad.gif

Posted by: stargate525 Nov 9 2005, 11:00 PM

QUOTE(minque @ Nov 9 2005, 04:10 PM)
Really? I´m impressed!
*


of course, the chance of me missing something is inversely proportional to how fast I go...

Posted by: Ola Martin Mar 15 2006, 05:12 PM

I think your poems are great biggrin.gif

Posted by: Wurlon Jul 20 2006, 06:59 PM

QUOTE(Ola Martin @ Mar 15 2006, 12:12 PM) *

I think your poems are great biggrin.gif


Lol thanks.. kind of late to post though winkgrin.gif

Powered by Invision Power Board (http://www.invisionboard.com)
© Invision Power Services (http://www.invisionpower.com)