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> A New Sun Rises - Maxical's Adventures, The Truth Behind The Oblivion Crisis
Acadian
post Mar 31 2010, 02:06 PM
Post #41


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As friend Remko said, so much deeper this time. This is mALX and Maxical at their very best. I love your character development here. Since I am not a fan of slapstick, I quite enjoyed the more subtle humor that wove through this chapter. Just masterfully done! salute.gif


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haute ecole rider
post Mar 31 2010, 02:25 PM
Post #42


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Loved the graduation day! I agree with the others - much better than the first time.

This resonated with me:
QUOTE
When it was my turn to go onto the stage my foot caught in my robe and I stumbled on the step up.

At my last graduation I was praying God, please don't let me trip on my way up to get my diploma!

Love the foreshadowing! That really sets up for the romantic comedy that follows!


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Destri Melarg
post Mar 31 2010, 04:48 PM
Post #43


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From: Rihad, Hammerfell



I was enthralled all the way through this chapter. I must have missed the explanation of the blue show the last time through. I have heard you use the term, but I only knew what it meant in the context of the scene you were writing it in. It is nice to have a concrete definition now. biggrin.gif


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Winter Wolf
post Mar 31 2010, 05:33 PM
Post #44


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From: Melbourne, Australia



*wolf spins in dizzy circles of happiness*

I really love the new reworks that you have brought to Chorrol. Simply magnificent. smile.gif
Being able to get my daily fix of Maxical here has restored the order to my world that I thought I had lost since the other site crashed. Yippee!!

QUOTE
When I told him I'd much rather come back to the Arcane for my post grads in Restoration his face turned white as my fur.

There is no doubt about this! laugh.gif


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Rachel the Breton
post Apr 1 2010, 03:18 AM
Post #45


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mALX, your story has always been great...but I'm very much enjoying rereading this! Great job!
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mALX
post Apr 2 2010, 04:24 AM
Post #46


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



@ Remko - Thank you so much Remko, I like it much better too. I am cutting out a lot as I redo it. A whole lot, lol.
***
@ Foxy - Thank you very much Foxy, that means a lot coming from you! You are always appreciated!
***
@ Olen - Thank you very much Olen! I see Maxical's reputation for trouble goes before her, lol. I did way too much developing of other characters in the original, so I am slimming this way down and breezing over any character that won't be important to the plot. I am pretty pleased so far with the updated chapters, just hope I can keep doing as well on the edits. (I sometimes get slap-happy with that delete key, lol).
***
@ Acadian - Thank you so much Acadian! I agree, the original was too, too - I think this one has cut a lot of that out but kept the right amount of everything it needed. I tried to edit some today and deleted way more than I wanted to, and wasn't happy with what I put back in...grr, lol. You are greatly appreciated Acadian!
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@ Hauty - Thank you so much Hauty! I do want you to know that the letters chapter was kept because you requested it, lol. This one - I wanted to make sure the Raminus parts got in there because he is about to show back up in the current chapters over at the BGSF.

The tripping...is there anyone that hasn't feared that? I tripped in every single public ceremony I was ever in from baptism to the grave. (I am a ghost writer), lol.
***
@ Destri - Thank you so very much Destri! I did a better job explaining the blue show this time, and with the cleaner write it was easier to see, lol.

For anyone who is wondering (Hauty and Acadian already know) - The vanilla Khajiit when you pale all the color out of them to make them white have a patch of blue over their nose that you cannot get rid of. The PC Maxical has the same thing, but her bangs cover it. I felt this needed some kind of explanation. I mean, she is albino but has a large blue patch on her forhead.

I used to raise parakeets and budgies - the male and female look pretty much alike till they reach their sexual maturity, then the male gets a bright blue show across the top of his beak (his cere) - so I thought, why not Khajiit females, lol? It certainly added to the story as far as Fathis is concerned, lol.

I know in the animal kingdom that the males usually have all the plumage, and this has always bothered me. I think the females should have plumage to attract the males to them instead of the other way around. I thought it was a pretty good addition to the story, so kept it in, lol.
***
@ Winter Wolf - Thank you so much Wolf! You ROCK !!! You have inspired so many things in this story just by your readership!
***
@ Rachel - Thank you very much Rachel! It is soooo good to see you back up and posting !!!!!


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mALX
post Apr 2 2010, 06:18 AM
Post #47


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



*





The Arena





Chapter 13: The Rank Match










*** Edit here = Arena Dialogue

















***

One day the Yellow team sent in three combatants at once to fight me. Owyn tried to stop it but there was nothing in the books that forbid it. I was surrounded quickly and realized I was outmatched this time. I made the mistake of backing myself up against the wall and immediately they swarmed in like a disturbed hive of hornets. I had one in front of me and one on either side. I was going to go down, and fast. I was afraid for the first time since I joined the Arena.

Khajiit have an evil eye that frightens anyone that sees it. It is kind of like a spell. It was my only option to get out of the situation. The man in front of me got the full force of it when I cast it. He ran yelling for me not to kill him, and I followed as fast as my feet could carry me. He left a trail of pee as he ran from me. The crowd was laughing, so I pointed out his trail of urine with my sword making my mouth into a big O as I chased the man. They roared.

I was trying to stab him in the liver as he ran away from me, and finally managed to pierce him. He didn't die, but it injured him pretty badly. I think I took out a kidney.

The other two men didn't know what happened, and it took them a few seconds to come after me. It was enough time for me to chase down "I P Freely" and take him out from behind.

At least it was a little more evenly matched now, if you could call it that. These men were both good fighters, and quite a bit taller than me. They had more strength too. I started using the moves Alix taught me and combined it with a whole lot of running away to avoid fighting two at once.

The crowd was in a mood to laugh. I didn't know if I was leaving the Arena today, no one ever does when they walk in. But if I was going down, I wanted to be remembered. I started making my tail do funny things like I used to get in trouble for at the Arcane.

I would face my tail to the crowd and make it look like a question mark, as if saying "What are they going to do next?" I was facing the combatants, so they couldn't figure out why the crowd was laughing so hard.

The thing about the crowds at the Arena, they just want to be entertained. It doesn't matter if you make them laugh, cry, or scream. If you make them feel anything they will love you. They started calling my name ... my name. I was outmatched, and the Yellow team couldn't figure out why the crowd was cheering for me instead of them.


***


******* The Fights:


IPB Image


IPB Image


IPB Image


IPB Image




******* About to kick someone's face in:


IPB Image







*

This post has been edited by mALX: Jul 29 2016, 07:39 AM


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D.Foxy
post Apr 2 2010, 06:51 AM
Post #48


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The other two men didn’t know what happened, and it took them a few seconds to come after me. It was enough time for me to chase down ‘I P Freely’ and take him out from behind.


(Sigh)

There goes my screen .... AGAIN ...

rollinglaugh.gif
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Acadian
post Apr 2 2010, 07:27 PM
Post #49


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From: Las Vegas



This was delightfully Maxical. Right down to an albino Khajiit trying to wear a mask to disguise herself. . . or waving her tail at the crowd.

The story continues to be richer than the original without losing anything. Very well done again mALX!


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Destri Melarg
post Apr 2 2010, 09:40 PM
Post #50


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From: Rihad, Hammerfell



I agree with Acadian, your skill is apparent in every scene of this chapter. The image of Maxical chasing ‘I.P. Freely’ around the Arena will get me through the weekend! laugh.gif

I must confess, however, that I miss the detailed depiction of the robbery that results in Maxical losing her armor. Your description of that scene and of Maxical sleeping under the old bridge was what made me fall in love with her in the first place. Given how important this event is to her relationship with Fathis, it seems wrong for it to occur off-stage.


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Winter Wolf
post Apr 3 2010, 12:18 AM
Post #51


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Ah, the golden armor, yes a very sad state of affairs there. Our poor Khajiit never does quite get over it. sad.gif

My heart broke when Maro and his brother made fun of Maxical. Who do those fools think they are?? Our characters save the world and they are nothing but shop keepers!!

Later she did manage to clean herself up a bit but then walked straight into the bloodworks. That is not fair! I hope depression doesn't set in. Give Maxical a hug from me. Hug_emoticon.gif


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mALX
post Apr 3 2010, 06:59 AM
Post #52


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



@ Foxy - Thank you very much Foxy! Now that is what I like to hear!
***
@ Acadian - Thank you so much Acadian! I like it better myself, lol.
***
@ Destri - Thank you very much Destri, and I edited it back in for you, it is in chapter 5, I believe.
***
@ Winter Wolf - You ROCK! Thank you so much Wolf! You have Maxical's thanks and a hug back!


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mALX
post Apr 3 2010, 07:26 AM
Post #53


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*



The Arena





Chapter 14: The Rank Match II





If I had any plan at all it was to wear the two men down by making them chase me. If I could catch one alone we would clash and break apart (because I ran like a banshee when I saw the second man nearing). Once I got far enough away I would stand still long enough to swivel my ears or do something with my tail, trying to get the crowds screaming for me.

This was the first time I really had to fight for my life, and I was not prepared for it. Knowing the right moves doesn't mean you win, it just increases your chances. You still need to learn to actually fight, and all that sparring I did was just a game, no one was really trying to hurt me. This was the real thing, and I was scared. The only thing keeping me from wallowing on the floor of that Arena and crying like a child was the crowd up there screaming my name. My name.

It is a powerful force that pushes you beyond yourself and your own capacity and capabilities; you are suddenly there only for them. Owyn made us repeat it daily in our training, "you live for that crowd out there, you die for that crowd out there." Suddenly I knew what he meant by that. I had shouted it out with the others so many times in training sessions, but this was the first time I really understood what it meant.

I was trying to see where the man with the blade was, I could see Mr. Sledgehammer easily. Where did the other go? I put my tail straight up and scratched my own head with it. The crowd went wild over that. They were roaring and it looked like some may tumble over the balcony railing.

The man with the heavy sledgehammer was tiring from chasing me, I could see it. I thought I spotted the other man behind one of the large pillars. I had managed to pierce him with my longsword as I ran by him. They could call me hit and run, or stop and pop - that was the fighting technique I was using. Dart in and strike and run like wind the heck out of there. Either by my youth or being a Khajiit I was faster than the men, had more stamina.

I made a question mark with my tail and then pointed my tail at the man with the sledgehammer. The crowd started stomping their feet in unison and chanting my name. Everyone was standing up. I gave the Arena signal for finishing him and then put my tail in a question mark again. They screamed and pressed themselves against the balcony railing, everyone was pounding their feet till it sounded like thunder rumbling.

I still couldn't see the one with the sword. I was saving him for last because one on one I can look good against an opponent with swords. I charged the man with the sledgehammer, making my tale twirl as I ran toward him. I wanted it to look like I was being propelled toward him by my tail.

I had picked the wrong pillar as the one the bladesman was behind, or he moved while I clowned with the crowds. He darted out and caught me with his sword in a thrust that felt like it went all the way through me.

It felt like an icicle pierced me, the steel was cold inside me. A second later the pain came, but for that blessed second I didn't feel anything but the cold of the blade. The crowd gasped and screamed.

He was too close to me for my longsword to be of much use unless I used the hilt in his face, but he was too tall and I wasn't strong enough for a move like that to be effective. Alix taught me to always carry a dagger if I was going to use a longsword. I yanked the dagger out and for the first time did what turned out to be my signature move. I gouged it into his crotch and twisted it, then shoved him back to get his sword out of me so I could run, Mr. Sledgehammer had arrived on the scene and was raising that huge thing. I wanted out before it started falling, but didn't make it. I felt his hammer glance off my left shoulder with a crunching sound. It barely missed my head, the smell of steel clung in my nostrils.

Oh dear gods, oh dear gods that hurt. I screamed in pain as I ran, and then tried to turn it into a battle cry. The crowd was silent, and it is hard to fight off pain and injury without them backing you. I swirled my tail to get them cheering again, but it was the hardest thing to do when I felt like I wanted to drop to the Arena floor instead and writhe from the pain. They started screaming again. I needed that to get through this fight. Thank goodness they were on my side.

The man whose crotch I gored was struggling to get up from his knees. I had run the perimeter of the Arena to get away from the lug with the sledgehammer, crying the whole way from the pain and alternately pressing my hand over the hole in my stomach, afraid my entrails would start coming out.

When I was behind the man I had gored I darted towards him and raised my sword. With a full sweep and as strong a follow-through as I could muster with that shoulder crushed I beheaded him. The man never knew what hit him. His head rolled, and I almost lost my stomach seeing it. It was my life or his, it was my life or his.

The action of moving that shoulder made me scream, and I tried to turn it into words so it would sound like a battle cry, but the only ones that came out were extreme curses from the pain. I guess Owyn was right that we needed to come up with our own battle cry for these moments. The gash in my side suddenly wasn't that painful compared to the shoulder.

A steady trickle of blood was pulsing from that piercing in my side and I could feel air hitting my back. His sword had to have gone through me. Tears were rolling down my cheeks from the pain and I was not playing with my tail anymore. I felt like I may vomit. I wasn't sure if it wouldn't be blood that came up, we don't ever eat before a match.

I had to get through that giant with the hammer so I could get to the healing fount, I couldn't stand much more. A roaring sound filled my ears and my vision was edged in darkness. I circled him with my sword raised high to trick him, and it worked. He raised his hammer up to block and I swept his ankle with the blade and then ran. After that it was a lot easier. He couldn't walk on that leg at all, his ankle was shattered. Still, he had a huge hammer and I just had a sword. The hammer was two handed, if I could just take out one arm...

Standing as far away as I could on the opposite side of the Arena from him was a good place to rest, and I needed it desperately. I tried to heal myself but wasn't making much progress. My breathing was ragged and labored.

The crowds were too quiet, I needed them to charge me up for the finish or may not be able to do it. I gave the Arena signal to finish him and tried to make a question mark with my tail but couldn't. The crowd started calling my name again, but they could tell that I was spent. The frenzied atmosphere had become hesitant. If they lost faith I would not make it. I need you now more than ever.

Bent over and propping my hands on my knees got my tail up into the air pretty well just by the position, so I did that and made it snake dance a bit. It was taking all my strength, but I needed their support to get me through this.

They roared and started calling my name and stomping their feet again. That was what I needed to give me the strength to go over and finish the big guy. My shoulder was the worst for pain, but blood loss from my side had me feeling weak. I clutched the hilt of my sword tightly. Weakness can make you drop it, and that would be considered giving up in the Arena.

Needing to conserve what little strength I had left, I didn't run up to him. I walked up and stood facing him, my breath coming in heaving gasps. Finally, gathering my strength up I raised my sword again as if I was going to trick him and sweep his other ankle. He fell for it, this time he raised his hammer to aim it low and block my sword. He obviously thought I was stupid enough to try the same thing twice. I held off long enough so his arms would be stressed holding the heavy hammer up in that position. I could see his arm muscles straining. I deliberately looked at his ankle then feinted with the blade before swinging it fully. He fell for it, his arms stretched out long and low as he swung with the hammer and I swept his arm, severing it just above the wrist. With a quick motion I thrust the blade into his abdomen while he was still roaring. He still held the hammer in his other hand, but the head of it lay on the ground. If he had dropped it I would have won by default.

His teammate's error had been to thrust through me, burying his sword. That is a mistake amateurs make. Alix taught me better than that. I didn't run mine through the big guy. Instead I shoved it into his liver and swept it across to sever the main artery and disembowel him. In one quick motion I drew back slightly and rammed it upwards to pop his lung. I heard the soft hiss of air escaping the lung and the blood that poured out of his wound was filled with bubbles. A spurt of blood ran out of his mouth. He was done then, even if it took a few minutes for him to actually die of blood loss.

I didn't have the strength to sweep his head and take it off, and I doubted my blade was in good enough shape to do it either. I just stood there and waited for the Arena announcer to declare him killed. It didn't take long. He toppled face first into the dirty Arena floor.

While I waited for the Arena Announcer to give me the okay to leave the Arena I played with the crowd a bit, bowing and flagging my tail. Dear gods please hurry announcer! I didn't know if I would last long enough for him to call it. It seemed an eternity before he finally called, "Contestant from the Blue team, leave the Arena." I staggered across to the chute, dear gods please let me make it to the fount. Stumbling down the chute the blackness was hedging into my vision, taking over and the roaring in my ears was deafening. I bumped into the healing fount unseeing and fell across it.

Owyn ran up and activated the fount and was checking me over. He wedged the sword out of my hand and worked over me while I slid into unconsciousness.

***





******* After Blow From Hammer:


IPB Image




******* Wounded:


IPB Image



IPB Image






*

This post has been edited by mALX: Jul 29 2016, 07:38 AM


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Winter Wolf
post Apr 3 2010, 10:15 AM
Post #54


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Wow, the rollercoaster ride is moving at 100 miles per hour!!

What started out as a fun filled journey quickly headed into a tightly woven battle for Maxical's life. Your life-like detail during the final battle scene was amazing. Foxy will be proud, that is for sure!!

I made a question mark with my tail and then pointed my tail at the man with the sledgehammer. The crowd started stomping their feet in unison and chanting my name. Everyone was standing up. I gave the Arena signal for finishing him and then put my tail in a question mark again. They screamed and pressed themselves against the balcony railing, everyone was pounding their feet.
This is insane.That is why I love it so much!!





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D.Foxy
post Apr 3 2010, 12:27 PM
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In the eastern disciplines of the arts of war, both armed and unarmed, they have a saying

"The Student has surpassed the Master".

In fighting technique you're not quite there yet, mALX, but in WRITING... well, let me put it this woy. You're not staring at my boat, I'm staring at yours ... disappearing way into the distance.
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Acadian
post Apr 3 2010, 01:51 PM
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Riveting is the word I want. Once I started reading this chapter, it flew by. Wonderful!


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Zalphon
post Apr 3 2010, 07:13 PM
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I can't help, but agree with Acadian.


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Destri Melarg
post Apr 3 2010, 07:34 PM
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I went back and read chapter five, and I encourage everyone else to do so. After reading it seeing that golden armor on display in The Best Defense is simply heartbreaking. verysad.gif

The Arena battle was magnificent. Maxical’s running commentary and attention to detail cast a spell that doesn’t let up until she slumps over the healing font, as spent as her grateful readers.


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minque
post Apr 4 2010, 07:02 PM
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OMG..I've spent the last 45 minutes to read through this purely amazing story...and I'm speechless (and that's not normal for me wink.gif )...

I'm a cat lover and reading about this pretty Kitty is a sheer joy. i think I mentioned it somewhere, but you'e a professional mALX, you must be!

Now this will either inspire me to take up my writing again or....make me realise that I never can come up with anything remotely like this one!

Anyway i am so impressed and I will try to learn from you (and all the other magnificent writers that dear treydoggie encouraged to come here)

YES I will learn and I will continue writing, but most of all i will follow this story about the sweet, funny, adorable Maxical

Hmmmm amazing...


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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mALX
post Apr 5 2010, 04:03 PM
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@ Winter Wolf - That means tons coming from you Wolf, Thank You so very much!
***
@ Foxy - I fixed some nits I had with the fight itself, and it sounds much better to me now. Thank you very much Foxy, You ROCK!
***
@ Acadian - Now coming from you that is huge! Thank you so much Acadian, you are greatly appreciated!
***
@ Zalphon - Thank you so much Zalphon, and it is so great to be on the same forum with you again!
***
@ Destri Melarg - I have redone the fight a bit, (chapter seven) - I wasn't happy with it but feel much better about it now - Thank You so much Destri, coming from you any kind words mean the world!!!
***
@ Minque - Thank you so much Minque! I really got into your story, and see some similarities in our character's backgrounds; I was immediately drawn to Serene because of them too! I appreciate so much your kind words!
***
@ EVERYONE - I redid the fight above so that I was much happier with it, if anyone has extra time on their hands to re-read I would love to hear what they think of the changes. I certainly understand if you don't, this year has been a really busy one!


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