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Posted by: Wolfie Jun 22 2005, 05:24 PM

Ok, so this is the story of my RP character, Jonacin

The Tale of Jonacin

Jonacin was born in Sentinel, Hammerfell. His father was a Sword Singer of above average power, and his mother was the daughter of a wealthy merchant. He was born after they had been married for several years, and was their first son. Even when in the cradle, his parents knew he would grow to be a powerful Ansei, for he would frequently form a Shehai as he played. The sword was always the same, a long katana with stylized wreaths of flame curling up the blade. He was always a very serious child, even as a baby he rarely laughed or cried. At the age of three, instead of playing with other children, he spent a lot of his time reading The Book of Circles, encouraged by his parents to learn all he could from it. As time passed, his skills became more pronounced, and he frequently formed a true Shehai. He entered the local Hall of the Virtues of War at the early age of 7, and quickly rose to the top of his class, even though all of his fellow students were several years older than him.

At the age of 12, he first formed a true Shehai in battle conditions. He was in a sparring contest with one of his classmates, and his blade snapped. Rather than stop the fight to get a new one, he instinctively concentrated and formed the Shehai. Within seconds after doing so, the fight was over, his opponents blade cut in half and the tip of the Shehai resting against his jugular. The instructors were all amazed at this feat, as were his fellow students. He was judged worthy to claim the rank of Master Ansei, a Sword Saint, despite his young age.

An Ansei is a person who can call up a Shehai in any form
A Shehai is an indestructable spirit sword that can cut through pretty much anything

Posted by: gamer10 Jun 22 2005, 05:29 PM

Nice, detailed childhood.

:goodjob:

But I need more . . .

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 22 2005, 05:29 PM

I'll be posting more every now and then

Posted by: Dantrag Jun 22 2005, 05:29 PM

cool. was that just a breif history, or are you going to continue?

(please be the second option..) *crosses fingers*

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 22 2005, 05:31 PM

I'm going to continue, hell i've only gotten to age twelve and he's 38 in the RP

Posted by: minque Jun 22 2005, 05:35 PM

Yay! Very good, Wolfie, I like it and I need updates every now and then, I like Jonacin in the RP and it�s awesome to learn more about him...

Keep it coming please!!!

:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 22 2005, 07:43 PM

Wow! I love Jonacin, because he's always been a silly Redguard! Now, you must write more of this character and the update must be longer, I demand it! Er, pweeeeese?

Are you going to continue with his present life, like, when he gets more experience or something?

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 23 2005, 12:16 AM

I'm gonna continue on with his life up til the time of the RP

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jun 23 2005, 09:39 AM

Talk about talented young boy... Nice Wolfie.. :goodjob:

Posted by: treydog Jun 23 2005, 04:08 PM

Good background for the character- I will look forward to seeing more of him.

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 23 2005, 07:14 PM

Cool, the great Treydog likes my story

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jun 23 2005, 07:15 PM

Yeah... its nice seeing Treydog giving some feedback, he's such a skilled writer himself! Can teach us much :goodjob:

Can we get a update soon Wolfie.. :lickinglips:

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 23 2005, 07:17 PM

I'm gonna try and write some more later tonight, after karate

Posted by: jonajosa Jun 23 2005, 11:36 PM

Yup. I need more to read before I decide to give you this, :goodjob: .

Good so far though.

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 12:20 AM

ok, time for an update
Enjoy

Jonacin had gained the rank of Master Ansei, but he stayed in The Hall of the Virtues of War to continue his training and improve his technique. Two years after he was elevated to Master Ansei, he was in another sparring contest. His opponent was very skilled, and the contest was close, a constant exchange of thrusts, slashes, parries and ripostes. Jonacin�s blade lanced towards his opponents chest, only to have it parried by his opponent, who sent a riposte ripping towards his throat. Jonacin leapt back, spinning as he did so, sweeping his sword round in a wide arc. He was rewarded for this dangerous maneuver by his blade thudding home against his opponent�s side, the unexpected move breaking through his guard. Sweating heavily, both combatants raised their blades in salute and they retired to other activities.

This was Jonacin�s third bout of the day, and he was beginning to tire, He had defeated all his opponents, but the last bout had been very close, and he had nearly lost several times. An instructor crossed the floor, coming to a stop in front of where Jonacin sat. He told him to prepare himself, as his next bout was to be a duel to the death. A foolish young Master Ansei had challenged Jonacin, determined to crush the young upstart before he got any further. Enraged, Jonacin stood and strode swiftly to the specially prepared dueling arena. He reached for a sword on a nearby rack, but the instructor grabbed his wrist, telling him that this duel was to be fought with Shehai only.

Jonacin stepped into the circle of sand that denoted the arena. He called up his sword and ran through a few of the forms, loosening his muscles and calming his mind. He looked across to the other side of the ring and saw his opponent, a man called Davik. Jonacin had never liked the young man, who was several years older than himself. Davik was constantly putting others down, scorning those that could not form the true Shehai. He was arrogant, but he remained in the Hall because his prowess was undeniable.

Posted by: Mazuk Jun 24 2005, 12:35 AM

Nice update. I likes and want more.

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 24 2005, 01:03 AM

*claps* An update, yay!

Great writing, as always. A bit short, but sweet and awesome. Now, you must continue on, for this is making me hungry for more! :lickinglips:

Er, one question: What's a "riposte"? :embarrassed2:

Anywa, for updating, here is your [img]http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/DigGarden/Cake_15454.gif[/img]!

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 01:05 AM

a riposte is a counter-attack you make right after you block an attack

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 24 2005, 01:15 AM

[quote=LoneWolf]a riposte is a counter-attack you make right after you block an attack[/quote]

Do you mean, blocking with a weapon or a shield? So, if I blocked an attack with my shield/weapon, then I immediately attack the opponent right after (counter-attacking?), that is a rioste, right? *is not sure how fighting moves work* :embarrassed2:

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 01:20 AM

i think it's when you parry (block) with a sword. A shield blokcing the attack doesn't really allow for a swift counter, which is waht a riposte is, It's meant to catch the opponent off guard, which you can't do if you're just after blocking with a shield

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 24 2005, 01:23 AM

[quote=LoneWolf]i think it's when you parry (block) with a sword. A shield blokcing the attack doesn't really allow for a swift counter, which is waht a riposte is, It's meant to catch the opponent off guard, which you can't do if you're just after blocking with a shield[/quote]

Oh, okay. Thank ya for more combat knowledge. I love battle scenes... I, myself, just can't write them very well.

Posted by: ShogunSniper Jun 24 2005, 01:23 AM

very cool, simple, but cool, try adding some more details. Make it more realistic

Posted by: jonajosa Jun 24 2005, 04:00 AM

Ok... here you go. That was pretty good. Keep it up.

:goodjob:

Posted by: Red Jun 24 2005, 04:23 AM

[quote=LoneWolf]i think it's when you parry (block) with a sword. A shield blokcing the attack doesn't really allow for a swift counter, which is waht a riposte is, It's meant to catch the opponent off guard, which you can't do if you're just after blocking with a shield[/quote]

Tis true, I know because I took fencing (I quit though because everyone else was insane. Want to play Yu-gi-Oh? Want to play digimans? Want to watch the pokemon movies?).

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jun 24 2005, 09:49 AM

Great writing LoneWolf.. :goodjob: Think with your combat knowledge the fight between Jonacin and Davik will be pretty good! :lickinglips:

Posted by: treydog Jun 24 2005, 02:07 PM

Most excellent fight scenes. Hope we begin to get more of a feel for who Jonacin is... He is clearly destined for great things.

Posted by: minque Jun 24 2005, 05:07 PM

[quote=treydog]Most excellent fight scenes. Hope we begin to get more of a feel for who Jonacin is... He is clearly destined for great things.[/quote]

I fully agree with treydog here, I love hearing about Jonacin, so keep it up. And you�re really good at fighting-scenes

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 07:16 PM

Cool, the two best writers on the forums like my work

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 10:34 PM

Update time
Hope you like this one

Jonacin watched as Davik called up his Shehai. While Jonacin�s was a katana, with a long, one edged blade, Davik�s was a regular, double edged longsword. Jonacin knew that this was going to be a very tough battle, especially as it was to the death and not just first contact. An instructor walked into the centre of the ring, motioning to both combatants to join him. He quickly explained the rules, to them, simply that there was to be no foul play like kicking sand into the face of the opponent, and that no aid was to be given/sought for any reason. He then told them to return to opposite sides of the ring and await his signal to begin. He retreated to just outside the ring, and brought his arms up and then down, signaling the start of the duel.

Davik sprang into action almost before the instructor�s arm had dropped, launching his attack with blistering speed. Jonacin was forced onto a desperate defence, frantically parrying the rain of blows that came towards him. He blocked a slash that would have disemboweled him, but was a split second to slow to block the reverse slash. He leapt backwards, but still felt a sudden burning sensation as Davik�s blade sliced across his chest, ripping open a shallow wound. Davik grinned, thinking that the duel was his, and pressed his attack harder.

Suddenly Jonacin ducked and span aside, slashing his sword towards Davik as he did so. He was rewarded with a grunt of pain, as his blade sliced into the muscle of Davik�s shoulder, but it didn�t cause serious damage. Jonacin grinned as he heard Davik mutter a string of curses and span to attack again. Jonacin began to taunt him, hoping to enrage him. One of the first lessons taught to those at the Hall was to always keep control of their emotions, as an enraged fighter was a stupid one. Davik roared in fury, charging towards Jonacin, his blade raised high. Jonacin�s next maneuver was very risky, but would win him the duel if he pulled it off.

As Davik charged towards him, Jonacin crouched low, waiting for his moment to strike. Davik got closer, and began swinging his blade in a downward arc that would take Jonacin�s head off. A split second before the blow connected, he ducked low, and span aside, slashing with his blade as he did so. Both fighters stopped, and turned to face each other. The entire hall was silent. Suddenly Davik let out a groan, and fell to his knees. A thin red line appeared across his chest, and suddenly blood gushed forth from the wound. Davik collapsed forward onto his face, twitched once, and died, a pool of blood spreading out from beneath his body.

Jonacin�s maneuver had worked, his blow cutting deep into Davik�s chest, cutting both lungs a severing many major veins and arteries. The move was incredibly dangerous, and required impeccable timing or it would backfire and result in the death of the one who tried it. Jonacin remained where he stood, suddenly out of breath. The wound in his chest was beginning to hurt now that adrenaline was wearing off, but Jonacin refused to seek treatment for it yet. He faced the crowd who had gathered to watch the duel, and raised his blade in the customary salute before letting it vanish.

Posted by: Chumbaniya Jun 24 2005, 10:38 PM

The description of the fighting in your writing is really good Lonewolf. It really lets you feel the flow and pace of the fight. Nice work!

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jun 24 2005, 10:43 PM

Holy compassion LoneWolf...! Your fighting scenes can almost match up to RA Salvatores, I really love how u and Salvatore goes into the nice detailed combat, even the wounds are detailed - Great writing LoneWolf, hope we can see more fights with Jonacin!

:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 10:45 PM

Cool, i got compared to a professional writer

Posted by: Dantrag Jun 24 2005, 10:50 PM

Awesome battle scene, and truly does match Salvatore's skill, though I would say that Salvatore has an extremely different style of writing his battle scenes...

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 24 2005, 10:51 PM

I've never read any books by Salvatore.......

Posted by: gamer10 Jun 24 2005, 10:52 PM

I haven't either but my brother goes crazy over his books.

Don't bother him while he's reading them or you get the wrath of :evil13:

Anyway, yes I absolutely think the battle scene was written with great skill. Ooooh gushing blood.

Posted by: minque Jun 25 2005, 12:28 AM

I agree with all posts above, now you are a very good writer, and getting better and better as well.....the description of the fight was great, you could easily picture it in your mind, and as always a very good usage of the language....so keep it coming Wolfie!

:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 25 2005, 05:04 PM

Oh, so good! *claps* Oh, you really write good fighting scenes! *envy*

Um, excuse me for being dumb, but what does it mean when they 'span'? Is that another fighting term? Please don't get mad at me... :embarrassed:

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 25 2005, 07:34 PM

You know the way you spin around? span is the past tense of spin (as in i did it earlier and now i'm telling you about it)

Posted by: Dantrag Jun 25 2005, 07:36 PM

that would be err....spun.

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 25 2005, 07:37 PM

depends on the context you use it in. Span is right in this situation though

Posted by: Rane Jun 25 2005, 07:38 PM

[quote=Dantrag]that would be err....spun.[/quote]

Span works as well.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=span

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 26 2005, 05:24 PM

Time for another update. This one is different than the others, and it's my first time writing this type of thing, so i'm not sure if i did i very well, but here goes:

It was three weeks since Jonacin had killed Davik in the duel. Since then, many of the other people in the Hall had treated him with a mix of awe and respect. However, he refused to fall into the trap of arrogance and pride that Davik had succumbed to. He merely continued his studies and training, improving his skills and control as best he could. The wound in his chest had been deeper than he originally realized, and he now had a long scar where the wound had been, despite the healing magic used.

He was also spending far more time at the Hall than he used to, because at the Hall he had to focus all his attention on the task at hand. His father had recently been killed in a fight with a group of trolls that had attacked him when he was out hunting, and at the Hall he could lose himself in his studies and not think about what had happened. His mother was distraught, and he knew that she would take a long time to get over the loss, if she ever did. When he returned that night, he was greeted by a horrific scene. His mother lay dead on her bed, a knife plunged into her heart by her own hand. She left a note, saying she was sorry but she couldn�t go on living without her beloved husband. It was then that Jonacin broke down in tears.

He couldn�t remember much that happened after that. He knew that at some point, he had staggered out into the street, tears still streaming down his face. Next thing he knew, it was morning, and he was lying in one of the beds at the Hall usually reserved for those with serious injuries sustained while training with proper weapons and not blunt training ones. One of the instructors sat by the bed, a look of deep concern in his eyes. He asked how he felt. This comment brought memories of the night before back, and Jonacin broke down in tears again.

Posted by: MerGirl Jun 26 2005, 05:28 PM

Oh, poor baby! *pats Jonacin on the head* That's so sad!

Good job, LoneWolfie! :goodjob:

Er, what do you mean it's time typing that kind of thing? What thing? Writing the emotional scene or something?

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 26 2005, 05:28 PM

The emotional type thing. I usually just write fight scene type thingys

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jun 26 2005, 05:34 PM

[quote=LoneWolf]The emotional type thing. I usually just write fight scene type thingys[/quote]
Guess your a very violent person... Just kidding mate, nice written.. its nice to see that you have good skill when out comes out of the combat, still want to read more so keep it coming! :goodjob:

Posted by: jonajosa Jun 26 2005, 10:21 PM

Blood, guts and glory. The only ways to write a story.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of this... eccentric tale.

:goodjob:

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 26 2005, 10:35 PM

eccentric? what's so eccentric about it?

Posted by: jonajosa Jun 26 2005, 10:42 PM

The way the story flows. To me its (in simpler terms) fast, fun and almost non-stop.

Posted by: Wolfie Jun 26 2005, 10:44 PM

oh right. I thought you meant the weird kind of eccentric

Posted by: minque Jun 27 2005, 08:03 AM

Great Wolfie! So nice to see different styles from the same author, and you obviously are skilled with both, combat and more soft storylines.

I think you really shall keep up your writing and amuse us with nice and frequent updates..

I�ll put in some cheerful jonajosas here for you!

:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

Posted by: treydog Jun 27 2005, 04:08 PM

Two excellent additions. As always, the duel scene was well-written; the unexpected twist of losing both parents will keep us guessing.

Posted by: Wolfie Jul 6 2005, 12:09 AM

Here's an update at long last

It was a week since Jonacin�s mother had killed herself. While he still occasionally broke down in tears thinking about it, he had begun to recover from it. The Hall had now become his home, with a room set aside for him to sleep in.

Otherwise, training continued as normal. He had begun training himself in the use of Heavy Armour, knowing that the extra protection afforded made up for the loss in mobility. He had been using Steel Armour to practice in, but he knew that one day he would have better.

The sparring match ended much as others had recently, with Jonacin losing to his unarmored opponent. He was too slow to keep up in his heavy steel Armour, but he was determined to keep trying. He was moving faster now than he had been the day before, and he would only get better with more practice. He drew back from his opponent and gave the salute, before removing his helm and going over to a nearby water fountain. He splashed water over his face, cooling himself off. One of the instructors came over to him and asked if he wished to retire for the day, but he refused, wanting at least one more sparring match.

His opponent was chosen, and he entered the sparring ring. He was armed with a short sword, whilst Jonacin was armed with a katana, as he always was. The instructor signaled for the match to begin, and his opponent leapt to the attack. Jonacin clanked backwards awkwardly, dodging as many blows as he could and blocking or parrying the rest. He saw an opening and lunged, but his opponent leapt lightly aside, his sword flashing out and clanging against Jonacin�s shoulder. The instructor held up his hand to end the bout, but Jonacin shouted out �No! This match to three blows!� The instructor looked puzzled, but lowered his hand. Jonacin concentrated all his energy on his opponent, and began to notice a pattern to his attacks. He would always feint twice, usually to Jonacin�s sword hand, before striking towards the shield. Every third or so attack, he would reverse the process, feinting twice towards shield and attacking sword. Jonacin began reading his moves, and knew what was coming next. He made no move for the feints, and when his opponent lashed out towards his sword side, he crashed his blade down, knocking the sword from his hand, and then striking his throat lightly with a reverse cut. It was now one blow each.

Posted by: minque Jul 6 2005, 12:29 AM

Nice Wolfie! A very good installment, well balanced good writing

Keep it coming

:goodjob: :goodjob:

Posted by: Dantrag Jul 6 2005, 12:32 AM

Short n' sweet!

:goodjob:

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jul 6 2005, 10:19 AM

[quote=Dantrag]Short n' sweet!

:goodjob:[/quote]
Can only agree..! :goodjob:

Posted by: treydog Jul 6 2005, 03:15 PM

Good description of the limitations of heavier weapons and armor- plus a bit more insight into Jonacin.

Posted by: Wolfie Jul 15 2005, 11:00 AM

Update Time

Jonacin and his opponent now circled each other warily, each looking for an opening, a weakness in the other�s guard. Jonacin suddenly spotted his opening, and leapt to the attack as fast as his heavy armour would allow. However, his opponent was faster and dodged nimbly aside, the attack going past him harmlessly. He span lightly as he dodged, and Jonacin�s armour rang like a bell as his attack connected.

Momentum and the cumbersome armour made Jonacin continue a few more steps before he turned again. He raised his sword and shield in a guarded stance and waited for the next attack. It was sudden when it came, and blows rained down on him. He blocked as best he could, and those he couldn�t block he parried. His riposte was vicious, and his opponent struggled to block. Jonacin followed up on his sudden advantage, and kept attacking. His opponent was fast enough to dodge or parry most of the attacks, but eventually one slid past his guard and thudded into his chest. The match was now tied again at two blows each.

Jonacin was determined to win this match, but the heavy armour was taking its toll on him and he was tiring rapidly. His opponent could sense this, but knew that an all out attack would be foolish. He bided his time, probing Jonacin�s defenses for weakness and slowly wearing him down. Jonacin knew he was finished if he didn�t end the match soon, and made a choice. He suddenly launched an all out attack, reasoning that if it didn�t work, he had only brought about the end of the match a little earlier.

His attacks came at his opponent from all directions, yet still he parried or dodged them all. Jonacin was almost out of energy, and knew it was now or never. He attacked with a wide slash that made his opponent leap backward, and then raised his katana over his head for a powerful downward cut. His opponent, not having enough time to dodge, raised his sword to parry, but Jonacin had put his full weight behind the blow and the lighter blade was knocked aside. The blow smashed into his shoulder, and the sound of breaking bone was clearly audible. The instructor quickly raised his arm to end the match, and the combatants stepped apart. Wearily, Jonacin raised his sword in salute, and his opponent did the same, even though his eyes showed how much pain he was in from his smashed shoulder.

Posted by: minque Jul 15 2005, 11:16 AM

Good Job Wolfie! Very vivid description of the fight....it�s as you can feel the pain aweat and agony...Really Good I�d say!

Posted by: Dantrag Jul 15 2005, 02:24 PM

Cool scene.

Posted by: Wolfie Jul 21 2005, 02:36 AM

No one seems to have noticed i updated, so maybe now they will

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Jul 21 2005, 12:20 PM

Nice written combat scene as always Wolf.. Also nice to see that Jonacin has some trouble addapting(sp?) into using Heavy Armor, but still he manage to find a solution to the win the find in a very risky way

Keep it up!

Posted by: Wolfie Oct 22 2005, 07:31 PM

This isn't an update, i just want to inform anyone who cares that the last update was the end of Chapter one. God only knows when chapter two will be posted, because i can't think of what to do in it

Posted by: Mazuk Oct 22 2005, 09:28 PM

Well I had to read through a few pages but wow.. Great work and nice combat scene. Can't wait for next chapter.

Posted by: Fuzzy Knight Oct 23 2005, 11:38 AM

Well well LoneWolf... I have also had this that I dont update for a long time on my stories and it suddently gets a little bit boring and I have no way to go with the stories. Tried to change that in my newest Fan Fic... but doesn't seemed to have changed anything.

But your story about Jonacin is very good and well written so I have you can keep it up...

Posted by: mplantinga Oct 23 2005, 07:13 PM

Just managed to find this one (how could I have missed it?). You have a very unique story here, with a storytelling approach somewhat different from most of the others. I hope you find time/inspiration to continue working on this story, since I feel it adds something very special to these forums.

Posted by: Wolfie Feb 25 2006, 06:49 PM

In case anyone is interested, the first part of chapter 2 will be coming soon, hopefully

Posted by: minque Feb 25 2006, 06:59 PM

QUOTE(Wolfie @ Feb 25 2006, 06:49 PM)