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> A short poem
foxo
post Mar 20 2006, 12:10 AM
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Joined: 18-March 06
Sorry if this is late, I have been here before, but it was looking fairly dead, so I didnt post anything. I have a short poem here, about a ruthless killer. Criticism please.

The Death-Wife


Swiftly she ran
Silently she killed
Softly she kissed
Her deeds fulfilled.

Bringer of death
Taker of life
A kiss her gift
Beware the wife.

She that walks the shadows
She that kills for bliss
She shall end your life
With but a kiss.

Hark, be weary
A warning given
The death-wife lurks
True intentions hidden.


Edit: changed "with only a kiss" to with but a kiss, better flow?
PS: thanks brgenerator!

This post has been edited by foxo: Mar 21 2006, 12:51 AM
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brgenerator
post Mar 20 2006, 12:54 PM
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good work, i enjoyed that!
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stargate525
post Mar 23 2006, 04:55 AM
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From: wisconsin; land of cheese, beer, and bratwurst!
very nice. goodjob.gif


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vaanic~one
post Mar 23 2006, 12:14 PM
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From: England, home to the centre of time
I love the "death-wife" title. It's just so true! Well done! smile.gif


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foxo
post Mar 24 2006, 09:02 AM
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Thanks! cool.gif
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Languein
post Apr 23 2006, 05:22 AM
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Very Good, Great work. biggrin.gif
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Mazelure
post Apr 23 2006, 11:54 PM
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This was a very good composed poem

Kudos FOXO Kudos


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Ibis
post Jun 4 2006, 10:33 AM
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From: Florida Moon-filled Sleepless Nights
I like it too. I hope it didn't mean all wives are death wife's though - if s0, I must be the small amount of cyinide in yer oatmeal every morning type ... 29 year marriage, that's a slow kill ohmy.gif


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foxo
post Jun 12 2006, 03:13 AM
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laugh.gif
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