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> Per Aspera Ad Astra: Through Hardships To The Stars, A Story of Trials, Faith & Dreams
BretonBlood
post Oct 31 2017, 04:10 PM
Post #41


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Joined: 9-March 15



Amazing descriptions as always, bringing the Feeding Bag to life and making it feel how I imagined a tavern in the city would be.

An interesting situation, with the full moon approaching, will Lycus plan to do something with that, or will he wait until after, or is her going to try to pull off some miracle before the full moon?

Also Cocistian... a familiar name. wink.gif


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My first short story - "A Thief's Ascension"
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Darkness Eternal
post Nov 6 2017, 04:06 AM
Post #42


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From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

~Order Vampyrum: Daughter of Coldharbour~

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 17 2019, 06:14 PM


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And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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BretonBlood
post Nov 6 2017, 06:46 AM
Post #43


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Simply amazing! Loved the descriptions as always, it really brought home the fact that his senses are getting better as the full moon gets closer.

Lycus was smart to come up with a reason for leaving for a few days without his parents questioning it. Of course, will he be able to continue this for long? How many times before they get suspicious?

And finally, a woman screaming? Right before Lycus begins screaming? Another werewolf in our midst, methinks.... A blonde werewolf at that... I am hoping my guess is right as to who this may be, if it is indeed another werewolf. We shall see.


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My first short story - "A Thief's Ascension"
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mALX
post Nov 6 2017, 02:10 PM
Post #44


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



=9=
~Commencement of Trouble~

I can tell you struggled with the writing of this chapter due to the heavy content you were imparting here. In the places where the descriptions were the most convoluted and hard to follow; the story was taking a deep swerve in plot = one of those amazing plot twists you are famous for!

Example:

QUOTE

I shivered violently, as if someone had thrown open at my back in the dead of winter a portal on Skyrim.


(very hard to imagine visually; breaks the momentum of the chapter a bit trying to capture your meaning at first = a smooth visually imaginable description here would have probably worked better)

I did understand what Kraven was feeling though; and it made sense with the turns the plot was taking = even to the point where it felt like what he was feeling was actually driving the plot forward. Really amazing writing; and despite the awkwardness of a couple descriptions I can feel the wheels turning inexorably in Kraven's mind. I can see his plan for the fight with the Orc, that was blatant in the last chapter too. But that won't stop these men; his plan has to cover a lot more than that fight if his mother is to be safe. And regardless he hates and is sickened by that weakness he sees in his Father = I think he will do what he can to save him too, just because of who he is.

Awesome Write !!!!






This post has been edited by mALX: Nov 6 2017, 03:13 PM


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Acadian
post Nov 6 2017, 08:24 PM
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Nicely done!

Like BretonBlood, I'm anxious to learn if the blond hair and woman's scream do indeed mean another werewolf and, if so, if she is who I think! I'm trying to hold my hopes in check for the moment in case I'm mistaken. . . .


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mALX
post Nov 6 2017, 09:39 PM
Post #46


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN






=10=
~Werewolves? Where? Wolves? Men that are wolves?~

Holy Crap! This is one of your best written chapters EVER! You were at your best in every way in this chapter with your spectacular world building about the werewolf transformations beginning with the scent of dog strengthening as the moon that would transform him was approaching; the hair in his ears thickening and lengthening as that moon approached. Then how the moon took on a different look to him than any other moons; that darkening where his vision is actually changing to the biological functioning of a beastial preditor = this chapter is HUGE !!!! Your imagination and creativity is the greatest I've ever seen it here = AMAZING WRITE !!!!!!!!!

Where is that bowing down emoticon, you absolutely have earned it with this chapter !!!!!!!!!!








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Renee
post Nov 12 2017, 07:05 PM
Post #47


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Cripes man, wow, what a change! That was intense! Such a shame he couldn't have gone after one of those bad men who are messing with his father. Of course, this wouldn't work in the middle of the Imperial City.

That was really intense though! The story went from placid to paranoid, it kinda caught me off-guard.
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Darkness Eternal
post Nov 13 2017, 04:36 PM
Post #48


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Joined: 10-June 11
From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 6 2018, 02:22 AM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Acadian
post Nov 13 2017, 07:13 PM
Post #49


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From: Las Vegas



Woot! Lycus and Vera! What a magical meeting - full of tension, humor and mystery. Seems like the Slayer of Beasts has met his match! tongue.gif


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mALX
post Nov 13 2017, 07:47 PM
Post #50


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GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


KAAABOOOOOOOOM !!!!!!!!!!!!!



*mALX's head explodes*



VERA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



AWESOME WRITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









This post has been edited by mALX: Nov 13 2017, 07:48 PM


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BretonBlood
post Nov 13 2017, 10:43 PM
Post #51


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I KNEW IT! It could only have been the one and only lovely Vera. What a way to introduce her into this story.

I loved the banter between the two, she comes across as much wiser, which she is, than Lycus and felt like a master condescending and training her pupil Lycus because he is a total beginner at this whole werewolf business.

Awesome chapter!


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My first short story - "A Thief's Ascension"
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Renee
post Nov 29 2017, 07:11 PM
Post #52


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Joined: 19-March 13
From: Ellicott City, Maryland



How neat that she's been doing this so long she knows how to 'come down' from her high and is prepared for those inevitable times when her beast side comes to an end.

How long has Lycus been a werewolf?

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