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> Untitled FO3 Short Story
redsrock
post Nov 1 2008, 02:50 AM
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Just do it, already! Stop being a little umbrella seller and do it!

The 10mm pistol’s handle felt smooth and cool against Donnie’s rough and sweaty hands. The hands themselves shook violently, as if he were suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. But he was not, for he was barely over fourteen years of age and Donnie probably couldn’t even spell Parkinson’s Disease. He had grown up in the wastelands after all, and education was the least of his worries.

“Shut up!” Donnie yelled, and the covered his mouth out of fear of waking up his sleeping father. He looked inside, and sure enough the old man was still snoring up a storm. Donnie let out a sigh of relief and then sat Indian-style against the wall outside his father’s room.

Why should I shut up? Someone has to light a fire under your good-for-nothing boat, and that sure the hell doesn’t seem to be you. You should be ashamed of yourself, Donald. What would your mother think?

“Don’t call me Donald!” Donnie whispered loudly. “Then he added solemnly, “Mama wouldn’t care, she’d be too busy with the drugs. That’s all she did…”

No, no, no! You little twerp, this is why you are such a dumbass! Mom overdoes on purpose, dipshit! She wasn’t addicted!. She wanted to get out, and she took the course she deemed necessary. And to be honest, Donald…..if you can’t go through with what you have to do…maybe you should think of following in her footsteps. I mean…

“I said don’t call me Donald!” he whispered, a little too loud. His father stirred in the next room, and Donnie fearfully poked his head around the corner to have a look see. Frank, his father, rotated to the right side of the bed and continued to snore. Donnie sighed again and then rubbed his aching head.

Look at you…always so nervous. I always told you not to be such a twerp, Donald. Why didn’t you listen? If you did, maybe I wouldn’t have gone and left that night…and then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten caught by those raiders…..and maybe…just maybe…..they wouldn’t have torn my limbs off one by one. Do you ever think about that at night, Donald? Do you ever think that perhaps if you would have intervened between me and dad just once, everything would have worked out? What did you think when you found my scattered body that day, hmm?

Donnie began to cry softly, wiping the tears from his face as fast as he could. Then he hit his head with his free palm. “Leave me alone!”

I wonder what mom would have thought….I’ll never know of course, since she went and killed herself a few days before I even left. What a shame, Donald, don’t you think? How do you feel about being such a cowardly twerp? Because of you, mom and I are dead, and we aren’t coming back. Hell, I’m more surprised you’re still alive yourself. I think it’s because dad knows he can treat you like a little umbrella seller, and you’ll do exactly what he says. You’re too soft, Donnie. But that has to end tonight.

“Please….leave me alone!”

Then hamster cave do me one favor for once! Can you do that? If you can I’ll leave you alone…but I think it’ll be more of your doing that will bring about my own departure.”

“I…I can’t do it, Benny!”

[i]Sure you can, twerp. You’re already holding the gun in your hand. All you have to do is pull the trigger and BOOM, everything is fixed. He doesn’t deserve to live anyway, and you know that, Donald. He hit me and mom, and he hits you all the time. And don’t hamster cave tell me he doesn’t, you little shithead. I see it all the time.


“You…you do?”

Of course, dumbass!

“But how? Why didn’t you say anything sooner?[/i] Donnie asked angrily.

Because you just last night summoned me of course. Jesus, twerp, you’re getting stupider by the day. It doesn’t matter though, intelligence is overrated. Mom spent all her life reading books and writing compassionate stories all the time, and look where it got her…

“But…but she chose to leave!” Donnie replied in defense of his mother. “She saw how bad things were and took her life! She took the-“

Coward way out? Yeah, you nailed it on the head, twerp.

“NO! She was brave to have taken her life, and-“

Brave? Are you hamster cave kidding me? Goddammit twerp, listen to yourself! She took the coward way out, as did I. I don’t want you to end up like us. hamster cave stand up for yourself and pull the goddamn trigger!

“I can’t, I told you!”

Tears were streaming down Donnie’s face now, and suddenly he heard a creek from his father’s bed. He had gotten up and was already cursing and throwing around empty beer and whiskey bottles.

Look, twerp, he’s awake now. Finish him off before he takes the gun away from you! There’s no telling what he’ll do if he stops you…

“I…I don’t think I can. I…I…”

Enough bitching, twerp! Grow some befriending my mother balls and blow his goddamn head off!

“What da’ hell ya’ doin?” His father asked, his voice slurred from his liquid breakfast earlier in the day. He was standing outside the door now, and Donnie was crouched against the wall. Once Frank saw the gun his eyes lit up in anger. “Whad’ya doin’ w’dat?” He reached for the gun, but Donnie rolled out the way and ran to the end of the hallway, roughly ten yards or so away.

Now…do it now!

“I CAN’T!”

“Wha’ da’ hamster you talkin’ to?” His father asked, looking around for someone else, but of course there was nobody there. He shrugged it off and began lumbering towards his son, staggering the entire way and bumping into the dirty walls.

Hurry, twerp, he’s coming! End this compassion! End this compassion and free mom, me, and even you!

“I can’t, Benny!” Donnie cried, the tears still falling down his face. His father was only a few yards away.

DO IT!




Outside the house, a pack of three Molerats were scouring about, sniffing through the old and abandoned trash bags lying through the sides of the cracked concrete sidewalk. Suddenly a bang came from within the house and the mutated creatures quit their sniffing and directed their attention to the house. About twenty seconds later another bang sounded, and the creatures took off into the night, never looking back.


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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bbqplatypus
post Nov 1 2008, 05:32 AM
Post #2


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From: The Double Deuce



Damn good story. Great tone.

<snip>

<snip>

Just remember to only use it for good (artistic license) and never for evil (flaming).

This post has been edited by minque: Nov 1 2008, 07:28 PM
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redsrock
post Nov 1 2008, 01:46 PM
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Thanks. smile.gif

And I didn't even realize Chorrol had one of those creative word censors. Now my story looks rather....stupid.


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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minque
post Nov 1 2008, 07:27 PM
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QUOTE(bbqplatypus @ Nov 1 2008, 05:32 AM) *

Damn good story. Great tone.

<snip>

<snip>

Just remember to only use it for good (artistic license) and never for evil (flaming).


Ehh bbq! Really! You shouldn't give advice how to get around the autocensor, I mean it's there for a purpose.

I will edit your post, I hope you understand, mkay??


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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bbqplatypus
post Nov 1 2008, 07:30 PM
Post #5


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QUOTE(minque @ Nov 1 2008, 01:27 PM) *

QUOTE(bbqplatypus @ Nov 1 2008, 05:32 AM) *

Damn good story. Great tone.

<snip>

<snip>

Just remember to only use it for good (artistic license) and never for evil (flaming).


Ehh bbq! Really! You shouldn't give advice how to get around the autocensor, I mean it's there for a purpose.

I will edit your post, I hope you understand, mkay??


I always thought the purpose was to prevent abuse. If it's not directed at anyone, I don't see the harm. It certainly isn't something I've done more than once.

Then again, you're the moderator. You get to decide who lives and who dies. I am but a mere mortal, in no position to question your divine authority.

ALL HAIL THE MODERATOR!

This post has been edited by bbqplatypus: Nov 1 2008, 07:40 PM
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redsrock
post Nov 1 2008, 08:32 PM
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I do want to say though, it does hamper the ability for a writer to use his own voice. I totally understand why it's been implemented of course...I just wanted to put that out there.


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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minque
post Nov 1 2008, 09:07 PM
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From: Where I can watch you!!



Ahh yes, I understand but you see there are rules, and they have to be followed. I know you do not mean any harm and it can be a tad annoying but my dear friends I'm just doing my job so...

I have no hard feelings for either of you and I hope you dont have it for me!

I know you are great guys and very talented writers....so please just continue what you are so incredible good at....

WRITE!!!! biggrin.gif wink.gif Hug_emoticon.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Colonel Mustard
post Nov 1 2008, 11:20 PM
Post #8


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There's a word filter? Oh hamster cave! happy.gif

That was really quite an interesting story. Fallout's bleak setting was perfect for the gritty nihilism of this story while the voices in the kid's head a were really, really creepy.

As for a title, perhaps 'Justice for the mad' or something of that ilk.
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redsrock
post Nov 2 2008, 12:43 AM
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Thanks, Bean, I like that title. I'll probably use that if I do anything with this in the future. Is that alright?

@Minque: Hard feelings? Of course not! I was just ranting a bit, because we have the same problem over at TESFU. smile.gif


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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Colonel Mustard
post Nov 2 2008, 10:52 AM
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Of course, that would be absolutely fine. I would hardly have suggested it to you only to then say you can't!
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Kiln
post Nov 2 2008, 01:44 PM
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Lol it was weird reading it and trying to figure all the words the auto filter changed... biggrin.gif


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He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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redsrock
post Nov 2 2008, 02:05 PM
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QUOTE(Kiln @ Nov 2 2008, 01:44 PM) *

Lol it was weird reading it and trying to figure all the words the auto filter changed... biggrin.gif


I think 'weird' is probably an understatement! biggrin.gif


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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