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> Your Writing Process, And/Or Problems with Same
Grits
post Dec 7 2018, 06:01 PM
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Thank you very much, folks! I’ll put Abiene’s adventure where it fits in the big story. Which isn’t really just Jerric’s anymore, no matter the title. I appreciate the advice!


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SubRosa
post Feb 4 2019, 12:55 AM
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I have had an idea for a superhero character, and I am having a little trouble with her name. She is a magical person, who uses magic to enhance her physical abilities. In Shadowrun terms a Physical Adept. At the start she is unaware that she is even using magic to do this. That will come later. Her main powers are in fighting: She has photographic reflexes. She can duplicate any move she sees. She has a limited eidetic memory. If she concentrates on a particular memory, it all comes into sharp focus for her. She can also enhance her physical attributes when she puts her mind to it. For example she thinks "I need to jump", and can do a super leap. Although by no means is she the Incredible Hulk in this manner. The cape on her costume/armor is made of shape-memory material. It can flatten out to become wings, which allow her to glide (but not truly fly - basically a wingsuit). I picture a gray or black suit. Maybe a black and gold one.

For her history I am drawing on Lovecraft's story The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward. She is a direct descendant of the titular character. Meaning she is also a direct descendant of the bad guy necromancer of the tale - Joseph Curwen. This is where she gets her magic, it is in her bloodline. I can see Joseph Curwen being a recurring arch-nemesis for her.

His family name is also my starting point for her super name. Curwen is a variation of Corvin, Corvid, or Crow. So I want to go with a Crow name for her. She could just simply be that: Crow, or The Crow. But that instantly brings comparisons to James O'Barr and Brandon Lee, which I would rather avoid. So I would like to do a compound name involving the word crow. Moldy Crow, Strike Crow, Shadow Crow, Crow Knight, Witch Crow, something like that. Like many things about her, she would go for a crow theme in her super identity without really thinking about it. It would just come to her unconsciously. It is in her blood.

I am kind of hitting a brick wall here though. Right now my top pick is Stormcrow. Which sadly has Gandalfian connotations. Though only nerds will probably get that. Then again, this is a superhero character, so that means everyone who ever reads about her! laugh.gif I do have an idea that if I go with Stormcrow, it will be given to her by the media. Because in this case, her magic will be unconsciously affecting the weather in her vicinity. When she is stressed it causes storms. If she is sad it is overcast. Deeper depression creates long periods of light and steady, but not dramatic, rain. If she is happy it is sunny, etc... Since she will probably only really attract notice in a super-style fight, it probably storms a lot whenever she is seen slugging it out with bad guys.

But if anyone has other thoughts I would love to hear them. I know I don't want to do a color-themed name, like Blackcrow, or Red Crow. Everything I try just comes up sounding silly, overly melodramatic, or redundant. Like Night Crow.

I am also trying to stay away from a Raven name, because the same setting will also have a character named Blood Raven. She is an older, established hero. She is also the daughter of Joseph Curwen, making her my character's great-great-great-etc... grandmother. She's a vampire too. I can see an eventual team up, and Blood Raven becoming a mentor. The news might call their team-up a Conspiracy of Ravens, or a Murder of Crows, The Blackbirds, or some kind of Corvid name.


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ghastley
post Feb 4 2019, 03:29 PM
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QUOTE(SubRosa @ Feb 3 2019, 06:55 PM) *

The news might call their team-up a Conspiracy of Ravens, or a Murder of Crows, The Blackbirds, or some kind of Corvid name.

And of course blackbirds are Turdidae, not Corvidae. Maybe consider the other Corvids, like Jackdaw, Rook, Jay, Magpie? Even Chough.

This post has been edited by ghastley: Feb 4 2019, 03:30 PM


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Grits
post Feb 4 2019, 04:47 PM
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My sample group of two (one teenaged nerd, one middle aged non-nerd) produced 0/2 associations of Stormcrow with anything. The follow-up question “What about Gandalf?” yielded one “Nope” and a tolerant look.

You said you don’t want a color name, but that’s all I could come up with. How about the Black Jay? A smaller, more humble corvid. She could think of herself as the Black Jay and be named The Stormcrow by media after a black costumed stormy battle incident.

When I read Strike Crow at first glance I thought it said Shrike. Not a corvid but among my very favorite predatory birds. Shrikes are the ones that impale their prey on thorns and barbed wire. Now I want a smallish woman superhero called The Shrike!


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SubRosa
post Feb 4 2019, 10:24 PM
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QUOTE(ghastley @ Feb 4 2019, 09:29 AM) *

QUOTE(SubRosa @ Feb 3 2019, 06:55 PM) *

The news might call their team-up a Conspiracy of Ravens, or a Murder of Crows, The Blackbirds, or some kind of Corvid name.

And of course blackbirds are Turdidae, not Corvidae. Maybe consider the other Corvids, like Jackdaw, Rook, Jay, Magpie? Even Chough.

I went over those before, and they didn't do anything for me. Many are the names of DC and Marvel supervillains, like Magpie, Jackdaw, and Rook, which makes me think of them instead.



QUOTE(Grits @ Feb 4 2019, 10:47 AM) *

My sample group of two (one teenaged nerd, one middle aged non-nerd) produced 0/2 associations of Stormcrow with anything. The follow-up question “What about Gandalf?” yielded one “Nope” and a tolerant look.

You said you don’t want a color name, but that’s all I could come up with. How about the Black Jay? A smaller, more humble corvid. She could think of herself as the Black Jay and be named The Stormcrow by media after a black costumed stormy battle incident.

When I read Strike Crow at first glance I thought it said Shrike. Not a corvid but among my very favorite predatory birds. Shrikes are the ones that impale their prey on thorns and barbed wire. Now I want a smallish woman superhero called The Shrike!

Your very scientific poll gives me a great sense of relief. I take it there were no mentions of Battletech either? (The Stormcrow is a Medium Mech). I think I will stay with Stormcrow. Jay or a Jay based name just does not sound right to me. It sounds too nice, and happy, and sweet. Like a My Little Pony. Mockingjay sounds good however. But then I will end up being sued. wink.gif

It is funny you mention Shrike. Back in the old tabletop RPG days some friends and I did a campaign where we played characters who were part of a kaer that was just opening for the first time after centuries of the Scourge. (A kaer is like a Fallout Vault, and the Scourge was a period of centuries when the entire planet was devastated by the Horrors. The name says all you need to know about the Horrors.) Anyway, our characters were the first scouts to go outside, and they ran into the Shrike - a Horror, and its corrupted minions. It still stands as one of the worst enemies we have ever faced in Roleplaying. We had to withdraw the first time around, rest up, and go back at it again a few days later. Similar to the real world bird's method of killing, it was covered in spikes and spines, that it would impale you upon.

So the Shrike would make a great villain!


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SubRosa
post Feb 5 2019, 09:50 PM
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Thank you both for your help, now I think I have things together. I decided to change Stormcrow's powers to make them more in line with her influence on the weather. Now it looks pretty good.

Stormcrow

Main character is January 'Jan' Ward. She is a t-girl living in Warren. She went to Warren-Mott High School, and then on to Macomb Community College. Her family are upper-middle class. Her father is Romulus Ward, a history teacher at Macomb Community College. Her mother is Barbara, a librarian. She has an older brother named Atticus, who is studying to be a lawyer.

She was born August, and transitioned to living female in junior high school (Grade 7 - 12 years old). She changed her name to January and started HRT then, first taking the puberty blocker Lupron, which was expensive and came in shots. This can have a side-effect of bone loss, so she had to have regular doctor visits to monitor that. A year later she stopped the Lupron and started taking estrogen and Spironolactone to create a female puberty. Her parents are moderately supportive, but still get her name and pronoun wrong at times, etc... Their insurance pays for her hormones. But they are not going to pay for SRS. They can get her through community college.

After she transitioned she was the target of bullies. When she came home with a black eye. Her mother complained to the school, who did nothing. Because of her transition they did not allow her to use either the male or female bathrooms. Instead she was only allowed to use the bathroom in the nurse's office. So she went out of her way to simply never use the bathroom in school, avoiding drinking, and just holding it. Her mother began teaching her kick-boxing. Soon she was suspended for beating up a group of three bullies. Afterward her parents transferred her to a different school. Where the bullying began again once the other students learned that she was trans. But thanks to her kick-boxing skills, and growing powers, that did not last long.

This all gave January a strong sense of antipathy for authority figures. She does not so much rebel against them, as she feels they are useless, and will never do anything to help her. Instead she absolutely believes that the only way to get anything done is to do it yourself. She also has a powerful hatred of bullies in all their forms, and a desire to shield others from them.

By the time she went to High School (10th - 12th grades), the bullying had stopped, and she was allowed to use the girl's bathroom. By now she had long since been taking estrogen, and looked very feminine. Still, her being trans was common knowledge. In PE class she was allowed to use the coaches' locker room, which had a key, and only one person could use at a time. She excelled at gymnastics, being the top in her class. This somewhat helped her popularity, which was otherwise nil. Still, some people snickered that it was because she was not really a girl. When they had a week in self-defense, she literally stunned the entire class, including the coach and defense instructor (who was brought in from outside the school). When he first introduced himself as Bernstein she murmured under her breath "like the bears". He overheard, and said yes, just like the Berenstein Bears.

The defense instructor - Adin Bernstein (no relation to the attorneys) - invited her to sign up at his martial arts school, which was nearby. She did, and learned Krav Maga. Adin still calls her his Bear.

She wanted to try training for the Olympics in gymnastics, but found that they would not allow pre-op transexuals (in 2015 this was reversed, but she was 19 and in college by that point, and no longer interested).

In college she studied English Lit. She wants to be a writer, having written off a career as an athlete. Though she does still consider either working at or starting a martial arts dojo of her own. Because of that she also takes some business courses. She has always been a fan of Fantasy and Sci-Fi novels, and was writing fan fiction for video games since childhood. This is ultimately do to her being trans. She does not like the world she lives in. So she looks for escapes to other worlds and other places.

At one time in high school she attempted to dye her hair red, like her mother's. It was a disaster, and instead came out bright fuchsia pink. She never tried dyeing her hair again.

Her family is is directly descended from Joseph Curwen.

Her powers are based upon magic, which at first she uses unconsciously to change her reality. She is specifically an Elementalist, manipuplating the 5 elements to effect her physically. She manipulates air to become faster, make super-leaps, and fall safely. She uses earth to plant herself and become immovable, harden her body to the equivalent of rock, and increase her strength. She uses water to dodge and perform feats of agility. She uses fire to increase her vitality and energy. She even uses it to quickly transform into her costume. Gadget describes her as a physical adept.

Thunder storms and blizzards tend to start up out of nowhere when January is overly stressed. This is a unconscious manifestation of her magical power. Likewise, when she is sad it will be overcast, if she is deeply depressed there will be a steady rain (but no thunder or lightning). If she is happy it will be sunny. By the time she was in college the news meteorologists had noticed these unusual weather patterns, and called them the work of the local Weather Witch.

She wears a suit made by Gadget that has shape memory material in the cape, which turns it into a wingsuit, allowing her to glide over great distances. It is similar to the Batgirl of Burnside suit, but in black and gold as in this character study. With a cowl that covers more of her upper face, closer to the eyes. Possibly black and gray instead of black and gold.

In the future she will learn to fly outright using her magic. She will also increase her other abilities, such as learning to make herself more appealing using Fire. Or just changing her hair color. To breathe underwater. To actually consciously shape and manipulate the elements around her, like moving water or earth. Or consciously controlling the weather in a small area.



One For Sorrow - A Crow (Magpie) Divination rhyme, counting how many crows you see:
"One for sorrow, Two for joy, Three for a girl, Four for a boy, Five for silver, Six for gold, Seven for a secret never to be told. Eight for a wish, Nine for a kiss, Ten for a bird, You must not miss."

January is a fan of Counting Crows, especially the song A Murder Of One.




Family history:

In June of 1923 Charles Dexter Ward sailed for London, then on to Paris in June of 1924. In October 1924 he was in Prague, Czechoslovakia. In January 1925 he was in Vienna for a few days. Then went on to Klausenburg, Transylvania. A week later he was at Castle Ferenczy, in the mountains east of Rakus. In May of 1926 he returned to Providence. On April 15th, 1927 (Good Friday) he resurrected Joseph Curwen in his family's attic. On February 9th, 1928 Curwen murdered Charles and hid his body in his study at his parent's house. Curwen himself was finally killed by de-resurrection on Friday, April 13, 1928.

While in Paris Charles met and was (easily) seduced by Gabrielle Delacroix, a librarian at the Bibliothèque Nationale de France. She did not tell him that she became pregnant, and had a daughter by him in March of 1925, whom she named Charlotte. During WWII Charlotte was a member of the Resistance, and was captured and tortured by the Gestapo. She was rescued from them by Blood Raven, who was then a member of the SOE. But she died of her injuries. However, she was pregnant at the time, and Blood Raven used the departing lifeforce of Gabrielle to save her child's life. Blood Raven spirited the girl back to England, and eventually America, and named her Eliza, after her own mother. Blood Raven located Theodore Ward, who was by now an old man in retirement. She placed Eliza with him, explaining her family history. Eliza never married, but had one son out of wedlock - Romulus Ward, born in 1967. Romulus himself met and married Barbara in 1988. They had Atticus in 1993, and August/January in 1998.



Gadget
Her best friend is a same age boy named Avery. He is a science geek, and has the power to create meta-tech. He also lives in Warren with his family. His father is in prison, though he insists he is innocent. His mother works two jobs, and is almost always at work. His grandmother lives with them, and does most of the looking after him.



Established superheros in Detroit include:

Blood Raven - Similar to Batwoman in costume, but with a red raven instead of bat symbol. Irish descent (on her mother's side) and Celtic motifs. She is a vampire. At first she had to literally suck blood from people or animals. But this was really just a symbol for their life energy. She has since learned to leech that energy from a victim without the need for blood. She can take only certain amounts, to avoid killing them. Still, she can smell the blood of others, even if they have no cuts. From this she can even sense blood-borne illnesses, and glean other medical information about them. For example, she can identify her own bloodline just by the scent. She is Ann Tillinghast, the daughter of Joseph Curwen and Eliza Tillinghast. She was born in 1765 in Providence, Rhode Island. In 1785 she married Welcome Potter (after her father's death on Friday, April 12th, 1771). She had several children by Welcome. From them Charles Dexter Ward was eventually born to Theodore Ward and ?


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Acadian
post Feb 5 2019, 10:47 PM
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What a rich and detailed background for our new superheroine! I love your vision of how magic will work for her.


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TheCheshireKhajiit
post Feb 6 2019, 01:50 AM
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Stormcrow!! Khajiit’s favorite medium mech!!


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Grits
post Feb 6 2019, 08:27 PM
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Wow, that was excellent to read! I love how Stormcrow’s elemental powers work. They seem very natural, and it would make sense when she learned that she’d already been using them to an extent. With her background, superheroics would be her reaction to criminal shenanigans rather than just calling the cops. This is an exciting character!


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SubRosa
post Mar 24 2019, 02:15 AM
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Thanks for the input folks. It helped me decide how the character will work.

I finished the first draft of Stormcrow Rising. I might change it to Stormcrow Ascendant. But I would kind of like to reserve that for a future story. I like the idea of naming all of her stories Stormcrow xxx. Just as a shtick.

The story was much longer than I expected. It also turned out a lot cooler than I thought it could be. It makes me want to write more.

I have been thinking about what the in-world term will be for supers. So far I am just using the term metas. I was inspired by Shadowrun here. But I also understand that DC uses the same term, which makes me kind of not want to use it. So I have been thinking of using Amplified or just Amps for short. Another thought is to use Paranormals, or Paras for short.

Along the way I found this handy article on using brand names in fiction. I found it helpful in dealing with writing a story set in a modern setting (I think for the first time ever for me!)


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Acadian
post Mar 24 2019, 02:31 AM
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The article was interesting and made sense, though not a problem I'll ever have to deal with. Modern day real world earth? Ewww. tongue.gif


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SubRosa
post Mar 24 2019, 02:55 AM
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I have also been mulling over whether or not I should have a Mass Empowerment Event that created supers in the world. I like how April Daniels used one in her Dreadnought duology. She had an asteroid made of Exotic Matter that rolls through the solar system every few thousand years. When it comes near, the proximity randomly makes people supers.

However, I already have characters who are centuries old - Blood Raven and Joseph Curwen. So supers of some sort have existed for a longer time than a Mass Empowerment Event. That does not nullify one in my mind however. The two characters above are both magical. My thoughts right now are that they and other magics existed in the past, but the Event would have increased their power dramatically. That works very well for how I am picturing Curwen, who would be more like a master supervillain now, which he definitely was not in the Lovecraft story.

Right now my thought is the Tunguska Event is my Mass Empowerment Event. Whatever hit Siberia scattered Exotic Matter/Energy around the planet. That amplified the abilities of existing magical beings. It also created the first metahumans. The numbers would be incredibly small, but I am thinking they are like mutants, and breed true. So they would increase in numbers as time goes by.

As a side note, I like the idea that there is something really creepy going on in Tunguska that the Russian government has been keeping a secret from the rest of the world. Like a Dark Lord reigning in a castle of skulls and served by a race of mutant monstrosities, or Lovecraftian monster rolling around the woods slaughtering all and turning those who get too near insane. The Russian army has walled off the entire area, and kills everything that tries to escape.


btw. Her armor is made from Hagfish slime. No joke, the military is really experimenting with this stuff for next gen armor


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SubRosa
post Apr 16 2019, 12:21 AM
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Is there a name for these walled in enclosures in the center of this pic? I am trying to figure out how to describe them.

Right now I am putting it this way:

The center of the largest open square was blocked out by a set of enclosures formed by cinderblock walls, a little taller than man. There were two rows of these enclosures, with four to a row. A single wall divided the rows, creating eight pens in all. Each was open at its outside end, and wide enough for two semi-trucks to back into side by side. These enclosures were filled with metals in numerous forms. There were loose chips piled up like coal, to neatly stacked crates.


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treydog
post Apr 16 2019, 01:31 AM
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The closest off the top of my head is "revetments"- in the military meaning. There is probably something more specific to the storage of bulk materials, though.

Just DuckDuck'd from my own description above (storage of bulk materials block construction) and the first thing that came up was "bays."

https://www.legioblock.com/en/solutions/storage-bays

This post has been edited by treydog: Apr 16 2019, 01:34 AM


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SubRosa
post Apr 16 2019, 02:14 AM
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That's it! A bay, like Michael, but without all the explosions. Thanks Three-Dog.


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treydog
post Apr 17 2019, 12:20 AM
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QUOTE(SubRosa @ Apr 15 2019, 08:14 PM) *

That's it! A bay, like Michael, but without all the explosions. Thanks Three-Dog.

Unless of course, you use them to store decomposing aliens....


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Darkness Eternal
post May 4 2019, 01:14 AM
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Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice here on writing particularly powerful characters. She's been written before but it has been several years, and because of the latest addition to lore in the Elder Scrolls, well, I'm inclined to make a few changes as well. She's a Daughter of Coldharbour who, after undergoing the ritual, died and came back as a pureblooded vampire. She's not only an original creation, she has a potent drop of Molag Bal's daedric blood in her veins. We read about characters in game like Harkon who had to be taken down with an Aedric artifact, or the blood of Serana or Valerica having enough power to blot out the sun if coupled with Auriel's bow (aside from the extended magicka pools and eldritch powers that comes with vampirism).

My characters in the past have gained skills over the course of time, i.e, lowly farmer trains over a period of years and becomes a warrior. Or young woman runs off and joins Fighters Guild. We see the changes take place. But I wanted to start from a certain period in her life as an established character with very potent magickal abilities. She's been sheltered most of her life, and has been surrounded by nothing but books, scrolls, and in the majority of her time, has lived a life of training in her castle before setting out on her own in the world of mortals. But my questions are:

1. How do I present this in a way that she isn't an overpowered character? I thought of having a chapter devoted to her training and showing her abilities after conjuring a few Dremora from Oblivion which she trains with, but to a very reasonable degree. Most of the allies and foes she faces will be from Oblivion, so she’ll have formidable and dangerous antagonists(aside from the great political arena she’ll eventually fight in). Yet how do I present a character that won’t suffer from the too powerful flaw?

2. What is a best way of introducing a character's power? Her abilities range from destruction, conjuration, necromancy, and illusion being the primary schools she delves in. Yet I'm not going to info-dump all a lightning bolt, scamp-summoning undead-raising, tricky/trippy-magic show all at once. How do I balance these out and sparingly and introducing each of them? Do you guys use flashbacks to explain a character's affinity in whatever skill their using or . . . show it at exactly a battle scene? As I've said, usually some characters learn and grow. She, in due time, will expand her skills and learn more but she's already has a set of established abilities in several areas. What's the best approach to this?

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: May 4 2019, 01:29 AM


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SubRosa
post May 4 2019, 01:51 AM
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I can think of two ways to avoid her seeming like an Uber Mary Sue. The first is to immediately having her face off against opponents who are just as powerful, if not more powerful than her. The second is to just not concentrate much on that aspect of her. You mentioned politics. Spending more time on machinations and manipulations would make her physical or magical oomph less important, and stress her social and planning skills instead.

Having a well-established character to start with can be tricky in the abilities, because it might seem like deus ex machina when they use their powers at an opportune moment. One way to mitigate this is to try to present such a power you know is going to be pivotal later as a Chekov's Gun. For example we see her practicing her teleportation early, then she uses it at a critical junction later. A way to mitigate it seeming uber is to perhaps have her practice session not work exactly how she wanted it. Maybe she teleports to the wrong place. Then when she does whip it out later it seems like a real achievement when it works correctly.

My other thought is to try to simply keep her abilities all wrapped up together in a logical package. For example I recently created a superhero character who can project beams of hard light. He also uses the same hard light projected from his feet to fly. He can also use it to create force fields. They all fit together, so when he pulls out a new ability, you go "of course he can do that'.


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treydog
post May 4 2019, 01:58 AM
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And another way to keep it from being too over-powered is to build in a "cost." For example, (unlike in the game mechanics) a healing potion drawing energy (fatigue) from the user.

So... although she has the powers, she has to use them judiciously and sparingly because each one (perhaps?) causes a vulnerability or etc. of some sort. And that would provide character-building as we watch her make choices.


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mALX
post May 4 2019, 03:19 AM
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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



QUOTE(Darkness Eternal @ May 3 2019, 08:14 PM) *

Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice here on writing particularly powerful characters. She's been written before but it has been several years, and because of the latest addition to lore in the Elder Scrolls, well, I'm inclined to make a few changes as well. She's a Daughter of Coldharbour who, after undergoing the ritual, died and came back as a pureblooded vampire. She's not only an original creation, she has a potent drop of Molag Bal's daedric blood in her veins. We read about characters in game like Harkon who had to be taken down with an Aedric artifact, or the blood of Serana or Valerica having enough power to blot out the sun if coupled with Auriel's bow (aside from the extended magicka pools and eldritch powers that comes with vampirism).

My characters in the past have gained skills over the course of time, i.e, lowly farmer trains over a period of years and becomes a warrior. Or young woman runs off and joins Fighters Guild. We see the changes take place. But I wanted to start from a certain period in her life as an established character with very potent magickal abilities. She's been sheltered most of her life, and has been surrounded by nothing but books, scrolls, and in the majority of her time, has lived a life of training in her castle before setting out on her own in the world of mortals. But my questions are:

1. How do I present this in a way that she isn't an overpowered character? I thought of having a chapter devoted to her training and showing her abilities after conjuring a few Dremora from Oblivion which she trains with, but to a very reasonable degree. Most of the allies and foes she faces will be from Oblivion, so she’ll have formidable and dangerous antagonists(aside from the great political arena she’ll eventually fight in). Yet how do I present a character that won’t suffer from the too powerful flaw?

2. What is a best way of introducing a character's power? Her abilities range from destruction, conjuration, necromancy, and illusion being the primary schools she delves in. Yet I'm not going to info-dump all a lightning bolt, scamp-summoning undead-raising, tricky/trippy-magic show all at once. How do I balance these out and sparingly and introducing each of them? Do you guys use flashbacks to explain a character's affinity in whatever skill their using or . . . show it at exactly a battle scene? As I've said, usually some characters learn and grow. She, in due time, will expand her skills and learn more but she's already has a set of established abilities in several areas. What's the best approach to this?




RAVEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT !!!!!!!!!!!!






QUOTE(treydog @ May 3 2019, 08:58 PM) *

And another way to keep it from being too over-powered is to build in a "cost." For example, (unlike in the game mechanics) a healing potion drawing energy (fatigue) from the user.

So... although she has the powers, she has to use them judiciously and sparingly because each one (perhaps?) causes a vulnerability or etc. of some sort. And that would provide character-building as we watch her make choices.



Treydoggie!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO !!!!!!!!!!









This post has been edited by mALX: May 4 2019, 03:19 AM


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