Memoirs of a Morag Tong Assassin - Solstheim, Chapter One: Pure as Undriven Snow. Options

[Black Hand]

Deleted.

This post has been edited by Black Hand: Sep 21 2013, 01:10 AM

[Athynae]

So sad, I really wish he didn't feel he had to leave.

Another wonderful installment, nothing less than expected of course. Although his resolve is solid it is easy to feel his sadness at the choice he is making.

The wall directly next to the door still had the stain of Cyrodiilic Brandy trickling down after a bottle was thrown against it. A mark that I would never clean, as it was in and of itself related to the reason why I was now leaving. A heated argument that I could not win; and it wasn't over as she said. It would never be over.

No comment, just quoting....

Keep it going BH, great stuff comes in small installments....

[McBadgere]

Hopefully we're bros after all that such and such!

There was ever a doubt? ...Manly hugs redeux? ...

Excellent chapter...Loved it...

The more I read about Morrowind, the more I'm wondering about buying it...*Sighs*...Time...It's always time... ...

The whole internal conflict thing is cool...

I love the way that Pene seems to be bored by everything including Seth, but then she expects him to be the one to lift her out of it... ...

Most excellent story...

I do love your writing...So cool...

Nice one...

[treydog]

As if there is ever any question that a new post from you will inspire me, enlighten me, cause me to think...

Typically, I would want a slow, rational reaction; but this was years of consequences raining down upon me suddenly. It was well past the point weighing and considering.

A heated argument that I could not win; and it wasn't over as she said. It would never be over.

Those two demonstrate wonderfully where Seth is in his heart and soul. And despite his intention to put the past in the past, I wonder if he will discover that it seems to travel with him.

And speaking of "traveling with him"- certainly second the enjoyment of Pene's "entertain me, mortal" attitude.

[Olen]

Short but heavy (in a good way). There's a lot there bundled into not many words - his grief at leaving everything behind, past regrets and triumphs, mistakes. But it's all past and he really has few ideas for the future. I suspect that may lead to certain things running out of hand when someone like him arrives in a backwater with no clear ideas.

The thoughts on leaving it all behind are well done. I will be interested to see if it works for him, and if it fails why.

still had the stain of Cyrodiilic Brandy trickling down after a bottle was thrown ... That did not mean I had too be present for it.

Great lines!

Badger - buy morrowind now. I doubt it will cost much and it's still a very good game. Certainly good value for the entertainment it offers.

[mALX]

She was playing with the flame of a candle on her fingertip. Her idle expression gave no evidence of pain if there were any, as she held it there for moment, only to return it a few seconds later.

"My business here is finished. I take it you have no objections to leaving?" I asked in a slight mock tone.

"None." She said in her bored trance and fluidly got up from her chair.

"So...what happened?" She asked, clearly expecting me to be the one to lift her from her boredom.

I had to quote this section for your stunning ability to evoke absolute imagery of the character's emotions and mood so clearly and concisely with barely a sentence. Awesome Write throughout, but I was floored by your manipulation of this scene in particular - pure magic !!

For the same reason, this line bears quoting again as well :

The wall directly next to the door still had the stain of Cyrodiilic Brandy trickling down after a bottle was thrown against it. A mark that I would never clean, as it was in and of itself related to the reason why I was now leaving. A heated argument that I could not win; and it wasn't over as she said. It would never be over.

That did not mean I had too be present for it.

Awesome Write !!

This post has been edited by mALX: Jan 10 2012, 01:14 AM

[Black Hand]

Deleted.

This post has been edited by Black Hand: Sep 21 2013, 01:10 AM

[mALX]

I could change roles like changing outfits. They were the skins that could be changed, the birds came to roost on my branches and flew away, but as the tree I remained.

This line has to be quoted for its sheer brilliance, and not just because it is such an outstanding metaphor.

My original thought reading this story was that the dialogue was so natural that it totally immersed the reader into each scene. Not just the dialogue, but how you set the scene subtly around the dialogue (I pointed out a huge example of that in the last chapter).

That said, Seth’s inner thoughts/inner dialogue have absolutely become my favorite part of this story because they are a treasure trove of gems like the above, and an insight into the genius of his writer. Huge talent you have!

Awesome Write !!


** The section where Seth is musing about Mephala reminded me so much of a discussion in the lore section of the BGSF forum regarding Mephala and the Acceptable Blasphemies:

To Mephala who threads the Needle with the Hair of wives - (the wives" of Shor ?) - Wives killing husbands considered the ultimate backstab; the web spinner. Mephala weaves plots from the hair of the Aedra - with mortals' lives. Mephala is understood paradoxically to contain and integrate these contradictory themes, but to thread the needle means to find a solution to an impasse.

(As you probably guessed, MK was a part of that discussion).

This post has been edited by mALX: Jan 10 2012, 10:23 AM

[treydog]

Oh my.

Perhaps, one day, if I practice diligently- I will learn to pack as much into a "simple" post.

I could change roles like changing outfits. They were the skins that could be changed, the birds came to roost on my branches and flew away, but as the tree I remained.

Beyond the images this evokes- there is the sheer beauty of the writing itself. Economical, descriptive, showing perfectly how Seth "centers" himself, no matter which role he is playing.

...she pecked and patted at my hair in an apparent attempt to groom me.

"Really?" I asked.

"Well, if you're going to what could be your funeral, you may as well look presentable." She sent to me telepathically.

Speechless on that one- but it HAD to be highlighted, all the same.

And the discussion of Mephala and of the Morag Tong... again, insight into Seth and his dance with darkness.

[Athynae]

Just wrap quotes around all of it.....

Amazing.

[minque]

What Athynae just said!

This Seth makes me shiver....so much darkness and tension makes it even hard to read, but read I do! It's like an obsession!.

I envy you your talent....I only wish I had half of it!

Now I need more of this you know! I do!

[Grits]

Wow, achingly beautiful. Pene’s mannerisms make a perfect contrast to Seth’s intensity. I am so glad you’re writing this!

[McBadgere]

*Applauds*...

If we all keep telling you how brilliant you are, we'll be having to widen the doorways around here... ...

You really are middlingly average!!... ...

Pffft... ...

Sooo beautiful...I'm totally stunned...Really am...

I could change roles like changing outfits. They were the skins that could be changed, the birds came to roost on my branches and flew away, but as the tree I remained.

Really?...*Bows down in worship*...Too good...

Even as I slipped into the apparel to show the proper respect to my Guildmates, and carried solely the Black Hands Dagger in hopes of passing it on, with higher hopes that it not be stained with my blood.

I'm not sure whether this was supposed to be funny as well as cool, but it made me laugh... ...

*Applauds heartily*...

Nice one... ...

[Black Hand]

Deleted.

This post has been edited by Black Hand: Sep 21 2013, 01:10 AM

[Athynae]

Your little comment at the beginning doesn't require any more of a response than "HOGWASH!!!"

I will read this again at a more reasonable hour but waking up in the middle of the night to not one but two additions, one from you and one from mALX, has me both elated and needing to go back to bed for an hour.

It is another deeply profound addition to your story. If I started quoting it would look like one of Trey's comment posts.

Jeebus Blackie, You really are that good!!!! Keep posting, it never gets old.

[mALX]

*

Whew! Somehow it doesn't feel over, not that easily. Seth's tension is felt by the reader tangibly. The chapter ends with the sensation of teetering on a precipice as if the scene ended just before the knife in the dark strikes.

Former lovers could put such a spring in the step. In the sense that you were more paranoid than you were to begin with.

Really funny line, showing Seth’s humor without relieving the tension - a display of just how huge your ability is to manipulate a scene.

*

Your characterization of Rogdul gro-Bularz was perfection from description to dialogue.

…with the gleam in his eyes that gave me pause every time I saw him

…He said putting away his giant battle-ax.

“…intelligence ain't my strong suit, just the Axe..."

…Rogdul said going back to a meal he had apparently been eating.

These lines absolutely bring up the image of an Orc (or Grits’s Nord, Jerric)


Another Awesome Write and chapter !!


*

[Olen]

Two updates! Lucky me. Good ones too, his musing about how he can change as he changes his clothes is an interesting one given his intention to disappear. How much is it his own wishful thinking and how much will he put on whatever new uniform which awaits in Solstheim and become a different person.

Likewise the musing on begginings and endings in this part. Is this an end, or a begginging, or a continuation? I suppose time will tell.

Notably, Heik-Auri, the Argonian Blades Assassin.

Wooo! Al get's a mention, it's been a long long time. Pity really.

Nit:
was all too well know too me now - do you mean 'well known to me'?

[McBadgere]

Late...Eyes...Burning...Urgh... ...

Slow down man!!...Loving it, but slow down!!... ...

Excellent chapter...Again... ...

So, you really are only human... ...Lookie here...

I took a deep breat slowly to take the moment in.

And is this a word I don't know or a typo?...

...and the mind that lays behind it thatto be feared

I know you were updating from a phone at one point weren't you?... ...

Slow down matey...Is brilliant...We'll wait for greatness... ...

*Applauds*...

Loved the walk through the sanctuary...Brilliant images...

Most excellent...

Nice one!!... ...

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Jan 11 2012, 10:25 PM

[Black Hand]

Delete.

This post has been edited by Black Hand: Sep 21 2013, 01:10 AM

[Athynae]

We'll take 'em however we can get 'em, just keep posting.